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My Dad has died. I'm really struggling.

Discussion in 'Member Introductions' started by celticstar, May 3, 2015.

  1. celticstar

    celticstar New Member

    Thanks Flossie :)) I think we share similar thoughts too. I have been reading a lot again on old threads and some of the articles ( trying to find quiet time around these children here) and the thought of agreeing to come here and go through things we are and have shocks me .I can see its for growth but oh if asked again I'd say no thanks. I couldn't go back over this life from the start again, times in it where I just wanted life to end but he was the anchor in it that kept me going.

    Now he's gone and its making me see I need to make a step but I don't know which direction or where.Its like something is on the tip of my tongue .
    Twenty years ago I went from a guilt laden religious household ( Dad wasn't..he purposefully stepped away from dogma) to not believing in anything. In fact despising talk of anything that went into religion and destiny because I was frankly angry at the whole situation and what I had been landed into.
    Carved out a life with my husband and kids and slowly its been a slow slow journey. Only into third decade have I started to open up and want to know more, look and sweep away the bias and vested interest topics that invariably came up with Priests etc

    Dare I say I like what I am learning the more I delve in. It feels 'right' . It feels like I always knew this but was afraid to get here/look and go against my life situation at the time.

    The keep coming back and I read we ask for deep trials and problems to experience is not something I relish or really want to ever repeat again. I just would love nothing more to proceed to an after life where my loved ones , my dear friends (and I have to state its been always in my life friends have felt closer to me than some family) and my dear pets are there with me, free of this place and the constant struggling.

    I wanted to know is everything timed, pre-destined as in people coming into your life at times when you will need them ?
    I ask because a couple of people have ..both live far from me but made an immediate impact on me and my deciding to take this path of new self discovery.
    One in particular just seemed to 'get me ' from the start , we tend to be on the same wavelength on a lot and I am not sure how but right when I need advice or am struggling with something an email is there out of the blue . I feel a connection with both of them, one in particular very much and outside of my Dad and few others I never have encountered such a kindred understanding me that way before.
  2. Flossie

    Flossie New Member

    I tried to post this yesterday CS but I was timed out and then I couldn't get back in!

    I have known several people through the net who were brought up in religious households. The ones who were Catholic seemed to suffer the most. Sorry if I offend anyone here. This is not what I think personally. I know very little on the subject. I am just stating as it is. Both when adult wanted nothing to do with any religion or belief and felt bitter towards some of the family. So yes, this is something I have seen happen before.

    Personally, although I never had strict religion growing up I was very aware of what was wrong and right, and I did live is fear of a punishing God. It is only during the last 7 years or so that I have found my true beliefs, which aren't any religion. And I have no fear of my beliefs or being punished by God. I used to think if anything bad happened it was punishment. Now I am inclined to think it just IS, and that God/guardian angels are there to help give us strength to pick up the pieces.

    I do think there are special people whom are destined to be in our lives and we feel that bond with them as you describe. Some don't believe this but I do. Maybe all in between isn't destined, but I think if a special person is meant to be in our lives they will be there somehow, someway, no matter what.
  3. bluebird

    bluebird Major Contributor

    I know your post was directed towards Flossie, but if you don't mind I would like to offer my opinion on these two things as well.

    I don't personally believe that we ask for deep trials and problems -- or at least, I don't believe that we all do. Perhaps some people do, some of the time, I can't really know that. I do not believe, however, that we all ask for all the crap that happens to us. Speaking about my own personal situation -- I do not in any way believe that I would have ever asked for my husband to die when he did just so that I could "learn" something, nor do I believe my husband would have asked for that for himself or for me. But suppose, for the sake of argument, that I am wrong -- in that case, I think that I should be able to acknowledge that I made a huge mistake, and should be allowed to end this aborted life without penalty in this life or an afterlife or any life. I agree with you when you say that you want nothing more to be in an afterlife with family, pets, and friends who you love, free of struggle. I want the same.

    As to your other point/question -- I do not believe that everything is timed or pre-destined. I do not believe that we choose to "chart" everything, as I mentioned earlier. However, I do believe that there are certain people in each of our lives who we are meant to meet, people who are soulmates (of a kind). Whether that is because there is an afterlife/beforelife from which we come to this life and we recognize each other as kindred spirits, I don't know, but that is one possibility. I do know that there have been people in my life with whom I have literally instantly hit it off and felt a connection -- the most important one, for me, being my husband, but I have also had 3 or 4 friends in my life with whom the same thing happened (of course that wasn't quite the same as with my husband, lol).
    Last edited: May 6, 2015
  4. celticstar

    celticstar New Member

    Yes it seemed much of my childhood and in school etc was led by 'this will happen if...' and 'You will go to hell if you do not do this and this' which is what I feel a polar opposite to what God is all about. But it was and is a keep in line by making them fear and that is a horrible way to bring faith into a child's realm.
  5. celticstar

    celticstar New Member

    I value and respect your views BlueBird :)
    I agree...I know we have free will and that no matter how guides try to steer us we can veer off some track we are supposedly on? And that can lead onto other scenarios.
    I shudder to think I would have agreed to what I have experienced thus far because sure as the sky is blue I won't again. I agree,if we agree to go through it willingly surely we can agree to cut short this trip into for what can be intensely painful and difficult (because repeated pain I fail to see if its being ladled on where any good growth can come from ).

    Yes its that instant rapport and we can look at each other and not need to verbalise anything because we know one friend in particular)..hard to express here but it took me aback but I know these two individuals have made a profound impact on my life (aside from my husband of course lol..deeper than say physical , a mutual understanding made up of not just common interests but ideals and awareness of we just click very very well.
  6. bluebird

    bluebird Major Contributor

    I'm glad you didn't mind me responding as well; thank you for your graciousness. :)

    You mentioned "guides" -- do you believe that we definitely have them, then? I am undecided on that issue, myself. There have been times in my life, in the past, when I have felt what I thought might be the influence of a "guardian angel" type of being (which, in my opinion, is much the same thing as a "guide", just by another name). I don't know if that was real, though, or if I just imagined it.

    I'm with you, in that if I did agree to this life, and assuming I continue to have a choice, I will never do this "life on earth" (or any other planet) shtick again. I have been blessed/lucky with my immediate family, who are wonderful -- not without their faults, to be sure (some of which led to my parents' divorce), but they love me and I love them, and I have never had any cause to doubt their love. A lot of people don't get that in life, and I am immensely grateful for it. I know this probably sounds odd, but that's actually part of what pisses me off so much about what has happened in my life. I mean, suppose reincarnation does exist, right -- if I were to incarnate here again, I would not have the family I have now, as they are now, and I wouldn't want any other. That is, this life that I had was exactly right for me, despite its other challenges (financial, mainly), but the death of my husband destroyed it, and no matter what happens in future, it will never be this life, with my family and my husband, ever again, and that is beyond sad to me.

    I know what you mean about the "instant rapport". I had that with my husband from the moment we met, and also with the closest friends I've had in my life. I'm glad you have that with your husband and the other two people as well. It is definitely something to cherish. :)
  7. Rimbaud

    Rimbaud New Member

    Telling the story is part of the grieving -- and healing -- process, Celticstar.

    So already you are on the right track.

    You will smile again and laugh again and one day think of your dad without crying. Just remember that everything you are feeling and thinking is perfectly normal.

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