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Had a reading done and not in good shape after

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by GoldDustWoman622, Apr 26, 2018.

  1. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear about your experience with a medium. Folks better than I am at this sort of thing have already weighed in and have given you some very good responses.

    I have a question, though. Who certified the medium?

    Also, there really aren't any stages of the grieving process. The pain and shock just hits, morphs into something else, circles back, fades, intensifies, etc.

    I have had some very discouraging readings, also. It's very deflating. You're not alone.
    Last edited: May 5, 2018
  2. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    GoldDustWoman622 and DenverGuy like this.
  3. Widdershins3

    Widdershins3 Active Member

    I'd appreciate knowing who certified that medium too. While mediumship isn't like pipefitting or CPA work, certification should be some sort of guide to skill level. It sounds like she failed to make a true connection and I agree with previous statements that she should have been honest with you about that. I've had good experiences and excellent ones and a few real disappointments in readings myself, so I know how the let-down feels and I really sympathize. I hope you're guided to a better medium when you've processed some of your anger and are ready to try again.

    Your sad, difficult and traumatic history has some parallels to mine and I've been told that sometimes a soul plans out a lifetime like that to do intensive "karma burning" and prepare to end the cycle of incarnations. That's comforting to me, since I've longed since childhood to "go back to the beautiful place" that I think is the Summerland, the Spiritualist paradise that's always appealed far more to me than the Christian Heaven. And stay there. I'll tell you what I tell myself on bad days: Just hang in there. The older I get the more sure I am that I did choose these trials and I sure as hell do NOT want to have to ask for a re-do on them in the form of another lifetime!
  4. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Good post! Elisabeth Kübler-Ross even said that she had been wrong.
  5. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    I was often "surprised at" my reactions until therapy showed me why and exactly how I was being triggered to re-experience old, bottled up negative feelings that would often explode for no apparent reason or cause. LOL, I'm sure glad therapy showed me how to recognize and deal with my repressed rage, etc. from so long ago.
    I may have been born with some inherent or genetic anxieties but my anger came mostly from very bad and negative parents/parenting.
    Yes, things just happen to all of us and thank god therapy showed me how to deal with and GET OVER painful and hurtful "happenings" as soon as possible so that I am not spending the rest of my life struggling with "panic attacks, angry out bursts, emotional pain, fear and sorrow". My therapy was aimed at getting over shit rather than wallowing in it forever!
    Please do not read this as me giving you or anyone "advice". I am simply sharing with ALL of you what my process was and still is. From the start, therapy sent me looking for a Solution and I am happy to say that the Solutions I've found worked and still work to provide me and others with a much happier and comfortable life than I had prior to therapy. My therapy happened in 12 step support groups such as ACoA, CODA, Al-anon and Incest Survivors Anonymous
  6. GoldDustWoman622

    GoldDustWoman622 New Member

    Jim, Yes I understand that but he has only been dead 3.5 months . I don't think thats forever .Like Raven and Mac & most everyone here said I am pretty much bouncing around through grief at my own pace . In no way am I going to get over this . Like ever . No amount of therapy will make me get over this . This is a major life event for anyone . I'll eventually even out and try the best I can to do the things we were going to do but getting over this is not an option and had my regular therapy had not "worked" as in coping skills - I wouldn't be here typing this . I do not normally trip out like this , I would say this is an extreme circumstance.

    Denver Guy is right . Period . You just bounce around .

    Thank you for that link Bluebird. That was a GREAT article and so very true . For me anyway .

    Widdershins I can identify with that whole last paragraph ( your whole post really ). I knew this life was coming . I don't know how but I have known since I was little- very little like at 3- I would have a life pretty much like this one and many times wondered if this was just the way it was supposed to go and I agree that the Summerland would be such a peaceful place at the conclusion of my time here . The stuff I listed is only a fraction of just THINGS that can happen to anyone . They just happen and they happened to me .I cannot blame bad choices for all. Things just sort of unfolded the way they did.
    Yes the confusion after that sitting was way out I really do wish she'd stopped because I still feel like I was sitting in on someone else's sitting . Even I knew she wasn't getting anything - I would have understood and been fine with that . I am SO much better now in that regard after talking to you all. Just validation of the off balance feeling I have had and about being so sick since his death since has helped immensely.
    Last edited: May 6, 2018
  7. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    GoldDustWoman622, i was reading your thread from the beginning when you post it and i had so many thoughts about it that in the end i decided better even not to try to put all in words. If i could i would just hug you. I can imagine a little what you are going through and i know that it is horrible hard beyond any words even. But i trully believe that where is unconditional love there is beautiful light. I imagine my situation as like i am standing beside a big tree. I am in shadow of its leaves. Though i know there is light behind the leaves of the tree. I am trying to grab the leaves from my face to make the light look bright again. Sometimes I reach to take few of leaves sideways, i manage to see a glimpse of light, but then there are new leaves that put shadow back. Often it feels that this "process" will never end. I will always put some leaves away but there will grow new ones. As tree is life. Maybe i will never be able to see the light in its full brightness, but i know, i will not stop taking leaves away, no matter how long it will need and how much effort it will take, as i don't want to keep standing in complete shadow. I dont know if this feeling i try to describe is familiar for you. But in any case i wish for you a lot of strength and trust in love♡
    Last edited: May 8, 2018
  8. GoldDustWoman622

    GoldDustWoman622 New Member

    Oh yes definitely I feel like this alot and thank you , I'd hug you back I am sure . That's a really good way to put it too . I know I am changed but still , I don't want to be in this shadow forever. It is a struggle for sure .
  9. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    GoldDust, my reference to "getting over it" was in regard to your comments about your anger quoted here from your 1st post
    "At this point I am so angry with my late husband that I never want to hear about him again , ever want to visit him again ( at the cemetery ) and dont want him in my house , around me , nothing…. ....This confusion is so bad right now though that I am actually considering throwing all of his things /pictures in the trash . Is this normal ?"
    ....so, for me, therapy was about getting over my compulsive and driven anger but not getting over EVERYTHING. It looks like this discussion has fallen into the semantics trap where words can become confusing and distorted. The term "getting over it" can mean a lot of things so I will just stay with getting over habitual, automatic ANGER and let it go at that.
    Therapy helps me get out of many of my shadows!
    Good luck, jim
  10. GoldDustWoman622

    GoldDustWoman622 New Member

    Then I totally apologize. I just misread you . I have just had an inordinate amount of people it seems telling me in one case to "snap out of it" or "oh you're getting over this quickly" and a lot of other well worn phrases . I'm just in a super vulnerable place and unfortunately have had to be defensive of myself since this happened. That anger had to come out and it did ( still is a bit ) and I think I am better now for it .
  11. Kurt

    Kurt Member

    I hope you feel better soon.
    GoldDustWoman622 likes this.
  12. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    GoldDustWoman6, this is just my opinion, but I think what might help is for "everyone" to stop offering the well-worn, pretty much empty words and the well-meant "advice". It seems to me you're close (if not already there) in the "overload" mode which may increase your emotions bouncing all over the place. I have been following this thread. If I no longer respond to it (at least for a while or unless you send me a private message), please realize it is not for lack of caring. I want to give you time and space, something which I think might help you... I hope.
    GoldDustWoman622 likes this.
  13. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Folk often do the wrong thing but for the right reasons.....

    Many, perhaps most, of us have little understanding of death-and-what-follows or know how best to respond to the bereaved - not that there's any single way that's 'best'. I used to think I knew how to do it but quickly found that what worked for me, or worked for someone else, might be hopelessly wrong for another. Sometimes folk need just to talk about their problems and don't particularly want responses so much as a listening ear. At other times they want folk to offer alternative ideas about dealing with the way they're feeling about things. Whatever they may want cyber space may not be the most suitable way - the written word to deal with emotions doesn't always work well.

    All we can do is try our best to be supportive in whatever way we can.
    GoldDustWoman622 likes this.
  14. GoldDustWoman622

    GoldDustWoman622 New Member

    Oh you all have been very supportive and help me learn more too which has been of huge help . I read all over this forum even if I don't speak much out of this thread for the time being . I read everything , even if id does not pertain to my situation . You all have been great .
    bluebird and ravensgate like this.
  15. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    In therapy, I learned that anger (repressed rage) has to and will "come out" and must be vented or discharged as safely and completely as possible so that the negative energy (repressed anger/rage) does not continue to pop up in our life forever or up to the day we finally die! All the anger work that I did made me feel instantly better and it took a long time to vent or discharge the OCEAN of rage, hate and bitterness I had bottled up so long ago towards ;my parents, brother and some others who hurt me back then. I of course had hurt many others so I also had a lot of apologizing and explaining to do during therapy. The bottom line with anger is to unload or discharge it as safely and completely as possible so it no longer contaminates one's life when triggered by daily surprising circumstance and events. Most folks shy away from doing their anger work because our culture frowns on it and it's just too embarrassing or frightening to openly undertake. I am very grateful for leaning how to vent my deep and blistering past anger even if I still have to manage it from time to time due to residual levels or pockets of unresolved rage from my childhood. At least I am not as violent or touchy as I was before therapy and I am getting better all the time with the few simple tools that therapy gave me to work with. Those who cannot or will do do their own anger work will usually advise others to "get over it", "snap out of it", "oh, you're getting over this quickly" and "it's no big deal" because they want you to STOP doing any anger work that might trigger them and their own unresolved anger. It's called DENIAL! They deny their own inner pain and anger and want you to do the same to KEEP THEM SAFE & COMFORTABLE! Doing one's own feelings and anger work is very important and generally NOT recommended by others so its up to you to do what you think is right and deal with your own (unhappy) reality the best you can - which might include looking into exactly how to do some anger and grief work to obtain real relief and satisfaction. Good luck......jim

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