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Had a reading done and not in good shape after

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by GoldDustWoman622, Apr 26, 2018.

  1. I am embarrassed to even say this but no other group would understand or think I am crazy . You all sort of know what is going on and if not my posts are not so many that it would be easy to see.
    Anyway I had a reading with a certified medium . I had no expectations or demands - none . I had meditated alot before , even left for a week or two to get some clarity and everything was quiet and I am always open to the spirit world anyway so I was very receptive .
    This lady was really nice but contradicted herself on so many things and with the same person/ people that I am now really confused- and frankly having a hard time believing some of it , a reaction I did NOT expect to have . I know of too may sensitives to doubt like that . They are not my personal friends but I have had readings I at least understood and felt great peace with about departed loved ones at way different times in life ( since most of my family and friends have already crossed over ) and we are all sensitive to varying degrees in this house .

    It's been a week or almost 2 and I am in worse shape now than before . Very depressed and angry .. and not at the medium.
    Not sure if I should wait and try this again with a different one or not or idk .
    Yes I would like to have a reading ,but these contradictions were so extreme that I literally could not understand , not even 2 weeks later . Maybe I am wrong about something that I just cannot see. At this point I am so angry with my late husband that I never want to hear about him again , ever want to visit him again ( at the cemetery ) and dont want him in my house , around me , nothing . This is just really strange . I NEVER felt like this towards him in life . You can see in my other posts how I adored him, now I am on the brink of hating him ?? At only 53? It's not like he made my life a living nitemare for 50 years or something obvious like that . He is irreplaceble. This confusion is so bad right now though that I am actually considering throwing all of his things /pictures in the trash . Is this normal ?
    Ski likes this.
  2. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. :(

    I would caution you against throwing out your husband's things. You are angry right now, but that may change, and then you would be upset that you threw everything away. If you don't want to look at his stuff right now, I'd recommend packing everything up in boxes and storing them in a closet or garage or attic, for the time being.

    It is so easy for our feelings to go haywire, since our entire worlds have done the same, and a bad reading only amplifies and worsens that feeling. Maybe after a while you will want to have another reading, with a different person (or maybe not, it's up to you). I am not surprised that you are feeling as you do right now, and I do think it's normal, though I suspect you won't always feel this way.

    If you still find yourself wanting to throw out your husband's stuff at a later date, you can always do so in a few months or a year or whatever, when you will probably be thinking about it more clearly.
    pandora97 likes this.
  3. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    You're with friends who understand here on ALF. We have members with varying levels of experience and understanding but those who contribute to the forums generally empathise with your situation.
    You have approached the reading/sitting in the best way in my view.

    I understand. In my early time of investigating everything that seemed relevant my wife and I had a sitting (as we Brits call a reading) with an accredited medium at the SAGB - the Spiritualists Association of Great Britain in our capital city, London. I expected that the Association would have only the most accomplished mediums operating under its roof. Perhaps it does but our reading was a nonsense from beginning to end and we returned home bemused and very disappointed. Luckily we had other support and that helped us get past the disappointment. But I learned something very valuable that has often helped me when speaking to others - there is absolutely no guarantee that any particular spirit person will come through and it's not necessarily a failing of the medium.

    So you understand what I've just written....

    I rarely give advice but based on what you've told us here my suggestions are: 1) yes, wait 2) yes, try again 3) try someone different next time.

    Been there, done that!

    Oh this is hard to answer sensitively. PLEASE don't abandon your husband - he won't abandon you. Your husband isn't in the graveyard; there's no reason to go there if you don't want to visit his grave if it doesn't help you. I beg to disagree with your last point - I think YOU DO still want him around you.

    You're deeply distressed and depressed. That's why you're feeling as you do.

    same as above....

    In response to your last question, yes it's normal when you're as depressed as you are BUT don't do what you're talking about as a response to your distress and depression.
    Widdershins3 likes this.
  4. Maria

    Maria Member

    I am glad I read your post Gold Dust Woman as I thought it was only me who felt like that. It was the anniversary of Peter’s funeral on 21st April so I arranged to have a telephone reading last Tuesday morning with a medium as I was feeling very sad, and yearned for some messages to be conveyed to me. Before the reading I spoke out loud to Peter asking him to use the opportunity to channel through messages regarding how is doing in the afterlife, and any advice he could give (as I have been having a hard time recently for many reasons). I was bitterly disappointed with the result of the reading. The profile of the person described by the medium sounded nothing like Peter, and the message “he is saying you must go out in the sun” was a total denouncement to what I was eagerly waiting for. When I expressed how let down I felt by the reading content, the medium’s opinion was “your expectations are too high”. Initially, I was very hurt that Peter failed to come through, and it felt like a black cloud had descended upon me for the rest of the day. Having analysed it further however, I think that the medium did not to connect with Peter either through apathy/inability, or that he simply did not have the rapport with Peter for successful communication. I compared the reading with those I had with another medium who captured Peter’s personality perfectly, and conveyed information which convinced me he had definitely communicated with Peter. I also felt so uplifted after the reading with this medium unlike the one I spoke to this week. My advice to you is therefore do not blame your husband for failing to come through more positively, and instead understand that the fault lay with the medium who provided the reading. I am confident that when a medium has a genuine gift and sufficient chemistry to link with your loved one, they will come through loud and clear, and you will be left with no doubt or confusion if it it was them.

    I have just read Mac’s post which was published before I had submitted mine, and he has given excellent advice.
    Widdershins3 likes this.
  5. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    GoldDustWoman I am sorry about your experience. As other's here mentioned I hope you hold on to Peter's belongings and this event. Susie and I wrote a lot of letters and She also wrote poetry and prose and I treasure them. Not a week goes by that I do not read Her sweet words and weep. The weeping is healing. I wish you the best.
  6. Thank you all , really I am embarrassed I feel this way .
    One like was mentioned above was that he wanted me to go out onto my balcony - I live very high up . I cannot believe anyone especially him would have me do that . I told her I still have to raise our last daughter ( one month til 17 ) I am not sure that that is the safest idea right now . The moving on statements - I'm pretty confident I do not need to explain those here . I usually LOVE the cemetery - I am west coaster from the deep southern US. We grave decorate like mad and I was taught early . Its a way to just celebrate the memory . He was placed in one 800 miles away and I had wanted to be nearer but since she left I have even thought about going back to Europe ( I am dual from an earlier residency ) or at least across the country . My daughter has taken everything up because she said my anger is really uncharacteristicly aggressive ( not at her though ) and he left those diamonds for me that are loose 2 are 2+ cts really good sz and one is a 1 ct pink diamond and yet I feel like throwing them out in the grass of the building !! At first the medium told me to only make a necklace and not a ring when I told her Id planned on doing a ring so I dropped it , later, I did mention a necklace scenario and she told me to make a ring out of them like this was the first time hearing about it . I see my plain therapist next week . I am glad my story could help someone and will defnitly take ALL of this advice .

    I do not think I realize like Mac said how distressed/depressed I really am . Yes I feel sad but not able to see myself at that level where someone else may me able to . I will wait and try again with someone else . He didn't have any bad messages they were just extremely conflicting.

    It was sort of like I were to tell you in this post , hey I am blue then 10 miutes later I say I am purple, I have always been purple and you all are blind ! THEN you all would be thinking whaaaaaaaaaaaaa? Very flip floppy .
  7. Mac as luck would have it the two dresses I had made for Ascot's Friday and Saturday meets just arrived . I wont - insert some terrible dress fate here - in honor of you . I was going to have such a good time in the Queen Anne enclosure but I think I will instead be working the backstretch at Saratoga . I got a call from one of my old trainers there earlier. It starts a few days after the lease here is up . In my real life I am a licensed excersize rider - both Thoroughbreds and Quarter Horses. Ascot was my goal.
  8. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Do you - or could you - spend some time in the UK? If so you might want to consider seeing a medium here. There's no saying you'd have any more success but I have less confidence about the nature of so-called mediums in the USA than I have about those in the UK. I'm not saying things are better in the UK but there are differences that may be helpful.
  9. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I hope I can reassure you that you should not feel embarrassed. You are grieving your loss of your husband and grieving can distort your perspective on matters, even those about which you have some understanding.

    A reputable medium should consider what she says and how she says it. Even acknowledging they're out of context, such words sound bizarre to me.

    The sentiments have been discussed here on a number of occasions. The term 'moving on' can mean very different things to folk.

    Now I appreciate your approach to cemeteries/graveyards. We still visit the grave of our baby son well over thirty years on from his passing but we know he's not there and that it's just a focal point and a place to mark his short time in this world. Few know who he is, even fewer ever visit his grave, but we know and that's all that matters.

    Unless your husband had been trying to convey his wishes for those gems there's no valid reason for her commenting on what you should be doing with them. But because she did my thoughts are that she then was working at a psychic level, at least at that specific point if not at any other time. Unless you'd gone for a psychic reading there's no justification for a so-called spiritual medium (what I term an evidential medium) to be doing that OTHER THAN PERHAPS if she'd lost her spirit connection temporarily. The medium should know if that had happened - it's fundamental that a competent medium understands and recognises the difference. I don't know if this applies to the situation you've described but it's a possibility.

    I'm guessing that's for psychological/emotional support. I'm a supporter of that and of bereavement counselling just to get you through the early time.

    It's pretty difficult to stand back and observe yourself and sadness and depression go hand in hand. It's a hackneyed saying but time can help heal even if not for everyone. You've said "He didn't have any bad messages..." Who is he - are you meaning your husband? If so do you think it really was him communicating? I'm sorry if I'm introducing doubt but doubt is what I'm feeling.

    Been there, done that....
    GoldDustWoman622 and pandora97 like this.
  11. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Based on your account I would not feel inclined to show any approval of her ability as a medium.

    Unless there are things you haven't told us, clear indicators that it was your husband communicating, then I'd be inclined to think the practitioner you visited was a psychic (or as they're often called in the USA, psychic mediums) OR she was having a bad day and was working in the psychic realm rather than the spiritual.

    If the latter were the case she ought to have admitted she was getting nothing of value. And if she had suggested you could expect (spiritual) mediumship, in my view she ought to have offered a refund of her fee.
    Widdershins3 and Ski like this.
  12. Ski


    Well, that's why I don't talk to mediums. I believe some people have gifts, I know they do....but not everyone is "ON" all the time. That's why I also don't believe a person should run a business using mediumship. I have abilities myself, and there is no way I can just tap into things at any time. The frequency has to be right, and I have to be in a good emotional/mental state. That alone, because humans have good and bad days, would disqualify most from setting up pre planned meetings.

    Imo, you do what you want with those diamonds....those diamonds are for you. They are not hers, your husband bought those for you. He would love anything you decide to make out of them, a ring, necklace...toe ring, diamond teeth

    I think the reading, imo, was a sham. In my experience, they don't tell us what to do, unless it's going to benefit us. They also dont contradict themselves, because they know what we are going through, and they know where we are going.

    I use to get psychic readings for fun....by "experts" but you know what, they were shams, too. It didn't take long to figure that out. Most good paychics are by word of mouth, friends of friends, and have a reputation. I have yet to find any of them online, by phone number, or Logos.

    I had a good friend call me one time....she had consulted a psychic and was blown away by how accurate her reading was. After an hour of telling me what the psychic said, she talked me into calling the same psychic.

    You know what that psychic told me? Exactly what she told my friend. Word for word. I hung up on her amd did not waste my time on her. Even her opening line was the same as what she told my friend.

    I'm a big believer in the afterlife, I've experienced it.....but I'm not a fan of paychics, mediums, or fortune tellers.

    I'm sorry, but I do not believe she connected with your husband.

    I'm also sorry that she let you down....I usually don't apologize for somebody else's wrong doings, but your feelings matter more to me than my distaste for money taking psychics.

    I know that you needed and wanted to hear from your husband, and you did everything you could to make this reading go right...it's just you can not control what other people do. Look into your own heart...you know your husband better than anyone else.
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2018
  13. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    A problem in the USA - but elsewhere too - is that practitioners may not be what folk expect mediums to be. Just referring to them as 'mediums' tells us nothing - are they 'psychic mediums' or are they 'spiritual mediums'?

    It's always been that way but it's at least a possibility that an experienced medium will have more time 'on' than a practitioner whose sensitivities are less developed, less tested and maybe less dependable... It's a long-running debate in my Spiritualist circles whether the service of mediumship should be charged for. That's a conversation for another thread.

    Those stones are the business only of their owner or keeper. Psychic readers have no more idea - and no right to say - what should be done with 'em than anyone who's not a psychic.

    Our loved ones may try to help but even their counsel deserves to be weighed and considered. They're not automatically right about everything any more than they were when incarnate.

    And the problem may be is that there is little indication which practitioner is which but also there's a lack of understanding which should be providing what service.

    Apologising for another's failures means little - only the one who fails can offer a meaningful apology.

    The practitioner was, of course, the primary problem if she wasn't competent to provide sound mediumship. A practitioner who has no reliable link - if any link at all - to loved ones in the etheric world should not be expected to communicate with them. Beyond that, however, is the possibility that even an experienced evidential medium can not guarantee that they will link to a specific spirit person. That can be hard to accept but it's not necessarily the failing of the medium.

    [There's a couple of threads on ALF where psychics and mediums are discussed - what they are and what they're not.]
    Ski likes this.
  14. Ski


    Thanks Mac, you are so right....the times where I have had strong psychic experiences, were with people I had strong emotional ties with, or subjects that I was invested into emotionally. I did pick up on a stranger online( I should post about that sometime) It was my first time responding to her, but the subject matter....I was very passionate about, and emotionally invested in.

    I did get one accurate reading one time in my life. I met a lady at a BBQ, and she read my palm. She told me 3 things.

    1. I was married...could have been a good guess....I was not wearing a wedding ring. I had lost weight, amd the ring fell off my finger, and was found in a friends driveway a year later, broken.

    2. I have two children....she could have known this, but she had never met me before, and my family wasn't with me, they were on a fishing trip.

    3. One of my children was permenantley disabled or died young....which was true. One of my children is disabled and will need care for the rest of his life.....she couldn't have known that.

    She did not charge me a penny...and she was the only accurate psychic who did not fish for information, or give me a bunch of hoopla. Then she explain to me I detail how she read my palm and how she knew the things she did.
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2018
  15. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    If we go to a practitioner for a reading that we know will be purely psychic and get what we're expecting then we are not being misled e.g a reading from a so-called fortune teller at a fair or on a seaside pier. But a psychic reading is not spirit communication via mediumship although with the ambiguity surrounding the word 'medium' a seeker could think it is; they could be hoping to hear from a person in spirit. If the practitioner fails to make it clear to their client exactly what they will get there is a likelihood the seeker will be disappointed and even feel they've been duped.

    Exactly what value a psychic reading may have for any particular sitter will depend on what they expect and what they hear - and what value they believe it will have. It's a similar situation concerning spiritual mediumship BUT I think it's important the differences between psychic reading and mediumship should be appreciated by seekers.

    I have no difficulty with either practitioner charging for the service provided as long as it was the service they were offering. Do we expect they should provide it for free?
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2018
  16. Ski


    Imo....yes. If it's a message from God or the other side...it should be free.
    I'm not charging any of you to talk to me, or making you pay $3.99/minute to have a discussion. That doesn't sound spiritual, it sounds gimmicky and not very authentic. If I had a gift to give messages out from God, I'd be taking them very seriously...especially concerning someone who is vulnerable and in pain. I wouldn't do it for entertainment, hobby, fun or 3.99.

    It would be because I was called to do it. That's what makes me think most psychics charging people are fraudulent.
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2018
    ravensgate likes this.
  17. Thanks to you all , I just thought of something .. in reference to her being a medium she was specific that she wasn't a psychic but an evidential medium . However ,, when Mac asked if I had left anything out . There actually may be and I did not realize it . ( I still cannot figure out who all she was talking about ) BUT ... There may be no such thing as being too prepared for a sitting , but during this clearing out process I went through to get ready something shifted in ME . I mean I did ALOT of meditation and went alone to my sisters cabin on the North Shore of Oahu for a week and just soaked up nature and just fell in with the surfers and the neighborhood people living life and was actually myself again for a moment ( I thought ) and in that process is where the anger began so by the time she got here I was certainly calm and open on top but deep down was/is a severe rage .
    Fortunately my daughter has taken my garbage bag of his things and hidden them . This anger is bad enough that any messages may have been difficult for anyone . I still agree if she just was't picking up anything that it was ok and I would rather hear that than a made up story .
    I went from shock and denial and am crashing straight into anger but it took me awhile to think of it - again you all can see from the outside in . This is the only thing I can think of but it is a BIG thing . Had he still been here , he was such a sensitive man that he would probably have been afraid . I never ever feel this kind of rage, it's almost feral . So yes looking back with alot of self examination I was very angry WAY deep down by the time she got here . I just had to look back .
    Thank you all for guiding me through , daughter was telling me you wont be able to live without these things , don't do this - I was having a complete meltdown last evening. My friends were saying the same thing . So everything is up until I can get past this part . Same with the reading , I will try again with someone else when I get farther past this part
    Isn't grief fun ! Yay ! :eek: More like an out of control roller coaster .....
    .. and yes , even though Ascot has been derailed for this year I will be back next . I am just absolutely worn OUT .
  18. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    As I suggested earlier, a different thread is the place to hold a conversation concerning charging for any service provided. This thread is to offer our thoughts about golddustwoman's bad experience.
  19. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    So we now have a distinct framework for what could be expected.

    There's the rub. There's nothing wrong in having forgotten something BUT it's incumbent on an evidential medium - if that's what she actually is and not just what she believes she is - to work towards finding evidence of identity that her sitter can either identify at the time or take away to research. The reason for the latter is that there's no knowing who may come through during a sitting. [I'm avoiding using 'a reading' because for me it's too close to psychic reading.] In my view there should not be uncertainty about who a communicator is without the medium's explanation why. It's not unusual not to recognise a communicator but it doesn't mean (s)he hasn't come through for you. an important role of the medium is to explain this to you and to get you to hold on to details to check later. Not easy when you're hoping for one particular individual.

    It's good that you did for yourself things you thought had helped but you suggest that seething emotions were raging inside. Forgive me but your emotional state may have been far from receptive and that would not have helped the sitting. The potential effect of such emotion has been discussed on ALF previously but it's not likely to be a positive one.

    Yes she should have told you what was happening and explained. If it was a jumble of details that you were totally unable to relate to she ought to have offered to stop. If she was psychic reading but allowing it to appear to be mediumship then I find that unforgiveable. If it was a load of baloney it's equally bad.

    Anger and rage is a terribly destructive emotion and not one we choose and probably one we will struggle to combat. As I said earlier the effect of such deep emotion is unlikely to have a positive outcome during mediumship BUT a competent practitioner should realse and react accordingly.

    I do hope you won't do anything precipitate because you are almost certain to regret it later.

    I'm not qualified to advise you about anything but one thought is that a sitting with another medium - not a psychic - deserves to be put on hold. Another thought is that the therapist you said had been helping you for some time is someone who is most likely to help you learn to cope with this awful situation.

    And when you are more settled in your emotions you'll have a better chance of deciding what comes next.

    I would expect from what I've read and heard from others in similar situations that they will say much the same as you. Clearly you're exhausted emotionally and probably just as exhausted physically. Do only what you need to do to get through this trial. Stay with us here on ALF as you're with others who understand.
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2018
    GoldDustWoman622 likes this.
  20. Zac

    Zac Member

    I've had about 30 sittings with 10 different mediums over the past 7 years. I found that some mediums are much more reliable than others. I only had 1 or 2 sittings with most of those mediums though, in nearly all cases, they all came up with something I considered evidential. I found they tended to come up with the most stuff during the initial sitting and subsequent ones were more likely to come up blank. In particular, I would highly recommend Tim Braun (Costa Mesa, CA) who I found to be the most reliable. I have had 10 sittings with him (including earlier this year) and have never been disappointed. But, Tim is expensive ($325 for a 50-60 minute sitting) so I can't afford to visit him except maybe once a year.

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