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Had a reading done and not in good shape after

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by GoldDustWoman622, Apr 26, 2018.

  1. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    GoldDustWoman6, may I ask what brought you to therapy some 30 years ago? Are you still seeing the same therapist? Do you feel comfortable with him/her?
    Also, may I ask about your clinician's orientation? Is it cognitive behavioral, rational-emotive, Rogerian, Gestalt, etc.? If you find these questions too personal, uncomfortable, please accept my apologies and disregard them. Thank you.
  2. Ski

    Ski New Member

    We are so close and apart of the other side, that I don't believe we are born angry...nor do I personally believe you were. You are apart of the universe, this God, us, me, you....we are all the same. It kinda angers me(without prejudice) that someone would ask why you could be angry deep inside years later. Not everyone is given a good foundation of family or friends, support group...or know where to look for help. Deep wounds can last one lifetime, if we are lucky....many more if we haven't found the right kind of help. I'm not judgemental or mad at you for feeling the way you have, amd do....the right help, the right path has not found joy or overcoming what has happened to you. We need each other to help us. We need to be ready, even if we are in dispair...the timing has to be right. I do not judge you, my heart is with you through your journey....amd these hours, day, years, we feel utterly alone for ions at times....especially if we are grief stricken, amd everyone is against us....or at least do t understand us. The most important is to feel it, to be yourself, to be honest and go at your own pace. When you are ready, you will overcome these obstacles....it may not be this life, or it could be 10 more lives...but what a feel inside,is that you are you....where you are right now,..no matter how desperate you feel to move on.....just be yourself, be open, but don't push anything....or else the results won't be successful and heartfelt. Do t be ashamed of where or who you are, just be yourself. One day, in this life or another, you will b successful in this area...but right now, you just aren't ready. And that's okay, accept, forgive, have compassion and understanding for yourself....even if other push or shame you. They have no right or authority to do that, they really don't....when you are ready, you Will take it on. Right now, just be content and have compassion for yourself....I have that for you just reading your post. I can feel it, and I do not judge you...and the afterlife, God, your higher self or Jesus can't be more compassionate than me...I have compassion for you. I wish the best for you, but that will come when You are ready, spiritually, emotionally, mentally,physically and energetically. Do t push it, keep it a priority, but dot be too hard on yourself. Xoxoxox. Love amd light, and God speed
    Last edited: May 4, 2018
  3. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    I think it's because each person is different, has had to deal with different things and responds to those things differently. For you, it was dealing with a rotten childhood, but that isn't the case for everyone, and even for someone else who is dealing with the same kinds of things as you did, s/he may do so faster or more slowly or just in a different way.

    Also, for some people, certain things (what those things may be depends on the person and the life s/he has lived) simply aren't able to be overcome in therapy. Sometimes, processing those things to whatever extent one can and then trying not to let them influence life too much is the best one can do.
  4. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    This has nothing to do with me, and golddustwoman may feel differently, but I wouldn't be comfortable seeing such personal details discussed on an open forum board.

    I acknowledge that members may be able to help one another but might I suggest it would be better to use private mailing in such circumstances?
  5. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I'm simply a layperson concerning such matters but it seems to me that even apparently similar situations may need to be resolved differently. What's right for one particular individual may not be right for another.

    I do hope GoldDustWoman soon finds the help and support she needs.
    bluebird likes this.
  6. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    GoldDustWoman6, thank you for your response to my post.

    You might be right, mac, and I will leave the decision to use private mail to GoldDustWoman6. I totally agree with you in the sense that we are individuals, and what may be uncomfortable for one may not be so for another. I asked the questions to help me understand a little better the antecedents that could have brought GoldDustWoman6 to her present state and behaviors. Thank you for your legit observation :)
    bluebird likes this.
  7. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    As I mentioned in my response to mac's post, feel free to use the private message feature, GoldDustWoman6.
    I no longer practice and I would never give medical advice but in my experience just talking to a complete stranger may sometimes help. I do not focus on the spirituality of an issue/situation because I consider myself really "new" at this; thus if you seek spiritual perspectives, this is the place where you might find them. I approach most of what I read on ALF from a neuropsychiatric perspective - that's what I know.
    Again, thank you for answering my post :)
    pandora97 and GoldDustWoman622 like this.
  8. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Thanks for that, raven although it seems GDW wasn't concerned anyway. :)
    ravensgate and GoldDustWoman622 like this.
  9. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear about your experience with a medium. Folks better than I am at this sort of thing have already weighed in and have given you some very good responses.

    I have a question, though. Who certified the medium?

    Also, there really aren't any stages of the grieving process. The pain and shock just hits, morphs into something else, circles back, fades, intensifies, etc.

    I have had some very discouraging readings, also. It's very deflating. You're not alone.
    Last edited: May 5, 2018
  10. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    GoldDustWoman622 and DenverGuy like this.
  11. Widdershins3

    Widdershins3 Active Member

    I'd appreciate knowing who certified that medium too. While mediumship isn't like pipefitting or CPA work, certification should be some sort of guide to skill level. It sounds like she failed to make a true connection and I agree with previous statements that she should have been honest with you about that. I've had good experiences and excellent ones and a few real disappointments in readings myself, so I know how the let-down feels and I really sympathize. I hope you're guided to a better medium when you've processed some of your anger and are ready to try again.

    Your sad, difficult and traumatic history has some parallels to mine and I've been told that sometimes a soul plans out a lifetime like that to do intensive "karma burning" and prepare to end the cycle of incarnations. That's comforting to me, since I've longed since childhood to "go back to the beautiful place" that I think is the Summerland, the Spiritualist paradise that's always appealed far more to me than the Christian Heaven. And stay there. I'll tell you what I tell myself on bad days: Just hang in there. The older I get the more sure I am that I did choose these trials and I sure as hell do NOT want to have to ask for a re-do on them in the form of another lifetime!
  12. DenverGuy

    DenverGuy Active Member

    Good post! Elisabeth Kübler-Ross even said that she had been wrong.
  13. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    I was often "surprised at" my reactions until therapy showed me why and exactly how I was being triggered to re-experience old, bottled up negative feelings that would often explode for no apparent reason or cause. LOL, I'm sure glad therapy showed me how to recognize and deal with my repressed rage, etc. from so long ago.
    I may have been born with some inherent or genetic anxieties but my anger came mostly from very bad and negative parents/parenting.
    Yes, things just happen to all of us and thank god therapy showed me how to deal with and GET OVER painful and hurtful "happenings" as soon as possible so that I am not spending the rest of my life struggling with "panic attacks, angry out bursts, emotional pain, fear and sorrow". My therapy was aimed at getting over shit rather than wallowing in it forever!
    Please do not read this as me giving you or anyone "advice". I am simply sharing with ALL of you what my process was and still is. From the start, therapy sent me looking for a Solution and I am happy to say that the Solutions I've found worked and still work to provide me and others with a much happier and comfortable life than I had prior to therapy. My therapy happened in 12 step support groups such as ACoA, CODA, Al-anon and Incest Survivors Anonymous
  14. Jim, Yes I understand that but he has only been dead 3.5 months . I don't think thats forever .Like Raven and Mac & most everyone here said I am pretty much bouncing around through grief at my own pace . In no way am I going to get over this . Like ever . No amount of therapy will make me get over this . This is a major life event for anyone . I'll eventually even out and try the best I can to do the things we were going to do but getting over this is not an option and had my regular therapy had not "worked" as in coping skills - I wouldn't be here typing this . I do not normally trip out like this , I would say this is an extreme circumstance.

    Denver Guy is right . Period . You just bounce around .

    Thank you for that link Bluebird. That was a GREAT article and so very true . For me anyway .

    Widdershins I can identify with that whole last paragraph ( your whole post really ). I knew this life was coming . I don't know how but I have known since I was little- very little like at 3- I would have a life pretty much like this one and many times wondered if this was just the way it was supposed to go and I agree that the Summerland would be such a peaceful place at the conclusion of my time here . The stuff I listed is only a fraction of just THINGS that can happen to anyone . They just happen and they happened to me .I cannot blame bad choices for all. Things just sort of unfolded the way they did.
    Yes the confusion after that sitting was way out I really do wish she'd stopped because I still feel like I was sitting in on someone else's sitting . Even I knew she wasn't getting anything - I would have understood and been fine with that . I am SO much better now in that regard after talking to you all. Just validation of the off balance feeling I have had and about being so sick since his death since has helped immensely.
    Last edited: May 6, 2018
  15. Monika

    Monika Active Member

    GoldDustWoman622, i was reading your thread from the beginning when you post it and i had so many thoughts about it that in the end i decided better even not to try to put all in words. If i could i would just hug you. I can imagine a little what you are going through and i know that it is horrible hard beyond any words even. But i trully believe that where is unconditional love there is beautiful light. I imagine my situation as like i am standing beside a big tree. I am in shadow of its leaves. Though i know there is light behind the leaves of the tree. I am trying to grab the leaves from my face to make the light look bright again. Sometimes I reach to take few of leaves sideways, i manage to see a glimpse of light, but then there are new leaves that put shadow back. Often it feels that this "process" will never end. I will always put some leaves away but there will grow new ones. As tree is life. Maybe i will never be able to see the light in its full brightness, but i know, i will not stop taking leaves away, no matter how long it will need and how much effort it will take, as i don't want to keep standing in complete shadow. I dont know if this feeling i try to describe is familiar for you. But in any case i wish for you a lot of strength and trust in love♡
    Last edited: May 8, 2018
  16. Oh yes definitely I feel like this alot and thank you , I'd hug you back I am sure . That's a really good way to put it too . I know I am changed but still , I don't want to be in this shadow forever. It is a struggle for sure .
  17. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    GoldDust, my reference to "getting over it" was in regard to your comments about your anger quoted here from your 1st post
    "At this point I am so angry with my late husband that I never want to hear about him again , ever want to visit him again ( at the cemetery ) and dont want him in my house , around me , nothing…. ....This confusion is so bad right now though that I am actually considering throwing all of his things /pictures in the trash . Is this normal ?"
    ....so, for me, therapy was about getting over my compulsive and driven anger but not getting over EVERYTHING. It looks like this discussion has fallen into the semantics trap where words can become confusing and distorted. The term "getting over it" can mean a lot of things so I will just stay with getting over habitual, automatic ANGER and let it go at that.
    Therapy helps me get out of many of my shadows!
    Good luck, jim
  18. Then I totally apologize. I just misread you . I have just had an inordinate amount of people it seems telling me in one case to "snap out of it" or "oh you're getting over this quickly" and a lot of other well worn phrases . I'm just in a super vulnerable place and unfortunately have had to be defensive of myself since this happened. That anger had to come out and it did ( still is a bit ) and I think I am better now for it .
  19. Kurt

    Kurt Active Member

    I hope you feel better soon.
    GoldDustWoman622 likes this.
  20. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    GoldDustWoman6, this is just my opinion, but I think what might help is for "everyone" to stop offering the well-worn, pretty much empty words and the well-meant "advice". It seems to me you're close (if not already there) in the "overload" mode which may increase your emotions bouncing all over the place. I have been following this thread. If I no longer respond to it (at least for a while or unless you send me a private message), please realize it is not for lack of caring. I want to give you time and space, something which I think might help you... I hope.
    GoldDustWoman622 likes this.
  21. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Folk often do the wrong thing but for the right reasons.....

    Many, perhaps most, of us have little understanding of death-and-what-follows or know how best to respond to the bereaved - not that there's any single way that's 'best'. I used to think I knew how to do it but quickly found that what worked for me, or worked for someone else, might be hopelessly wrong for another. Sometimes folk need just to talk about their problems and don't particularly want responses so much as a listening ear. At other times they want folk to offer alternative ideas about dealing with the way they're feeling about things. Whatever they may want cyber space may not be the most suitable way - the written word to deal with emotions doesn't always work well.

    All we can do is try our best to be supportive in whatever way we can.
    GoldDustWoman622 likes this.
  22. Oh you all have been very supportive and help me learn more too which has been of huge help . I read all over this forum even if I don't speak much out of this thread for the time being . I read everything , even if id does not pertain to my situation . You all have been great .
    bluebird and ravensgate like this.
  23. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    In therapy, I learned that anger (repressed rage) has to and will "come out" and must be vented or discharged as safely and completely as possible so that the negative energy (repressed anger/rage) does not continue to pop up in our life forever or up to the day we finally die! All the anger work that I did made me feel instantly better and it took a long time to vent or discharge the OCEAN of rage, hate and bitterness I had bottled up so long ago towards ;my parents, brother and some others who hurt me back then. I of course had hurt many others so I also had a lot of apologizing and explaining to do during therapy. The bottom line with anger is to unload or discharge it as safely and completely as possible so it no longer contaminates one's life when triggered by daily surprising circumstance and events. Most folks shy away from doing their anger work because our culture frowns on it and it's just too embarrassing or frightening to openly undertake. I am very grateful for leaning how to vent my deep and blistering past anger even if I still have to manage it from time to time due to residual levels or pockets of unresolved rage from my childhood. At least I am not as violent or touchy as I was before therapy and I am getting better all the time with the few simple tools that therapy gave me to work with. Those who cannot or will do do their own anger work will usually advise others to "get over it", "snap out of it", "oh, you're getting over this quickly" and "it's no big deal" because they want you to STOP doing any anger work that might trigger them and their own unresolved anger. It's called DENIAL! They deny their own inner pain and anger and want you to do the same to KEEP THEM SAFE & COMFORTABLE! Doing one's own feelings and anger work is very important and generally NOT recommended by others so its up to you to do what you think is right and deal with your own (unhappy) reality the best you can - which might include looking into exactly how to do some anger and grief work to obtain real relief and satisfaction. Good luck......jim

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