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My BELOVED Mom Passed Away

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by Litsa, Jan 27, 2018.

  1. Litsa

    Litsa New Member

    Hi All,

    I have posted here a couple of times.

    I have read both of Roberta's books, The Fun of Dying & Liberating Jesus. I LOVED both books.

    My Mom passed away last week and the grief is on unbearable....

    I am 50 years old and took care of both elderly Parent's...My Dad died four years before my Mom and then took care of her until a year ago.

    I have NEVER married and I am ashmade to admit this, but, I lived with them all my life....

    I had to forgive myself for not seeking my own life, but, I don't know if it was the slight autism I had that made change HARD...

    The long story short, I am SCARED...I have no one and my immediate relatives think I just need to move on...

    My Parent's were my best friend and they gave me UNCONDTIONAL LOVE...Loosing my Dad was hard enough, but, My Mom is even worst.....

    I can seek grief counseling, but, what good would that do? I know that my Mom & Dad are in a better place and at least this Roberta's lectures and ALF forum gives me some peace.

    FEAR, is controlling me now...I am afraid to be by myself...I don't want to die some old lonely person, but, I keep telling myself, that even if I was in a relationship, someone eventually has to die thus being alone again...

    I can handle that my Parent's had to leave, I just don't know what my life's purpose is?

    Why did I struggle so much as a child?? Why did I live with my Parent's so long? Why was I sexually confused, and never got intimate with anyone??? Who am I now without Mom & Dad? I am struggling with all this and I am not sure if it because I am in GRIEF...

    Right now it is horrible and I am alone? Seeking counseling wouldn't help as I have tried it before...

    I wish my spirit guides can help? Going through life with no purpose is no fun..

    Any advise would be helpful...

    Kalo
     
  2. Zac

    Zac Member

    Please accept my condolences.

    There is nothing wrong with living with your parents. I left for a few years during college, but lived with them until I was 28. I didn't marry and lived with my hound in a big house by ourselves for many years. Then, my mom moved in with me after my dad passed at age 83. I was 44 then (now 47).
     
  3. Litsa

    Litsa New Member

    Thanks Zac for answering my post. I really loved them and I find in our society that I am just supposed to get over both of them dying in their 80s...My Mom stayed around for me...As I stated my Dad died 4 years before her.

    When he died, we both needed each other...As we would often remenince about the fun times....Now, as my beloved Mom passed just less then a week ago, I have no one....I wish my family was more extended, but, I have a cousin who thinks I should just get over it and go move and live my life.

    I know they wouldn't want me to mourn them and would want me to LIVE, but, the depression is bad...I used to be a rocker chick...Played guitar, and all, and for some reason I have losted that passion since my Dad passed and then had to take care of my Mom....

    I wish I new my purpose here in life. There is nothing worst then waking up every morning going through the motions...

    I would love to do God's work and preach the real God as Roberta Grimes has done, but, that is some big shoes to fill...

    Where are my spirit guides to help me find direction? Another thing, I thought because my Mom and I were so close I would get some kind of sign that she is with my Dad and doing alright...She had a NDE 40 years ago and was NEVER afraid to die...

    I guess she is to busy having a good time in the AFL to give me a sign...Though I know she is okay...

    I hear my Dad's voice a lot in my head like if I ask questions he does answer...But I am just wondering if it's because I remember stuff and it's not really him and just my imagination...

    Thanks,
    Kalo
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2018
  4. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Dear Kalo, I'm certain they are trying to give you signs! And the voice you are hearing likely is your dad, but please know that deep grief that is complicated by other negative emotions can be impenetrable for them, so although I think you should be open-minded about what is going on around you, it's possible that you won't really notice anything for awhile. Your grief will lessen over time, since the habit of seeing your mother will lessen; but to get past the first stage of grief generally takes close to a year. Meanwhile, you have been given the precious gift of a new life that YOU can design! So have at it, dear:

    1) You have got to forgive yourself! The worst possible emotion is deep grief complicated by guilt, not least because it can become intractable - you can end up stuck in it for the rest of your life. The choices you have made have been the choices you have made, and they all contribute to the wonderful person you are now, so please, dear, forgive yourself for all of it!

    2) Realize that 50 is not old. Good grief, I'm 71 and every morning when I wake up I am thrilled to feel as if my life is just beginning. Really. Yes, you won't have children, but you can have any kind of relationship that appeals to you now! Or you can start a new hobby or career, you can take classes, you can volunteer. Just please make sure that you open yourself to everything and you choose to do only what really speaks to your heart.

    3) Encourage yourself to get out into the world. Don't force it, but be open to it. And give it time. Be kind to yourself! Think up all the things that you might enjoy doing, and try to do one thing from the list each day; let your own impulses and your inner self really speak to you. And if you find something you really want to do, then do a lot more of it, whatever it is!

    4) Give yourself time to move through your grief. Normal grief is very much like an illness from which you will gradually recover. One year from now, your worst days will be about where your best days currently are, and if you have been working at this list you are likely to find that your best days actually are pretty wonderful.

    5) Learn to be ever more comfortable with new people, and especially with people to whom you can be of some use. This familiar quotation from the poet William Blake is wisdom! "I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother, and I found all three."

    Please consider these next few years to be something precious that very few people ever get: a whole new chance at designing your life! No old choice has any hold on you now, and the shape of your life is going to be just what you want it to be. Please let us know how you are doing!
     
    Widdershins3 and pandora97 like this.
  5. Litsa

    Litsa New Member

    Hi Roberta,

    Your words of wisdom is just what I needed to read.

    With all the grieving about my Mom's passing, I never looked at it is a SECOND change to design a new life for me! THANK YOU!

    I am sure my Parent's are thanking you too, as I know theU would agree with you and wouldn't want me to mourn the rest of my life. They would want me to live the best life I could.

    As stated my Dad's voice comes in loud and clear, and I know it is from him...The day of my Mom's funeral, I was getting dressed and all of a sudden I heard her voice say to me "you look so beautiful in that outfit"...

    I will stay on the beautiful AFL forum...And will post often...I have learned so much on this forum and it has helped..

    Thank you,
    Kalo
     
  6. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I'm really sorry to hear how you're feeling, Kalo.....

    I'm no good at telling you what comes next in your life but I have a few thoughts to share concerning the paragraph highlighted above; I don't give advice unless I'm certain I know what someone needs. As you say you've tried counselling, and it's not helped, maybe you've not given it enough time or something different might be what you need? I know folk for whom it's worked wonderfully well so it's not all necessarily a crock. And in a group you'd find others maybe in similar situations - sharing can help and new relationships may develop.

    Additionally you might benefit from a short course of anti-depressants to get you through the depression you're experiencing. Just for the short term.

    It's good to hear that you understand about survival because many people have no idea although I realise it doesn't change your missing them being with you. :(
     
  7. Litsa

    Litsa New Member

    Hi Mac,

    Thank you for taking the time to reply. I took to heart what you had said about trying grief counselling again. It couldn't hurt, plus, you are right I would meet like minded people who understand what I am going through. I will get with hospice again as they offer a support group.

    For me, the toughest is the mornings. I wake up with a sense of deep saddness that last till late afternoon. But once night time rolls around I get this great hope that as Roberta stated, I can start a new life and do whatever I want, a new beginning...

    I have tried anti depressants, and they are trickey and don't work in the long run. As a matter of fact coming off them is horrible, plus one gets new symptons they NEVER had before.

    Anyhow, I am so appreciative of Roberta's AFL forum. It is the BEST information with regards of the AFL and it does comfort me that my Parent's are just in another vibration type dimension more real then where we are at...

    I am going to purchase more of her books and I LOVE her videos and POD cast. I will also keep visiting this site and try to participate a little more.

    Thanks,
    Kalo
     
    pandora97 likes this.
  8. Widdershins3

    Widdershins3 Active Member

    I was sorry to read about your losses, Kalo, but there's wonderful advice in this thread. I hope you will participate here and will keep on reading. My own library on the afterlife is outgrowing its space and I can't tell you what a great comfort it is to me to read and reread books by mediums who've spent their lives bringing comfort to bereaved people. Right now I'm going through Gordon Smith's books--he writes a book often and, until recently, I believe he went on working as a barber to pay the bills, so that he could give readings to people--even the ones who would normally be unable to pay a top medium's fee. I also found a small local Spiritualist church and am feeling better about death (and life) lately.

    My experience with antidepressants wasn't wholly positive either, but I've found that if I go for long, brisk walks often, it actually works better than drugs. After, my mind is clearer and the sunlight I get by being outside is excellent for improving my mood. I do know how hard it is to begin a new thing like that, but I hope you'll give it a try. I really believe that the state of mind that doing something rhythmic like walking puts you into is a good one for all sorts of psychic things, including hearing messages from the Other Side. I also am more likely to notice the white feathers that my son sends now and then if I'm slightly detached from reality as I walk. It's a pleasant, slightly dissociated state similar to the one I was in (riding on a train) the day I saw a ghost.
     

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