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Hi, I'm new to the Forum...

Discussion in 'Member Introductions' started by jfleegs, Jan 8, 2014.

  1. bluebird

    bluebird Major Contributor

    Thanks jfleegs. Your post sums it up pretty accurately. I am glad for you that you have been able to find some peace, and i hope that continues for you.
  2. jfleegs

    jfleegs New Member

    Thank you and your very welcome!
  3. ilovelearninhg

    ilovelearninhg Regular Contributor

    Welcome , jfleegs. I am sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you like it here!
  4. poeticblue

    poeticblue member

    Your girlfriend has came to you many of times. Please believe this. It was the alcohol that was probably blocking your memory of the astral visits that she has visited you in . But either way, she still comes to you. But I would just like to say that I see a glimmer of hope and positivity in you that we need on this forum regardless of the struggle. You are right where you need to be jfleegs. I know it doesn't feel right. Lord knows I wake up with a knife in my heart everyday just wishing I could sleep permanently. But the knife in my heart will never penetrate my soul. You will get through this. This will never kill you unless you let it. Your girlfriend/kindred spirit is here with you. She has read what you said. Just keep living and making her proud. Just keep going. Reach the finish line.
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2014
  5. jfleegs

    jfleegs New Member

    Thanks Poeticblue, the gut wrenching feeling seems to be sticking around for awhile. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through in my entire life, and its very hard to keep some kind of hope..but I try, day by day..
  6. poeticblue

    poeticblue member

    I know this is very hard for you. There are people out there who have parted ways with their spouses who are living and yet they still kill themselves. You actually lost your spouse forever in earth time and you are still alive. (You will be reunited with her) Your girlfriend would have wanted to see you strong, which you are. She would have wanted you to share the love that you had for her, which you are! You are making her proud. Keep the hope. Put down the bottle of alcohol my friend! I know you feel like you are walking on a bed of nails every day. I feel it. And sometimes you will see something as beautiful as a flower in the winters snow that will remind you of her. Well that is her. Anything. Anything that shows hope and positivity is her. Even if it doesn’t make sense you need to make sense out of it. You are still alive for a reason. Fulfill your life chart that you planned. You are doing a fine job so far.. just don’t get hooked on the drinking.
  7. Carol and Mikey

    Carol and Mikey Golden Hearts

    This is tough stuff Jfleegs. Feeling sick to your stomach is common. Remember it well. Take one hour at a time. Surround yourself with loving people and positive energy. Keep yourself open to what is happening around you. Find a good person to talk to. Embrace the signs. They are the lifeline of hope out of the pit of grief! Slowly they will pull you up. It is your girlfriend who will do this for you!
    Peace and love to you all,
  8. jfleegs

    jfleegs New Member

    Truly a terrible sickening feeling. You know most things in life, be it an argument, a mistake, a break up etc, theres always potential to fix it. You cant fix when someone has died. It is a very hopeless unfathomable feeling i wish nobody ever had to feel it...but I will keep fighting through, for her.
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2014
  9. poeticblue

    poeticblue member

    Please update us and let us know how you are doing my friend. I am not sure of your age range/consequences, but I am sure you will move on from this and develop another loving relationship with another female as your girlfriend would have wanted. :) :D
  10. Welcome jfleegs, it's been awhile since I've had free time to read, and reply to posts on the forums. With that, I enjoyed reading your initial story and comments that followed. I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your cherished girlfriend. It makes it even more difficult losing someone at such an early age. There are many people on this board that have lost people very close to them. I've been fortunate that I've not had anyone pass that I am extremely close to at this point in my life. However I value all of the input from those great posters that have shared how to deal with grief when you do lose someone, as I understand someday I will have to deal with losing someone very close to me.

    I think you've been provided a lot of great insight thus far and I look forward to hearing about future signs and any other insight you would like to share with the group. You seem to be adjusting to her loss, with time, which I'm certain will allow you to see more signs clearly that she's still a part of your life.

    If there is anything I can suggest it would be to never close the door on future love. I know her passing is very fresh in your mind and please know that I'm not suggesting to run out and find someone new. Obviously she meant the world to you and I completely respect that. Yet you are so young I would hate to think that losing her inhibited you from a future relationship with others.

    I think back to some of the women I've engaged with in my life that meant a lot to me, I won't say they were everything to me just because I've never felt like one person is my world, even though I know many people do and I'm fine with that. However, there have been a few that I loved deeply and lost. For instance, I used to be a camp counselor at a YMCA Camp for several summers in the mid to late 90s. One particular summer I met a young lady from the Ukraine who came to work at the camp as a counselor as well. We only had a short time together but she meant so much to me in that short time. I've never cried so hard in my life as I did the day I had to take her to the airport so that she could fly back to the Ukraine. Watching her walk through that gate was a punch to my soul knowing I'd likely never see her again given the distance between us. I eventually lost contact with her after a few years but I've never forgot what she meant to me. Now I know that it may seem like I'm rambling here but I swear there is a point to it. :)

    Even though I lost touch with her, and still miss her to this day, I look back and think of how blessed I was to have ever met her to begin with. Life takes us in some fun directions some times. I took away so much from just a brief summer spent with her that I couldn't, in good faith, let how much I missed her overshadow our time spent together. I'm now happily married to a great woman and value our relationship immensely. If I had closed myself off to love because I lost someone I deeply cared for I'm not certain I would be living life the way I should be. I hope you can keep that door open, you'll know when it feels right.

    Okay, I've rambled on enough, again, welcome to the boards and I look froward to future conversations and stories with you.

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