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LIVING FOR OTHERS

Discussion in 'member introductions' started by Bill Z, Apr 1, 2018.

  1. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    I am in a similar position to several others here and I really don't see anything to live for. I am not suicidal as I realize that that is not a solution so I will sadly live out my life in service to others as my focus. It lessens the pain of the loss of my beloved .

    I just read this in a wonderful new book by Karen Noe:
    Nothing in Nature lives for itself. Rivers don't drink their own water. Trees don't eat their own fruit. The sun doesn't shine for itself. A flowers fragrance is not for itself. Living for others is the rule of nature.

    Sure it can be rationalized that the flowers fragrance attracts bees to pollinate and procreate but it is through the giving of the flower not taking, but giving.

    With what's left of my life and I pray it's not much, I will do what I can to give back and help others.
     
    kim marine, Monika, Ski and 3 others like this.
  2. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Giving back makes that constant crushing feeling of Her physical loss a little less painful.

    I might be playing music again. Last time I really played from my heart was music for my beloved and She prepared to go back home. Since than I lost the interest/ability. Thinking about teaching again. I have the opportunity to plant a garden in my apartment yark. There are small children here, it's an urban area, if I can give them a love of the garden, the dirt, the smell of the ground and the plants as they slowly appear, if I could do that I can combine my knowledge of gardening with Susie's incredible teaching talent and wisdom I would be giving back and my time here would gladly be so much shorter.
     
    Amore, Monika and Ski like this.
  3. Ski

    Ski New Member

    That's really sweet and wise, Bill. Those are lovely ideas...just make sure you open up and truly experience everything you do. I love helping others, it makes life worth living. It brightens up my day, and it brightens up others day, too. Remember when you were a kid, and just doing simple things made you so happy....that's the way to live, love and make friends.
     
    Amore and ravensgate like this.
  4. kim marine

    kim marine Active Member

    I love that thought Bill. If only humans could live like that. You have lifted my consciousness with this post. I look forward to leaving the earth realm also, but I know it will best to let it come in its own time. We are here for some reason whatever that may be.
     
    Amore likes this.
  5. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    Bill, that is lovely said and very truth. And i will definitely try to find and read this book you mentioned :)
     
  6. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Thank you everyone. The book is "We Consciousness" by Karen Noe.
     
  7. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    What instrument do you play Bill?
     
  8. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Hi Monika, Double bass, guitar, 'cello and some percussion. Do you play an instrument?
     
    Monika likes this.
  9. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    I used to play Lithuanian traditional plucked string instrument called kanklės. I really dont know english name for it... it has 36 (concert) 42 (bass) strings. It is traditional in all Baltic states and similar instrument egsist in nordic countries. Also piano and panpipes (another traditional instrument in Lithuania). I played for 7 years but then i just quited because i decided that to play music is not for me. Never touched any instrument again.
     
  10. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Monika,
    There's a lot of stuff on youtube with the kankles, harps are such beautiful instruments. Have you considered playing again? Susie transitioned in June and the last time I really played the bass and guitar was while She was preparing for Her sweet journey home. I did a gig in October but the fire had gone out, it was pretty horrible but I unpacked my bass last week because I might do one more gig for (hopefully) mostly children. I am doing what my love was best at , teaching.
    As I get closer to Her transition date in June I cry more. But I tell Her not to worry, my pain is temporary, my tears are a testament to how much She is loved.
    Peace.
     
    GoldDustWoman622 and Monika like this.
  11. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    Wow if you will connect your and Susie talents into one and present it as a gift for others will be so full of meaning! I would like to encourage you to do this. Just when you will feel ready of course. But I am sure this also will increase your connection so much as she will be able not only to comfort you in your sorrow but also work side by side together by doing what you both love♡ dont you think so? :)
     
  12. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Thank you Monika
     
  13. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    I understand when you say that it feels like fire is gone...same for me. I couldnt make myself to do what we both loved to do. Last winter we both worked as handlers in kennel with dogs. So strong connection with every single of them. Though this winter i went to dog yards just several times. Every single dog brings memory of him. I love it. But its horrible painful... if i see those dogs suddenly i hear him saying: "na kom große Wasabi" (come big Wasabi) or "ah du kleine Marci" (oh you little Marci) and so on with every single dog. It tears me down :( so i probably understand you at this point. At least it is something similar maybe... But somehow we must remind us that they wait for us. True love never dies. Never ever ever. Play music my friend :) Susie can hear every single note. So try not to make too much mistakes :)
     
  14. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    And no, actually i never thought to come back to music. I like to listen but i don't like to play.
     
  15. Michelle Schill

    Michelle Schill New Member

    I am happy that you are taking this attitude Bill. I fully understand where you are coming from as I have felt the same all my life. My oldest son took his life a few years ago and it was extremely painful. When you take your life you find yourself right back here repeating the same scenario while trying to get through the next time without taking your life again. Your outlook on this leads me to believe that you have great wisdom. I have found that in service to others I am most happy. It is our purposes which helps to get us through these physical lives of ours.
     
    Amore, Bill Z and pandora97 like this.
  16. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Thank you everyone. As the saying goes: when the student is ready the teacher is there. I think this goes for opportunities too. A cafe opened a block from me and a friend introduced me and it's a beautiful place. Good energy. I might have the opportunity to play music there or maybe teach kids geometry.
    The cafe is a place to just hang out, a bunch of old people and a beautiful young owner who wants to make the place a community hang out for all ages. Very good energy there.
    I wanted to bring some books to leave around for people to look at while they are there.
    Anyway I'm looking through what's left of our books. Because of the costs and the stress of the move I threw away a ton of books. Salvation Army had to look at them and I was told a lot would be rejected. I had to get out of our condo because of the grief and was guided in that too, a total miracle.
    I found several books and wrote my Angel's sweet name in the first page of every one so people would see Her sweet name and maybe wonder who this book belonged to. We read voraciously and to sit next to my Love and read was Heaven.
    Susie was a very complex person. I still seek to know the depths of Her. She was closed because of being surrounded by death but I came to understand Her and love Her more deeply as I learned more.
    Anyway because of some new exercises, meditations Susie came to me early this morning. We just sat together.
    Looking through our old books I found one I'd never seen before an anthology of Argentine & Chilean Woman's writings on Fantasy and Sci Fi which Susie loved and even wrote. It's like a gift from Her to explore Her literary interests and all it took was to help others and give away books with Susie's name in them. I cherish this gift from my Beloved.
     
    Amore, pandora97 and Monika like this.
  17. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    That's so beautifull Bill♡ Love grows stronger and stronger everyday. I love to read your post and i am endless happy for you and your love Susie♡
     
  18. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    HUMOR
    I have been so bummed out lately. I weep every day. She comes to me but I'm a simple human and the pain is terrible. I'm reading a book "We Consciousness" and helping others helps my pain. Whatever, putting a quarter in an expired parking meter so the person doesn't get a ticket, whatever. It feels good to make people laugh and that is service to them I believe.

    I am an idiot. Susie has come to me in any way She can, and She keeps getting better at it to tell me She is safe and we will be together again but I just don't get it. I weep and yet my idiocy I am aware of.

    Anyway here's some funny video's about death, not to offend anyone, but maybe lighten the load:


    Monty Python, "bring out your dead"


    not death but the last supper, Mel Brooks


    Monty Python, Dead Parrot

    Last One: what every guy will say was a near death experience:
     
  19. pandora97

    pandora97 Active Member

    Bill if you don't mind me asking, do you have a pet?
     
  20. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    Bill, even if we know our loves are here for us and that they feel good does not take the pain away. At least not for me and not for you as i understand. I also cry so much every day. I had no day when i didnt cry. No single day. If i would not have the connection i have with Michel now I would have killed myself already. On the other hand i feel him close, i speak with him. I know he sits just beside me because i can "see" and sence him but same time i feel so trapped in my own body. He is here and i cant hug him. How misserable is that! This also very often brings me to tears.
     
    Bill Z likes this.
  21. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Pandora, I had or really Susie had a little man named Larry a Cockatiel. We got him when Susie was confined home home. I took Her to the store and they both made contact, So really I haven't had a pet lately but several in the past. Larry was not a pet, he was Susie's friend and he tolerated me. He loved Her and he trusted me. But his relationship was with Susie not me and that was cool. He watched Her as She transitioned and after his work was here he went home too.

    Monika blessings to you and the information you give us. Like sweet Michael, sweet Susie is here but I just don't get it most of the time.

    Susie has screamed and hollered at me, through mediums, dreams and dowsing. They are trying to break through our silly stuff and show us they are right next to us. I just am not capable right now. Glimpses come through but I struggle.
     
  22. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Pandora,
    Larry was amazing. Susie and i had "pets" in the past but Larry was the only guy who lived with us. He was incredible. We tolerated each other Larry and I. I loved him. He did not love me, but he trusted me. When He flew into the toilet and I pulled him out he realized he could trust me. When he flew onto the carpet and his talons were trapped in the carpet, I cut his little feet free he realized I was there to protect the little bastard, lol.

    But Susie was his. As Susie got weaker She used to break dishes and I was cool with that until one day I Lost it She shattered several dishes. I lost it WTF i was hollering and my little noble man flew into my face and attacked me. He thought I was attacking Her. So beautiful! My little man drew my blood as he protected his girlfriend. He flew into my face and bit me. I came to love and respect him so much more that day.
     
  23. pandora97

    pandora97 Active Member

    From what I understand, pets will always choose one member of the family for their very own. Often it's the first one to hold or connect with them before they are taken home for good.:)

    The only reason I ask is because I've been reading your posts for several months and my heart just hurts for you and some of the others here that have lost their loves. The pain of your loss, the loneliness and that huge empty space in your heart that nothing will fill....these are all felt in your posts.:(

    I thought that you might find some comfort in caring for a pet. I have always loved dogs and the unconditional love they give back to their humans is never ending.:)

    I did not lose my spouse but I know the pain of grief. I lost my son Michael when he was 15 years old. He like your Susie died of cancer. He had a brain tumor and the chemo and radiation along with that terrible disease caused him to waste away to nothing. He died slowly little by little over the course of 15 months and a little bit of me died along with him each and everyday. He was my only child and when he was gone the emptiness I felt was not only in my heart but in my life. He's been gone 21 years and I still think of him everyday.:)
     
  24. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Not offensive at all, Bill, at least not to me. Love Monty Python and Mel Brooks. :D
     
  25. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Thank you everyone. Pandora I'm 64 and any pet would outlive me so I would like to get a pet butunfortunatly it won't work for me.
    I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  26. pandora97

    pandora97 Active Member

    I don't see how you could know this but there are plenty of animals at shelters that need loving homes. However, if you are reluctant to commit to adoption you can also offer to foster. Just a thought and I don't mean to push you but animals can really be a big comfort to us.
     
  27. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Thanks Pandora, I will check it out.
     

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