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Is She Aware of me?

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by DenverGuy, Jan 25, 2017.

  1. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    I hope this isn't repetitive, but 7 1/2 months ago I lost the love of my life to breast cancer. I did everything I could to keep her here. It's a long story, but this has been extremely hard for me. Some weeks I get by with a reduced sense of normal, while thinking about her all the time. The past week has been exceptionally hard, though.

    I talk to her all the time - especially when I am walking the mile and a half to and from work, and all around the house. I tell her how sorry I am about what happened to her, how much I love and miss her, etc. I sleep with one of her gloves a lot of nights. Recently, I have been really upset, and I am struggling to keep it together at work. I am failing today.

    Earlier I had stupidly done some things to her (our relationship) that caused her a lot of pain. We did really well during our last three years. I deserve pain back - but not to this extent.

    Do you think that she still loves me as before, is aware of my sadness, my love for her, and knows of my desire to be with her forever some day? Sometimes when I'm crying so hard I can hardly breathe, I wonder if she sees me. When I walk home or to work I wonder if she can look way down and see me, alone, thinking about her, my face showing the pain that I'm feeling, and maybe feel some compassion for what I am going through. I know this is selfish.

    I just saw this: http://blairrobertson.com/7-afterlife-facts-that-you-need-to-know/

    I want to believe it.

    Thanks for reading this.
  2. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Dear friends, many of those that we used to think were dead say that they don't miss us in the same way that we miss them, for one simple reason: they know we're not dead. And even beyond that, they can be right here next to us! But in fact, the pain that we feel at their loss is apparently extremely painful for them. Extremely! If we are able to interact with them a little - to notice signs and thank them, and to talk about them with a smile - then apparently they are more comfortable being here. But if we are often in anguish and no matter what they do they can be of no help to us, then sometimes they will withdraw for a bit, apparently. For their own mental health. And who can blame them? There is no time where they are now, so from their perspective we will be together very soon, and meanwhile someone they deeply love is in terrible pain and they cannot make it better! You or I would want to avoid sharing that pain. And they are, after all, people. They don't like it any better than we would.
    Rising, Widdershins3 and Goldie like this.
  3. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Wow, Goldie. I don't know how to thank you. That was so well put! I am going to print this out and read it again and again. I saw your post a few days ago and I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond. I can't handle this at work as I get too choked up, and I procrastinated at home. Now I have an evening to devote to this sad, but necessary, pursuit.

    You get it.

    I am so sorry that you're dealing with this nightmare, also. Your post made me feel a lot better. I have so much I have to say to you and ask you that I don't know where to start. I am go to post something in the After-Death Communication section if you'd like to look at it.

    I read the book about Billy Fingers, and how he said that in the afterlife they're all just a bunch of light dancing around, not caring too much about us, etc. if I recall. That book didn't help.

    Did you think that some of Blair's comments made sense? I agree with you about the last comment of his. (I have seen several of the Swedenborg videos on YouTube (very good), and I know what you mean about Erin Pavlina).
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2017
    milahanna likes this.
  4. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Thanks, Roberta. I keep hearing what you're saying about how our anguish bothers them and pushes them farther away. It's a vicious cycle. But what I don't see is the alternative. We didn't break up with them. This is not something that either of us wanted. In my case, I truly lost the love of life. I am absolutely devastated, as are other people here. I am hardly the only one who is struggling with this.

    I sure as hell don't want Mila to feel anguish. And none of this is her fault. But I am a mess. I lost the most important person in my life! Recently I cried so much that one of my eyes was bloodshot for four or five days. And tomorrow is her birthday. I miss her desperately.

    But I'm not sure what I am supposed to do. How can I block that out? Pretend that I'm happy? I honestly don't know!
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2017
    milahanna likes this.
  5. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    If it helps, you should know that no researcher I have known has ever seen reports of people experiencing themselves and others in the Summerland as just sparks of light. On the very highest levels, yes: but soon after death and in the areas where nearly everyone resides, clearly no. Instead, the people and the surroundings look remarkably as if it all is happening on earth, with the wonderful exception that everything there is perfect!!
    Rising and DenverGuy like this.
  6. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Of course you can't block it. You're human, and you're grieving. You can, however, begin to forgive and accept it if you'll try, and even that little shift in your grief will be of help to her. So much of our reaction to things is our own reaction - it's not objective reality! If you would like a copy of a book that might help, please just email me at rgrimes@robertagrimes.com and I'll send you a PDF.
  7. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Thank you, Roberta. I have that book and I am starting to read it. I will also check out Dr. Hogan's book.
  8. milahanna

    milahanna Member

    Right there with you, Denverguy. I don't want him to feel anguish either but I'm a bit upset at the idea that they would step back during our grief. I understand the reason that was given, but I wish that it would cause them to want to come through even more instead. I need to know he's ok. I need to know how he feels. Being told by others just isn't helping me with my fears.
    Goldie and DenverGuy like this.
  9. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    You're right on point, as usual!
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2017
    Goldie and milahanna like this.
  10. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Forgiveness isn't just about not blaming someone who has harmed you; actually, it is about getting past anything that has upset you. Losing a loved one involves strong negative emotions for most of us, including anger and feelings of guilt and regret as well as simple grief. If you would like a book that teaches general forgiveness and might help you, send me an email at robertagrimes.com and I'll send you a PDF.
  11. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    I agree, Goldie. I have nothing to forgive my girlfriend for. She did nothing wrong.And I have a hard time forgiving myself for things that I did earlier in our relationship.
    Damn, I have been a mess. I thought my appointment with the psychologist was today. I went all the way there but it was the wrong day. I am so disappointed.
    Goldie likes this.
  12. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Roberta, I recently saw an Abraham Hicks video (I'l try to find it), and the speaker addressed someone's extreme grief. I can't recall exactly how it all went, but she said something like: "How do you know that it's just your grief"? In other words, she was suggesting that the person who had crossed over might be the one feeling the grief (or sharing it), and the person left behind feels that. I don't know, it's an interesting thought. Do you have an opinion?

    Also, you mentioned that they feel sorrow at our sorrow. I have read elsewhere that they are aware of our sorrow, but are not affected by it. I find either situation disturbing. I certainly don't want my girlfriend to suffer, but on the other hand if she were unaffected by my torment that would be hard for me to understand, you know?

    I'd love to hear what you have to say. Thanks!
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2017
    Goldie and milahanna like this.
  13. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Goldie, the word "forgiveness" in this sense is a general term for overcoming negative reactions to things. For example, you might feel bad about something that you've done, you might be angry about what someone else has done, you might be dealing with fears (whether irrational or rational) or with negative feelings in general, or you might be in very deep grief. In all these cases, the actual process of forgiveness can ease your pain, which in turn can make it easier - for example - for our loved ones to make contact with us. And in DenverGuy's situation, if he is feeling guilt that is associated with his early relationship with his love, then that can make it harder for her to get through to him unless he is able to begin to forgive himself.
    Goldie likes this.
  14. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Their perspective is simply so different! They are living outside of time, with a sense of infinity, and from there it looks as if each lifetime here is little more than a heartbeat of time. They seem not to grieve us, since of course they aren't separated from us - they can check in whenever they like. They can be very close to us, so they don't miss us or worry about us; and they feel that they will be with us again in no time. They don't like to see us in pain because they love us, but they also are aware that our pain will be very brief and when we join them soon both they and we will be joyous. So yes, they are aware of our pain; and of course they don't want us to be unhappy; but perhaps it is to them something like the pain of a parent whose child is getting a shot. No matter how the child screams, it is really just a little boo-boo and nothing is wrong!
    Rising, Widdershins3 and SueK like this.
  15. Gustavo Woltmann

    Gustavo Woltmann New Member

    Hi DenverGuy, I feel how much you love her and I can't help but cry. I know how hard this for you dude but you need to be strong.

    I know her presence is always there for you to watch you and guard you. She love's you so much because you did everything for her to survive for her breast cancer and I know she much more loves you right now because she see how much you love her and she doesn't want you to suffer like that because of losing her. You need to be strong and keep going for her and for your family too.
    Goldie likes this.
  16. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    I agree.
  17. Skye

    Skye Member

    Hello DenverGuy, My condolences for the loss of your partner. Going through the grieving process is different for each individual, many thoughts and feelings will rise to the surface, making you feel as if you're on an emotional roller coaster, as you come to terms with and adapt to the loss of your beloved partner.
    Unfortunately there is nothing whatsoever you could have said or done that would have made it possible for her to stay here. Try not to let guilt overwhelm you with this. One thing is for sure, her pain and suffering are no more. She knows you love her and took care of her under such devastating circumstances. She will be aware of how sad and deeply upset you are about what happened and how much you truly miss and love her.
    The pain which you caused her would have been put aside, as she has gained more of an understanding of why things happened the way they did. Have no doubt, she loves you just as much now as much as she did when she was here physically by your side.
    Talk to her as much as you feel the need to. When you talk to her be confident she will hear. Your words don't need to be said out loud, talk silently if you wish. You may in time become aware of subtle signs which indicate she is around.
    She wouldn't want you to hold on to the hurt and pain of the past, she would lovingly encourage you to let it all go. She would want you to enjoy the memories of happier times you both shared together and let them become the driving force towards helping you overcome the grief of her passing. She would also want you to know you can and will get through this.
    Where ever love is shared be reassured it will always remain. There can be no separation when it comes down to real love, not in this world, or in the next.
    There isn't a set time for grief, there's no rushing through it. As you already know some days will be better than others. One day, some time in the future, you will be aware of enjoying life, once again though don't feel guilty when this time comes This doesn't mean you will ever forget the love of your life. It means you are beginning to live life in a different way, and are ready to take the next step towards moving forward.
    Best wishes for the future.
    enby and Widdershins3 like this.
  18. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I hope you guys will take the opportunity to ask skye about what she's written and quiz her in her role as a (spiritual) medium as you North Americans term what we Brits just call a 'medium'.
  19. Skye

    Skye Member

    Hello Goldie, I am sorry for the delay in replying to your post. Unfortunately I have to decline your request for a reading. I haven't given readings of evidential mediumship for a long while and at this time I know I wouldn't do it justice either to yourself, your husband or your loved ones, if I were to do so now.

    However, it saddens and concerns me to read of the experiences you have had with mediums. I also found it disheartening to learn you didn't have the opportunity to find a measure of comfort and/or healing during your time spent with them.

    I can understand why you have given up looking for a reputable medium in the US. In the UK there are an increasing number of people who claim to be psychic mediums, yet unfortunately when they work it becomes obvious they are anything but. To be fair in my view, psychics do not have the spiritual power which a medium needs to be able to blend with those living in the spirit world, and their service is of no use to the bereaved.

    Goldie, I hope you are fortunate to one day hear the words your husband wishes to share with you. Mediumship is a sacred art, a spiritual communication full of love, understanding and compassion. To receive anything less is simply not mediumship and is best ignored.

    Apologies once again.
    Goldie likes this.
  20. Skye

    Skye Member

    I can understand and appreciate the reasons why you feel the need to back off from mediums after reading your experiences. Quite honestly, if a medium is not giving an accurate description with supporting, personal evidence that proves they are in communication with the person whom they claim to be, then I too would walk away and question as to whether or not they have mediumistic abilities. The giving of information (feeding a medium) is something I would not recommend people do. It’s the job of a medium to provide the evidence, not a sitter. Saying yes or no is sufficient enough for a medium to know whether they are receiving and delivering the information from a spirit communicator correctly or not.

    The 2-way exchange of mind to mind information in mediumship is a very subtle process. Initially it’s easy to think a spirit is communicating, when in reality we discover it’s the mind of the potential medium at play. Should this not be addressed, it’s very likely the aim of mediumship goes out the window and the bereaved will never find comfort or solace in their grief.

    The practise and demonstration of mediumship has nothing whatsoever to do with a medium; they’re simply a conduit connecting the two worlds. To use it as a platform for their personal beliefs and opinions is shocking to say the least.

    I’ll refrain from commenting on The New Age movement other than to say “I believe most of their practitioners have done far too much more harm than good”.
    milahanna likes this.
  21. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Someone here (I think) thinks of 'New Age' like 'sewage'. (or something like that)

    That tickled me! :D
    milahanna likes this.
  22. Skye

    Skye Member

    That's one way of looking at it, mac.:)
    milahanna likes this.
  23. Widdershins3

    Widdershins3 Active Member

    Glad you enjoyed my "NewAge rhymes with sewage" quip, Mac. It's kind of flippant and I hesitated to use it here, since there are perfectly lovely people who consider themselves "New Age." But unfortunately the group is tainted by the self-deluded, the frankly nuts and the odious, despicable frauds.

    I was part of the New Age Movement for a long time, but was turned off by the holier-than-thou contingent and by what I call the "Bliss Ninnies" who swan about in floating draperies and refuse to really face grief or any kind of unpleasantness. Unfortunately, denial is not a panacea for very long. I'd rather face it head-on and deal with the fall-out as early as possible, myself. It's "good work" as a Bay Area channeler used to say many years ago. I think it may be very basic work of an ensouled human being and no matter how awful it feels as we make our way through it, it's worth it. Anger is just a stage, but since it comes early, it's possible to get stuck in it and, metaphorically speaking, poison yourself. I know, because I did it with one of my losses and I'm still recovering from the damage I did to myself emotionally.

    Have any of you who've been burned by self-described mediums tried visiting a Spiritualist church where the clergy are mediums? It took me so many long years to find one, but now I visit it as often as I can (in San Francisco in Pacific Heights). I swear it's like balm to my soul. But of course each congregation will vary a bit, so if you find several in your area, I hope you'll visit all of them.
    Goldie likes this.
  24. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I like your way of relating your 'newage' experiences! :D I'm less-than-impressed by what I've heard from those 'in the movement' but have no experience of it so I try not to judge harshly.

    I'm a three-decades Modern Spiritualist hence can identify with what you've personally found in San Francisco. I must not promote my persuasion here, however, so I'll simply say that although I'm no longer a churchgoer I am no less a supporter of them and all they can provide. :)
    Widdershins3 likes this.
  25. Widdershins3

    Widdershins3 Active Member

    I didn't want to break the rules about not promoting religion here, but look how many people in this forum have become disillusioned about mediums! It's painful to read about. I know from personal experience that there are genuine, sincere and talented mediums working both within the Spiritualist movement and outside of it. But it's so hard to find the real ones that I hope to give seekers a direction in which to search where the odds might be more in their favor.

    There are also research institutes that test and certify mediums, like Dr. Schwartz's and also the Windbridge Institute. And there's an author (Bob Olson? Something like that) who's interviewed many mediums and only recommends the ones he feels are genuine. Most modern mediums work over the phone and some even will read via email, so it's likely that a connection could be made, with a little searching online. I've been trying to find someone myself, so if anyone was willing to give a personal review of people they've tried, I'd appreciate it. I'm severely phone-phobic, unfortunately, but the email option might work for me and most other people could probably use the phone.

    Boy, I do wish Skye was still doing readings...
  26. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    You are a really remarkable writer! Have you thought about writing a book?
    Widdershins3 likes this.
  27. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    For those who might be confused about why this discussion of spiritualism is okay when pushing Christian dogmas is not, our ban on religious discussions arose when we had people coming here to preach. No one in this thread is preaching! Instead, they are offering a practical solution to the problem of people needing and having trouble finding good mediums. Of course that's okay!

    And for those seeking a medium, there is a tab at robertagrimes.com that lists some options, and Susan Sanderford was too busy to want to be listed there but other than Susanne Wilson (whose book is closed) she is the best medium I have even been read by personally. I am about to have another reading with her, and if she is still as good as she was five years ago then I will certainly suggest her here. I agree with those who wish we had a lot more options!
    Widdershins3 likes this.
  28. Widdershins3

    Widdershins3 Active Member

    What a wonderful compliment to wake up to, Roberta! Thank you. I minored in English at college a geologic age ago and have written some fiction, though nothing publishable. And I journal every day. I'm having one of those "interesting life times" and friends who are writers keep telling me I should write a book, but I keep putting it off. I won't try an autobiography as long as any of the really scary people from my childhood through 30's are gone and the worst of them is miraculously still alive. And my personal psychic experiences are not that many in number, though several were really amazing.

    I'm really, really thankful that you're willing to put so much time, energy and talent into your books. And I remind myself of all the mediums I've heard say that the skills we work on in this life may possibly bloom in the next.

    There's another online list of personally certified mediums by Mark Ireland, an author and bereaved father, not a psychic, who's written several books that I've read with interest. I also heard him speak at the Spiritualist church in San Francisco and I believe him to be on the level. The medium, Tina Powers, who accompanied him that day gave me a brief but evidential reading. And mediums have good days and bad days, just like the rest of us. A British guy named Tom Ford gave me a jaw-dropping reading at the church one year, but the next year he was way off. Which makes shelling out several hundred dollars a fraught experience...
  29. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Writing is indeed something that we need to hone, but having a propensity for it is like having perfect musical pitch: either you can think and hear the words and know when they're right, or you can't. I'm sure that eventually you will write!
    Widdershins3 likes this.
  30. Widdershins3

    Widdershins3 Active Member

    I just found another list of mediums on the Helping Parents Heal website. Click on "Providers" to get to the page. They vary widely in services, so read their individual pages on what they do, how they do it and the cost. I even found 2 who will work via email, which is unusual, but vital for phone-phobes like I am. If anyone here knows of other mediums who will work via text or email, please share their names with me. I've been saving money all year and hope to get some readings this summer.

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