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Discussion in 'Spiritual Growth & Development' started by RobertaGrimes, May 2, 2012.

  1. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Dear Isabel, I understand how difficult this is to hear, but everything that you are going through now is part of your personal soul-growth. It improves your eternal mind just as a tough gym workout improves your physical body. So what you really ought to do is resolve to deal with it positively and proactively rather than just sitting there and feeling glum. I strongly urge you to do at least some of the following:

    1) Find a charity that you can do a lot of work for during this Holiday season. Better yet, find two or three! Nothing gets you out of the little prison that is yourself and into the world more effectively than does doing things for people who cannot possibly do anything for you!

    2) Make plans for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day if you don't already have plans. These might include travel, volunteering, spending time with friends or family, or even just doing a movie marathon, but give yourself something to look forward to at Christmas.

    3) Start a Bucket List. Sit down and write down at least three special things - five is better, and eight is better still - that you always have wanted to do, and make actual plans to do them over the next couple of years.

    4) Plan to take at least one course next year. It can be in anything - even basket-weaving! And your choices are infinite, since although in-person is better for you, it's possible to take a course in almost anything online. Shopping for your perfect course is part of getting yourself more engaged in the world, so take your time; and don't sign up for something unless the thought of it thrills you!

    5) Get another dog. Don't buy a purebred, but instead find a shelter and let your heart find the perfect new dog for you!

    I also think it's very important for each of us - even if we never feel depressed - to do three things:

    1) Build frequent, daily rewards into your life. Keep your house stocked with healthy food that you like, and also with special treats (like my chocolate stash!); make a point of going to lunch or dinner with someone perhaps every week or two; and set out at least one thing that you enjoy enjoy doing to look forward to for each day of your life (especially healthy things, like taking a walk).

    2) Avoid everything that is at all a downer. In my case, TV news was agitating me so much that in 2007 I gave up TV altogether. Cold turkey. What amazes me is that I never missed it! Even before that, I was avoiding violent or sad movies, so at this point NOTHING gets in the way of my mental peace!

    3) Avoid all negative thoughts. This is easier, of course, if you never watch or listen to news; but still, it's important if a negative thought creeps in that you at once shut it down (they usually start with words like "What if...?" or "Nothing matters because..."). If you won't entertain negative thoughts, before long your mind stops offering them up.

    I have made a point of living this way since I was a teenager, and I think it's one reason why I never have down moods. Your mind is where you live! It is your only haven, so make sure it is always a happy and peaceful place.
    kim marine and Ed A. like this.
  2. Dear Roberta, thank you for your kind and positive suggestions, I appreciate your help, a lot of what you have said is understandable, but truly I don't sit around being glum I go out of my way to help people also I know better than to listen to the news that would drive anyone mad, as for visiting family I wish that was possible unfortunately they are all dead. I am in my sixties and disabled so pretty limited in many ways, as for Christmas I found my adult son dead on Christmas morning an image I cant seem to deal with even though its ten years ago, then 6 yrs ago my sister killed herself. please don't think I am feeling sorry for myself Roberta nor do I want to portray myself as victim of any kind, I realise that my journey here has been difficult and that I must have chosen to come here, I am so sorry to burdon it is not my intention, also I would so love to have a dog but I live in a complex that wont permit a dog trust me I have tried. there is so much more Roberta but I would only end up causing others distress. I just want you to know that by nature I am a positive person, and have tried very hard over the years to do things like having an allotment and growing food and flowers until I became unable to do the work, I so miss my allotment sadly that simply how it turned out, I live in Scotland and summers have become almost extinct. so in order tto take my mind off things I have taken to watching old black and white movies when actors and life was good I apologise in advance for this lengthy script, perhaps your right and I am probably just feeling sorry for myself. just clutching at straw as they say, thank you for taken the time to advise me Roberta I am very grateful.
  3. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    You're not simply feeling sorry for yourself - that's pretty clear and equally clear is how you've tried to be positive in a life where you face so much uphill struggling. You must feel like you killed a robin. Roberta tried hard to suggest ways that might help and I only ncidentalwish I could add something else.

    Incidentally I live in England and also feel the depressing effect of our non-existent summers. :(
  4. Dear Mac, I am very grateful to Roberta she is so kind and thank you too Mac. I am really struggling because I don't see away out, memories are exploding in my heart, and guilt too the what ifs syndrome, I try to keep busy but there is only so much I can do I feel like I am a failure. I don't think its depression, I was simply reaching out for help and ideas, Roberta has given me good advice but I have truly tried most of what she says bless her. Don't know where to go from here looks like I have to go through this alone, I am sure there are many people much worse off than me, I think of all the homeless people my heart breaks for them its freezing cold up here cant imagine how they cope. anyway Mac I wont go on end up boring you, just want to thank you.
  5. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member


    Pardon my ignorance, but is Scotland served by the NHS and social services? If so, I would think there would be services you could avail yourself of that might be able to help -- possibly a therapist and/or social worker, groups you could join, etc.

    I hope you are able to find some peace and some help.
  6. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Dear Isabel

    Your sadness may not be clinical depression ( a doctor might disagree) but you do seem - understandably - very depressed, downhearted and dispirited about all that's happened and about the future. Who wouldn't be?

    bluebird has asked about our NHS provisions and although Scotland has its own service it's similar to in England I think. If you haven't already approached your GP it might be worth considering and perhaps also considering taking some short-term mild mood lifters.

    If you are clinically depressed they should help get you through this black, black time. I'm sure there are other therapies that might also help but you may have to press your GP to refer you.

    I hope you'll think about these suggestions..
  7. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member


    I am also struggling now. The love of my life transitioned in June and I have nothing to look forward to. You have been through far worse than me and although we can never understand the grief of another human soul I wish you my prayers. I feel my daily grief and I can not imagine the strength you must have.
    For what it's worth I have opened myself to find guidance and have received much guidance. From this site and others, books, e-books, mediums, etc.
    So many synchronicities that show me that my Angel is safe and that I am being guided.

    For what it's worth I know that my life has led to this point and before it, led to me being the caretaker for my Angel. I don't think a loving, knowing Spirit put me here to experience this living hell and that this is a lesson. As you mentioned, everything I do now is to reach out to others. Isabel your terrible losses have given you a beautiful but terrible wisdom that you can share when the time is right. Maybe you will share it here or maybe when you transition you will share it from the other side. I know we never stop learning or stop working to progress ourselves and others.

    I hope than made some sense,
  8. Dear Mac, bless you I will take your advice cant hurt, I think that it could get me through this dark night of the soul as I refer to it. I want you to know that I am really grateful Mac, I feel I am hanging on by a thread it really scares me. Once again thank you for taking the time to listen.
  9. Dear Bill, I am so sorry for your loss you have been through a lot yourself and put it to good use, I am happy that people like you are in this world, everyone has been so kind and I am truly gr4ateful thank you.
  10. Thank you Bluebird, Mac suggested it may be wise to talk to a doctor, just to get me a short time solution, I think he could be right, I am willing to try, as Christmas approaches its like going through the nightmare all over again, so I am going to take his advice what harm could it do? thank you for listening Bluebird
  11. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I'm glad bluebird's and my suggestions appealed to you.

    I'm not pushing religion but might you consider a visit to a Spiritualist church or centre? Not for mediumship necessarily but just to sit with like-minded others in a place with a calm and quiet atmosphere. You'll usually find healing sessions at them too. Healing might help lighten your darkness a little.

    I think you would find them very low-key places where nothing will be pushed at you.
  12. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Of course this horror is different for each person, but to the extent that another person can understand what you're going through, I do, as do some others here. My husband died just over five years ago, and his death destroyed my life. I am sorry that you are feeling so badly, but at least know that you are not crazy and you are not alone.
  13. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

  14. Dear Bluebird, thank you for your kind reply it must be very difficult for you too I honestly feel for you Blubird I am beginning to feel less lonely since all of you have taken time to listen and advise. thank you so much for helping to keep me afloat, x
  15. Dear Mac, thank you so much for these links I haven't gone into them yet but I will this evening, you have went out your way to help me I am so grateful, been to see the doctor and was given medication to tide me over started taking it yesterday don't feel any difference yet but the doctor did say it will take a short time foe them to go into my system so fingers crossed. also I wish I could go spiritualist church unfortunately there are too many steps I was a member for many years at sommerset place sadly I moved away so its a bit difficult for me reach, thank you mac you have been a comfort for me.
  16. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I'm pleased to hear that your doctor is helping you, Isabel, and I hope the medication soon begins to lift the crushing pressure. The right drugs can provide a vital, short-term lifeline and it's good to learn that being able to speak here about your situation is also helping.

    I see you didn't need encouragement to visit a Spiritualist church but I'm sorry you aren't now able to get to one. I looked up the one you used to attend as I didn't know the name. Are there no others nearby you could reach? (https://www.snu.org.uk/find-us-near-you)

    The self guided learning has caught the attention of a number of members who report varying levels of success. I used to be sceptical but folk I respect speak highly about it and the system does appear to work well at least for some.
  17. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    You are very welcome. I hope you continue to find some comfort, here and elsewhere.
  18. Harmonica

    Harmonica New Member

    Thanks for posting this information!

    That wasn't the first time I heard this, either:

    2) You will have to witness the suffering of your loved ones at your death.
  19. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I don't know if that quote came from this thread but I don't subscribe to that notion - it sounds like punishment but the act of suicide isn't punished any more than other acts or omissions are.

    However I'm sure that those who deliberately end their lives are likely to feel the emotions of those they loved here on earth and may well deeply regret their actions and the unintended hurt that resulted. But it's fair to consider that suicide may be down to emotional/psychological imbalance and may be outside the control of those who suffer. It's a big subject.
  20. Harmonica

    Harmonica New Member

    It did, yes. From the first post in this thread.

    I don't know whether it's true or not but I have read that info somewhere before.

    It may be true that all who pass away have to watch their loved ones sadness if being present at their own funeral. But whether or not the sadness seen would affect a departed soul, -probably not if they're at peace.
  21. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Wow - this thread began way back in 2012! Roberta posted the bit you quoted and I disagree with it.

    Well nobody HAS to attend their own funeral ceremony so if they're not there they wouldn't see their loved ones there. If (s)he did decide to attend (s)he'd likely be aware of the grief of those attending. How (s)he'd react to that situation is, of course, conjecture - different strokes for different folk. I'd expect the one whose funeral it was would feel some sadness, or remorse, or even guilt but who knows how much of which and how long those feelings would last? Again it's gonna vary person to person.
    bluebird likes this.
  22. genewardsmith

    genewardsmith Active Member

    A book I'd recommend on this topic is "Stephen Lives", by Anne Puryear. It's sad, because he deeply regretted what he had done. But also hopeful, because he was helped and treated, rather than punished. The Wood of the Suicides view of Dante comes about because the theory is, with no time to repent, suicides necessarily go to hell. This has nothing to do with reality.

    Another source people might find interesting are the Stephen Ward tapes of Flint. Ward was unfairly convicted in connection with the Profumo affair of being in effect a pimp, which was false but that's politics. He committed suicide following the verdict, which was a mistake but an understandable one. As for Stephen Puryear's motives, it has do to with the mysterious workings of the teen-aged mind, which is part of why it's so sad.
    Harmonica likes this.
  23. Harmonica

    Harmonica New Member

    I' m going to order Stephen Lives, if I can find it. Sounds like a good read! Thanks for the recommendation.
    genewardsmith likes this.
  24. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    It isn't punishment, of course! But each of us will go through a life review during which - among other things - we will experience the way we have made other people feel, for good or ill. Think of it as a kind of karma, and in fact it does happen after every death. To me, that fact alone is reason enough to urge everyone not to commit suicide, no matter what!

    The real problem with killing yourself is that you cannot kill your mind... so if your mind is troubled, then killing yourself doesn't do you one blessed bit of good.
  25. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Great recommendations as always, dear Gene!
  26. Kurt

    Kurt Active Member

    I always felt like this... If I died, no - one would care and some would be happy (my aunt tried to murder me when I was 2 and one of my stepparents encouraged me to kill myself, getting mad when it failed.) As a matter of fact, I was told by my lawyer that if I die, my "estate" (I do not own much of anything, so I am clueless as to whatever 'estate' he is mentioning.... he also said it might be donated to charity.) will be auctioned off and I will be cremated, with my ashes sent directly to the junkyard, since that would be the most cost efficient way to handle my funeral... as a matter of fact it would be profitable for some.

    Granted, I last tried to kill myself on 8/21/14. I had an NDE, studied the afterlife a bit and came here on 5/12/16
  27. pandora97

    pandora97 Active Member

    Kurt, I'm very glad you're still with us. :)
    Kurt likes this.
  28. Kurt

    Kurt Active Member

    Thank you Pandora. That means a lot to me.
  29. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    Well, for all it may be worth, I would most definitely care about your untimely death, Kurt.
    I find it rather intriguing how death features in your life, from the time you were 2 years old to your last attempt in 2014.
    I understand that what you chose to share with us is highly personal, and I thank you for it. Have no idea what might have caused your attempted suicide, but I sincerely hope you have found or are finding a way and the means to overcome it.
    Please feel free to PM - any time.
    bluebird and Kurt like this.
  30. Kurt

    Kurt Active Member


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