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Is there any known reason?

Discussion in 'After-Death Communication' started by Maria, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Maria

    Maria Member

    No doubt like many on ALF, I am grieving the loss of a loved one. During the first weeks and months after his death, I felt confident that I had received a number of communications from Peter. I have read however that the bereaved, especially those who have lost a partner, often experience hallucinations that they mistake of ADCs. I have also read that the second year after a loved one's death is even worse than the previous one (it was Peter’s anniversary on 20th January), and I seem to be feeling more and depressed over the past few weeks. This would be a very welcome time to receive some signs but sadly (apart from frequent tingling sensations on my head which I hope maybe Peter trying to provide solace), there are none. While a fervent believer in the afterlife, there are times when doubt can set in caused by the pain of grief. I completed a very interesting course (PDF copy sent to me by Denver Guy who is a member of ALF), entitled Love Knows No Death by Dr Piero Calvi-Parisetti, which explores many sources to prove the existence of life after death. In one of the videos a mother claimed that her deceased child left messages on her answerphone. So I will get to the point at this stage with my question which is why do some discarnates make more proactive efforts to communicate than others? Also, as time progresses, do ADCs cease, and could this also correlate with the progression of souls in the spirit world who move further away from the material plane? There is so mystery surrounding death. I have read several posts by Bluebird on ALF, where she expresses that she yearns for some visits from her husband and questions the fairness of it all. I apologise if this post comes across so negative but I wonder if anyone can provide some answers to my ardent questions.
  2. Maria

    Maria Member

    Apology for typo - should be "that they mistake for ADCs"
  3. Maria

    Maria Member

    Sorry about another typing error which should correctly be "There is so much mystery surrounding death".
  4. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Just my thoughts: never give up. The love of my life stays in touch after 7 months. In subtle ways. Sometimes often, sometimes not a lot. It hurts worse than anything . I believe that if we are depressed, our vibration is lowered, theirs is much higher. It's work to come up to theirs and them to come down to ours. There is a lot of work in this stuff.
    She has told me that She is here but I'm hard to contact because of my grief.
    Hope that makes sense.
  5. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member


    I don't know for sure if ADCs are real or not, but if you have had experiences that you believe are communications from your partner, then I hope that they have brought you at least some measure of comfort.

    Some of the things that I've seen that might be communications from my husband were definitely not hallucinations, as I was not the only one who saw them. While stress, such as that brought on by extreme grief, can cause sane people to experience hallucinations, I don't think that those who write off all possible ADCs are any more correct than those who assume that every little thing is an ADC. I think we each need to use our intuition and discernment to decide for ourselves if what we experience is really communication from a dead loved one. This is particularly true, I think, because we know our loved ones best (I mean, no one knows my husband better than I do, no one knows your partner better than you do, etc.). So in your case, you are the person who is best suited and best able to determine if a possible ADC is really from your partner.

    As to why some people seem to receive more communications than others, I really don't know. Assuming for the moment that the afterlife exists, then my guess is it's probably down to a combination of factors -- perhaps some people are better at communicating that others, perhaps some people are more inclined to do so, perhaps some still-living loved ones are better able to receive such communications, etc.

    You asked "Also, as time progresses, do ADCs cease, and could this also correlate with the progression of souls in the spirit world who move further away from the material plane?" I don't know the answer to this, and I don't believe that any living person does, but in my opinion that's not what happens. However, if what you've stated is the case, then that's a shitty way to run a universe/existence, in my opinion. If there is an afterlife, and if my husband is in it and is moving further from this life and therefore is not or cannot communicate with me, all that does is make me want to die all the faster.

    There's no need to apologize for any perceived negativity in your post, and I hope you don't mind the negativity in mine. Regarding things being harder in the second year after the death of a loved one, I have read the same, and while it probably is true to some degree, it also probably varies from person to person. In one way the first year is harder, in that it contains all the horrible "firsts" -- first anniversary alone, your first birthday alone, his first birthday alone, his death-day alone, the holidays alone, etc. On the other hand, the shock cushions you a little bit at least the first few months, so there's that. And then for me, at least, the further time moves away from the day he died, the further I am thrown forward into my life which I no longer want at all. Also, sometimes people expect you to "move on" and all that crap, often beginning in the second year after the death, as if they have any say in how you feel or should feel. If you find that happening to you, try not to let what they think or say affect you, because it is irrelevant -- they are not in your position, and they cannot know how you feel.

    Anyway, welcome to the website, though of course I am sorry for the loss that sent you here.
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2018
  6. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    Hello, Maria
    My goodness, there may be so many possibilities as to why some of us have a tougher time connecting with those who have transitioned. Some of the possibilities I can think of include:
    Negative emotions that might make it more difficult or impede the connection
    We have not learned to raise our vibrations
    They have not learned to lower their vibrations
    They may not be able to connect as often as they'd like - they may be busy (apparently they do have lots of learning and growing to do in their new environment; they don't just sit around, so to speak!)
    Perhaps they know that it would be best to not connect for a while, for our own sake. Some may doubt this, claiming that if they would receive "just one" form of communication from their loved, they'd be content, but I'm not sure I believe that. I think it is natural to want more and more connections; one may not be enough. However, I remind myself that although the veil may be thinning, it's still there, and there for a reason (we have yet to discover). What applies in this world may not apply in that realm. Still, I think it is important that lack of communication should not be viewed as a lack of love and concern, and that no blame should enter the picture. It's no-one's "fault".
    From what I've read, ADCs may slow down as our time passes. However, I have read of ADCs that occurred 10+ years after the passing of a loved one. I do not know why, can't explain it, though I have my own "theory" :)
  7. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    bluebird is in a similar situation to your own and has given a great reply. I'm not in that situation so I can't relate directly to what you guys are experiencing. I can, though, offer a few thoughts about some of the specific points you've asked about.

    First I want to say that I'm pleased you are able to accept the situation concerning our survival. Those who don't understand/accept it face even bigger issues.

    You said: "So I will get to the point at this stage with my question which is why do some discarnates make more proactive efforts to communicate than others?" I guess the simplest, honest answer is we don't know but so-called spirits are not all identical, just as we aren't all identical. Each will behave in a unique way, just as we do. The suggestions made by our members are all reasonable possibilities.

    You said: "Also, as time progresses, do ADCs cease, and could this also correlate with the progression of souls in the spirit world who move further away from the material plane?" On the last point you could well be right and it makes sense to me. On the earlier point I have two thoughts.

    Communications may cease because there is no real need for them to continue. Once they've shown their loved ones that they have survived death and live on then why wouldn't they want to get on with their new lives? That leads to my second thought.

    The 'dead' (they're actually not) have so much to engage their interest, and so-termed ADC isn't supposed to be a feature of life here on earth anyway, why would they want to continue communicating with their still-loved ones? They can all get together again later if they wish to.
  8. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    To this point, my response is: for our sake (the loved ones left behind).
  9. kim marine

    kim marine Active Member

    Maria, you just as Peter are eternal wisps of Consciousness. Death is nothing to fear, because it doesn't exist. I know we seem to die, and that is all it is: we seem to die. These physical bodies are temporary. Consciousness is eternal. Which on do you want to identify with? You will be given in eternity what you temporarily reflect upon the world. You will be able to grow in the eternal state of Consciousness, but it is much more fulfilling here on this dimension. The Consciousness within us eternally changes locations within Itself. I was unconscious of life on this earth at one point in my life, because I had a head on collision with a car while riding a bicycle with no helmet. It was 34 years ago and I wasn't aware of helmets at that time. I enjoyed being unconscious of life here, and seriously feel we are driven to live in a state of delusion here, not for ourselves, but for a reason that we are unable to identify with because of the body we perceive to live in. I experienced many different "rooms" that are present in the state of eternity. The only negative times experienced were because of my own stubbornness and refusal to wake up and become conscious once again of this world you and I live in.
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2018
  10. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    A point I forgot to make is that looking for accounts of individuals who say they are regularly visited by their deceased partners may not be helpful and such accounts might give the impression that you're missing out on something you could expect to happen. The actual situation, however, appears to me to be the opposite.

    The former situation, partners staying close by and communicating in some way, looks very much the exception, the latter very much the norm based on what I've read and heard. Folk may become despondent because they aren't hearing from loved ones they think would want to contact them. I hear few say they are aware their loved one is around and/or that they communicate regularly in some way.

    It seems to me that if contact from loved ones were as common as we might hope then there wouldn't be the ignorance and doubt/disbelief about our survival beyond corporeal death.
  11. Maria

    Maria Member

    Thank you all for the time you have taken to reply to my post. Every response has been well thought out, intelligent, and sensitive. You may not know all the answers to the great mystery of the afterlife, but your answers have given me strength, helped me understand more about ADCs, and I am very grateful for your valued support. Mac you are correct, Bluebird and I have got a lot in common, and Bluebird I wish from the bottom of my heart that you will receive what you most yearn for, which I know from your posts is seeing the full apparition of your husband. It is so easy to imagine that if we transitioned we would do anything to communicate with our surviving loved ones to give them firm assurance of our survival, but this is from the perspective of being on this side of the veil. It is also so true Ravensgate that in the desperation of our grief we want more and more communications. Kim, you were blessed to experience an NDE as it has given you priceless knowledge that you can convey to others and help them understand that death is not to be feared.
  12. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    For the sake of balance I'll try to give my alternative perspective. The words quoted are bluebird's but my thoughts are general and intended to relate to any relationship and not specifically to bluebird's.

    Assuming what we have learned individually, and what we discuss here on ALF, is not a crock then the so-called afterlife, the place we'll all return to after we pass over, is an almost magical place. A place where we find, or re-acquaint ourselves with, answers to questions that exercised us whilst we were still in-the-body. It's a place we know about from teachers and guides and the accounts communicated from those living there. What we don't know, what we can't know, is how we will react individually when we return there.

    We may find we knew far more about life and death than we were ever aware of as incarnates. We may find we were not the ignoramuses we thought we were or appeared to others. We will again become familiar with our intentions and hopes for the last life we undertook. We will meet up with those who want to meet up with us, friends and family from the past, helpers and personal guides who accompanied us unseen through this physical dimension. And we may find we don't feel exactly as we used to do about lovers and partners.

    I'm saying sorry at this point because I know this next suggestion will hurt and may be rejected but the love felt for another here may feel different, may not feel as deep, after we have left this world, as it did when we lived in-the-body. Or the love felt by one individual may have been deeper than that felt by the other.

    We can't know how it will be - we can only believe we know.
  13. Maria

    Maria Member

    Mac I have just read your post and it is hurtful to think that love for another that existed in this life can dissipate when we transition. I always believed that death does not defeat love, and nothing changes. If you are correct that it all sounds very fickle and disillusioning. For someone who is experiencing intense grief and feeling insecure, it does not present a very steadfast prospect about how my partner Peter may be feeling about me now. It furthermore reminds me about a rather worrying dream I had a few months ago (I did reveal it on an ALF post). Again, in the dream he told me that he was “moving on” with a female friend from his hometown. It was so vivid and felt more like a visit than a normal dream, and I will always recall the image I saw this woman he was talking about, standing outside a yellow painted house. In the dream, I begged him not to go. For quite some time afterwards I felt abandoned and hurt that he would reveal this to me. Please understand that I am not holding you to account, as you have just given your candid opinion and knowledgeable profile about what research has informed you about the afterlife. I do know that over there we are matched with our soul groups (and I remember mentioning in my ALF post about the dream that I wondered if Peter was leaving behind his former relationship with me, and progressing on his spiritual journey with a member of his soul group). So then this may be the reality of the life hereafter which reinforces what you said, but for someone grieving it all seems very cruel that love may change and die too when the body does.
  14. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    That's not what I was suggesting. In this dimension there's no way of knowing if two individuals love one another to exactly the same degree and how would it be measured anyway? How likely is it that their level of commitments are exactly the same? Is it realistic to think that we'll automatically feel exactly the same as we did in this world? It's not how I understand things.

    I agree on your first point but not on the second. Change in all things is how life progresses, whether it's life incarnate or life in the etheric.

    I view it this way - if there was love between individuals in this life that love will not disappear when one of the pair passes over. That wasn't what I said.

    I remember your telling us about that dream and I felt then as I feel now. It makes no sense to me that if you guys shared a deep love here on earth that Peter would return in a dream to tell you something he knew would hurt you. I'm not big on interpreting dreams, even vivid ones, because they may be nothing more than the outcome of our worries. Your dream could simply have been brought about by the concerns you already had.

    As I understand the things I've learned about soul groups it's not how it works. We aren't 'matched' to a group - we are already associated with the soul group we've been with for an indeterminate time. (It's a subject suitable for a discussion in another thread.) Individual members don't 'go off' with other members as they might in a social situation here on earth. Soul cell relationships are very different and - again as I understand things - members of the group/cell stay with one another, have relationships with one another, the relationships varying from lifetime to lifetime. When it's time to progress spiritually the whole cell will be involved - it's not a matter of some going ahead leaving others behind, so to speak. We have a very limited perspective and understanding of the operation of a soul cell and it's understandable if we try to apply human values to non-human situations. It's just one reason I stay away from commenting on individuals' relationships or suggesting one particular way is more likely for them than another. We are all unique, the relationships we have with one another are just as unique. I try to deal with general principles.
  15. Amore

    Amore Active Member

    As I see it, this dream you had was not about him, was not telling you something that is happening to him, but was about you and your emotional state - feelings you have to face (or had to face at that point in time). Your unconscious mind was deliberately presenting and confronting you with a painful scenario in order to make you feel those emotions of hurt and abandonment (and possibly other negative emotions) more clearly and sharply. Why? So that they come to the forefront of your mind and can then be seen and acknowledged and examined and experienced, and ultimately let go. This dream was to help you in your process of grieving, in your process of growth. It was given to you to help you heal from the pain of losing him in this life. This dream was about you, not about him. This is just my opinion.

    As for what happens to love after we die, from all I have read, it does not dissipate. But what does disappear are the attachment and expectations that we humans often call love but which are really not love. Love in its deepest and purest form is unconditional and free - there are no attachments and expectations to anyone. That does not mean there are no strong bonds, there are, but they are rooted in freedom.

    As for why spirits often don't give us a sign that they're still here, I think they see the larger picture. They know much more than we do. They might for example know that you decided before incarnating that you don't want to experience spirits (for whatever reason). They might for example know that you chose to experience a period of intense loneliness and grief because these emotions would stir something deep inside you and ultimately lead you to something or someone you want to experience/meet because it would help you on your spiritual path. From what I read most of us choose certain experiences and hardships before incarnating and your beloveds will know that and try not to interfere or distract you in your progress. The perceived cruelty or denial of closeness might in the end turn out to have been an act of love and understanding.

    Our spiritual growth is often not a conscious undertaking. Something deep inside of us steers us in directions we did not anticipate or plan but which we had nevertheless chosen ourselves long before incarnating. Because these processes are often not planned consciously they seem confusing and painful to us. The disincarnates see us in our totality and understand what we really need. We with our limited human mind are however not able to understand them.
    pandora97 and Bill Z like this.
  16. Maria

    Maria Member

    Thank you Amore for such a profound and inspiring analysis. It is so reassuring that you all feel that my dream was not what I feared. Words fail to describe the pain of my bereavement, and in my present state it is hard to imagine anyone electing to go through the void, the hopelessness, and loneliness I am currently experiencing. Perhaps if I did choose this destiny, it will all make sense when I transition. Before Peter’s death, I had a blind faith in life after death and perhaps a naïve belief in ADCs. As mentioned in my post during the weeks following his death I felt assured that they did occur. The most remarkable experience was one night lying in bed waiting for sleep with my hands across my chest when I suddenly felt a hand placed on mine. Upon looking up, I clearly saw Peter’s apparition swiftly moving to the right from my bed. Another example was when I had a telephone reading with a medium who provided some very accurate information, and towards the end of our conversation announced that Peter said he was going to leave a feather for me to find. As soon as I put the phone down I went upstairs and after a quick search did indeed find a small brown feather in an unoccupied bedroom. Even stranger is the fact that the feather was beside a pile of Peter’s Christmas presents that he did not have the chance to see as he was rushed into hospital over Christmas. After his death I put them in this room as it was unbearable to look at them. I no longer have that confidence about ADCs, and at present I am questioning all that I firmly once believed in. Instead, I feel like I have only one portion of a million piece jigsaw puzzle and desperately want to see the whole picture.
    Amore likes this.
  17. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Amore's post is beautiful, thank you.

    I've been reading Silver Birch and IMO it's pretty incredible. He suggests that when someone transitions there might be an adjustment period, there might be work they need to do before being in a position to communicate but it's all good.

    I've been blessed with the love of my life. Her last 5 years were not easy. She was a teacher, she spoke several languages and Her speech was taken. She had aphasia along with a boatload of other emotional and physical problems and could not speak so She was probably rearing to go after Her good transition. She stays in touch in several ways but there are times when She is busy. She has also explained that She is no longer human and understands things that I can not comprehend.
    Amore and kim marine like this.
  18. Maria

    Maria Member

    Thank you for your post Bill, and I must read the writings of Silver Birch sometime. Tragic story about your wife, did she suffer from a stroke or some other disorder that affected her speech? (My mother died from a stroke, and during the final moths of her life I found it very sad that she could not speak lucidly). It is it lovely to hear that her wife has since communicated with you so proactively. Can you tell me more about these experiences.
  19. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

  20. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Thanks Maria,
    There were many diagnosis but other than aphasia (inability to speak), OCD, PTSD and major depression nothing made sense. I'm just learning that it may have been a form of lymes disease which can mimic many other mental, physical and emotional illnesses. She wasted away in the end and was only 58 pounds the last time we went to the hospital.
    Within a few days of Her transition I started receiving white feathers and knew nothing about this but learned it was a common sign.
    From ongoing studying I've been doing and I think She has been working from Her side also we continue to communicate through meditations, dowsing, dreams and ongoing signs, especially songs that come to me when I wake up.
    I wish you all the best and there is NO death only transition.

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