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Had a reading done and not in good shape after

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by GoldDustWoman622, Apr 26, 2018.

  1. GoldDustWoman622

    GoldDustWoman622 New Member

    Mac, you are really right , I am mad at him because I do want him around , I absolutely hate it that he is gone . I was agitated with him that day of the sitting but outwardly calm, well and now too if I am honest . I think in preparation I also inadvertently helped myself get through the shock and denial and onto the anger stage of this . I am glad I posted when I did, it helped me along with the others here not to do anything rash. I have no other living family besides my kids and most of them are in their 30's, 2500 miles away , totally freaked out seeing me like this , and wont talk about it - well and my 53 yr old sister who has to live in a group home for schizophrenic folks ( even she was on the phone telling me to sit down and catch my breath before I had a heart attack ) . Now I am almost ready to ask for some things out of the garbage bag that I miss already . Ridiculous to want to do something out of spite to a spirit I love, it's only going to hurt me . Of course I will stay with you all , I learn something new or learn deeper every time I am on . I like that term sitting instead of reading myself actually .

    Zac , he actually passed away not too far from you in Sonoma and my sister is in the same area, he was buried in Bishop . So I make the trek all over the state it seems .
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2018
  2. Ski

    Ski Member

    I answered your last question in your paragraph on this exact thread.

    Next time, it would help if you don't ask me if psychics should offer their services for free, under Golddust's post if you want to keep it on topic. I'm not rude, I'm going to answer your question when you ask,


    Thanks.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2018
  3. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I asked whether we expected them to do it for free - I ought to have made it clear my question was rhetorical... apologies.
     
  4. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    Working with your therapist on your anger may be the best solution. Anger and rage, such as you describe, is often evidence of deeply buried and hidden mental/emotional wounds, often from early childhood, that can surface or be triggered by nearly any stressful event in the present. These buried and hidden traumas or wounds can seem mysterious and inappropriate UNTIL you remember how and when you were wounded in the past - often by our parents or some significant figure BEFORE you even met your now departed husband. The loss of your mate might have triggered old, hidden feelings/memories of a previous, childhood similar trauma or rejection, etc. You'd need to have your therapist help you recall and examine how and when you first experienced this kind of anger and rage (as a child) and who it is truly connected to. Who hurt you? What happened back then?
    Good luck.......... jim
     
  5. GoldDustWoman622

    GoldDustWoman622 New Member

    Hi Jim ,
    That is what I see her for- Anxiety and now of course severe depression . Ugh as where to start with the other my entire life has just been very rough . Then as an adult , on my own mostly at 17 and things I had to do to make it out there . This was before I met my husband . He was one of the very few bright spots in my life . His life had been as rough if not worse and we were just so happy to find someone that we didn't have to pretend around or watched what we said . We both had tread a really hard road . I have had anger feelings sometimes because he got out and I am still down here slugging it out through life without him . I put myself in therapy 30 years ago ,now it's sort of a maintenance thing more than crisis. I keep reading that this is a part of grief that just cannot be avoided .. although I had a GF this morning say wow you sure moving fast .. uhm no I'm really not .

    After I have thrown my fit , it just dissolves into tears anyway, I look like a ragdoll and have to be put to bed . I think -well I know- I am past the shock and now I have to really deal with it because there IS no bargaining of any kind . I bounce around all the stages except that one . It just happened so fast .
     
    Amore likes this.
  6. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    GoldDustWoman6, in my opinion the anger you feel toward your husband is normal, it is part of the grieving process. Not everyone experiences it, but it is far more common than you'd think.
    I see the conflicting, confusing experience you had with your reading as the catalyst for your anger. I believe that sooner or later that anger would have manifested itself.... the reading just happened at "the right time", so to speak. Some people grow terribly angry toward a god who "allowed" such tragedy to occur. You are angry at your husband, perhaps you might one day get angry toward your god.... it varies from person to person.
    As others have suggested, give yourself some time before throwing away your husband's possessions, as you may regret doing so at later date. If I may suggest, go with your anger and don't feel guilty for feeling angry; it may be a step you need to take to facilitate your healing.
     
  7. Ski

    Ski Member

    Amen. You said it perfectly.
     
    GoldDustWoman622 likes this.
  8. GoldDustWoman622

    GoldDustWoman622 New Member

    I would definitely second that Ravensgate . I hadn't seen your post until now but yes that pretty much hits the nail on the head. It would have manifested it self sooner or later . Absolutely I have been mad with whoever is in charge if anyone from the beginning . A "Christian God" sort of flew out my window years ago. I just couldn't reconcile that with the way the world is , but I do believe strongly in an active spirit world . I am just sort of laying low however long this takes, it is ebbing now but I have managed to catch that very bad flu as well so that has knocked quite a bit of wind from my sails . This is the second time since his death . Like Mac observed I am worn out and I think my immune system is too . I think this is a step up from where I was though, even though it looks bad .
     
  9. Amore

    Amore Active Member

    Sometimes when a person opens up to strong emotions such as anger or deep sadness and grief the body gets ill afterwards (or during). I don't have a proper explanation, people who work in healing professions can certainly explain it much better than I could. But I know that I have been told many times after an intense Reiki session or deep massage aimed at releasing emotions that this can happen (and it did). The body cleans out as well as the mind and heart.

    From your posts here it sounds to me you got quite an emotional shock during that reading and were 'out of balance' energetically for a while. I'm glad you had people close who were there for you and I hope you still have. Be kind to yourself and take your time. Let the body deal with and overcome this flu, sleep, drink enough, listen to soothing healing music, and try to relax. Your unconscious is dealing with everything you went through the past few weeks and soon you will feel better again. :) For me writing also always helps a lot when I'm in inner turmoil, throwing everything out there.

    You said here a couple of times that you feel (felt?) embarrassed - you certainly don't have to be! I think you are very courageous in the way you deal with those intense feelings and I appreciate your openness and honesty. It's like a breath of fresh air.
     
  10. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    When I entered therapy (so long ago) to overcome a rotten childhood and intense rage, the whole point was to somehow RESOLVE those old, unresolved feelings and dealing with painful, bottled up anger was at the top of my list. It only took about 2 years to resolve most of my early childhood pain and rage so I don't understand why it's been over 30 years for you to resolve old, bottled up rage. Therapy showed me how to resolve old and even new anger very quickly so, good luck hopefully getting into some more successful form of therapy ASAP.
     
  11. GoldDustWoman622

    GoldDustWoman622 New Member

    Hi Jim ,
    I usually just go as needed if I feel it ,not every week , I'm normally not an angry person sometimes anxious though , which does not lend itself well to moments like this . I think thats one of the reasons I am so surprised at my reaction . I was born anxious I guess but not angry . Life has just been tough , I accepted long ago that it could happen to anyone and it just happened to me .

    Thank you Amore , you know something you said just REALLY grabbed my attn about being energetically unstable at that moment . That whole day after the sitting and maybe 48 hours later even I told daughter and our housemate that I keep feeling like I was going to physically fall down . Like I could feel a carpet being yanked out from under me . They thought of course I was just having a panic attack and said just lie down and breathe . I said no this is different it literally feels like the ground is slightly moving .Then finally the night I posted this thread I was losing it badly . I didn't feel steady this morning again and yes some anger at him again so I am in bed . I almost dreamed of him or something . This illness, whatever I have is bad and is hard to stay awake , normally I have TERRIBLE insomnia , I have a fever since I started this thread I think and now started having dreams about him all the time . Standing there smiling at me in his white T shirt/ jeans with his hands out in my doorway . It has to be this fever. I cannot get in this week but if I am not better I am going in on Monday . Thank you for explaining the illness parts to me Amore . I do know what you mean .

    I know I just seem wacky right now but I am actually learning alot from everyone on this thread .
     
  12. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    GoldDustWoman6, may I ask what brought you to therapy some 30 years ago? Are you still seeing the same therapist? Do you feel comfortable with him/her?
    Also, may I ask about your clinician's orientation? Is it cognitive behavioral, rational-emotive, Rogerian, Gestalt, etc.? If you find these questions too personal, uncomfortable, please accept my apologies and disregard them. Thank you.
     
  13. Ski

    Ski Member


    We are so close and apart of the other side, that I don't believe we are born angry...nor do I personally believe you were. You are apart of the universe, this God, us, me, you....we are all the same. It kinda angers me(without prejudice) that someone would ask why you could be angry deep inside years later. Not everyone is given a good foundation of family or friends, support group...or know where to look for help. Deep wounds can last one lifetime, if we are lucky....many more if we haven't found the right kind of help. I'm not judgemental or mad at you for feeling the way you have, amd do....the right help, the right path has not found joy or overcoming what has happened to you. We need each other to help us. We need to be ready, even if we are in dispair...the timing has to be right. I do not judge you, my heart is with you through your journey....amd these hours, day, years, we feel utterly alone for ions at times....especially if we are grief stricken, amd everyone is against us....or at least do t understand us. The most important is to feel it, to be yourself, to be honest and go at your own pace. When you are ready, you will overcome these obstacles....it may not be this life, or it could be 10 more lives...but what a feel inside,is that you are you....where you are right now,..no matter how desperate you feel to move on.....just be yourself, be open, but don't push anything....or else the results won't be successful and heartfelt. Do t be ashamed of where or who you are, just be yourself. One day, in this life or another, you will b successful in this area...but right now, you just aren't ready. And that's okay, accept, forgive, have compassion and understanding for yourself....even if other push or shame you. They have no right or authority to do that, they really don't....when you are ready, you Will take it on. Right now, just be content and have compassion for yourself....I have that for you just reading your post. I can feel it, and I do not judge you...and the afterlife, God, your higher self or Jesus can't be more compassionate than me...I have compassion for you. I wish the best for you, but that will come when You are ready, spiritually, emotionally, mentally,physically and energetically. Do t push it, keep it a priority, but dot be too hard on yourself. Xoxoxox. Love amd light, and God speed
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2018
  14. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    I think it's because each person is different, has had to deal with different things and responds to those things differently. For you, it was dealing with a rotten childhood, but that isn't the case for everyone, and even for someone else who is dealing with the same kinds of things as you did, s/he may do so faster or more slowly or just in a different way.

    Also, for some people, certain things (what those things may be depends on the person and the life s/he has lived) simply aren't able to be overcome in therapy. Sometimes, processing those things to whatever extent one can and then trying not to let them influence life too much is the best one can do.
     
  15. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member


    This has nothing to do with me, and golddustwoman may feel differently, but I wouldn't be comfortable seeing such personal details discussed on an open forum board.

    I acknowledge that members may be able to help one another but might I suggest it would be better to use private mailing in such circumstances?
     
  16. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I'm simply a layperson concerning such matters but it seems to me that even apparently similar situations may need to be resolved differently. What's right for one particular individual may not be right for another.

    I do hope GoldDustWoman soon finds the help and support she needs.
     
    bluebird likes this.
  17. GoldDustWoman622

    GoldDustWoman622 New Member

    Oh it is ok . I started going in 1987 because I started having severe panic attacks right after I had my 3rd child . I knew I had always been wound a little tight but after alot of sessions my psychiatrist was honest and I knew he was right anyway . I was in a terrible, violent ,marriage with a man and I was REALLY afraid to get out, I was too young when I married him and just dd not know the ways of the world yet and I was still dealing with fear over a catastrophic car wreck where I was thrown through a window , into a body of water and lived to tell about it - that was utterly terrifying - I thought I was dreaming and went into that stage where there is no more time/ time does not exist and was hurt badly, very badly , inside and out and I still walk slightly off today .
    My family was all deceased by that point save for my sister who I think I have mentioned here ( she has to live in a group home in SF) and I just could not see a away to get out safely out of that marriage . I did get the courage to leave in 1989 .. and he RAINED ( not reigned) terror onto me for 2 solid years. You'd think he would merely get a regular job and a new g/f or wife but no . Even followed me 500 miles and burned my rented house down . What a wreck . It was every BIT as bad as I thought it was going to be but I persevered and had to do some pretty unsavory things but I DID get away, it left scars for sure but I got away . I was so happy when he finally remarried . Then in 1991-93 I flat out had a stranger stalker when I moved again to avoid my ex husband . This guy was older & would break in and hide in my house while I was gone . He did go to jail and I never knew who he was other than his name , lived in my neighborhood and had done this to other women . It was just a fluke but it was scary .
    I have seen so many psychologists over the years because my job causes me to move around that I am really not sure about the orientation . We just talk , and set/discuss any goals I was trying to reach. If something was really worrying me we would discuss that
    I used to see old time MD psychiatrists for med's but today alot of GPs Rx them. I am not on anything at all after a 4 year wean off of Benzo's . The one I have now is more of a friend, really . I have just had this twisting , off the hook life and try to keep on on going .
     
  18. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    GoldDustWoman6, thank you for your response to my post.

    You might be right, mac, and I will leave the decision to use private mail to GoldDustWoman6. I totally agree with you in the sense that we are individuals, and what may be uncomfortable for one may not be so for another. I asked the questions to help me understand a little better the antecedents that could have brought GoldDustWoman6 to her present state and behaviors. Thank you for your legit observation :)
     
    bluebird likes this.
  19. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member


    As I mentioned in my response to mac's post, feel free to use the private message feature, GoldDustWoman6.
    I no longer practice and I would never give medical advice but in my experience just talking to a complete stranger may sometimes help. I do not focus on the spirituality of an issue/situation because I consider myself really "new" at this; thus if you seek spiritual perspectives, this is the place where you might find them. I approach most of what I read on ALF from a neuropsychiatric perspective - that's what I know.
    Again, thank you for answering my post :)
     
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  20. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Thanks for that, raven although it seems GDW wasn't concerned anyway. :)
     
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