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Has anyone here actually seen a loved one after death?

Discussion in 'After-Death Communication' started by bluebird, Jan 4, 2013.

  1. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Hello. I am new to this site, brought here by my extreme grief. My husband and I were together for nearly 13 years, married for only one week when he died of a completely unexpected heart attack at age 40. I cannot begin to describe to you the depth of my grief; it is all-encompassing. I have no desire or will to live, without him, and I am very angry at God, if there is one (I am agnostic) for taking my love from me.

    I am angry because he and I were not allowed to live out our lives together, as we should have. To buy a house, to have kids, to grow old together. Nothing will ever change how I feel about that. More devastating and important, however, is the idea/possibility of my soulmate no longer existing. I NEED to know that he still exists, that he is still himself (as opposed to just some amorphous part of a larger spiritual whole), that he is happy & ok, and that he & I will be together again.

    Quite honestly, I really want to kill myself, because life is unbearable without my love here with me. I won't, partly because I promised my family I wouldn't and partly because I am not sure if I would end up where he is, assuming there is any sort of afterlife. Because I am agnostic (as was my husband), I don't know if there is a God or an afterlife or anything.

    I have begged and pleaded and prayed for my love to appear to me, to let me know himself that he is ok and that we will be together again. I truly think that his appearance would be the only thing that would comfort me, beyond all doubt. I can only believe him. I have seen other things that may be "signs" from him, and I am very grateful for them, but I cannot 100% believe that they are proof of his continued existence and an afterlife, because I so much WANT and NEED him to still exist that I cannot believe or trust my own perceptions, in case they are just wishful thinking on my part.

    So somehow I keep trying to have other people's experiences help convince me. Which mostly they don't, but nonetheless I would very much like to hear any stories any of you have of having actually SEEN your loved ones who have died, and perhaps talked with them, etc. Not stories of "I heard his favorite song on the radio just as I was thinking about him", or "I keep finding pennies out of nowhere, with her birth year on them", but actual visual meetings. Since that is what I hope and pray for, for me and my love.

    Thank you for reading.
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2013
  2. Truth seeker

    Truth seeker Member

    Hi! welcome! Be Assured that your husband lives on :) I will recommend you this free .pdf book wich can be read on the computer, it proves the life after death in scientific way ,it includes many Nobel Prize winners and Genius researchs, this book includes comunications from the other side where they tell us they are in a beatiful place beyond words with a healthy looking young body and everybody are very happy to be there..

    This book lifted me from a depression I had giving me hope with irrefutable evidence that this life its only a brief passage and that we live on, heres the link


    In regard the other question you raised...I had a very close friend whos mom passed away a year ago approx... she has always been a woman who liked to have her house very clean ...months after she passed away.. a friend of the family reunited in their house and asked for their mom,they said,, havent you know that she died 6 months ago? the guy face turned white and he almost passed out, he then proceeded to tell them that a few days ago he passed by the house and met with their mom outside who was sweeping leaves and he said:
    hi, how are you doing?
    and she responded, well thanks!
    what are you doing?
    -here cleaning the house, if i dont do it nobody does it
    well, thats fine..

    and they exchanged a few more words and then he leaved..

    My friend has also told me that more than one person have have seen her mom shadow or silhouette around the house..I have been present when strange things happen there like the water faucet opening by itself when we were speaking about her, they watched the blender turning it on by itself also and a few more things...
  3. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Truth seeker,

    Thank you for responding, and for relaying the stories about your friend's deceased mother. Thanks also for the link to the pdf book; I have saved it and will read it another time.

    I wish I could "be assured" that my husband lives on. It is incomprehensible to me that he would not, but at the same time it is so desperately important to me that he does and so I wish I could know for sure.
  4. Pinkroses

    Pinkroses Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know very well that feeling of desperately wanting and needing a loved one to still exist after death. I went through great lengths recently to prove that someone I cared about lived on. Just the thought of him being permanently gone forever left a scared, nauseated feeling inside of me. I just couldn't bear the thought of him no longer existing.

    To answer your main question, "no." I have never actually "seen" a deceased loved one in the traditional sense. I think these experiences are quite rare. But that doesn't mean they don't happen sometimes or that your loved one doesn't live on. From what I've read, it is very difficult and takes a great deal of energy for the deceased to appear in physical form. When you think about this, it makes sense. How is it possible for something that lacks physical form and characteristics to appear physical? For comparison, that would be like asking the wind to appear as a tree. But just because we can't see something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. We don't doubt the existence of air or love, although we can't actually see either.

    I know it's hard to believe in something you can't prove concretely; I've struggled with the same questions myself. But what I can tell you is to keep asking your questions and keep an open mind as to how the answers will appear. What helped me is to talk aloud to the person who passed and actually ask him questions. I was actually surprised by the answers I received because they came in ways I could not have imagined. One of my most amazing experiences was when I was trying to prove he could actually hear me and send me signs and that I wasn't just imagining it all. I asked him to send me a pink rose. I saw a few things that could have been my sign, but dismissed them and challenged him to do better. Then one day I was at a park and was about to sit down on a bench when I noticed something under my seat -- it was a pink fabric rose! No, I didn't see him standing there, but the joy and love I felt at that moment was amazing.

    I sincerely hope that you have a moment like this, one where you will no longer need to see your husband to know he is still around, that he is with you and trying to reach out to you -- even if you can't physically see him.
  5. Millie

    Millie New Member

    Hi bluebird, I lost my boyfriend of 6 years last year. I was devestated, heartbroken, and wanted to kill myself, just like you. I have since had many signs. Last night I went out to dinner with his family, which my boyfriend would have loved. I think he wants us to be there for each other through his death, and bond, if you will. Anyway, I haven't had many signs lately, but this morning I finally got some. Over the past year I have seen 111 or 1111 everywhere - time, GPS systems, exercise machines, license plates, and all at strange moments. Even his death happened on 12/11/11. As I was driving to school my GPS system wouldn't stop falling down. It was driving me insane, because this doesn't happen EVER! When I kept trying to get it to stay up, I would notice that I had 1.1 miles left, or 11 minutes left - basically a lot of 1's. I usually don't take the route my GPS gives me, but today I did, and as I was turning onto the street I looked at the house to my left and noticed the house number was 111 - in huge numbers. I know this was a sign from him. There were too many coincidences for it to be ruled out!

    I like your name, by the way. My boyfriend's nickname was bluebird, in fact I got two bluebirds tattooed to my side after he passed.

    Grief is hard work. I hope you find some peace on this site.
  6. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Thank you for sharing, Pinkroses. I have had a few signs, or things that might be considered signs. Actually, they are things that would probably convince a lot of other people, and I do treasure them, but it is SOOOO important that I know for SURE that my love is ok, you know? So that I am afraid to fully trust any signs. I don't understand why I haven't been able/allowed/whatever to SEE him, even if briefly. He was agnostic, as am I, so he KNOWS how much I doubt. He also knows how much I love him, so he knows how much I need to know he is ok and that we will be together again. I've read in various places, including here, that grief can prevent such appearances, but that makes no sense to me -- why would God or the universe or whatever not allow those people MOST in need to see their loved ones??? People who have faith in an afterlife don't need that proof as much (not that they shouldn't get it or don't deserve it, just that they aren't so desperate).
  7. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Millie, I am sorry for your loss. It does sound like you feel, or felt, a lot like I do. As I mentioned to Pinkroses, I have had signs (I may go into them another time, but don't feel up to it right now), for which I am grateful, but it's just not enough. Oh, and my username here has to do with one of the signs, that's why I chose it.
  8. anonymous

    anonymous New Member

    Hi Bluebird,

    A member of this forum, Bella, saw her husband,

    I have no doubt we continue on in the afterlife after the death of the body.

    I've taken classes in mediumship at a Spiritualist church and have communicated with many different spirits. I described some of my experiences on my web site. I also have a web page on the evidence for the afterlife. Have no doubt that he still exists.
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2013
  9. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    thank you for posting that, anonymous. I feel like my husband and/or God may feel like I'm expecting too much, and maybe I am, but I am wary of just seeing him in dreams. That is, I would love to see him in a dream if it were a true visitation dream, but even then I'm not sure I would be able to believe it. I so much want to see him for real, in front of me, though I know that is very rare.

    I will have a look at your webpages you linked to; thank you.

    But I do have doubt, I can't help it. I wish I didn't. I wish I had unassailable faith in an afterlife and in God, but I just don't.

    Also: I wanted to add that I do have some psychic ability (runs in the family), though apparently much less than I thought because it isn't allowing me to see my love. And that is heartbreaking.
  10. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    Hello, Bluebird
    I too was agnostic, to put it mildly, but i won't go into all the details that made me a (skeptical) believer. Over the past 3 years or so, a couple of things happened that cannot be attributed to hallucination, grief, wishful thinking, etc.
    My daughter's ex boyfriend died unexpectedly at the age of 29. He truly was like a son to us; we all loved him dearly, and still do. When he died I begged and pleaded with the universe to take me instead. I did "stupid and dangerous" things because I suppose I did not want to be here; I was angry, didn't like seeing people his age at the park playing the games he used to play. I was even angry when the daffodils emerged from the ground, telling me of the life cycle - all I could think was that daffodils were blooming, but he was dead and I'd never see him again.

    He was "a proud atheist" (his words), with particular aversion to organized religions; no, he certainly did not believe in life after death, and all his friends felt exactly the same. One day someone was at his place (about a year after he died) doing some electrical work; in the home was another friend of his, and that was all; I was outside, talking with someone. Well, the electrician (who had met my daughter's boyfriend a couple of times) came running out of the house, followed by the friend. One of them was very pale, the other was having a tough time getting the words out. According to the electrician, as he started gathering his tools, he stood up and there was W--- walking down the hall. W's friend saw him too and started running to tell the electrician, ended up bumping into him, and out the door they ran (thinking back, it was rather funny!). After that, W'sfriend heard his voice a couple of times, one time telling him that nobody here on earth really knows what god truly is (his friend told me that the exact words were "if you only knew what god is really all about!".
    Though I have not seen him in solid form, I have felt enormous energy at times, the energy "spoke" of him. It always happens when I least expect it; I think - but I could be wrong - that he does not appear to me because he knows I'd freak out! However, I received an actual text message from him, with the "secret" word I'd been asking for.

    Your husband lives on, Bluebird; have you considered consulting an evidential medium? I am searching for one I feel I can trust because frankly I am very, very skeptical of mediums, psychics, etc.
    I hope you will receive the "proof" you're looking for, Bluebird.

    P.S. W's friend (and a few other former atheists friends of his) no longer are. Unfortunately they talk about all this amongst themselves.... I sometimes wonder, what's the deal? Do they have an image to uphold? lol
  11. mokandi

    mokandi New Member

    I feel the same Bluebird. Feathers, pennies and butterfly's don't help me. I have seen those my whole life.
    Through the mists by Robert James Lee helped me. You can download it for free.
    Akiana Kramarick is another. If you haven't heard of her, google her.
    Reading, studying and drinking wine here.
  12. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Hi ravensgate. Thank you for sharing all that.

    I totally understand everything you said about doing stupid/dangerous things because you didn't want to be here, being angry about seeing people his age living, angry about the life cycle, etc. All of which applies to me as well. I am not eating well, because so what if I die of a heart attack or stroke? I would just be with him quicker. I am not sleeping well. I am depressed. All of which is further complicated by serious financial issues, which don't help.

    My husband was agnostic as well; if there is an afterlife I suppose he isn't anymore though...

    Do you know if W's friends have any sense of why he appeared to them, if he was ok in the afterlife, etc.? When W made the comment "if you only knew what god is really all about", was that said in a happy/hopeful tone? i guess i'm hoping that the afterlife, if there is one, is a good place....

    I don't believe there is a "hell", and even if there is I am certain that my husband is in "heaven". He is literally the best person I have ever known. Not perfect, by any means, but a good soul, a good heart, a good man, always doing everything he could for others, even to his own detriment.

    As for seeing a medium -- yes, I have been looking into that. One problem is finding a legitimate one -- I know they do exist, but it's a matter of finding one amongst the charlatans. Another problem is paying the mediums fee, as I don't have any money (I've just declared bankruptcy, and am in seriously bad financial shape).

    Would you mind going into more detail about having felt W's energy? (if you can, and if you wouldn't mind -- if not, it's ok). I would also love to hear more about the text message story. I do wonder why my husband doesn't appear to me, though, because I would not freak out...well I might be a bit scared at first, but so what, it is all I want, to see him and have HIM tell me he is ok and that we will be together again. I want that more than I want anything else in the world.
  13. Pinkroses

    Pinkroses Member

    Hi Bluebird,
    A few more thoughts:

    A book that I found very uplifting was Love Beyond Life: The Healing Power of After-Death Communications by Joel W. Martin and Patricia It is full of other people's experiences with communicating with deceased loved ones. Some of them are quite convincing.

    I have heard of a few people having good experiences with mediums, but my advice is to be really selective. Make sure the person you see is highly recommended and don't go into the meeting with a certain set of expectations or you may wind up disappointed. I saw a medium once and although she was very skilled and highly recommended, the person I had wanted to connect with didn't come through in the way I had hoped. Much of what the medium told me didn't make sense and didn't seem to fit with his personality. So, I was left wondering if she even connected with him at all. Unfortunately, mediums can't always connect with who you want.

    In my opinion, the connections you make on your own are much more powerful and meaningful When enough time has passed, you might want to consider IADC (induced after-death communications) where you attempt to connect with a deceased loved one in a therapist's office. There is information available about this procedure on this web site. You could also try self-guided afterlife connections, which is also discussed on this site. You won't necessarily "see" your husband in the regular sense, but the images you do see in your mind's eye can be very reassuring and healing. And you may get a message from your husband that offers the proof you need that he lives on.

    Hope this helps!
  14. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Pinkroses. I will look into the book you recommended. As for the medium -- I can't help it, ALL I want is to hear from my husband that he is ok. There is no one else I want to hear from or care about hearing from. I will look into IADC. I really feel that I need to SEE my husband, though, and have him tell me, himself, that he is ok. I realize I may not get that, but that's what I need.

    i know it sounds fatalistic, and i suppose it is, but really all i want is to die as soon as possible so that i can either be with my husband (if there is an afterlife) or at the very least stop feeling this pain (if there is nothing).
  15. vic smyth

    vic smyth New Member

    Hi Bluebird, I am very sorry for what you are going through. Seeing someone who has passed is very rare. But there is a form of grief counseling that uses Guided After Death Communication that seems to produce results. There are books by Dr. Alan Botkin and Craig Hogan, PhD., that explain this. They have websites where you can see if there are trained practitioners of their methods in your area. Whether you decide to check them out or not, if you are feeling over the edge, I hope you consider getting professional grief counseling to help get you through this difficult time. Of course we are always here for you as well.

    With Lovingkindness (metta),
  16. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    thank you, vic smyth. I know that seeing someone who has passed is rare, though I really don't understand why. Surely if there is a loving God, then s/he knows the pain that those of us left behind are feeling, and should allow us to know for sure, without doubt, that our loved ones still exist and are ok and that we will be with them again. I don't understand why that doesn't happen for everyone, but of course I particularly don't understand why it hasn't happened for me and my sweetie. In any case, I will look into the books/authors you mentioned.

    I am completely over the edge. I have fallen over it and am in the depths, that's the truth of it. I won't be getting grief counseling, though, as I don't believe it would do me any good. I have attended therapy a couple of times in the past when I felt it necessary, for specific reasons, and it was helpful, but in this case it wouldn't be because there is nothing that any therapist could do to eliminate the cause of my pain. They can't bring my husband back to me, and that is the only thing that would help.
  17. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    sorry mokandi, I had missed your post. Thank you for the suggestions.
  18. Celera

    Celera Active Member

    Bluebird, everything you are feeling is entirely normal, if that helps. I've always believed in an afterlife of some sort, but when my best friend died that belief didn't help much at all. I just wanted him back. Even Carol, on this forum, who communicates regularly with her son, has said that although that communication is some comfort, it doesn't erase the pain of losing the physical presence of a loved one, or of the future you thought you would share with them in this life.

    I guess what I'm saying is that no matter how intense the grief, and how strong the feeling that you just have to know for sure, remember that this process is a part of life that most of us go through. It doesn't feel like it could possibly get better, but it will.

    There must be some reason why the universe is designed in such a way that we can't "know for sure" in the way that you are longing to know. As much as it seems unfair, I think there is something we are supposed to learn through the process of grief, as well as the process of searching for knowledge about God, that we would not learn if everything was laid out as plain as day.

    Also, grief counseling does help some people, but more people I know have found help in a support group. Of course nobody has words that will take away your grief. But we are social creatures, and sharing our grief with others, and being with them as they grieve, is a healing process.
  19. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Celera, thank you for responding. I know that what I am feeling is normal, though it wouldn't really matter to me either way. Quite honestly, nothing really matters to me anymore.

    You are lucky that you have always believed in an afterlife. I am sorry that your best friend died, though, and I understand what you mean about just wanting him back. I used to believe in God, an afterlife, etc., but at some point I just became unsure of all that, I'm not really sure exactly when. But yes, although communication would be some comfort because I would know he is ok and that we will be together again, I would still be just as royally pissed off that my husband is dead and not here for me to hug and kiss and live life with. I will always be pissed off about that, and believe that it is completely unfair.

    I know that everyone in life goes through grief, but that doesn't help me, it just makes me also feel badly for everyone else. I don't understand why any God worth the name would set things up to make us go through this. It does not get better, believe me, at least not for me. My life has been destroyed.

    I don't need everything laid out for me, but I think there's a huge middle ground between that and this. If God or whatever thinks I am strong enough to handle this, then s/he is wrong. Grief teaches me nothing but pain.

    A support group would not be helpful to me either, I don't think, for the same reason that a grief counselor wouldn't -- because it wouldn't bring my husband back. Nothing short of that will help me, other than dying and being with him.
  20. Shabse

    Shabse New Member

    Dear Bluebird,

    I am sorry for your loss - to have a soulmate taken away as your relationship was growing is devastating. My relationship with my son was difficult until the last year of his life, but in the closing months we grew together. He hugged me tightly the week before his sudden death - the only time he ever hugged me. The last words I ever said to him while he was napping - a few hours before he was killed in a hit and run accident were, "Sholom, I love you so much."

    Sholom has continued to communicate with me since his death. Occasionally it is by way of a creature, but most the dozens of communications are based on a system of letters and numbers that is unique to my faith - I am Jewish. The signs were so many and so profound that a year and half after his death, I wrote a book about it - Zayis Raanan. It is reviewed on this website. Twice I have distinctly heard his voice and my wife and I have both seen him in dreams. He is, thank God fine.

    There is too much injustice on this earth for this life to be the "be all and end all." We are here to learn and grow. Being angry at God ignores that immense goodness that we experience in life - the vast majority of us are healthy, functioning human beings. The challenges we face help us grow. More relevant to your question, though, is the vast evidence that we are here temporarily and then continue on to another plane of existence.

    The most useful thing I was told after my son died was, "You need to keep putting one foot ahead of the other. Life will go on. You will recover." That is true. The pain has diminished, but I miss my son terribly. By the same token, I have learned to live life more fully.

    Best wishes,


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