1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Afterlife Forums is an online, interactive community designed to give seekers direct access to prominent researchers, to afterlife literature, and to one another in order to foster both spiritual growth and public interest in life after death.

Is She Aware of me?

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by DenverGuy, Jan 25, 2017.

  1. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    I hope this isn't repetitive, but 7 1/2 months ago I lost the love of my life to breast cancer. I did everything I could to keep her here. It's a long story, but this has been extremely hard for me. Some weeks I get by with a reduced sense of normal, while thinking about her all the time. The past week has been exceptionally hard, though.

    I talk to her all the time - especially when I am walking the mile and a half to and from work, and all around the house. I tell her how sorry I am about what happened to her, how much I love and miss her, etc. I sleep with one of her gloves a lot of nights. Recently, I have been really upset, and I am struggling to keep it together at work. I am failing today.

    Earlier I had stupidly done some things to her (our relationship) that caused her a lot of pain. We did really well during our last three years. I deserve pain back - but not to this extent.

    Do you think that she still loves me as before, is aware of my sadness, my love for her, and knows of my desire to be with her forever some day? Sometimes when I'm crying so hard I can hardly breathe, I wonder if she sees me. When I walk home or to work I wonder if she can look way down and see me, alone, thinking about her, my face showing the pain that I'm feeling, and maybe feel some compassion for what I am going through. I know this is selfish.

    I just saw this: http://blairrobertson.com/7-afterlife-facts-that-you-need-to-know/

    I want to believe it.

    Thanks for reading this.
  2. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Dear friends, many of those that we used to think were dead say that they don't miss us in the same way that we miss them, for one simple reason: they know we're not dead. And even beyond that, they can be right here next to us! But in fact, the pain that we feel at their loss is apparently extremely painful for them. Extremely! If we are able to interact with them a little - to notice signs and thank them, and to talk about them with a smile - then apparently they are more comfortable being here. But if we are often in anguish and no matter what they do they can be of no help to us, then sometimes they will withdraw for a bit, apparently. For their own mental health. And who can blame them? There is no time where they are now, so from their perspective we will be together very soon, and meanwhile someone they deeply love is in terrible pain and they cannot make it better! You or I would want to avoid sharing that pain. And they are, after all, people. They don't like it any better than we would.
    Rising, Widdershins3 and Goldie like this.
  3. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Wow, Goldie. I don't know how to thank you. That was so well put! I am going to print this out and read it again and again. I saw your post a few days ago and I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond. I can't handle this at work as I get too choked up, and I procrastinated at home. Now I have an evening to devote to this sad, but necessary, pursuit.

    You get it.

    I am so sorry that you're dealing with this nightmare, also. Your post made me feel a lot better. I have so much I have to say to you and ask you that I don't know where to start. I am go to post something in the After-Death Communication section if you'd like to look at it.

    I read the book about Billy Fingers, and how he said that in the afterlife they're all just a bunch of light dancing around, not caring too much about us, etc. if I recall. That book didn't help.

    Did you think that some of Blair's comments made sense? I agree with you about the last comment of his. (I have seen several of the Swedenborg videos on YouTube (very good), and I know what you mean about Erin Pavlina).
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2017
    milahanna likes this.
  4. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Thanks, Roberta. I keep hearing what you're saying about how our anguish bothers them and pushes them farther away. It's a vicious cycle. But what I don't see is the alternative. We didn't break up with them. This is not something that either of us wanted. In my case, I truly lost the love of life. I am absolutely devastated, as are other people here. I am hardly the only one who is struggling with this.

    I sure as hell don't want Mila to feel anguish. And none of this is her fault. But I am a mess. I lost the most important person in my life! Recently I cried so much that one of my eyes was bloodshot for four or five days. And tomorrow is her birthday. I miss her desperately.

    But I'm not sure what I am supposed to do. How can I block that out? Pretend that I'm happy? I honestly don't know!
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2017
    milahanna likes this.
  5. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    If it helps, you should know that no researcher I have known has ever seen reports of people experiencing themselves and others in the Summerland as just sparks of light. On the very highest levels, yes: but soon after death and in the areas where nearly everyone resides, clearly no. Instead, the people and the surroundings look remarkably as if it all is happening on earth, with the wonderful exception that everything there is perfect!!
    Rising and DenverGuy like this.
  6. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Of course you can't block it. You're human, and you're grieving. You can, however, begin to forgive and accept it if you'll try, and even that little shift in your grief will be of help to her. So much of our reaction to things is our own reaction - it's not objective reality! If you would like a copy of a book that might help, please just email me at rgrimes@robertagrimes.com and I'll send you a PDF.
  7. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Thank you, Roberta. I have that book and I am starting to read it. I will also check out Dr. Hogan's book.
  8. milahanna

    milahanna Member

    Right there with you, Denverguy. I don't want him to feel anguish either but I'm a bit upset at the idea that they would step back during our grief. I understand the reason that was given, but I wish that it would cause them to want to come through even more instead. I need to know he's ok. I need to know how he feels. Being told by others just isn't helping me with my fears.
    Goldie and DenverGuy like this.
  9. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    You're right on point, as usual!
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2017
    Goldie and milahanna like this.
  10. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Forgiveness isn't just about not blaming someone who has harmed you; actually, it is about getting past anything that has upset you. Losing a loved one involves strong negative emotions for most of us, including anger and feelings of guilt and regret as well as simple grief. If you would like a book that teaches general forgiveness and might help you, send me an email at robertagrimes.com and I'll send you a PDF.
  11. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    I agree, Goldie. I have nothing to forgive my girlfriend for. She did nothing wrong.And I have a hard time forgiving myself for things that I did earlier in our relationship.
    Damn, I have been a mess. I thought my appointment with the psychologist was today. I went all the way there but it was the wrong day. I am so disappointed.
    Goldie likes this.
  12. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Roberta, I recently saw an Abraham Hicks video (I'l try to find it), and the speaker addressed someone's extreme grief. I can't recall exactly how it all went, but she said something like: "How do you know that it's just your grief"? In other words, she was suggesting that the person who had crossed over might be the one feeling the grief (or sharing it), and the person left behind feels that. I don't know, it's an interesting thought. Do you have an opinion?

    Also, you mentioned that they feel sorrow at our sorrow. I have read elsewhere that they are aware of our sorrow, but are not affected by it. I find either situation disturbing. I certainly don't want my girlfriend to suffer, but on the other hand if she were unaffected by my torment that would be hard for me to understand, you know?

    I'd love to hear what you have to say. Thanks!
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2017
    Goldie and milahanna like this.
  13. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Goldie, the word "forgiveness" in this sense is a general term for overcoming negative reactions to things. For example, you might feel bad about something that you've done, you might be angry about what someone else has done, you might be dealing with fears (whether irrational or rational) or with negative feelings in general, or you might be in very deep grief. In all these cases, the actual process of forgiveness can ease your pain, which in turn can make it easier - for example - for our loved ones to make contact with us. And in DenverGuy's situation, if he is feeling guilt that is associated with his early relationship with his love, then that can make it harder for her to get through to him unless he is able to begin to forgive himself.
    Goldie likes this.
  14. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Their perspective is simply so different! They are living outside of time, with a sense of infinity, and from there it looks as if each lifetime here is little more than a heartbeat of time. They seem not to grieve us, since of course they aren't separated from us - they can check in whenever they like. They can be very close to us, so they don't miss us or worry about us; and they feel that they will be with us again in no time. They don't like to see us in pain because they love us, but they also are aware that our pain will be very brief and when we join them soon both they and we will be joyous. So yes, they are aware of our pain; and of course they don't want us to be unhappy; but perhaps it is to them something like the pain of a parent whose child is getting a shot. No matter how the child screams, it is really just a little boo-boo and nothing is wrong!
    Rising, Widdershins3 and SueK like this.
  15. Gustavo Woltmann

    Gustavo Woltmann New Member

    Hi DenverGuy, I feel how much you love her and I can't help but cry. I know how hard this for you dude but you need to be strong.

    I know her presence is always there for you to watch you and guard you. She love's you so much because you did everything for her to survive for her breast cancer and I know she much more loves you right now because she see how much you love her and she doesn't want you to suffer like that because of losing her. You need to be strong and keep going for her and for your family too.
    Goldie likes this.
  16. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    I agree.
  17. Skye

    Skye Member

    Hello DenverGuy, My condolences for the loss of your partner. Going through the grieving process is different for each individual, many thoughts and feelings will rise to the surface, making you feel as if you're on an emotional roller coaster, as you come to terms with and adapt to the loss of your beloved partner.
    Unfortunately there is nothing whatsoever you could have said or done that would have made it possible for her to stay here. Try not to let guilt overwhelm you with this. One thing is for sure, her pain and suffering are no more. She knows you love her and took care of her under such devastating circumstances. She will be aware of how sad and deeply upset you are about what happened and how much you truly miss and love her.
    The pain which you caused her would have been put aside, as she has gained more of an understanding of why things happened the way they did. Have no doubt, she loves you just as much now as much as she did when she was here physically by your side.
    Talk to her as much as you feel the need to. When you talk to her be confident she will hear. Your words don't need to be said out loud, talk silently if you wish. You may in time become aware of subtle signs which indicate she is around.
    She wouldn't want you to hold on to the hurt and pain of the past, she would lovingly encourage you to let it all go. She would want you to enjoy the memories of happier times you both shared together and let them become the driving force towards helping you overcome the grief of her passing. She would also want you to know you can and will get through this.
    Where ever love is shared be reassured it will always remain. There can be no separation when it comes down to real love, not in this world, or in the next.
    There isn't a set time for grief, there's no rushing through it. As you already know some days will be better than others. One day, some time in the future, you will be aware of enjoying life, once again though don't feel guilty when this time comes This doesn't mean you will ever forget the love of your life. It means you are beginning to live life in a different way, and are ready to take the next step towards moving forward.
    Best wishes for the future.
    enby and Widdershins3 like this.
  18. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I hope you guys will take the opportunity to ask skye about what she's written and quiz her in her role as a (spiritual) medium as you North Americans term what we Brits just call a 'medium'.
  19. Skye

    Skye Member

    Hello Goldie, I am sorry for the delay in replying to your post. Unfortunately I have to decline your request for a reading. I haven't given readings of evidential mediumship for a long while and at this time I know I wouldn't do it justice either to yourself, your husband or your loved ones, if I were to do so now.

    However, it saddens and concerns me to read of the experiences you have had with mediums. I also found it disheartening to learn you didn't have the opportunity to find a measure of comfort and/or healing during your time spent with them.

    I can understand why you have given up looking for a reputable medium in the US. In the UK there are an increasing number of people who claim to be psychic mediums, yet unfortunately when they work it becomes obvious they are anything but. To be fair in my view, psychics do not have the spiritual power which a medium needs to be able to blend with those living in the spirit world, and their service is of no use to the bereaved.

    Goldie, I hope you are fortunate to one day hear the words your husband wishes to share with you. Mediumship is a sacred art, a spiritual communication full of love, understanding and compassion. To receive anything less is simply not mediumship and is best ignored.

    Apologies once again.
    Goldie likes this.
  20. Skye

    Skye Member

    I can understand and appreciate the reasons why you feel the need to back off from mediums after reading your experiences. Quite honestly, if a medium is not giving an accurate description with supporting, personal evidence that proves they are in communication with the person whom they claim to be, then I too would walk away and question as to whether or not they have mediumistic abilities. The giving of information (feeding a medium) is something I would not recommend people do. It’s the job of a medium to provide the evidence, not a sitter. Saying yes or no is sufficient enough for a medium to know whether they are receiving and delivering the information from a spirit communicator correctly or not.

    The 2-way exchange of mind to mind information in mediumship is a very subtle process. Initially it’s easy to think a spirit is communicating, when in reality we discover it’s the mind of the potential medium at play. Should this not be addressed, it’s very likely the aim of mediumship goes out the window and the bereaved will never find comfort or solace in their grief.

    The practise and demonstration of mediumship has nothing whatsoever to do with a medium; they’re simply a conduit connecting the two worlds. To use it as a platform for their personal beliefs and opinions is shocking to say the least.

    I’ll refrain from commenting on The New Age movement other than to say “I believe most of their practitioners have done far too much more harm than good”.
    milahanna likes this.

Share This Page