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Never Had Girlfriend/Wife/Sexual Relationship

Discussion in 'Spiritual Growth & Development' started by Nirvana, Jul 15, 2013.

  1. Nirvana

    Nirvana Regular Contributor

    But is it meant to be this way for me? If it is, then I accept it.

    I'm 25, by the way.
  2. bluebird

    bluebird Major Contributor

    I wouldn't worry. I didn't meet my husband until i was in my early 30's, and i never dated or had a boyfriend or had sex with anyone before him.

    So it can happen for you at any time.
  3. Eli

    Eli New Member

    Hah, coming from someone who is currently 17, I know it won't mean much when I say I know the feel.
    Dating can really depend on a variety of things; how outgoing you are, the kind of people you hang around with, how committed you want to be to going out to find a relationship (e-harmony, anyone?), chance, fate, mutual friends, etc. I know it sucks to be alone, but there really are other things in life that you can enjoy. When I have my periods of "oh damn, this really sucks I'm single," I go out. Vent to friends. Work. Play video games. Indulge in a guilty pleasure, whatever the hell makes me feel better. As for the rest of the time, it's all about having the mentality of it happens when it happens.

    So is it meant to be that way for you? Certainly not. You're 25! You're young and you've got your whole life ahead of you man! As they say, better late than never! It will come around, and your first will be even more special to you and you will cherish it more.

    I've heard many people say, (and I can attest to this), that it's better to find one person to cherish and to enter a long term relationship, rather than rush into a short, crappy one which only leads you to getting hurt.

    It will happen. Not today, not tomorrow, but you just gotta hang in there.
  4. It's true that for a few people romance is just not in the cards. I don't know that anyone can tell you whether this is "meant to be" for you.

    I personally had a hard time meeting people and starting romantic relationships. Online dating worked really well for me, I met a number of nice men for a lunch or two, and I had three long term relationships -- one of whom is my current husband.

    Because of your concerns about your illness, I wonder if you have been fully open to some sort of dating relationship? Nevertheless, many people with psychiatric conditions still date and have love and intimate relationships. I've really enjoyed reading a blog called "Captain Awkward" -- it has nothing to do with the afterlife or spirituality, but a lot about family and dating and friends and the issues that many people deal with in their early adult years. The language is not always family-friendly, but if that doesn't bother you, I find she has very sensible advice about dealing with life.
  5. Jesse85uk

    Jesse85uk New Member

    Nirvana.....don't sweat it man. Forgive me for saying this but I think you're overanalysing this and worrying unnecessarily about the "what ifs".

    I understand that perhaps you feel that your concerns about your illness is going to prevent you from pursing a relationship - but it need not be a barrier.

    If you're naturally a shy/introvert kind of individual then it can be difficult to interact with people the way you might like to and express yourself freely.

    However, there are lots of ways to meet people these days, particularly with the whole internet dating scene.

    My advice would be to relax and not worry too much about the "what ifs". Even if you do meet someone, just be yourself and let things happen naturally. It might not work out the first time and you may feel rejected or hurt, but that doesn't mean you're doomed to be single or that you should beat yourself up about it.

    Try to be positive....I know it's tough sometimes with all the **** going on in the world, but you have to understand that negativity is damaging not only to yourself but to others who care about you. Negativity destroys the foundation of any relationship.

    So if you develop a relationship with someone, be open about your worries and concerns, but don't let it dictate your attitude to everything.

    There are lots of genuine, caring people out there who would want to support you emotionally and help you deal with your personal troubles if you are open to them - BUT you have to be careful not to become selfish and too needy by making everything about you. Relationships are synonymous with giving - so you have to be prepared to give support to someone as well as willing to accept it.

    I guess the real question isn't so much as to whether you're "meant" to have a relationship....it's more of a question whether you want to or you feel ready to take that step?

    It seems to me that you're letting a negative perception of your self worth dictate what you can and can't do. There is no reason at all why you can't be in a relationship - the only person stopping you is yourself - not the world, not society, not other people.

    I don't know you Nirvana, but from reading your posts and the discussions on here - it's clear to me you're a genuinely decent guy who is way more intelligent than you give yourself credit for. You put yourself down but you're capable of a lot more IMO. Expect more from yourself. There is nothing "wrong" with you man - OK you have some concerns about your illness, but your illness doesn't define you or what you're about - so don't let it.

    You may not have any control over the world, but you always have a CHOICE in what attitude you decide to take. You choose what is meaning. Don't let all that negative bull**** choose for you.
  6. Truth seeker

    Truth seeker Active Member

    I feel identified with this thread :p
  7. poeticblue

    poeticblue member

    NO NO NO NO AND NO! I curse the day you posted this thread nirvana. Why? Why??? You just had to remind me of rizwan didnt you? You come on here seeming all sweet and innocent, and then you bring the sex and girlfriend stuff up. Why? That is exactly what rizwan did before he killed himself. Please dont play games with me nor with anybody else on here. I dont care if your a virgin. I dont care if you are Jesus. Do NOT play these games with us. If you do not have a girlfriend , is this the most of your problems that you can come up with? And I just so happen to be thinkin of Rizwan today. Man I am so sick. I cant even begin to start from the beginning. I give you advice over a span of 3 months privatley and all you can speak of is not having a girlfriend? GOODBYE ALL. See you in therapy. This website has changed so much. This is not some emo website. Jesus
    , as long as a I did not mention rizwan. THIS IS THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN!
  8. Nirvana

    Nirvana Regular Contributor

    I do not know who Rizwan is and I'm sorry if I offended you in any way.

    I don't see how wanting a sexual relationship makes me a bad person though. I've never even experienced it, unlike every other adult in Western society...
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2013
  9. poeticblue

    poeticblue member

    What do you mean you dont know who he is boy? He is scattered all around these threads! Do a search! Hell, read the RIP RIZWAN thread??? It is posted so openly in these forums. I am so not feelin it.
  10. Eli

    Eli New Member

    With all due respect, it was a complete and utter accident. Nirvana must not have read the Rizwan thread, he merely created a thread with innocent intentions. He did not mean to cause you, nor anyone else on this forum harm. People come to this forum all the time to find the answers to questions poetic, and although it may remind you of Rizwan, I feel it is best that we do not let history repeat itself here. Nirvana had a problem that he was merely seeking advice about, and he wanted help to deal with the pain that he is holding. I know it hurts deeply thinking of him, but taking out your anger on another member, or the site, is not the correct way to go about it. I don't say this to sound like a bitch, and you know you have a community behind you that will support you and listen to you whatever you need. All I ask is that we extend Nirvana the same courtesy.

    Nirvana, I would like to apologize, and Rizwan is indeed an open wound around here, so to speak. I hope this doesn't deter you from asking questions in the future or seeking help or advice for anything.

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