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MISSING HER, KNOWING SHE IS SAFE AND STILL HERE, BUT...ANY SUGGESTIONS?

Discussion in 'After-Death Communication' started by bill zola, Nov 17, 2017.

  1. bill zola

    bill zola Member

    I just needed/wanted to mention this. If anyone has insight or can offer suggestions it would be greatly appreciated.
    Today was my home office work day, easy day I thought. I was supposed to visit old friends 60 miles away but I could not. Went for cafe con leche (heaven in a cup!) in a Guatemalan place. The TV was on Juanes (a Colombian singer/songwriter) was performing. Susie loves him. I started weeping and had to leave the place and spill half the cup in the gutter so I could drive.
    I wept all day long.
    I know She is safe, She suffered a lot, but I am not evolved enough to emotionally and spiritually comprehend it. She is with me but I miss Her body, the body that was less than 60 pounds when She went back home.
    I am selfish and I am hurting.
    Peace.
     
  2. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Bill, I'm sending you a hug. I'm sorry that you're suffering! In my experience, uncomplicated grief (little or no anger, fear, or guilt) generally is much improved in about a year, but it does take fully that long. With other negative emotions associated with it, though, it can hang on for much longer, so please try to forgive yourself, forgive her, and learn all that you can so you will know for certain that she really is healthy now and you will see her again soon!
     
    Unexpected likes this.
  3. Unexpected

    Unexpected Active Member

    Like Roberta, sending you a big hug too.
     
  4. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I wish we could do something to lessen that hurt. It's a cliche but the passing of time can eventually begin to help heal but time just seems to stop. I've also just been writing elsewhere so I won't repeat what I said there. I hope one day you find the peace you're always wishing us.
     
  5. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    {{{{{{{{{{bill}}}}}}}}}}
     
  6. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    Bill, try to drop the hurtful idea that you are "selfish" and let the tears flow as much as they need to. Weeping is perhaps the best way to release the pain, grief and sorrow so please do not hold it back or feel embarrassed about your perfectly reasonable tears and emotional pain. If you need to fall apart and cry in the presence of others, GO AHEAD! They will just have to deal with it - but don't suffer in silence just to PLEASE (disturbed) others!!!! Based on what I now know, she is in a very good and happy place and is most likely visiting you often with love and respect. Have a medium connect you back with her whenever you can. I wish you peace and relief ASAP.
     
  7. bill zola

    bill zola Member

    Thank you everyone. This is really a beautiful helpful community. A lot of good information and advice.
    I went back to the Spiritualist church today and it's a place I can go and gently weep and there is no judgement. The medium connected beautifully with a few peoplethere and brought healing for them and I think everyone there.
    Thanks again and Peace.
     
  8. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    This is heartening to hear. :) It's what Spiritualist churches are about, along with a little uplifting philosophy for those who want to listen.
     
  9. bill zola

    bill zola Member

    Thank you everyone here.
    I purchased an E-Book that has exercises for ADC and it great. I finished the fourth exercise this morning and receives three signs from Susie right after. There is a feeling of peace that is very grounding. I go back to the Spiritualist church tomorrow.
    I just wanted to offer this concern/suggestion. There is another thread about this and if I can find I'll post about this there too.
    There is a lot of misleading BS on the net. IMO a lot of it is fundamentalist fear porn. There are a series of youtube vid's of a woman who claims to be the victim of satanic abuse in a christian church and how she finally found the "real" Jesus. There is so much fear in what she says. She claims to have encountered "paganism" and "wicca" which IMO are the predecessors of Christianity and other religions and compares them with satanism, yet she continued to go to these churches and even subject her children to their teachings. She also said that any ADC is with demons.
    What I feel in my signs and messages from Susie is peace, love and guidance. This person is IMO pretty fearful and twisted and spewing BS. Just my opinion.
     
  10. bill zola

    bill zola Member

    Lawrence, Larry, my little Cockatiel passed today. How much more I can take I do not know.
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2017
  11. bill zola

    bill zola Member

    I am sorry. I am at the end of my rope. I am not suicidal but there is nothing in this life for me any more.
     
  12. lovehim

    lovehim New Member

    Bill, I'm newer here and new to the entire grief process (he passed 11/17/17 at age 29, unexpectedly, while working at home) -- specifically as it relates to a partner, and I just want to say, that there are days when I wake up and feel this exact same way. I wouldn't take my own life, but I begin to think there's no purpose in my living my life anymore. I like to think that he chose this unfortunate early exit at 29 for a reason - I don't feel comforted knowing that he's not physically with me, but I trust that wherever he is, he thinks there's a purpose in my living my life. Otherwise, I would be gone too...

    Without him, my life is essentially a wreck, but I pause to think that perhaps this suffering has its purpose, and that living without him was supposed to teach me something. Do I know what? No. Do I think it's fair? No. Do I believe there is anything for me in this life without him? No.

    ...But he did, otherwise things would have been different.

    Bill, this is jut me using a lot of words to say: you're not alone. I'm having those same waves of emotions as you are, but perhaps we'll learn what lesson we were supposed to get from all of this only after we join them...and that might not be any time soon. It's painful, unbearable, and even saddening to think that they could be somewhere without us... seeing what we're doing at all times, when we're lucky if we can even dream of them from time to time. There is a purpose; we just don't yet know what that purpose is, but we'll learn when we pass...and we'll be reunited again.

    Blessings to you.
     
  13. bill zola

    bill zola Member

    I needed to get this out. Three years ago when Susie was struggling I bought Her a little cockatiel, Larry, to keep Her company when I was in work. Susie wanted a dog or cat but with taking care of Her a dog would be too much and I'm allergic to cats. They really bonded and it was a beautiful experience. Susie picked the little Man out in the pet store.
    They clipped his wings when He was still at the store and we got Him when He was 8 weeks old. As His feathers grew back I used to try to get Him to fly. I'd put Him on a flip lid trash can and flip the lid so He'd jump off. He'd go a few feet and a little more each day. The little guy had 9 lives. We had a ceiling fan on in the other room and He had never flown more than 5 feet but one day He flew clear into the other room right into the ceiling fan and splattered on the carpet. I learned the meaning of spread eagle that day. I thought the little guy bought the farm, He was shaken but OK. No more ceiling fans for us. Funny that over time He'd fly onto the fan blades to push them and use it as His merry go round. Over time He flew into the toilet and was going down but I saved Him. He flew near the fire on the stove, the little guy was tough as nails. I stepped on Him because I didn't see Him and I thought He'd live forever.
    As Susie got worse She still did the dishes but Her balance was getting worse so over time I watched Her shatter most of our dishes as She dropped them. No use arguing with my strong headed Goddess so I just swept the broken dishes. One day She dropped several and I went ballistic "WTF!" I shouted and Larry flew into my face thinking I was attacking Her and bit me and drew blood. The little Man was fearless and very protective of His girlfriend.
    He had a sense of humor and was incredibly intelligent. He'd hit me in the head with His wing or feet when my back was turned to get me to chase Him through the house. He would sit on Susie's shoulder as She walked back and forth with Her OCD for hours. He was devoted to Susie, He loved and protected Her.
    He was there when She transitioned and just sat and watched over Her dying body. He grieved Her loss as did I.
    Yesterday He seemed very weak. He flew for a few seconds and dropped. I picked my little sweet Man up and He passed in my hands. They are together again as I await my time to rejoin my sweet family on the other side. Through dowsing Susie has told me She's with Him and I am jealous.
    In some way I knew He was going home soon. I slept with Him a few nights this past week. I'd put paper towels on Susie's pillow when She was still here physically and He'd stand on Her pillow all night and watch Her. I did the same on my pillow this week and am thankful that we spent these last days together.
    Funny that just this past week I started feeding the pigeons in the park that Susie loved to go for walks in. They know me now and when I pull up they fly toward me. They land on my arms and shoulders and eat from my hand. Yesterday morning I made a little girl's day! She and her mom were watching me and I gave her some bird food and she was thrilled to feed these beautiful flying beings.
    I came home and my little Prince Larry passed in my hands. I am communicating with my Angel Susie and perhaps I might communicate with my little Man but He's probably busy hanging with His girlfriend.


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  14. bill zola

    bill zola Member

    Thank you Lovehim. I was typing the above post about my little Man Larry when you posted.
    We are never alone and I begin to understand myself as the child feeling totally alone in the darkness of night when in reality the parents are a few feet away in the next room ready to help if anything "bad" happens. Susie has told me over and over "you are never alone". I'm just too thick headed to realize it.
     
  15. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    thanks, bill. I'm really sorry to hear how down you are.
     
  16. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    This is not intended as advice - I don't give advice unless I'm sure I know it's the right advice but maybe you'll consider a suggestion? If you haven't done this already would you think about reaching out to your GP to ask for a mild, short-term mood-lifter to help break the unrelenting grief you're experiencing?

    I don't advocate taking drugs routinely and I do realise no drug can make things right and may bring its own problems. But some drugs, taken for a short time, can help individuals through the deepest of their darkness and give them a break from the overwhelming grief that dominates their lives.
     
  17. bill zola

    bill zola Member

    Thanks Mac. My grief was lessening but my little Prince Larry's passing reopened the wound. The strange thing is I sensed His passing the week before and I spent more time with Him. I intellectually and even spiritually understand that Larry and little Susie are still here and better than they were but my simple humanity lacks the emotional ability to accept it most times.
    That said I reach out to others and feed many, many birds almost every day. I frequent one of Susie's favorite parks along the Hudson river and the birds see my car and fly over. They eat from my hand. I actually have trouble walking without stepping on them. People stop and take pictures. I love to give little children bird food (if their parents are ok with it) to feed them and they light up! I am bringing joy to humans and animals in the love and light of Susie and now (sadly) Larry.
    I am giving back as much as I can but I still miss Larry and His girlfriend Susie so very much.
    Peace.
     
  18. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    One of the sad aspects of understanding survival is that it doesn't necessarily prevent our missing the physical presence of the loved one now departed. I'm sorry if I'm stating the obvious but it's an important point. Most of us humans need to grieve our loss. On a philosophical note it's the only time we get to experience this feeling of desperate loss because everywhere else away from this dimension (or similar) we know the score.

    What you're doing in your home-town is working through your grief with the things you're doing and as the enjoyment you're feeling is (I think) a sign that you're starting to come to terms with your situation. And you know, don't you, that Susie and her feathered friend will be close to you as you do those things? ;)
     

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