How do we know if we are holding a loved one back from progressing in the afterlife?

I didn't mind your post last night, Carol, as i know you are well-intentioned.

Regarding the "signs" from my husband -- i have ALWAYS considered them to possibly be actual signs from him, i just didn't know, and still don't know, if that's actually what they are (as opposed to my own wishful thinking).

I'm sorry that my talk about how i hate life and want to die upsets you and/or makes you feel bad, but that's just the truth of how it is for me, and that isn't going to change. I know you and others here want me to feel better, but please just stop, because that is never going to happen in this life.

The things you suggest i write in a journal, while perhaps objectively positive things, are not good for me. They only point out to me, in starker contrast, that my sweetheart isn't here to share them with me. They don't help me.

 

Bluebird, I'm not sure you will be able to connect with your husband thru a Medium until you work on your grief and anger issues. (grief counseling) Have you thought about doing it for your husband? Don't you want to do all that is possible to connect with him? Just a suggestion, as I really do feel for you.

 

Janef,

I appreciate your concern, but i will not be seeing a grief counselor. I don't necessarily agree that, if there is an afterlife, our dead loved ones can't contact us if we are sad and/or angry.

 

Bluebird, I really do empathise with you and share some of your feelings.

Although I'm heartbroken and unbelievably sad and depressed, I do feel my darling husband's presence in different ways. I pray to him to help me find some strength to make it through the day & by that I mean to just be calm and for the grief not to completely engulf me all the time. I'm not able to engage with life & spend 95% of my time at home - on the bed mostly, unless I have visitors, then I will sit with them downstairs. I don't know if that can/will change but its the only way I can cope/exist without my husband. A friend said she was worried that my (our) home would become a prison. But for me this life without my darling is a prison. Our home is the only safe place for me.

Loved ones try to fix me & have made many heartfelt suggestions - some helpful but other suggestions are quite ridiculous. Also I don't ask for suggestions & do find myself retreating and defensive; one person in particular makes me cry. I will be politely asking her not to make any suggestions from now on. I think the point is not to push on a closed door, keep pushing & it will stay closed. Let the person just be & then they might begin to unfold in their own way & in their own time. Then again, they may not recover nor find the will to live. I say to my closest friend - please just listen, let me vent my true feelings.

I may never be ready to be fixed or to engage with life again. It may be that I will just exist as a physical organism (which is how it feels right now). If there's any change, then it will come from within me & with my husband's loving and gentle encouragement. For now though, it is just an existence and I pray to die each day, so to be with him forever .