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Introducing Myself - Warning: This is long...but I could really use some insight : )

Discussion in 'Introductions & Helpful Information' started by Ellie, Jan 13, 2012.

  1. Ellie

    Ellie New Member

    Hello Everyone! I have been lurking here for about a month and finally decided to post. I am quite skeptical of the claims that you all are making regarding the afterlife. However, I am strangely comforted by a lot of what I read here. I am intrigued, and I have many questions!

    My story is long and complicated. I don't have any specific questions right now, but I would love to hear how some of you interpret my situation in light of your knowledge and beliefs.

    I am 28 years old. The first 24 years of my life were almost ridiculously easy. I grew up with a loving family. I did well in school, went to college, and got a fairly high paying job when I graduated. I met my husband when I was 16. He was my first boyfriend, and I was his first girlfriend. We married when I was 22. He also got a high paying job, and we bought our dream home right after graduation. My life was so perfect that I was somewhat concerned that it was too good to be true.

    Fast forward to summer of 2008 - My husband and I went on vacation in late July. I remember having an awful feeling that I did not want the vacation to end. Looking back on this, I think that part of me subconsciously knew that my life was about to change. As soon as we got home, I noticed that my usually healthy cat seemed sick. I took her to the vet and found out that she had feline leukemia, even though she had previously tested negative and had never been around other cats. She died within a week. I was devastated. My misfortune was just beginning.

    Three weeks later, my husband was in a car accident. Another driver crossed the yellow line and hit him head on. He was on his way to work. He went to work early that morning. The day before, someone broke into his car and he had to go into work late. The morning of the accident, he was trying to make up for lost time. I had tried so hard to convince him NOT to leave early that morning. I tried everything. It didn't work. It almost seems like all of this was meant to be.

    Anyway, the hospital called me and told me that my husband was unconscious at the scene. I later found out that he died 3 times on the way to the hospital. After a few weeks, the doctors told us that he would likely be in a vegetative state for the rest of his life. I initially didn't deal with this situation very well and even ended up in the psych ER at the hospital after I ran out of a family meeting screaming my head off and telling people that I wanted to die. Still, I visited my husband every day and gave him therapy.

    Initially, it seemed like nobody was home inside of my husband's body. VERY Slowly, he started responding to us. Almost one year after the accident, the doctors declared that he was finally out of the coma.

    Now, my husband is still very disabled but has come a long way. He cannot speak but is able to communicate by writing and can even use an iPad to play games and surf the Internet. He is able to feed himself and assist with most of his care activities. He cannot walk but has recently started to support his weight enough that I can help him transfer from a bed to a chair without straining myself.

    The best thing is that he still knows who I am and loves me. He expresses his love to me often and in numerous ways. I love him now more than ever, and I feel inexplicably connected to him. Most people would say that he has changed a lot--his sister even told me that she misses him. But I don't miss him! To me, my husband is still the same man that I fell in love with 10 years ago. His sharp intellect appears to be gone, he has poor impulse control, and he rarely communicates in full sentences. Still, I know that his beautiful soul is still inside of his damaged body. He will often say or do things that are so uniquely "him." Not only that, but when I am around him I feel the same way I have always felt around him--happy and complete. It seems very supernatural to me, and it's one of the only reasons why my logical mind can even entertain the idea of an immaterial soul.

    Anyway, by now I am just babbling. For anyone who has stuck around long enough to read all of this...THANK YOU. I guess I am wondering if anything I am saying makes sense to anybody. Is it possible that I could have subconsciously knew what was going to happen? And what is really going on with my husband? One thing that bothers me is that he has very poor short term memory and will rarely remember what he does from day to day. Does anyone have any theories as to what's going on here? Are these memories lost forever? Or could they be stored somewhere in his soul and his body is having problems accessing them? Is there any way I can help him access these memories? Also, I have asked him questions to find out if he has had a NDE. One time, he told me that he saw God and that God didn't say anything but God saved him. Every other time I ask, he says he doesn't remember anything. I would really love to get some insight into all of this.

    Thanks again for reading : )
     
  2. RudeAwakening

    RudeAwakening New Member

    Hi Ellie, welcome to the forums. What a difficult thing for both of you to have gone through and continue to deal with. I admire your strength. I am not qualified to comment on your post, but wanted to let you know that others that are, will. It's late for most of the regulars but I'm sure they will have some good input on your situation for you soon.
     
  3. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Dear extraordinary Ellie, thank you for joining us! You are an advanced being, or you would probably not have been allowed even to plan these challenges - and the way that you are meeting them now suggests that you are likely so advanced that you may no longer even need to incarnate. We are blessed to have you with us, dear friend - we all have so much to learn from you!

    Here are my reactions, based on everything that I have learned in decades of studying the greater reality and the meaning and purpose of human life:

    1) All of these challenges were planned by you and your husband before you were born as advanced spiritual lessons. There are current discussions elsewhere on these forums about whether or not we plan suffering into our lives as growth opportunities, and you have just given us a wonderful example of precisely that kind of growth-lesson. Had your life continued to be "perfect," you and he would have had 2-1/2 children and vacationed every year and gotten your predictable promotions, and then at 65 you would have retired to Florida. Where would have been the growth in that? Instead, every day for the rest of this brief lifetime, you and he are learning to love and forgive in ways that the rest of us cannot even imagine. Everyone else: can you see how much more valuable Ellie's life is to her spiritual growth than it would have been without these challenges?

    2) Your frequent feelings of uneasiness before bad things happened are classic indicators that all of this was planned. I hear these stories over and over! A father whose toddler was about to drown told me that he had a horrible feeling of anxiety and reluctance as he opened the gate that morning; a widow whose husband was killed while cutting down a tree told me that in the months before his death she would look at that tree and feel dread and panic. Your higher self knew that "now is the time," and the tough part of this lifetime was about to begin.

    3) Your cat's death may be tied in somehow. It is not uncommon for pets or grandparents to graduate just before bad things happen - and then they are welcomers when a child dies, or in other ways they are able to help with whatever had been planned. It is possible - perhaps likely - that your cat was an important and comforting part of your husband's near-death experiences and experiences out of body while he was in a coma, even though he may not remember that now.

    4) You are learning very advanced love and forgiveness. My goodness, your husband is so physically damaged that you must now carry the burden of caring for him and the whole burden of supporting you both, and you love him even more? Surely you can see how extraordinary that is! Many people would have abandoned him to care, perhaps divorced him, and "gone on with their lives." But you have embraced this experience in ways that are allowing you to explore the heights of what more perfect love makes possible for us all! You are learning forgiveness and patience, too. We cannot even fathom the many ways in which you are growing spiritually because you have chosen to accept this lesson in love and joy, rather than avoiding it.

    5) Your husband is growing spiritually as well. There is a lot of evidence that we grow spiritually from living lives that are impaired as his is now, and clearly he also is embracing his growth opportunities. He planned this with you because each of you wanted to help the other grow in ways that no other kind of lifetime would have made possible for you, and - yes - you are very closely aligned beings. In all likelihood, you are so closely entwined eternally that you are already nearly one person, and separate only for the extra joy and growth that come from being able to associate with and love another being.

    Human life on earth is meant for spiritual growth. It seems to have no other purpose! I wish that we knew more about spiritual growth, but apparently earth-life is just the start: we are like kindergarteners trying to understand what the big deal is going to be about advanced calculus, once we are eventually ready to start learning it. Where spiritual growth is concerned, learning perfect love and forgiveness is just the beginning! And you and your husband, dear wonderful Millie, are living this brief lifetime exactly as you had hoped that you would live it - you are learning to better love and forgive in ways that the rest of us cannot begin to imagine. I share our dear Awakening's welcome of you, dear friend. Beyond that, I stand in awe of you! Thank you for gracing these forums with the gift of your story, and please keep sharing your insights with us. Please tell your extraordinary husband that we love and admire him as well!
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2012
  4. Wonderer

    Wonderer New Member

    Hi Ellie,

    I really admire people like you, your story was very touching and you're an inspiration! I wish I had the power of your love.

    Cheers
    Wonderer
     
  5. Truth seeker

    Truth seeker Member

    Welcome Ellie, I know a family with a story very similar to yours but much worse, and all initiated when someone did some brujeria (santeria/witchraft) to them, because of laboral problem (where I live this is very very common) and that family is very kind and loving......

    Going back to you business, be strong life its very short but later we will be rewarded...its seem like his brain is functioning well, have you tried to hipnotize him with an qualified expert so he can be told to remember everything?

    Good luck and God bless you and remember that miracles do happen...
     
  6. Carol and Mikey

    Carol and Mikey Golden Hearts

    Hi Ellie! Welcome to the forums!
    First of all I want you to know how amazingly wonderful both you and your husband are! Working at a Rehab facility for 27+ years and being very involved with cases like yours, I can honestly say you are both an inspiration! It is patients like your husband with supportive family like you that send a huge message to all about true sincere love!!! Thank you so much for posting your story!
    I too didn't believe many things about the afterlife initially. Believed in God and eternal life, but never in reincarnation, etc. My hubby did. He always told me over half the world believes it! He said it makes sense when you think of how life is. Otherwise life truly is so unfair. Working my job with people with all kinds of disabilities made me wonder. Especially when I would go home and turn on the TV to see movie stars in all their glory! Now I know the true "stars" are people like you and your husband!
    After my son's accident 4 years ago that caused his passing, I needed to know more! I needed to go beyond believing. I needed to KNOW without a doubt what was happening to me was real with all the signs and dreams I was having. I needed to know Heaven was real and that he was still close to me. (There is a difference from believing to knowing as when you know, there is no room for doubt.) I needed to know that love never dies! Well, to make a long story short, I am here on the forum because I have found out what is real. I was on a pursuit for answers of what was happening around me. The passing of my precious son has been a life changing event in more ways than one. I am sure you too understand how life can change so quickly.
    This is a great place to ask questions and have discussion. Good people here with much knowledge! Thank you for joining us!
    Carol
     
  7. Birki

    Birki Member

    Hello Ellie, welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing your story with us, what a wonderful love story! Of course your husband is still your husband, and I am sure he remembers everything and his brain just does not function the same as it did before. It is so great that you recognize this and love him for who he is. I really admire you.
     
  8. Half of Us

    Half of Us New Member

    Welcome Ellie. I have a problem with growth through suffering so will only address your concern about your husband's memory. I know that in his broken body, there is a perfect soul who will remember forever everything that happens in this earthly life. Your husband's brain is just a middleman to his soul on this plane only. At times it can be very frustrating for this perfect soul to inhabit a not-so-perfect vehicle in this material world but be assured that your love for him and his for you will always exist in the most important aspect of all of us - our immortal souls. You see, we never truly remember anything material. We cannot remember physical pain. If we have injured ourselves badly we can, years later, remember that it did hurt but remembering does not bring back the actual pain. We do however, perfectly remember our emotions of love and gratitude. In truth, you already know these answers. I wish you the best in all of your future endeavors. You sound like a wonderful person.
     
  9. mokandi

    mokandi New Member

    Ellie
    I too am new here. My husband is also disabled and I have almost lost him many many times. His injury isn't as bad as your husbands but he does spend a lot of time in rehab hospitals. My son just passed in August. Like you I felt warnings for both of them. Your story is amazing. You are so much younger than I and I have some idea of how much patience it takes. The love you speak of is truly inspiring.
     
  10. Ellie

    Ellie New Member

    Wow, you guys are great! I want to thank every one for your wonderful responses. While I have previously blogged about my experience, it feels very strange to me to post my story to a message board and start a conversation with complete strangers. However, you all have made me feel more comfortable.

    I feel a bit scatterbrained at the moment and am not quite sure how to respond to everyone. Still, I want to let everyone know that I have been reading the responses and really thinking about what you all are saying.

    Roberta, a lot of what you say makes sense. Unfortunately, I usually don't feel like a very advanced being. I really like to shop for clothes. Also, I am very much afraid of death. If I did not take anxiety medication, this fear would certainly disrupt my life. I always wonder: If all of this stuff is true and I really have been here before, wouldn't I know it by now? Why would I waste so much time worrying that my death will result in an eternity of nothingness? I do believe that I have real physical brain issues, which are prevalent on my mother's side of the family, that cause me to have such horrible anxiety. This could be a large part of the problem.

    It makes a lot of sense to me that my husband and I are very spiritually aligned. Indeed, when I am alone with him I do feel like I am by myself, but more complete. I have always felt like this, and he used to say he felt similar. It seems silly to me how much people commend me for staying with my husband. I am just doing what feels natural to me.

    There are some things that do NOT feel natural to me. For example, I don't know how I could ever begin to forgive the man who caused the accident. He has done nothing to help us. He has a very long criminal record that started before the accident and has continued. I would think that after hurting someone he would have the desire to reform his life and become a productive member of society. I have never met him; my father-in-law and lawyers have done the dirty work. I don't think I could maintain my composure for even 2 minutes if I ever did meet him. How do I even begin to forgive someone like this? Yeah, my work in this life is far from finished.

    I am going to respond to others in a little while. If I respond to everyone, I am going to end up with another awesomely long post. My husband is staying with me at our house tonight. Normally he stays with his parents, but I recently had our dream home modified to be wheelchair accessible, and he has been staying with me on the weekend. It is so much fun and makes us both so happy! I'm going to spend some time talking to him about all of this and see what he thinks : ).
     
  11. Annie

    Annie Member

    First of all, it doesn't matter if you like to buy clothes and do things you enjoy in life that might not seem outwardly spiritual! That has nothing to do with being advanced. I agree with Roberta that you are very advanced and doing things you enjoy just makes you human. You have to enjoy life too, it's not all about suffering. I really commend that way you're handling this.

    Forgiving the man responsible...I would have a rough time with that too. I really would. I know that this is supposed to be the meaning of life and everything but how is it really even possible while you're here on earth? When you and your husband have passed on and your husband will be back to his old self again, forgiving the guy will be a cinch. But how to do it now...I wish I was more qualified to give an answer to this. Just do the best you can, and don't beat yourself up if you have a hard time forgiving this man because you're doing way better than most people would in this situation.
     
  12. LachlanMac

    LachlanMac Member

    Hey Ellie. That's really an incredible life you have lead so far.

    We've had lots of discussions about memories and such on these forums, and I'll give you my take;

    You can't destroy a memory. Memories exist outside of our head/brain. Brains are the ultimate translator between this world and the next, and when it is damaged, we cannot pull information from the outside in.

    Either way, welcome and good luck with all this!

    Lachlan
     
  13. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Dear wonderful, blessed Ellie, thanks for such a thoughtful post! Here are some of my thoughts in response:

    1) A fear of death as extinction seems to be common when we are young. I can recall being terrified of death, even despite my two experiences of light! Now I consider that to have been a blessing, since it was part of what drove me to investigate death and the afterlife. And what I found was that there is so much evidence - and it is so consistent! - that if you study enough of it, you begin to feel foolish about having ever entertained a fear of death. It begins to feel like remembering things that you had absent-mindedly forgotten. We are told that part of the agreement that we enter when we accept a life on earth is a willing amnesia: we agree to forget the truth about reality and everything before this lifetime's birth so we can make the most of our earthly experience. But our amnesia is only by agreement, dear Ellie, and all those eternal memories still are there; a very few people learn to access them, but most of us just have a deja vu feeling as we re-learn what we have briefly forgotten. Study death and the afterlife, dear friend! All the news is good. And you can kill your fears forever.

    2) Forgiving is only for yourself. I can understand how you feel! Some fool took so much from you, and now he doesn't even have the grace to be sorry about it? But forgiveness is not for him, dear Ellie - forgiveness is never for the other person. That is why forgiving him to his face isn't necessary (unless you decide it's necessary). He doesn't really care whether you forgive him. But eventually you will forgive that man because until you forgive him it's as if you are dragging around an ankle-chain with a heavy ball attached. Forgiving makes you free! Not only is it possible, but it is easy when you realize that forgiving frees you. Before long, you won't want to give him any more of your mind-space, and not one minute more of your resentment. Don't worry about it yet, dear friend - for now, just put it on your to-do list. You'll come back to it when you are ready.

    Nothing that you have said makes me think that the two of you are not spiritually advanced beings who are perfectly living the difficult earth-lessons that you planned into this lifetime. Being spiritually advanced does not mean living like ascetics in a mountain tower! But rather, it means loving as only very great beings are able to love. Nothing else ever matters ;-).
     
  14. Annie

    Annie Member

    This is such a great way of putting it! I think forgiving is easier when we realize it's for nobody's sake but our own.
     
  15. Andrew

    Andrew Guest

    Hi all! I agree with you, Annie - it is much easier to forgive someone who "doesn't deserve it", when you realize that you do deserve it!
     
  16. kim marine

    kim marine Active Member

    The postings on this thread have all been wonderful, and thank-you Ellie for the opener!
     

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