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FORGIVNESS

Discussion in 'Spiritual Growth & Development' started by Litsa, Sep 25, 2017.

  1. Litsa

    Litsa New Member

    Hi All,

    It has been a while since I posted.

    I created the thread Karma/Friendship a while a go.

    Well, four days ago, this 75 year old Male friend called me after four months. This is after I had politely emailed him four months ago and told him I needed my space as my Mom was in hospice in take and near the end of life.

    Since then so many things have happened and not pleasant ones. My Mom now is out of hospice but still nearing end of life.

    Four days ago, this so called friend called me out of the blue and was upset because he received my voice mail.

    He left an angry message and said "I was a jerk and four months not calling him is long enough and that I need to call him NOW....He was angry.

    I did not call him...Instead I wrote a polite email that stated I didn't appreciate his angry message and that I am ending friendship and contact with him.

    He emailed me back and said I deserved the disrespected voice mail cause I was MIA and I could not end a friendship when there never was one. Then he went on to say how he care for me and I threw back in his face. He accused me of being a taker and to have a nice life...I am more than half his age.

    I never used him EVER...But, I pulled away from him because I could no longer serve his needs of attention and try to care for my dying Mom.

    Since the nasty phone message and email...I have not established contact with him, but, I do worry this is not over yet.

    I am trying like crazy to forgive him and sending him blessing....But this incident keeps playing in my mind...

    If I have forgiven why does this scenario and me trying to figure out if he is slowly loosing his mind bother me.

    Thanks,

    Kalo
     
  2. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Sounds like he's a stalker. If I were you I would never communicate with him again, and if he tries to communicate with you again, I would recommend getting a restraining order against him. Because here's the thing -- I don't know if you deserve any of the blame in this situation, although it doesn't really sound as if you do, but either way once you told him you were ending the friendship, that's that, that's the end of it.
     
    Widdershins3 likes this.
  3. Litsa

    Litsa New Member

    The only blame I deserve is when he reached out to me two years ago and I let him in my life. The first time he was very needed and if I didn't pick up my phone he would panic...Where are you? Are you hiding from me? Also, ANYTHING, he did for me now..Took me to the ER when I was having stomach issues, I REPAID by taking him to dinner and thanking him...Or he gave me Audio Speakers that HE NEVER used and DIDN'T Pay for...I wish I didn't take it as I truly didn't want them...But, again, I gave him my pro tools recording interface and software....I never, took money from him...Never USED him at all...

    I could run a report on him, but, I feel to weird to do it....This is not something I want to deal with as my Mom is at end of life.

    Again, I did respectfully tel him via email that I needed my space as I was the only one dealing with my Mom health and at that time (I have it in writing) he said he would give it to me...But, I guess after four months he got impatient and when he got my voice mail..He got angry...

    Proper etiquette if he cared would of been to give me moral support...Like, Hi Kalo, I know you said you needed your space, but I thought I would call to see if your Mom passed and if so my condolences and if not I am here to talk if you feel up to it....But instead he chose the I am jerk and four months is long enough call me NOW....

    I am so stressed and if he only knew what I went through in the last four months....I just hope he doesn't become a problem..

    Thanks for your advise...I will continue to try and not send negative energy his way...I hope he has a good life..

    Kalo
     
  4. mac

    mac helper Staff Member

    Like bb my immediate reaction is that this jerk is a stalker. :(

    I rarely give advice but I do advise you maintain the biggest distance you can from him in every way. You owe him no courtesy, you owe him nothing else, but I suggest you don't respond to anything more he says so as not to give this oddball any further reason (in his mind) to keep contacting you.

    That will likely anger him but whatever you do - short of doing what he wants - will anger him anyway. Your silence is safest for you in my view but don't hesitate to involve the police if he frightens you and becomes abusive or threatening.

    I wish you the best.
     
  5. Widdershins3

    Widdershins3 Active Member

    Scary. I wish you the very best too. The only thing I can say about people like him is that they're in the minority and that it's very unlikely you could ever fix or even help him if you had decided to try to do that. I had a friend of 30 years who didn't have email (he still doesn't--hates computers) and back when I was coping with the shock of a breast cancer diagnosis he was the one person who accidentally wasn't notified. My email went out to all my other friends and then I immersed myself in surgery and treatment. When I emerged half a year later, I ran into him and, instead of a hug, I was treated to a furious tirade about what a failure as a friend I was. I was so shocked that all I could do was apologize abjectly, but it wasn't enough. It's been 4 years and he's still badmouthing me to our many mutual friends.

    I really feel for you, Litsa. It hurts terribly to discover that someone we've loved as a friend is able to switch in a heartbeat to a bitter, implacable enemy. Try to take comfort in your true friends. Many mediums have passed on messages from people like him and they are invariably full of remorse once they're on the other side and do their life reviews. I think of that when I feel awful about my ruined friendship and perhaps it can give you comfort too. I hope so.
     
  6. Litsa

    Litsa New Member

    Thank you, Bluebird, Mac, Widdershins3..

    Your comments have helped me tremendously as I am going through a rough time watching my Mom go through end of life.

    Widdershins3 your story of your friend BREAKS my heart....You wonder what goes on with friends or people...Your friend didn't care what you were going through..CANCER is SCAREY!!!!! In my opinion he doesn't deserve your friendship.

    This is the same with this elderly man that has friended me....I will keep my distance not answer emails...I have BLOCKED his number and I can only hope he will not get angry because of the silence and cut off from my life.

    The only thing I can do and this is why I brought this topic up....Is I will forgive but not friend him anymore...I am trying to put myself in his position that he needs attention. I realize he doesn't care about me or my Mom and the proof was in voice mail...He needed me to be in his life and whatever attention I was giving him made him happy.

    Still, that is no reason for his behavior...I wish him well..

    Thanks again and I plan to ask more questions (as I have tons) regarding afterlife..

    Kalo
     
  7. mac

    mac helper Staff Member

    quote: "He needed me to be in his life and whatever attention I was giving him made him happy."

    More likely is that your attention satisfied one of his needs. I'd imagine he's the sort of individual who doesn't often feel happy and clearly he doesn't value or respect you.

    It's good you've received here on ALF the reassurance you needed. :)
     
  8. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    Just my opinion based on psychology......this may be triggering or awakening unresolved feelings connected to your father that are sitting inside of you from many years ago. My therapy took me back to my childhood to come to understand why I carry certain reactions to older people or men in general. Most reactive behavior can can be found in one's early childhood. The more I read about this "elderly man" in your posts, the more it reads like a comment on your own father. Was you dad somewhat like this elderly man, or perhaps some other elderly man in your past?
     
  9. Litsa

    Litsa New Member

    Hi jimrich,

    I read both of your replies...I realized this incident had to do with trying to be kind....This elderly man has problems...Like we all do, right?

    As you can see he did not listen....

    I since have moved on and no longer blame myself...

    What have I learned or want am I learning??

    How to love myself to not let anyone treat me the way he did. Yes, setting boundaries is a big part and if he or she doesn't abide by them they need to go.

    Kalo
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2017
  10. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    Wrong! We don't ALL have mental or boundary problems - just some of us do and some of us even get over those "problems".

    I agree.
    Yes.
    Bless you............
     

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