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They're happy!

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by DenverGuy, May 4, 2017.

  1. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    I think I may have touched on this before - sorry - it's really on my mind again - but I was talking with someone who recently lost her husband. She's having a rough time.

    We agree on a lot of our thoughts, but then she said that she believed that her husband is happy and that she will be happy. That's great! But then she said that my girlfriend is very happy, and that I should be happy. I disagree.

    Maybe I'm missing something here, and maybe it's me, but cancer ripped us apart. Most importantly she suffered, but so did everyone around her. She and I didn't want or ask for this. We loved being with each other. But now she loves not being with me, not going to Costco together (which she really loved doing), not doing all of the little and fun things that people do together? Of course I don't want her to suffer now or feel bad, but I guess I'd feel (selfishly) bad if she was really happy now. I hope that makes sense.

    And if she's so happy, that means that I am supposed to be happy? What? Nothing has changed. I now have to go through days and nights without her, I'm so lonely without her, we can't talk about our day, I take trips alone now. A huge light inside of me has been turned off. It's been 10 1/2 months, and I miss her desperately and think about her almost non-stop. Is it me?
    Last edited: May 18, 2017
    milahanna and Goldie like this.
  2. Amore

    Amore Active Member

    Your feelings are a natural part of grieving. There's nothing wrong with how you feel. One day they might change and you will feel happy for her, and for yourself again. It takes time. Be patient, and don't think that you 'should' feel this way or that. There's nothing wrong with what you feel now. It's very normal and natural. I know it's not easy though.

    Do you have a creative, energetic outlet for these feelings?
    Unexpected likes this.
  3. ShingingLight1967

    ShingingLight1967 Active Member

    Hi DenverGuy!

    Boy do I know and understand about what you are saying and feeling. I was told several times that my husband was happy and it would make me angry. It made me angry because how can he be happy when he has left me here to deal with this? To clean up his mess? When I am alone and heartbroken, how can he be happy? I think that made me hurt and so much more angry.

    I understand now what they meant that he is happy not because he wasnt with me, doing the most mundane things we would do together, but because his spirit was free from his body that was failing him. He was so much sicker than we both realized (Obviously, he died of a heart attack at 46- 90% blockage in 2 arteries) and the fact that he no longer had to haul that failing body around anymore made him happy.

    Does it help me? IDK. I guess it makes me feel better that he is not lost and alone somewhere. I guess it makes me feel better that he is OK. I know that was one of my biggest fears or concerns when this all started. Is he OK? Is he lost? Is he alone? Does he understand what is going on? How can I find him. How can I help him. But, trying to understand that he is OK eases my mind a little.

    Still doesnt change the material fact that he is not sitting next to me right now (physically) on this Friday night, discussion what we are going to do this weekend.
    Goldie and DenverGuy like this.
  4. Rising

    Rising New Member

    As It is only 6 months that I lost my husband , it still feels quite raw, I think about him all the time and wondering what he is doing in his new world.
    I am happy for him, he is out of his sick earthly body and all fit and well again, he has been reunited with the Dog he loved when he was a child, I HAVE to be happy for him otherwise I would go nuts and what makes me feel better is that I have sensed him around me , I know its not the same but thats all I have now and I know one day I will see him again.
    I feel for you all that have lost a loved one, the emptiness is Cruel I know, Denver guy, I wish I could take your pain away !
    Amore likes this.
  5. poeticblue

    poeticblue member

    I'm sending you a hug.
  6. ShingingLight1967

    ShingingLight1967 Active Member

    Hi Rising....

    First off... all the hugs to you. I know where you sit, big time. It's been almost 18 months since I lost my husband and there are times that it still doesnt feel real.

    I was thinking about this the other day, and how the first few weeks/months after it happened, I was desperately searching for him. I was scared and worried about him. Was he OK? Was he lost? Does he need me? How can I get to him to make sure he was ok. I was so desperate. I think he was also desperate to reach me and let me know he was OK, which is why I received so many communications from him. He showed me in a series of dreams that he was OK, and not restrained by his failing body. I still remember those dreams to this day... vividly.

    Is he happy? I have had 3 mediums tell me that he was exploring his new "life". He was meeting with people who he admired here... one medium told me he was hanging with Paul Newman at the "track". How perfect, because we are race car fans and Paul Newman!? I think he is happy, although I am not happy he decided he needed our dog with him. Like he doesnt already have two or 3 of our other dogs, he had to take my Ange girl.

    I havent felt him really since last December. I havent had a dream or really felt his presence. But I do believe, I have to believe he is happy.

    And you are right Rising, them emptiness is the hardest thing. And sometimes, it makes me angry. Because if I believe that he is happy, then I think that here I am lost and lonely, and he is happy.
    Rising likes this.
  7. mac

    mac Staff Member

    "And sometimes, it makes me angry. Because if I believe that he is happy, then I think that here I am lost and lonely, and he is happy."

    May I suggest that your husband can generally feel happy in his new life yet sad because you're sad in your new one? I don't see discarnate life as being one of unalloyed, blissful happiness but one involving a mixture of emotions - just as in life here but without humankind's desperate sadness about death and loss.

    I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing, shininglight, but you have had more evidence than many. What more could you reasonably expect from your husband? You'll likely always miss his presence but would you want not to miss him? He'll miss being with you now but knows it won't be too long before you're back together.

    I think you know that too....
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2017
  8. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    ShiningLight196, thanks for your response. We're on the same page - glad I'm not alone. "Happy" is a word that I don't use very often anymore. It's not appropriate in my world.

    Thank you, Rising. I appreciate that. I wish I could help you.

    I am believing more and more that they don't really leave us, and that they are still aware of us. I am doing Dr. Piero Parisetti's "Bases for a Rational Belief in Life After Life" (I wonder if they mean "basis?") webinar tomorrow AM.

    Unlike many people, I want companionship, but have zero desire for another romantic relationship. It might sound funny, but I don't want anything to get between me and her. She was, and is, everything.

    What I really wish (don't we all!) that there was a way to be sometimes hypnotized and put in another "zone" in which we could communicate with them almost as though we were with them. I think about that a lot!
    Last edited: May 18, 2017
    Rising likes this.
  9. Amore

    Amore Active Member

    I just read in the ITC section, someone said they had a real good talk with their deceased son. Maybe you (and also others here who long for contact with a loved one) should try that technique?
    Rising likes this.
  10. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Thanks - I will look into that!

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