1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Afterlife Forums is an online, interactive community designed to give seekers direct access to prominent researchers, to afterlife literature, and to one another in order to foster both spiritual growth and public interest in life after death.

I'm so sad, i just need to speak

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by Monika, Mar 19, 2018.

  1. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    Hej allihopa. It is such a hard day for me and i am so full of thoughts and confussion that feels like i will expload soon so i decided to write here, i just need to speak out...i just know that people who lost their lovers are more familiar with such emotions...
    Yesterday i visited my friend who help me a lot to cope with my feelings and tough times and she helps and encourages me to communicate with my husband and then yesterday all of the sudden she said something like: it is hard for me to tell you but you wont be lovers anymore when you will meet there. Maybe you will see each other for some time and then go again to other lives to envolve your spirits, maybe you will be somehow connected and blah blah blah. Mainly after her words that we wont be lovers i heard nothing anymore what she was saiyng because in my head was just WTF?? (Sorry for my expression but this was exact and i dont find word to express this differently). I do not believe in what she said because love never dies and thats all what is connecting us and thats why he sends me lots of signs and messages and keeps saying what he loves me, tells about love in spirit world, explains how it would be for us and our connection if i would kill myself and says how much he miss me and is here for me and many other things. So it can not be true what she said in any case because whats the meaning then? What is the meaning then for me to keep continue this life what became full of pain and torture 24/7? For me till now the only meaning why i must stay here was that everything happens for a reason, that i need to go through this as best as i can just because when my time will be over we will reunite in love. And its hard! I guess you know how hard it is almost dont sleep because scared to miss when he will come back home, almost dont eat because just not feeling hungry anymore ever after he died, function through days with no wish to live at all. But still moving forward. Just to be able to go when its time to be with my love again. And then this what she said! It makes me confussed if im just hoping too much. But how can i hope too much when i do trully believe that all what matters is love. All kinds of it. And then i try to figure out why did she say so? She is a person who see lots of my tears, my pain, my torture and then somehow she makes it even more painful. What could be a reason? I do not believe that she wanted to harm because who would want? But i am completely shocked...And i believe there is a reason why i had to get this extra pain when it is awful painful anyway. But i can not see it now, i can not understand it now. And it hurts so much that i can not breathe anymore :(
  2. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    I very much understand how you feel. I have found it best not to listen to people who think they know everything about how a possible afterlife works, how our souls relate to each other once there, etc. Even if some of them do have some idea, due to possessing certain sensitivities or the like, they don't know everything for sure, because they are only human, and so can only interpret what they think they know with their human minds and abilities. Also, what may be true for one person or one couple is not necessarily true for another. Additionally, it's possible your friend said that in a misguided attempt to "help you move on" (I don't know if that's the case, as I don't know your friend; I mention it as one possibility. Sometimes people mistakenly think that somehow if we think we won't be together as lovers/spouses/partners in an afterlife, it will make the remainder of this life easier for us, not understanding that such a misguided thought/belief has completely the opposite effect for many of us.)

    I know it's hard, but please try not to let your friends beliefs influence your own, when it comes to this. Here's the thing -- you know your husband better than your friend does, better than anyone does. So you know his feelings for you, how strong they are, and so forth, and therefore you know better than anyone in the universe how your relationship with him will be in the afterlife. {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}
  3. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    Thank you bluebird for your words which are like support for me. Big support i must say. Yes, i totally agree that it is just me who can ever know or feel a truth about myself and my love. Just sometimes it feels like i get good punch, i fall down on ground and then i need to stand back again. But to stand back again need a lot of power. And while trying to get back on feets after a punch you feel dizzy, confused, easily influenced :(
  4. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    Hello, Monika
    In my opinion, no-one is an expert on such matters. Forums are rife with people who call themselves researchers and experts but, again in my opinion, I don't believe they are. So, if I may suggest, keep this in mind when discussing the spiritual - and most other matters (but that's something else...). I certainly am no expert, but I will share my opinion with you, if I may :)

    I too have heard and read that once we cross over, we will be reunited with our loved ones, but we will no longer exist in the other realm as husband and wife/lovers. I must say entertaining such thought upset me quite a bit; as you said, "Wtf?"

    I choose to believe that your friend did not make that statement with the intention to upset you or to help you "carry on". As much as I did not want to accept it, over the years and through personal experiences, I came to accept it, very much so.

    Perhaps what might help is to understand that the concept of "Love" can manifest in various ways. The love you feel for your child is different than the love you feel for your spouse. Yet it seems that when we return to this cruel playing field, the spouse we loved so much in our previous incarnation may now be a son or a sister. The bond is still there but different. Perhaps we feel so upset at the thought because while experiencing life on this planet we experience the many manifestations of "Love" and our human condition prevents us from seeing the bigger picture, so to speak (I hope I am not making this as clear as mud, lol).

    I do not know if you believe in regression, but I will tell you of a rather interesting case... A lady in her 60s decided to undergo regression. Her reason for doing so was the strained relationship she had with one of her daughters. She hoped regression might give her some insight. She felt the regression was successful.

    As she "relived" a past life, she saw herself, her mother, and her sister in a modest home near a lake. Her sister drowned and she (the client undergoing regression) was standing on the shore screaming for help; she then ran home to tell her mother but by the time they reached her sister in the lake, it was too late.

    Turns out the daughter she has in this life (the daughter she fights and argues with more often than not) was her sister in that past life.

    Now, her current daughter did not know about her mother's regression. It was then decided to ask the daughter if she'd be willing to undergo regression, at no charge to her; she agreed to this "research purpose" though she was highly skeptical. The client was successfully regressed and interestingly enough she also described the modest home by the lake, where she lived with her parents and two sisters. Later she became quite upset and began to cry; she was angry and blamed her sister for not helping her when she was in the lake, drowning. She was sister in one life, and daughter in this life. Take this for what it's worth...

    Again, I believe your friend's intent was not to upset you or hurt you in any way. She expressed what she thinks happens to what I call "Earthly love" once we cross over, and I too happen to believe that is the case. I hope we will be wrong. Having fought the possibility for so long, I now choose to believe that in the end there is a greater love than we can possibly imagine, and that all will make sense once we cross over. What other choices do we have, really?
    Monika likes this.
  5. enby

    enby New Member

    Monika, i’d just like to also say, a lot of this new age information about how everything is, is coming from alledged ppl in spirit communicating thru mediums correct?

    now, why is it that we take everything they are saying as gospel? why is it that we drop our standards for trust and also drop real critical thinking? these ideas are being wrapped up in a “loving” package, and i think they are anything but. i think there are ppl/entities who are pushing these harmful ideas and trying to make ppl believe they are true.

    and look at what they do. look at how some of these sorts of ideas have affected you. not loving. and is it not truth. i myself have become very affected by all these new age ideas at times, and for example, become scared at finding a romantic partner, and having our relationship and romantic love ripped apart somehow when we die. i’ve felt that way about myself as well. my own pieces of being, getting ripped away and twisted, all becuz of what i’ve heard being directly said or implied.

    let me give another example of ppl being so ridiculously trusting. there is someone who i guess using the remote viewing method, was alledgly communicating with an extraterrestrial individual. this e.t. had said that ppl being abducted (by them) was actually a good thing. and then some nonsense about them creating human hybrids from these abductions and they were “ambassadors” to wherever.

    now this is even less subtle then the ~life lessons, you chose this and that, the death of a child is a workout on a machine, etc etc~ and trying to make that all out as loving and reasonable.

    you have ppl being literally ABDUCTED and things being done to them, and/or taken from them, and then anyone wants to sit back and tell you, ‘no rly this is a good thing lol’, and you accept it? like this person who was alledgly communicating with the E.T. why??

    (also we can’t even know if this is an actual E.T. even saying this —btw if you have the alledged scenario of E.T. abductions and they’re saying, ‘yeah it’s fine, we think it’s a good thing.’ chances are THEY don’t even think that and it’s truly just a ploy—as i was saying, we can’t even know if this was even an actual E.T. saying this. it could’ve been another asshole in spirit messing with us as usual lol. becuz it’s THAT easy!)

    there seems to be this incredibly odd lack of standards for what makes sense, what is actually right and wrong, what is loving, etc when we are communicating in a spiritual way with ppl/entities in the spirit realm, and even when we’re alledgly communicating with an E.T. not apparently in spirit using these methods!

    anyone in spirit can literally say anything and usually as long as they wrap it up in a fake loving package, we just go ‘yeah okay makes sense, you’re so wise lol.’

    and all the ppl believing in such harmful nonsense, like your friend, push and spread it to everyone else, and rly don’t think it’s terrible. and often if we think it’s terrible and harmful, they’ll whip out sumthing like the ol “ego” bs and continue to chip away at our individuality, and if you’re thinking and feeling anything that isn’t x y and z isn’t rly “you”

    how loving.

    also! may i also add that our diverse ways of love and attractions, our own diverse beings—anything that directly says or implies that that is not enough, that that is not good or beautiful enough etc—that is not at all loving and not at all true.

    i have a theory that it may be very well otherwise for some certain ppl, and their afterlife is somewhere else in another dimension from us, who are supposed to be truly diverse and ourselves. and for the others, in their way of existence with all the ~reincarnation~ and new age ideas, that is for them—and their realm of existence, that for some reason overlaps onto this plane, where they mix with those of us where our way of existence is very much NOT theirs. and when we pass, as i said , we go to our afterlife as our own beautiful unique and good as we are selves, with all our ways of love and attractions and so on. and we are there in our afterlife eternally with our loved ones, and that is perfectly fine.
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2018
    Monika and Luizcarlos like this.
  6. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} Believe me, I know. I'm glad I could help a little.
  7. genewardsmith

    genewardsmith Active Member

    I'm not sure what your point is, enby. Are you saying people have sex in the afterlife and it's wrong to say otherwise? I'm not trying to be snide, I really am confused here.
  8. SashaS

    SashaS Member

    Monika! In the book of Barry Eaton "Uncovering the secrets of afterlife" I have read that "...married partners on earth do not necessarily live together and continue their relationship in the afterlife - IT IS THEIR PERSONAL CHOICE. As we return home, no matter what level we are on, several spirits can choose to live together in a state of unconditional love..."
    Monika likes this.
  9. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    I love this :)
  10. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    This is just beautiful and i wish from all my heart that this is true :)
    SashaS likes this.
  11. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    As incarnates we see the situation from a very limited perspective, mostly wholly unaware of the way life operates outside this dimension - and that's totally understandable.

    As has been pointed out here, relationships are determined by the love between individuals. If a pair decide to continue their previous, earth-life relationship after they have both passed over they are totally free to do that but no-one can force another into a relationship they do not wish to have - both parties have freewill in that and all other matters.
  12. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    Yes that of course must be freewill. And i can understand that maybe not all people who are married here are completely unconditionally loving each other. I see sometimes people stay together just because it is comfortable or safe or whatsoever. So for them this should be like a reviel to be fully freeto make their own decission and do not be forced to do anything against their own will. But for me it is so good to read what you wrote that we can choose by freewill to be together. I want this most of all and i know that he wants same and it is so important for us (especially for me because he probably already know little bit more then me) to understand that this is just temporary stage not be able to enjoy each others present fully :(
  13. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    Monica, I can only share with you what has worked for me so far. In psychotherapy, I learned to respect, accept and HONOR my self with better self-esteem and self love so, nobody and nothing can bring me down or destroy me with their ignorant, mean or negative opinions, comments, judgements, stupidity, bad intentions, etc. UNLESS I foolishly allow them to. I am strong eough and wise enough to see right through the cruelty and stupidity of "well meaning" friends. I have no idea what will happen over in the Afterlife BUT I'm pretty sure it's good and positive and that my late wife and I will be together in some wonderful way over there. My new fiance will also be with me over there so I am not worried about what will happen in the Afterlife. As for this life, thank god for therapy and emotional work to resist the foolishness and the meanness of ignorant, stupid people such as you have described. I wish you much mental/emotional peace and happiness through improved self-esteem and self love.
    pandora97 and Monika like this.
  14. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I probably would try to attend kind of therapy, something what would be connected about how to handle harsh emotions and of course to learn to love myself. But it is hard for now and i changed enormously because of situation and i dont like myself anymore, its hard to look into the mirror either. Its hard to outstand opinions of others. But!! People of this forrum are helping me so much. Because who could share better insights and experiences...Thank you
  15. Auseret

    Auseret New Member

    Hello I hope you don,t mind when did your husband pass, I am not wishing to cause more upset. This friend of yours is honestly not a friend in stating that you will no neccessarally see your husband, the bond of love is not broken on the other side. Authors of Spiritual books are not always the best to speak of deeper concepts, because it may after all their own opinion. I lost someone over two years ago I was upset of course, but I, have smelt cigarette smoke and I know he has come, it is not all the time but it brings solace.
    Love does not die once we part it is their like an ethereal chain holding loved condones in embrace . The Spirit world is a whole with many , many levels , we have no concept of the amount. Please try to sit in the quiet and allow the peace which is Spirit , dont anticipate, hope you don't mind butvi will send absent healing for you. Believe me you will be helped from Spirit by experiences.
    Monika likes this.
  16. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    Thank you for such warm and loving message. I appreciate that so very much! Michel died in strange accident 2017 october 2nd. Actually several months before our marriage. December 6th had to be big day for us.
  17. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Dear Monika,
    My heart goes out to you but I am very angry right now, please understand that people say and do incredible stupid things in their feeble attempts to help with something they have no clue about. I'm sorry but: "it is hard for me to tell you but you wont be lovers anymore when you will meet there. " is total BS!!!
    My love was greeted after Her transition by my mom, my brother and Her dad and many others. Sure some here will say that's what I imagine but several mediums and others have expressed this to me and expressed things that they could not know.
    My own daughter told me about the love of my life that "She has moved on to bigger and better things and maybe it's not even Her that you think you are communicating with". I love my daughter to death but that was a totally stupid thing to say as is what your friend said. And it is WRONG! But they don't know better.
    Kim talks a lot about Jesus here and I don't know if he was a physical being but I believe what his philosophy is is beautiful.
    Your friend and my daughter probably want to help but they have not experiences what we have so for me, I forgive my daughter's misguided advice.
    What you say here about beautiful Michael expresses the love you have....not HAD but HAVE! Love does not end!
    I can only speak from personal experience but I know the love of my life is here.
    We have something to offer in this crushing grief and that's the only reason I'm here. Not to say BS but to explain that life and love is eternal.
    Hej allihopa my friend.
    GoldDustWoman622, Monika and bluebird like this.
  18. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    I agree, Bill. And lets even, only for the sake of argument, suppose that Monika's friend and others are right when they say that we won't be with our beloved spouse/partner in the same way once we die. I don't believe that's the case, but suppose for a moment that it is. Even if that were the case, they should not say so to the soulmate left behind, because it does nothing but cause pain, despair, and doubt, at least in my experience (and yours, and Monika's, etc.).
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2018
    GoldDustWoman622, Bill Z and Monika like this.
  19. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    Your message touch my heart so deep! I also believe that love never ends. Otherwise there would be no sence for us to stay here in endless pain and torture everyday. I was thinking about suicide very often but then i got feeling in my gut that this would make somehow our being together in afterlife more complicated. I asked Michel how it would be. His answer was: "it would be a dissaster for us". This made me allert and made me to think again if i should kill myself. And i chose to live with all the crushing pain everyday. I want to die, i hope my life here will be short. This pain makes me very sensitive to surroundings. It brakes me to hear such things what she said. Even if i believe that our love wont end because it has no reason to end. And even if i know that he is missing me and waiting for me and we will meet. And it is not something what i believe to but it is something what i sence. This knowledge come from somewhere very deep inside. Its just here. And of course just because im in this body im very limited with my brain. And this is the problem. After i hear such BS it is naturall that i start to think about this and hurt myself even more because this is how brain works. But inside its is not that i hope that we will meet and be in endless love, i KNOW. Also when i ask Michel how it will be when i come after my life here ends naturall he says: our love will be in mirracle. I dont know exactly what he mean but it sounds good for me. Also he says (it is either answers to my questions or sometimes i ask him just to say something for me): my feelings are same, you must listen to yourself, love is a solid reason, i want to be with you forever, i miss you, power is love, give love, understand yourself, learn to love yourself, we will be in love forever my penguin (its how he used to call me often), i am soul to love, i love you more and more, we are loving souls forever, ect. So i am trully convinced about our love. And still this life hurts, people hurt sometimes :(
  20. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    Bluebird, yes, i agree with you completelly. They should not say this, they can have this to themselves. I do respect if they have such understanding by their own. We all are different, we have different situations, different experiences. But why to say espcially when you know that it will hurt other so so much? This was a biggest mystery for me! Maybe i do not understand people and how they think. I do not know.... but i think this is the reason why i limited my time to spend with others to very very short. Decissions of people to say or to make something surprise me all my life. At least what i remember clear i was 3 years old when i realised how strange people think and act. At this age i wished to have real baby bear or small ponny. Very very much. It was day of my baptism. I had such a beautiful dress on and my mom made my hairs so nice. I left like a princess :) After all we were driving in car back home. My godfather was sitting in front. Suddenly i saw a small baby bear on his shoulder. He was waving to me and said hello Monika. My heart stopped. I did not care that this bear just spoke with me cause obviously they can not but it looked like real bear and he was moving so it must be real! Then i took it. It did not move anymore. It was just a beautiful toy. I remember i was squeezing it to my chest and crying. I did love the toy, very very much, i still have it. But i could not understand why grown up person can do this to me and cause so much pain? Why he did not think that it will hurt for me? It hurted in some deep place. I could not describe where it was painful. Felt somewhere behind stomach, behind spine even. Almost outside body. I had this pain during life. But only in situations when strong love was involved. I would say it was just maybe 4 or 5 times in my whole life. But now i feel it very very often. If it hurts, it hurts there. And that pain is hard to handle. And people should try to feel more before they say :(
    Last edited: May 21, 2018
    Bill Z likes this.

Share This Page