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They're happy!

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by DenverGuy, May 4, 2017.

  1. Louise66

    Louise66 New Member

    Hello, dear friend Denverguy (and all others who have lost their partners)

    I don't think your lady enjoys not being with you. Here are my thoughts after reading this thread:

    I don't believe that my Ken (husband who died from cancer nearly seven months ago) will be able to be truly happy while I'm still suffering. That isn't a selfish observation - or I hope it isn't - just a knowledge of the incredible love we had, and I believe, still have. I don't think I could be truly happy watching my loved ones in pain. I don't sign on with the perspective that our loved ones in spirit are happy and our pain no longer matters to them (sounds almost sociopathic, which I know my husband was not). At the same time, I believe Ken understands that I can't help my pain, and that I'm doing my best to find ways to be okay. Grief may indeed be a very "low vibration," but great grief is born of great love, and no matter what our spiritual understanding is, we still need to deal with that very natural response to loss. I surely do believe that when I have healed to the extent my loss doesn't grill me every day, I'll be more open to appreciating that Ken is here with me, but there are no shortcuts. We cannot just switch our pain off, and repressing it would be potentially dangerous.

    One chief reason I have not killed myself in the wake of my husband dying, is that I know I'd feel tremendous regret for the pain and anguish my actions would cause. How could I look upon that pain and be happy, and still call myself decent?

    Early in my own process, I thought that to be happy would be disloyal to Ken. But I now understand that the purest loyalty to him is to release my grief as I find ways to do it, so that he can be truly happy too. While I resent platitudes like "He wouldn't want you to cry" (Newsflash - it's ME here dealing with this), there is a real kernel of truth there - when I stop crying so much, he'll be happier and that's what I want for him.

    Thankfully, I have a good grief counsellor who helped me thrash out an aim for my healing: "Louise who no longer has physical Ken, can learn to be okay in the world with spiritual Ken." In all honesty, it's still hard to feel motivated to be happy for myself, but when I frame it in terms of doing it for Ken, well, yeah, there's not much I wouldn't do for that man. :) I know he wants it to be for my sake too, but I'm just not quite there yet.

    So no (and this post could have been a lot shorter if I'd said just the following), I certainly don't believe our loved ones are having a grand time whooping it up in spirit and not caring how we feel. I think they are concerned for us, every day. At the same time, I hope Ken never denies himself something beautiful in spirit because I am grieving here, in the same way as I'm attempting not to deny myself something I might enjoy, because he passed. I hope he has access to loving guides who can assure him that I've got this; I will be alright eventually.

    Peace xo

    PS. Denverguy, I'm glad you're enjoying your talks with this friend. But there are no "shoulds" i.e. "You should be happy." Wherever you are at is very okay.
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2017
  2. Nirvana

    Nirvana Member

    Just need to save this excerpt somewhere: Our daughter had a son the following year and when he was 4 years old he was playing in our pool when he turned to myself and my wife and asked us did we know what happened when you die. we answered you went to heaven or something like that. he became annoyed and said he could remember being an old man and closing his eyes and when he opened them he was in another place. he said it was like your birthday everyday but no presents and all your friends are there. he also said that he chose to be with his Mum & Dad and that as he got older he would meet all his friends again around the world because they would be getting born now. A moment later he had forgotten everything he said and now at 14 he won't believe he said it.

    From http://www.adcrf.org/derek_s's_adc.htm
    isabel mcdonald and Widdershins3 like this.
  3. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Dear Louise, lovely post - thank you for sharing your thoughts! For you, and for everyone who is grieving, I feel the need to say that the transition home that we call death is an arrival at a place so different, and with a lifestyle so different, in a body so different, that I think it really is hard for us to comprehend it. Were our loved ones simply going to Italy, then the playing field would be more level; but in fact they know much more than we do and have a perspective so astoundingly different from ours that we really can't assume much of anything about how they are now thinking and feeling.

    Based on a half-century of reading communications from people that we used to think were dead, here is what I have come to understand is true:

    1) They do still love us! And they remain in essence the same people that they were. They look forward happily to having us join them, and they are planning all sorts of things for us to do together once we get there.

    2) They have easy access to vastly expanded minds, and they can easily lower their vibrations to be with us any time that they like so they don't miss us the way that we miss them. In fact, there is now a technology there - something like a flat-screen TV - that will let them watch us going about our lives even without lowering their spiritual vibrations! This is very recent, and it boggles me, but I have seen it reported often enough - including by my own mother - that I am confident that it is true. They even gather for viewing parties. It's as if now earth-life is just a gigantic love-based reality show for them, and you and I are the unwitting actors!

    3) So this illusory separation by what seems to be death that feels so tragic to us - and the raw grief we feel when someone we love very much seems to die - simply does not exist for them. They have nothing to grieve at all! They know that it was all just a bad day at school, and they understand that their deaths were part of how we ourselves planned to go about learning during these precious opportunities on earth, so they seem to treat our grief-travails more as loving parents treat their children who are struggling to learn calculus. They're sorry it's so hard for us, but after all it is only school and not real life and we need to learn and in the end we will realize that all of it was good for us.

    4) There is so much to do there, and it's nothing but fun! We imagine they must be bored, sitting up there on clouds with little wings on their shoulders, swinging their feet, but instead they are deep in a school's-out release of pent-up energies, doing and exploring and partying and having a ball. Imagine your own most perfect possible life in a young and healthy body, with infinite absolutely free things to do and no need to pause to eat or sleep!

    5) It does seem to be the case, however, that when someone they feel closely tied to by love has trouble processing the grief of their transition and becomes stuck in it, that will hold them back. Apparently what holds them is not just wanting to make us feel better, but rather it's an actual force that keeps them from fully completing their transition and beginning their post-death fun. I'm not sure how they feel about this because I'm not aware of communications where they talk about it frankly, but I imagine that they are patient about it. I only know that I would never want to be the cause of that kind of restriction on someone that I love, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to hold a loved one back either! Personally - and I know that our dear Bluebird and others will be annoyed with me for saying this - I have come to consider it to be a duty based in love for each of us to learn as much as we can and use knowledge to help to free ourselves from the worst of our grief so we can give those that we love the gift of freedom to enjoy their first period of post-death fun.
    Nirvana, isabel mcdonald and Louise66 like this.
  4. milahanna

    milahanna Member

    Kids have the wildest imaginations. Mine came up with crazy stories of who they were too. Just because it's possible doesn't make it more likely to be true.
  5. milahanna

    milahanna Member

    I could not have worded this more perfectly. Thank you, Louise for expressing my thoughts on this so beautifully.

    I don't believe for a second that they are skipping through the Afterlife having a blast. If so, then we either revert back to children or become sociopaths when we pass. Sounds silly when one thinks about it. This belief is just wishful thinking.

    Love carries over and I believe relationships can become even stronger across the veil. With the physical connection being temporarily separated, we can work on the internal connection which will hopefully bear the most beautiful fruit when we reunite.
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2017
  6. Nirvana

    Nirvana Member

    If this life was our real life and most important life, we wouldn't die in it
    isabel mcdonald likes this.
  7. milahanna

    milahanna Member

    It's the start..

    We continue to learn and grow on the other side. Swedenborg explains this well. No need to be going back to Kindergarten over and over again.
    Goldie likes this.
  8. Goldie

    Goldie Member

    I'm amazed at the lack of compassion, understanding, and reality being addressed with some of the remarks about grieving people.
    milahanna likes this.
  9. Goldie

    Goldie Member

    I agree, milahanna. He is a more reliable source of integrity. Channeled spirits can say whatever they want, either through their own disillusionment or flat out lies, as Swedenborg has pointed out and explained many times.

    As for doing it over and over with no actual memory explains the definition of crazy: doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.
    enby and milahanna like this.
  10. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Louise and milahanna, I agree. I hope my husband is happy and peaceful in an afterlife, and perhaps he is, but I also know that he is sad because I am sad, because our souls are intertwined as they should be with soulmates. If there is an afterlife in which my husband exists, then of course he understands my sadness and grief, and knows that it cannot be otherwise for me. If I had died and now existed in an afterlife, while he remained in this life, he would be grieving and as sad as I am, and I would fully understand and feel for him. Love is, among other things, understanding.
  11. Louise66

    Louise66 New Member

    Yes, Bluebird, that's one reason I'm glad it was me left behind to feel this grief, and not my beautiful man xo
  12. Louise66

    Louise66 New Member

    Hello Milahanna - I love your name - so pretty :) At a friend's recommendation, I bought the book "Everlasting Love" by Patrick and Kathleen Mathews. It''s specifically about couples who have been parted, and how the relationship can become even closer across the veil :) I look forward to making that a reality.
  13. Nirvana

    Nirvana Member

    I understand your perspective, but that anecdote is kind-of a nail in the coffin (no pun intended) for me, considering all I've been researching.
  14. bill zola

    bill zola Member

    Milahanna said:
    "I don't believe for a second that they are skipping through the Afterlife having a blast. If so, then we either revert back to children or become sociopaths when we pass. Sounds silly when one thinks about it. This belief is just wishful thinking.

    Love carries over and I believe relationships can become even stronger across the veil. With the physical connection being temporarily separated, we can work on the internal connection which will hopefully bear the most beautiful fruit when we reunite."

    In communications with my Susie after She transitioned She explained to me that there is no grief there, I don't believe that She is either a child nor a sociopath but a being of much greater wisdom now. She sees my grief and suffering and sends me signs and messages to help me but She does not grieve because She knows life is but a short few seconds that we human's must endure.

    I have been Her caretaker for the last 5-6 years and now She is taking care of me. I feel Her throughout the day and yes I agree that our relationship now is stronger than ever it's just that I am stuck in this physical reality and that is so very painful.
    Widdershins3 and milahanna like this.
  15. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    But there is a difference, in my opinion, between "skipping through the Afterlife having a blast" (as Milahanna said she does not believe our dead loved ones are doing, and neither do I) and not grieving the way we do because from their perspective the time we are apart is very short. Some people who believe in the existence of an afterlife put forth the idea that our dead loved ones are not only not grieving, but essentially don't really even think much about us, that they are just busy having a good time learning and experiencing. If there is an afterlife, I hope my husband is happy, is learning and experiencing, but I also know that if he exists, he is sad for me, because however things appear from his perspective, he knows that my life now is sad and empty without him. Because he loves me, he feels for me, as he always has, and as I always have for him.

    So, while those in the afterlife may not grieve as we do, given their greater perspective, I don't believe they detach from us and don't feel for us, either. Not that I think you are saying they do, bill zola -- what I'm saying is more in response to things I've seen some other people say, on this site and others.

    You are lucky/blessed to receive signs and messages from your Susie.
    milahanna likes this.
  16. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    I can only share with you what I learned in psychotherapy (not grief counseling). It is my own responsibility to be or make myself HAPPY!!! I am not supposed to need or depend on anyone to make me happy! If my late wife is happy in Heaven - GREAT! If I am unhappy, sad, hurting, lonely, angry, etc., it's up to me to turn all of that around and become happy again. I have both the power and the skills to MAKE myself happy and so I do. I simply CHOOSE to be happy and, when I'm down or troubled, I get right up and bring back my happiness or at least neutrality rather than lay helplessly in the rut of depression, sorrow and pain!
    This is also a by-product of Self Esteem work which taught me to "esteem" myself in the most positive way possible and stay there, so healthy self esteem and self respect inspires me to stay up and remain positive NO MATTER WHAT! I did my grieving and still do sometimes BUT my self respect keeps me from staying down and depressed after losing my late wife.
    Re: "Is it me?" ..... Who else could it be? It's your life! You could live it depressed and unhappy or learn how to live a happy life, here and now, NO MATTER WHAT! I'd Google: happiness is a choice and also: self esteem work.
    Re: "I am believing more and more that they don't really leave us, and that they are still aware of us." They don't leave us and they are both aware of us and right here with us but it's up to us to have and make our own happiness (with a little help from them). They share our feelings so being unhappy, down and depressed brings them down as well and being happy and up-beat also brings them up. Their "world" is happier than ours but they are still influenced by what we feel and do over here even if most of us cannot feel their reality over in Heaven or the Afterlife.
    good luck finding some happiness. She also wants that for you, IMO.
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2017

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