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Lack of meaning -- the world is unreal to me now

Discussion in 'Spiritual Growth & Development' started by bluebird, Jul 9, 2014.

  1. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Since you are trying to impugn my integrity and my intentions, I would be delighted to have you post it in this thread, dear LunaKat. If you don't post it, then I will.
  2. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    LunaKat, you are welcome to your own views. But as is true of everyone else in this website family, you are NOT entitled to assume that your views are the only honorable and loving views, nor are you entitled to insult and disparage others.

    In fact, as a mother of three and a grandmother of five, I have learned that sometimes "tough love" is the only love there is; the rest is coddling and demeaning. Enabling. Even insulting.

    Since I doubt that LunaKat will post it herself, here is the message that I sent to her in response to a long email complaining about people I love very much and strongly implying that she was the only kindly person on this forum:

    "LunaKat, I know you might find this difficult to understand, but Bluebird WANTS the kind of interaction she gets here. If she didn't want it, she wouldn't keep posting. Please don't attack others for counseling her to try to at least begin to gain some perspective. Her grief was understandable when she first arrived here, and she received a ton of support. By now, however, she has made grief a way of life. This is profoundly unhealthy! Indeed, grief IS a life-lesson! It is one of the many tough lessons that we come here to learn. Dear friend, if she didn't want the interaction she is getting here, she wouldn't be here. Please, please don't attack those who are tough-loving her now!"

    I love our wonderful Bluebird. I admire her grit in grappling with a very, very tough hand in life. My greatest wish for our beloved darling Bluebird is that she will find some peace here on earth. But DO NOT EVER tell me that those who patiently listen day after day and try to encourage her little by little to begin to come to terms with her grief after going on two years have anything but the most loving intentions toward our dear Bluebird!
  3. bluebird

    bluebird Major Contributor

    Please understand that (in my opinion), no one here is TRYING to hurt anyone else. LunaKat isn't being "mean", she's being honest and I appreciate very much that she understands how I feel. I don't think anyone else here is trying to be mean, either. I just think that some of us have very different approaches to grief and the afterlife and all of it, and not everyone (i.e., not me, for one) agrees with some of the views that seem to be held by most of the people on this forum. In the conversations I've had with some of you on this forum, I think we have sometimes agreed and sometimes not, but I think we have generally tried to understand how each other feels. In this particular instance, I don't think that janef is trying to be hurtful, I really don't. I think she perhaps doesn't understand how inherently hurtful to me is the idea of my husband's death being, in any way, some sort of "life lesson". Again, I don't expect her (or anyone) to change her view, or to not discuss it, only to not discuss it with me any longer, once I've made it clear how hurtful it is to me.

    I was going to try to post in response to each post made in this thread since the last time I posted, but I just don't have the energy. Incidentally, when I don't post in a while, it's not out of lack of interest or anger or anything, it's just that when it's busy at work, as it was today, i'm not able to get online.

    I'm sorry that this degenerated into a "LunaKat vs. everyone else" thing. I respect LunaKat, and I respect most of the other people on this site too. I think people are just coming at this from very, very different perspectives, and having a hard time understanding each others' perspectives.
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2014
  4. bluebird

    bluebird Major Contributor

    --> I do appreciate your prefacing your points with "here is how I see it" (seriously, I'm not being snarky). But the "evidence" is up for debate. It is not so "overwhelming" to everyone. But believe me, I genuinely hope that you are right in your belief in an afterlife, in your belief that we always have and always will exist, etc.

    --> I disagree that "permanent grief is not normal". There is no one "right" way to grieve; grief is as different for each individual as one person is from another. For me, the grief I feel at the death of my husband and the lack of his presence (in all ways, including physical) in my life, is permanent. It's awful, it sucks, it is hell on earth, but for me it is the only way to be, in response to the devastating fact of my husband's death and my lack of faith in his continued existence.

    --> I agree that people here are, for the most part, trying to help me, but the fact is that there is no way to help me.
  5. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Sending you a big hug, darling friend! You know that you are deeply appreciated here and very much loved.
  6. tradingdavid

    tradingdavid New Member

    Since my Mother died nothing quite feels real. It's fairly common among grievers or so I've been told.

    After I had a particularly lucid dream where I talked with Mother Everything feels much less real though I'm much more functional. It's like the character of the unreality changed from life is meaningless to now I'm just marking time and I'm not really here.
  7. mac

    mac Staff Member

    I hope that AfterLifeForums can help you find answers to any questions you might have concerning life, death and what follows them....
  8. Waller

    Waller Banned

    No doubt but bluebird, regardless of her claim that she has none, has an agenda. Only computers and robots are 'thinking' entities without agendae.

    One matter is quite clear since everyone takes an action to receive something in return (definition of an agenda).

    The key is to dig under your psychological hood and uproot what it is that you are receiving. Note I typed "dig" because often the root cause is hidden, still very knowable, but hidden.

    Extended grief is similar to an addiction in that sense. As is any addiction, it is unhealthy.

    See above.

    The question arises are the forum participants doing her a favor or a disservice by feeding the addiction?
  9. Waller

    Waller Banned

    That's a marker for a lucid dream, reality becomes less real, the LD is seen as closer to what reality is (our true spirit selves), and people become more functional in the physical plane. Win-win.

    Now, on to Step 2. That would be to make sure you are not 'marking time' as in "whistling the nights away". Participating here is good measure that you are pressing forward.
  10. Welcome to the forum! I agree with mac and Waller -- looking for more information and understanding about life and death is a good step forward in your grieving process, and in your personal growth generally.

    It makes sense that we would become hyper-aware of the transience of our Earth life when someone with whom we are deeply connected has moved on to another type of existence. Your remaining time on Earth is not, of course, actually meaningless, even if it feels that way for now. This type of depression is a common stage of grieving -- sometimes, in my experience, it seems like a way of "resting" our mind and body after a very emotional time.

    Some of our visits with deceased loved ones may not be dreams at all, even though the visit takes place while we are sleeping. I think you Mother may have truly visited with you to help you.

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