Hello. I am new to this site, brought here by my extreme grief. My husband and I were together for nearly 13 years, married for only one week when he died of a completely unexpected heart attack at age 40. I cannot begin to describe to you the depth of my grief; it is all-encompassing. I have no desire or will to live, without him, and I am very angry at God, if there is one (I am agnostic) for taking my love from me. I am angry because he and I were not allowed to live out our lives together, as we should have. To buy a house, to have kids, to grow old together. Nothing will ever change how I feel about that. More devastating and important, however, is the idea/possibility of my soulmate no longer existing. I NEED to know that he still exists, that he is still himself (as opposed to just some amorphous part of a larger spiritual whole), that he is happy & ok, and that he & I will be together again. Quite honestly, I really want to kill myself, because life is unbearable without my love here with me. I won't, partly because I promised my family I wouldn't and partly because I am not sure if I would end up where he is, assuming there is any sort of afterlife. Because I am agnostic (as was my husband), I don't know if there is a God or an afterlife or anything. I have begged and pleaded and prayed for my love to appear to me, to let me know himself that he is ok and that we will be together again. I truly think that his appearance would be the only thing that would comfort me, beyond all doubt. I can only believe him. I have seen other things that may be "signs" from him, and I am very grateful for them, but I cannot 100% believe that they are proof of his continued existence and an afterlife, because I so much WANT and NEED him to still exist that I cannot believe or trust my own perceptions, in case they are just wishful thinking on my part. So somehow I keep trying to have other people's experiences help convince me. Which mostly they don't, but nonetheless I would very much like to hear any stories any of you have of having actually SEEN your loved ones who have died, and perhaps talked with them, etc. Not stories of "I heard his favorite song on the radio just as I was thinking about him", or "I keep finding pennies out of nowhere, with her birth year on them", but actual visual meetings. Since that is what I hope and pray for, for me and my love. Thank you for reading.