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The Mess We Leave Behind

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by Kate0508, Dec 13, 2017.

  1. Kate0508

    Kate0508 New Member

    Hi, I'm new here.
    This is maybe my 2nd or 3rd post? I'm kind of new to "forums" & winging my way around here.
    Anyway, I've had a long time interest in the AfterLife & I've read a lot. I look forward to the next step, but I intend to make the most of my struggles until it's my time to move on.
    So, I pretty much know that when I pass, I won't have concerns or worries about personal & business messes I might leave behind.

    By that, I mean like unprepared personal & business income tax(s) preparation & records - I know where everything is & can easily put it all together - it's just that whoever has to figure the mess out if I were to check out will have a very difficult time. The business is insignificant, but other people are a part of it & for the last 10 years they have given me grief over the unprofitable business - so I have a difficult time applying myself to record keeping throughout the year. Maybe the headache of someone having to figure out my mess after I'm gone will make me more appreciated? Or not.

    I do have all my affairs in order such as a Will, documentation of all my accounts & my user name & PW to my accounts should anything happen to me & I have reliable people who know how to access all that.

    Another thought is about my messy closets. I'd be super embarrassed if other people saw into my closets or my storage room while I'm alive but I doubt I'll care about all that once I shed this lifetime.

    I'm not a hoarder - the rest of my house is comfortable & put together & pleasant. And, I find my things just fine in my closets. I just can't bring myself to clean out those closets & storage room.

    My business responsibilities have been such a burden that I feel that when I pass, getting rid of that burden will be so awesome.

    I'm not talking about the important messes such as unresolved relationships, etc. I suspect those matters are my life lessons & I'll evaluate all that on the other side.

    I'm wondering how other people feel about possibly leaving (unimportant) hidden embarrassing messes behind & for other people to have to figure out?

    Many Thanks. K.
  2. Ed A.

    Ed A. Member

    I don't think you'll care about your messy closets, once you die. At least I hope not. Don't become an earth-bound spirit (ghost), stuck here because you feel like you have to organize your closets!

    I have kept a journal since I was 18 (I'm 56 now), so I have some concerns about people finding that, after I'm gone. There's a bunch of personal stuff in there that I'd rather my family not see. The way I handled it is, I left instructions to dispose of the journals without reading them, and I explained why.

    One of the main lessons I take from the afterlife literature is that most of the things we worry about here during our life on Earth are trivial; they simply don't matter. I'll bet that a lot of these worries you have about your business won't mean a thing, after you make the leap.

    Welcome, by the way. If you're new to forums, please ask any questions you might have, and people will try to help.

    p.s. Of course, if you could leave some kind of document that would help your executor figure out your business stuff, that would be helpful.
  3. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I don't know if any of the mess I leave behind (heading that way now!) may prove to be embarrassing to those who discover it but right now I don't have a scrap of concern. I do hope, though, that my very simple affairs aren't too onerous for my/our executor but a lawyer can always be engaged to lighten the load - at my/our expense.
    Kate0508 likes this.
  4. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I once had a bunch of historical stuff that might have been embarrassing but I clear out my crap regularly and that stuff went in the shredder long ago!
    Kate0508 likes this.
  5. Widdershins3

    Widdershins3 Active Member

    Interesting to read your post, Kate0508. I've been pondering very similar thoughts recently. Over the years (I'm 70), I've accumulated a lot of "stuff" and want very much to winnow it out this coming year. There's a book soon to be released called "Swedish Death Cleaning" that I've pre-ordered and Marie Kondo's classic book is nearing the top of my towering To Be Read stack. Like you, the public rooms of my house aren't that cluttered with my stuff and even my near-hoarder husband's messes are finally being tackled. It's mainly my studio (I'm an artist and a sculptor) and my closet that bug me. Along with the storage shelves in our cellar and the utter vine-choked mess that my large garden has devolved into. The thought of my sister having to fly cross-country and struggle to deal with it all is beginning to bother me. She in no way deserves that stress, being a much neater person.

    I strongly suspect that the clutter problem may be a carry-over from past lifetimes and is also a lesson for this one--to be considerate of others and to share resources. Also, this has been a difficult lifetime and I, like Ed A., am a longtime journal keeper to preserve what sanity I have left. I do worry about my innermost thoughts being read after I'm gone, but I haven't come up with a way to ensure those boxes of journals' destruction yet. Still working on that and suggestions are appreciated, but probably via private message to keep the thread on track.

    But these are present lifetime human worries. When I finally cross over, I doubt if they will trouble me much. The bliss of escaping the sadness of this lifetime will hopefully wipe out these earthly concerns in an instant. I'd just like to be able to know that I did what I could to make life for my surviving family members a bit easier.
    Amore, Ed A. and Kate0508 like this.
  6. Kate0508

    Kate0508 New Member

    Great answer. I'm not feeling so bad about my disorganization all of a sudden. Thanks for the relief. K.
  7. Kate0508

    Kate0508 New Member

    This answer reminds me of when my MIL passed. She & my mother were good friends. When my MIL passed, my mother helped my FIL pack up MIL personal belongs. Unknown to all, during her life, my MIL stuffed lots of cash - a very large amount of cash - in the pockets of her clothing & all around the house. It created lots of laughs. I haven't thought about that in ages. Maybe that's a good idea - except I need to find some disposable cash.
    Amore likes this.
  8. doniker

    doniker Member

    I currently have a high amount of debt; debts that unless I hit the lottery I will probably never pay off in my lifetime (I am 54).

    Being a religious man I fear that it may be a sin not to repay these debts before I die.

    I also don't want to stick my daughter with these debts - not sure if she would be responsible or not. I own a house that is paid for - I hate to see the banks I owe money to take the house from my daughter after I die.
    Kate0508 likes this.
  9. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Roberta is an attorney and could give an authoritative take on debt but I don't think a family member or relative can be responsible for the debt of another - a spouse, however, probably can. Business may be different but personal debt is the responsibility of the individual who incurred it. If it's unpaid at death the debt can be set against her/his estate. Real estate, including a home, is part of someone's estate and debt can be set against its value.

    I can't speak about your religion's take on matters but to me it's a social issue that we pay our debts - it's plainly wrong not to repay what's been borrowed or is otherwise owed and we should strive to meet our obligations. I see business debt similarly other than when an individual has been unreasonably forced into bankruptcy allowing insufficient opportunity to repay the debt.
    Widdershins3, doniker and Kate0508 like this.
  10. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Good answers, Mac! Doniker, if your name is on the house (even as a co-owner), then it can be taken to the extent of the debt. Even if you transfer it to family members prior to your death, in most states an item of value that has been transferred in the past three to five years can be called back into the estate. But look, your daughter won't be responsible for the debt above the value of what she inherits; and anyway, for you to feel guilty this way is vastly spiritually unhealthy! Why don't you work out payment plans, perform on those plans, pay off what you reasonably can, and just enjoy your life?
    Widdershins3 likes this.
  11. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    When our "gay" uncle, Henry, died (crossed), he left all of us a HORRIBLE mess. No usable will, a financial mess and a huge array of very embarrassing and disturbing "sexual" stuff that only other "gays" may have cherished. This is not about "gay bashing" but about leaving a lot of unfinished business (a mess) for others to clean up and it imposed a huge burden upon Henry's "heirs" and family after he left here. It took several painful years to sort out and clean up the mess Henry left us! He was a good, responsible, rich and intelligent man BUT he still left us with a big mess! We loved and still love him anyway................
  12. genewardsmith

    genewardsmith Active Member

    You could talk to a bankruptcy lawyer.

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