getting through

I don't often read books but my wife had bought one recently and suggested I might like it. It's 'Once More We Saw Stars' by Jayson Greene and tells his and his wife's story after their 2 year old was critically injured in a freak accident. The child died and as you might expect they were left devastated.

Some time later they are being helped to deal with their all-consuming grief. Grief threapy was part of the help along with support from a spiritual medium. At one point the parents are intently hoping the medium will hear from their daughter but her dad remembered how she'd hang back in crowds rather than push forward to the front of the group. I imagine that's how it would be around any medium in a group scenario. One individual might push to the front determined not to be overlooked whereas another would be diffident or shy and gets sidelined, albeit not deliberately.

Later in group work the medium tells them they should try to relax and be accepting of apparently random signs. She says seeing signs is about recptivity and that you need to learn to be receptive. She says our loved ones are always trying to reach us but can only do it with little signs. If you aren't watching for them you'll likely miss them.

The parents had just such a sign but initially didn't recognise it. I'm half way through the book so I don't know if they received anything else but I think the point is made. And I didn't use to be persuaded by 'signs and symbols' accounts in my earlier days. I changed; even mac can change.

 

Those who are privileged to understand the principle of survival may also realise that nothing is lost over the fulness of time. But that doesn't stop us humans feeling the way we do - as humans.

We desperately feel the loss of a loved one as if it's going to be forever. We mourn their passing and we miss what we took was for granted, a shared future in this particular lifetime. And what was missed this time was missed full-stop, period.

It matters not that our son who passed in my arms (I comfort myself) only minutes after he left his mother is still alive and around us. We both miss the life we all might have had if he had remained in this world with us.

It does not matter how much I understand about survival and matters spiritual. (or so I tell myself) His loss still feels like a loss that can never be put right.

 

thanks, Monika, for your sentiments

I don't speak much about our son but he's the reason I'm doing now what I do most days. I think it might sometimes be important for folk - new ones particularly - to appreciate that what I write here relates to me just as much as it applies to other members. It's also a useful memory-jog for me too!

 

I've recently registered on a bereavement website.

I'm hoping I may be able to offer a few crumbs of comfort to some of those posting there, most of them devastated, lonely and desperately missing loved ones, often not wanting to go on and wishing they could join them.

It's early days and I have no idea whether I'll be able to say anything helpful.