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I don't know how to believe...

Discussion in 'After-Death Communication' started by LisaDash, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. Hello, (I'm sorry, long post incoming)
    I have been reading forum posts for a little while now. I am so glad that a lot of people here have a belief that there is an afterlife. How do you do it? If anyone would have asked me 3 months ago, I would have said "yes of course there is one!" And thought not much more about it. Then, on January 2, 2016, I lost the absolute most important person in the world to me.
    My husband, my best friend, my soulmate (if someone can ever convince me again we have souls). We were together for 12 fantastic years (married for 6 years), but we'd always mentioned to each other that we felt like we've known each other forever. We did literally everything together. We talked or texted all day, every day, making all kinds of plans for the future. We had our lives mapped out and we were definitely going exactly where we wanted to be going. I remember from the first few months we were dating, he took one of my rings and wore it on his wedding ring finger. It only left his hand when he lost it, and I gave him another to replace it right away. One of the first movies we watched together in my apartment was "What Dreams May Come", (I used to absolutely love movies like that), and I just remember at the end of the movie I turned on the lights and he was crying. He held me and said that if we were ever separated like that, he promised to come find me, he said he'd never stop looking for me. I can only hope that after all these years he remembers that promise and he is able to come find me.
    Now I haven't been able to talk to him for a little over 2 months. I wonder all day where he might be. I can't stop thinking about him or being angry that his life and our life together were cut so short. (He was only 35). I sit at work all day wondering if he's okay. I was religious but now I find I can't be, because if I start believing in God, I get so angry that God would have allowed such a freak accident to happen to him, when my husband has always been so safe. The thing he was scared of the most took him out, despite numerous safety classes and safety gear.
    I don't know what I believe in anymore. I really, really want to believe he's somewhere and he's okay and waiting for me, but I don't know how to believe that. I'm so worried now that this is it, and there's nothing after this, and that morning on January 2 was goodbye forever. At least I have a last "I love you" text from him a half hour before the accident. I so want to believe I'll see him again but something is stopping me, I have too many questions that won't ever be answered. I know that I would wait for him for a thousand years to see him again if I could just be with him again. He was my person. I found him and then we were ripped apart from each other. I honestly never understood the idea that once we go there would be nothingness. It doesn't seem quite right. Maybe it's because my brain can't wrap itself around the idea of non existence. I don't know.
    The thought that this is it for us and nothing else highly depresses me. It makes me feel like what is even the point of everything, and if he isn't here then I don't want to be here either. I do not appreciate at all this "new" future of making new memories without the one I love the most in this world. Being nowhere and being nothing even sounds better than that. I wake up every day so incredibly angry that his future was taken from him when he was so young and we had so much to look forward to. That feeling won't ever, ever go away.
    I have read a book recently called the Light Between Us that I enjoyed, although found somewhat a little *too* good to be true. I listen to the book while I'm at work and it makes me feel sort of better, but the good feeling only lasts a few hours, then everything comes crashing down again.
    Strangely enough, I have definitely had things happen that could be definitely perceived as "signs" from him, but they most of the time happen when my friends who firmly believe in an afterlife come visit. They are strange things, but every time my mind convinces me it's just a random coincidence and I need to stop my wishful thinking. And I know that my friends aren't planting them around the house, because of the way the signs have happened. I can get more into that later.
    My main question is, how do you believe? I want to so badly but something is stopping me. I think because my mind needs some kind of tangible proof that im never, ever going to get. I am surrounded all day at work by people who aren't necessarily convinced in an afterlife but think he is still out there waiting for me, they've told me they haven't seen a love like we shared or any couple that was more "together".
    A select few(including members of his family) have told me basically to get over it and move on because this is it and he is gone, gone. Those comments don't help. If this is it for my husband, why did I have to be left behind. Why couldn't it have been it for me too. Thank you for reading...I just need to find out how to believe again, and I don't know how to do that, or if I ever can. I miss my husband more and more every day, and all I want in this life is to be with him again.
    I can describe a few of what I would assume, if my mind could let me break through that barrier, to be "communications". The first was a very, very vivid dream I had the third or fourth night after his accident. I wasn't even aware I'd fallen asleep and was dreaming. Last I remember I was laying on our bed staring at the clock, and I remember hearing the door open. I got up to see who it was and he walked in with all of his gear. He still had snow on his jacket and I was able to feel the cold crunch of it while I brushed it off. I could smell the wood in the wood stove burning and everything seemed so incredibly real. I hugged him and I begged him never to leave me again, and he said "what are you talking about, I'm right here..." And as soon as his sentence finished I was back to looking at the clock again.
    A few weeks later I remember seeing a flash of reflection in our kitchen window, something in front of our refrigerator. 10 seconds after I saw it and had since dismissed it as my imagination, our dog got up and started sniffing around in the air right in front of the refrigerator. Then she slowly walked back to the couch and laid down with me. A few weeks after that I found an empty .223 shell on the floor next to the table. This is a floor that myself, friends and family had cleaned and vacuumed numerous times in the last few months, and we had never noticed this empty shell. Shooting was a big hobby of ours, but we hadn't even had a chance to go shooting in about a year, not since we bought our new house and moved in. I picked up the shell and put it on the counter and forgot about it until the next morning when I woke up and Facebook showed me my "Facebook" memories for the day, and it was all pictures of him and I shooting our .223. There are two other interesting things that have happened but they take a while to describe. If anyone is interested in hearing I can describe those as well. They involve one of my husband and I's friends.
    I don't know how to not think this is wishful thinking, that he's still around me. I never ever wanted to live life without him. We used to tell each other we'd never make it without the other, and yet here I am now, forced to be making it without him.
  2. I'm sorry, I'm not sure why this posted twice :(
  3. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Oh my dear Lisa, now I know why I started this website five years ago! It was to help you! You, and the other widows who have told their stories here in the past few days. YES, your husband is fine, and the same person, and he loves you even more than ever; YES, it is possible for you to be in contact with him again, and to have him in your life again; and YES, your relationship is eternal - you will be with him again, dear! That is certain!

    The signs that he already is giving you are wonderful, dear. Let me help you to know for certain that they are real, and how you can help him to give you more of them.

    But nothing I can say will be enough, I know; you will need to do some reading and thinking and talking and getting into better contact with him, dear, before you have the comfort that you need so badly. Please email me at rgrimes@robertagrimes.com, and I will send you my two FUN books - easy to read, and a good grounding in what is known to be true, and why. This has nothing to do with religion; this is scientific, and it is all wonderful beyond our wildest imaginings! I cannot wait to send you these books. Meanwhile, I'm giving you the biggest hug!
  4. Lisa, sweetheart...your love has only been gone from this world a few months. Give yourself time to grieve! Even those of us who believe completely, with no doubt in the afterlife, must grieve the death of a loved one. Let no one tell you what you should/should not be doing concerning the grieving process. If you haven’t already, I highly recommend contacting your local hospice organization. They have excellent tools to help with the grieving process…and it is most definitely a process! The progression may be eased, but it cannot be shortchanged. Give yourself a break and understand the anger and other things you are feeling are natural. There is no wrong way to grieve.

    The love of my life passed away almost 10 months ago and I felt very much as you describe...the only thing that kept me from shattering completely during that dark time was to thank God, the Universe, or whomever, for the privilege of knowing and loving him and the honor of being known and loved by him. Not sure why, but that one statement (over & over) gave me a measure of peace. Please do not misunderstand, I still grieve; some days are worse than others but it does get better. The turning point in my intense grief was when he began sending signs. The first one I've documented in this forum section titled 'Believe.'

    Lisa, it sounds like your husband is doing all he can to let you know he is fine and that there is something “after.” Honey, I understand the fear (at least that’s what it was for me) of believing any of it could be true. However, for me, I could accept the possibility. So I started by asking, “Honey, is that you? Began saying things like, “Honey, if this is you, Thank you…I love you!” As weeks/months went on it became much easier to differentiate between what were really signs from my loved one and things that I wanted to be from him.

    Sweetheart, I am by no means an expert in this; however, I know some of the pain you are experiencing. I am here for you, any time you need a friend.
  5. ShingingLight1967

    ShingingLight1967 Active Member


    First off my deepest condolences on the loss of your husband. I too, almost three months ago, lost my best friend and soulmate which is what brought me here. I too continue to search for him and signs of him still being around me and while some of the signs have been "smack me upside the head" the answer is YES!! I still waiver in believing them.

    I have just started to wade my feet into posting on this forum, but I do have to think that he helped me find this place to know that I am not alone and to do what I need to do understand that he is still with me.
  6. Yes, I believe that is exactly why you are here! Sending you and Lisa, both, a big mental {{{HUG}}}
  7. ShingingLight1967

    ShingingLight1967 Active Member

    Thank you lybg. Your post to LisaDash resonated with me greatly. Not to hijack her post, but I am starting to think that at least for me, in how my life changed in an instant, one minute we were making plans for our trip after Christmas, the next I am getting calls from the ER of a hospital that they were performing CPR on him, that it is harder to understand that he is not going to physically walk through the door again. I think.. for me at least, that the shock of it all has made it hard to see and accept the communications he has given me thus far, because I am still longing for his physical body to be here with me.

    LisaDash... giving you hugs as well.
  8. Thank you Roberta, this is what I hope for so much, but for some reason cannot bring myself to believe. I want to know that he is okay and he is out there waiting for me, but I just can't. I don't know what's stopping me. When my grandparents and aunts and uncles passed away, I always thought, "Well, it's goodbye for now, but someday I'll see them again." Maybe because this man held my whole future, and he became my whole world...my whole reason for even wanting to wake up in the morning and go to work to better our lives, and I was so much closer to him than anyone else in the world. I think this is why I constantly worry and no longer believe in anything. I will send you an email, thank you very much Roberta, I look forward to reading your books. I have been reading a LOT of books these last few months, and I look forward to reading yours as well. :)
  9. Thank you, I am sending you and lybg both hugs as well. I can't believe how quickly our life went from excitedly saying "I can't believe this is my life!" to regrettably saying "I can't believe this is my life now." We were in the best spot, and had planned out exactly what our future held, trips, housework, kids, fun, work, school.... We didn't plan for this. At all. And now neither of us will have any of it. Knowing he won't physically walk through the door, or I won't find him in the garage working hurts so, so much. Sometimes I just feel nauseous all day and can barely function. I just wish I could be with him.
  10. Thank you lybg, I think if I could bring myself to believe the signs, I would feel better. I just don't understand how it all works, how we can still be "us" without this body and brain. It is definitely fear for me. Fear that he doesn't exist. Fear that I am the only one with all the intimate memories of our life together. We were so independent and spent most of our time with each other. It is all beyond my comprehension. I am reading "Your Eternal Self" by R. Craig Hogan right now, and it is fascinating.
    I have considered contacting the local hospice....I would like to volunteer at one and enjoy helping people out when I can.
    Last weekend I did read a fascinating book about "deathbed" visions, as told by hospice nurses. Some of the stories are just so sad, but most are uplifting and hopeful. Some of the stories make me think that maybe, someday, I'll see Dash again. I was told by a friend of a friend (who claims to be a lightworker) that Dash is waiting for me and he would never be far from me at all because he wanted to be the first to greet me when my time came. Which sounds exactly like something Dash would want to do. He'd shove everyone out of the way to be first.
    I am extremely thankful for the time I was able to share with Dash. He brought so many new and amazing adventures into my life that I never would have had without him. Every weekend....almost every day....was a new adventure. It was incredible. I look back on all of our memories and I am so thankful. I am also sad because we will never be able to make new memories together now, and there is literally no one else in this world I want to make memories with. I miss him terribly.
  11. ShingingLight1967

    ShingingLight1967 Active Member

    I understand how you feel. My husband and I were both active in our church, I have researched several different practices through my life, and have always thought there was something other than what we have here. I have had experiences before.. when my Mom passed a few days later as I was wishing she was back I heard her tell me to "let her go." I have never doubted that there is life after death.. but at this moment it seems so much harder. Maybe because this happened so suddenly? Maybe because this wasnt what we had planned for our lives? Maybe because he and I still had so much work we needed to and now it is undone.

    I was thinking about this tonight. I was thinking that my need to know that he is OK and with me is driven by, not just because I miss him so much but because I need to know for certain that what we have believed is actually the truth. That our belief in God and Heaven is not in vain and that he has found what he was looking for. I have a fear that we have given our lives to God and it's all for nothing. (I hope this makes sense)
  12. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    My dear, what is true by actual evidence is so much better than any Christian concept of "God" or "Heaven" as to make those words nearly meaningless. The genuine God is the only thing that exists and is perfect eternal love, and the astral levels that are most of reality (perhaps 20 times the size of this universe) are a realm of beauty and love so intense as to render those human words hopelessly inadequate. All of this is certain, dear; the evidence is too consistent for it to be only anyone's beliefs anymore, and it is likely that soon direct electronic communication between here and there will erase all doubts. Do you have my books? If not, please email me (rgrimes@robertagrimes.com) and I will send them to you!
  13. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    Spirit's mind

    Hello Lisa: I am sorry for your loss. May I share with you what little I know about those who are 'over there' now?
    The few that I met after their deaths, were as conscious, lucid, humorous and personal as anyone in a body but just way more at peace, happy and incredibly WISE. For me, they were invisible but their personality/being impacted me greatly. In one instance, I actually had communication with our just passed away brother in law and in two other occasions had contact with my mother through my psychic wife and my grand father through a Medium at a Spiritualist Church. All of those out of body spirits were completely sensible, rational and personal so, although I have no idea how our minds and personalities can function outside of our bodies, these folks certainly did. Maybe some esoteric authority can say why. I personally believe that we are something way more than just a person, in a body, in a world and in a universe.
    The ones that I met and/or knew were absolutely alive and well and had very good memories plus wonderful personalities now that the burdens, fears and limitations of earth-life were removed. They live in a realm where there are no walls or separations, can be anywhere at anytime and are right here with and next to us yet so vast that it is nearly impossible to describe their realm.
    I'd suggest contacting a Grief Recovery support group in your area ~ google it. A support group can help you express your grief WITHOUT shame or hindrance and can offer you tips about working through grief. They will let you cry, yell, curse, laugh, get mad, talk and talk, have ALL of your feelings and ENCOURAGE you all the way whereas many other folks cannot or will not due to their own fears and repressed feelings. Other than that, I suggest a good Reader/Medium to help you re-connect with Dash.
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2016
  14. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

  15. Ted'sRed

    Ted'sRed Member

    Oh, LisaDash – my heart aches for you. I can completely relate to your anger and doubt, not to mention all of the unanswered questions. I too, felt robbed, and I still do.

    I just passed the 11 month mark, and I absolutely do believe. How do I do it? I rely heavily upon those amazing signs that my husband sends me, just as your Dash has done for you. I couldn’t (and still can’t) fathom that a man who was so full of life, love and energy could simply cease to exist, so I chose to open up my heart and mind to possibilities I had never before considered. While I was in the throes of deep despair, I asked myself if I would rather hold onto the anger, denial and misery, or take comfort in knowing that he’s still alive and with me (and was doing everything he could to prove it).

    I had already received what I was pretty sure were signs, but I still had doubts. The thought (hope) of him waiting for me on the other side with open arms gave me the willpower to let down my guard. I felt like it was the only thing I had to look forward to anymore, so what did I have to lose? Granted, it seemed like an eternity to wait, but then I reminded myself that our time together had flown by so fast, which helped tremendously. As morbid as it might sound, knowing that death would be at my door before I knew it brought me a lot of peace.

    I also want my husband to be proud of me, so I decided to try to live the best life I could in the time that I have left. I could almost hear his voice in my head telling me to live my life, and to do it for both of us since his was cut short. I know that I would want my husband to do the same had I gone first. Yes, it stinks that our husbands are not here with us anymore, and I still have my share of meltdowns, but trust me, what Dash wants more than anything is for you to be happy. Easier said, than done, I know – but it truly does get easier with time.

    I’ve never hated a word so much in my life. When people used to tell me that “time heals,” I wanted to tell them to go suck an egg - that my life was over, and that “time” was not going to make a bit of difference. But it did. Time, along with the signs I received from my husband (which I TRUSTED were just that, and thanked him profusely for), did, indeed, make all the difference.

    I read early on that our loved ones will eventually give up on trying to connect with us if we don’t recognize their signs. I was skeptical about that at first, but then I tried to put the shoe on the other foot. I would probably become frustrated pretty quickly if I kept trying to let Ted know that I was still around and got no reaction from him. It’s very possible that I thanked him in the beginning for signs that weren’t sent by him at all, but it sure didn’t hurt anything. My pride left this world when Ted did. I just know that the signs are now unmistakable and regular, and I’m treasuring them while I can. I hope that they’ll continue until I join him, but one never knows.

    I’ve also done quite a bit of reading about afterlife evidence, which has been very helpful. Roberta’s books are a great resource. I realize now that I got a little carried away with a pretty intense regimen of afterlife research (in a very short period of time), so I do recommend a slow, steady approach. Unfortunately, there are some contradicting theories out there. The best advice I received about that was to only hold onto those that appeal to your reason (or resonate with you), and let go of those that don’t.

    I’ve had multiple readings with very reputable psychic mediums, and Ted came through each time with flying colors. There was simply no mistaking his dynamic personality, not to mention the very personal messages that came through about our past, as well as things that have taken place since he passed. They were very comforting and validating, and I didn’t have a very long wait. I highly recommend it, and hope that you can get an appointment with one sooner (if you choose to do so).

    Personally, the most valuable lesson I’ve learned in the last eleven months is that love never dies. My wish for you is that you will come to understand this, too.

    Please take good care of yourself, LisaDash. I’m by no means an expert, and I’m still learning to navigate this new life, too, but if I can help in any way, I’m happy to do so!

    Peace, love and light to you, my friend!
  16. janef

    janef Moderator

    Ted'sRed, this is a beautiful post. Congratulations, I am sure Ted is very proud of you.
  17. Nirvana

    Nirvana Active Member

    Did you learn anything about your husband's afterlife through them?
  18. Ted'sRed

    Ted'sRed Member

    Wow, thanks so very much, janef. That's the best compliment you could have given me. I sure hope you're right!
  19. Ted'sRed

    Ted'sRed Member

    Hi Nirvana, it’s nice to meet you!

    Yes, I have learned quite a bit about what he’s experiencing in the afterlife.

    Aside from spending a lot of time in this realm with me and the rest of our family (which he says he will always do), he’s been spending a lot of time playing and enjoying music, visiting with family and friends who left before him, catching up with “old” friends (that he didn’t know in this lifetime), reviewing his Akashic records (we’ve had many past lives together, including one in China), visiting other galaxies and dimensions, and studying.

    Some of his studies so far have been focused on compassion, pain, and suffering, and he seems pretty proud of himself in that regard because he’s a quick study. I’m not sure why he’s concentrating on those areas (he was plenty compassionate while he was here). It’s possible that he’s studying those subjects so that he can help others in his role as a spirit guide. He has taken on the role of my primary guide, which surprised me a bit, but that’s what I keep being told. Apparently, it wasn’t at all unexpected by my former primary guide that he would want to take over the reins, and it was welcomed. He or she was probably happy to be rid of me - I’m quite a handful! 

    He’s also recently started conceptualizing the home that he’s planning to build for us, which his grandfather is going to help him with. He described what he has in mind (and wanted to know if I approved), and it was exactly what our dream home would look like based on our many discussions about it here. Unfortunately, he’s in no rush to get started on it, though, because he says that I have many “miles to go before I sleep” (he keeps referencing a Robert Frost poem).

    For now, he’s living with his grandparents, who raised him. His grandmother has come through with him in every reading. She’s there to offer him comfort and support, because he still tends to get emotional when “speaking” with me. He always try to play tough at first, but every single medium has said that he sheds tears at the beginning of the reading. They don’t last for long, though, because he gets really excited about getting through validating messages and talking about his “new” life, especially his newfound abilities there (mainly flying and being able to give me such great signs). He jokingly says that I’d be impressed with his “super powers,” which is SO him.

    He says that he’s happy there, but he misses me tremendously (physically), so he’s still struggling with that. He misses my cooking a lot, too. He also always stresses that he’ll be the FIRST to meet me, and makes it sound like he’s going to have to fight the masses to do so, which I find very humorous. 

    These are some of the things that my husband has shared with me about his afterlife.

    Hakuna matata, my friend!
  20. janef

    janef Moderator

    Wow again!!! You really have had some amazing readings. I have never heard such indepth information coming thru. What medium do you use? You obviously didn't wait a long time for a reading/readings. Thanks for sharing, I think it should give others validation that their loved ones are not really dead. :D
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2016

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