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Death of a soulmate(spouse) : Single, Suicide or moving on in life?

Discussion in 'Spiritual Growth & Development' started by tobeornotbeQ, Feb 7, 2015.

  1. Firstly i think my post really needs to be separate from the pinned Suicide post. My post is rather personally relevant and asks a different question of suicide which is not general in nature.

    I lost my wife a few months back to cancer, she was my one true soulmate in life, she would put up with all my faults not some but all no matter how bad, she loved me till the day she died. She was loyal to the end and put my needs above her always, she understood me. She was generous to people who knew her but the universe seems to have it in for the best of us while allowing the stupid and selfish to remain. We were only together for five years in total and i now find myself alone. I'm personally a loner and have no friends to count on, my family are not existent.

    I was with my wife, brother and mother in law when she died in hospital gasping to breath, it is something i don't wish anybody to experience. Her family are supportive but they are overseas and ESL. They understand English and are pretty much like most people who don't understand soulmates, discussing these issues bring the same responses about moving on / staying strong etc

    Anyway to the point of this post, since her death i have considered staying single, suicide(catching the bus) or moving on. But from the point of her death, i summersied suicide would be the best option because i cant live without her, i dont want someone else, its like living with a part of your soul missing. Also since then I have been researching about death, ndes etc ( my wife saw ghosts at a young age and also heard Chinese music before her operation - which is suppose to imply the afterlife in Chinese culture although she was Christian).

    At the moment the only thing keeping me alive is a cat

    As for my belief, im at best 50/50, i either i face oblivion or i face an unknown afterlife.

    My decision is made but what have others done in the situation. I suppose this is hard considering some have suicided. But im interested in others responses to similar situations be they soulmates or just spouses, from what i have witnessed many marriages are not soulmates.
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2015
  2. mac

    mac Staff Member

    I'll respond to the last point. I think it's right to surmise that many marriages are likely not between soulmates. Indeed marriage in this world might be less common if it were mainly soulmates who got married.

    Or maybe it is fairly common but soulmates don't talk about it hence we are not aware of it?
  3. janef

    janef Moderator

    Welcome to the forum, I am glad you found us! Sorry for your loss, but suicide is not the answer. The ones we have heard from (thru mediumship communication) say they are sorry, it was a mistake. Please find a grief support group. Please know she is only a thin veil away and you can still communicate with her. We are all going to join our loved ones in the Summerlands.
  4. I concur with Janef. Please try to find outside professional help first and give it fair try. Most hospitals have someone on staff 24 hours that you can talk to as a first step. And please share with us how things are going for you. You'll find people on this forum quite supportive.

    Your wife seems to have been in tune with the spiritual world. Hopefully you'll be able to get some communication from her.

    My heart goes out to you.
  5. poeticblue

    poeticblue Moderator

    Hi! I would just like to say that suicide is not the answer. If you were to kill yourself, it would cause a ripple effect so unimaginable that it would effect everybody whether you or the world realizes it or not. We are all connected and intertwined with one another in some way. If you were to hurt yourself, somebody somewhere will feel that same pain.

    Also I want to say that soul mates usually don't reincarnate together because they both will feel the exact same level of emotion at the same time which will distract you from your life chart. Your wife more than likely was a kindred spirit that was in your soul group. We have lived numerous of lifetimes with people who are in our soul groups. That may be why you felt extremely connected with your wife. I feel the same way about my child. You would do anything and cross over any galaxy in the universe just to be with them no matter what has happened (including suicide). But suicide is not the answer. You will only make matters worse not only for yourself, but for everybody else and I am sure you do not want that. I've witnessed the turmoil that people suffer through when suicide is committed. All of my closest friends has lost someone to suicide and they themselves felt the need to kill themselves afterwards. Surely you do not want that for the people around you. We also lost a member on this forum to suicide in which I have still not gotten over. I think you may need to sit down and allow things to sink in clearly.
  6. Carol and Mikey

    Carol and Mikey Golden Hearts

    Please please seek professional help! What Poeticblue and others are saying here is true. You leave a trail of devastation for many. Mikey tells me you feel what you leave behind and it is not a pleasant experience . Souls regret it when they realize what they have done. Please read the thread recently done by Types with fingers about suicide as well as Roberta's.
    I know how hard it is to lose someone you love so. I am so sorry you have to go through this. We are stronger in numbers and we can over come the grief if we try. They really are still close to us. I know it! Please seek help! Please.
    Carol and Mikey "in Spirit"
  7. bluebird

    bluebird Regular Contributor


    You and I are in sort of similar situations. My husband died suddenly of an unexpected heart attack almost 2.5 years ago, one week to the day after our wedding. We had been together, in love and monogamous, for nearly 13 years.

    He is my soulmate. His soul and mine are intertwined, always will be, and his death has torn my soul apart. I'm sure you understand that. My husband is a wonderful person -- not perfect, by any means, as he had his petty faults just as we all do, but he was always kind and generous to everyone, funny, smart, and absolutely the perfect person for me, as I am the perfect person for him. I do have loving and supportive family, but I can tell you that in some ways that only makes this more difficult, as I know it would hurt them if I killed myself (I responded to your other post in the suicide thread in more detail regarding that).

    People who say "you need to move on", or "you need to stay strong" or "you charted this in your life", or any of those other clichés -- they do not understand what it is like to have your soulmate torn from you because they have never been in that position. Why anyone would get married or be in a long-term relationship with anyone who is not her/his soulmate I don't understand, but they do, and then when their spouse/partner dies they are generally sad, because they did care about the person, but they are not devastated because their soul has not been torn from them.

    I'm sorry your wife died in pain. At the same time, I am envious that at least you were with her -- I was not with my husband when he died, as he was not ill (or at least we didn't know he was), and the day he died he had gone to play a gig (he's a musician) and I stayed home to get some stuff done (errands, plus some things for the band -- the band consisted of my sister, her husband, my husband, and a friend of theirs). At least my sister and her husband were with my husband when he collapsed, and he spent his last day and last moments playing music, which he loved. Still, I was not there, and I wish I had been.

    I understand you considering suicide; I have too, and I honestly don't know if I will eventually end up doing it or not. If I don't, then I will spend the rest of my life alone (aside from family); I will never have another romantic/sexual relationship. I am married, to my beloved, and that will never change. None of this "till death do we part" bullshit for us -- it wasn't in our vows, and it isn't in our hearts. We are and always will be soulmates. The idea of even going on a date with anyone else is repulsive to me. There is no "moving on" when the person who died is your soulmate, at least not for me. So when you say that you can't live without your wife and that you don't want anyone else, and that it is like living with a part of your soul missing, I get that. It is the same for me. I am only alive because if I kill myself it will devastate my family (including our cat, who needs me to love him and take care of him, plus I promised my husband I would if anything ever happened to him), and because if there is an afterlife and a god I don't know if that god would attempt to prevent me from being with my husband if I killed myself.

    I concur with this: "..either I face oblivion or I face an unknown afterlife". I can only hope that whenever/however I die, there is an afterlife in which I will be reunited with my beloved. Even if there is no afterlife, if I take everyone & everything else out of the equation (family, cat, god, etc.), I would rather cease to exist altogether than continue to live without my husband.

    I would suggest that you take a lot of time to really think about this. I won't try to convince you not to do it, because I understand what it's like, but once you do it, that's it, so it seems to me that it's worth giving a lot of consideration as to what you actually want to do. Take your time and really consider; there's no harm in doing that. Whatever you do, I hope you find some peace.
  8. poeticblue

    poeticblue Moderator

    I know that I may come off abrupt about the things that I am passionate about. With that being said:

    I don't agree with you Bluebird. I've said it once and I will say it again: How dare you. Pain comes in all shapes and forms.

    You said: "People who say "you need to move on", or "you need to stay strong" or "you charted this in your life", or any of those other clichés -- they do not understand what it is like to have your soulmate torn from you because they have never been in that position"

    Really bluebird? "Cliche" you say? "They do not understand unless they have been in that position". Really bluebird?

    Where is your proof of this? Because I have known numerous of people who has lost their loving spouse and they aren't as pessimistic, negative, and an absolute downer like you are. I have known people who have lost their kindred spirit/soulmate, lost their home, their family, starving, abused, ect.... and yet I have never seen such a stink attitude that radiates such as yours. Did you apologize to Roberta about what you said to her in the other thread?

    You are not going to sit there and mock people who choose to see a more positive side because you choose to be miserable every single day. I understand that people have their bad days, weeks, and/or months... But you are on a whole different level in my opinion. Literally every single day.
  9. bluebird

    bluebird Regular Contributor


    Yes, I know you don't agree with me. You and I don't seem to agree on much. So be it.

    "How dare I" what? How dare I disagree with you? I doubt that's what you mean, because you and I disagree all the time, but then what do you mean? Also, did I apologize to Roberta about what? What are you talking about?

    Yes, I said: "People who say "you need to move on", or "you need to stay strong" or "you charted this in your life", or any of those other clichés -- they do not understand what it is like to have your soulmate torn from you because they have never been in that position". Yes, really. That is what I believe. I know there are people who have lost a loving spouse and who are happy and able to be more positive about their lives. I do not believe those people really lost their soulmate, though, because I don't believe it is possible to be happy when your soulmate has died. I might be wrong about that, yes, but that is my opinion. Regardless, though, there are many people who were married/involved with someone who they never even felt was their soulmate, but with whom they had a good, loving relationship. What I'm saying is that it's easier (not necessarily easy, but easier) for those people to "move on" with their lives and possibly with other relationships, because their loss is not as great and all-encompassing. Similar to (though of course not exactly like) if a person's best friend of many years suddenly stops being friends with her/him, that is devastating, whereas if a secondary or tertiary friend, or an acquaintance, breaks off the friendship, it might be momentarily painful but not soul and life destroying.

    I don't have "proof", I am giving my opinion. I don't expect you to share it, I don't necessarily expect anyone else to share it -- it's an opinion. I'm not mocking anyone for seeing the positive in life -- hell, I used to be that person, before my husband died. If people can see the positive, good for them, seriously. There is no good in life for me anymore, and never will be, and yes, that is every second of every day until I can finally die.

    In his post, tobeornotbeQ said "My decision is made but what have others done in the situation. I suppose this is hard considering some have suicided. But im interested in others responses to similar situations be they soulmates or just spouses, from what i have witnessed many marriages are not soulmates." So I told him how I feel in my similar situation; I answered his query honestly.
    Monika likes this.
  10. I find a lot of what has been said here to be similar to the many various posts i have read being said to suicidal individuals across the net. From such as see a professional, find a support group etc. While the more spirituality inclined non Christians talk about disrupting spiritual plans, reincarnation groups and causing ripples etc. Making things worse..

    But i really don't see how people know how my ctb will make a difference, im in my mid 30s, i have no friends, no career and no job. the house i live in is rented and most of the possensions in it are my wifes. I was never big on accumulating personal possessions and often just get rid of stuff i had accumulated. According to my family history i will get cancer in the next 30 years and die. What plan im am upsetting? Actually i feel like im fulfilling a plan.

    Believe it or not i have had a connection to the "paranormal or what might be quantum communication", for some years i have had premonition dreaming and deja vou which concerned only our lives(me and my wife), without understanding the context they made little sense at the time and i dismissed them as dreams. But as my wifes illness progressed they all made sense, all a bit late in the scheme of things. But there is two things left that haven't happened me taking the cat with great sadness to a no kill shelter where she will be adopted out and my death experience, i dreamnt these before i even knew my wife had cancer but Ive seen them none the less.

    As such my tendentious beliefs of an afterlife, come not from any religion per sae but from genuine peoples experiences including my own be that deja vou, NDEs or there witnessing/ feeling the presence of ghosts. I don't try to view these through religions be they old or new although i do hold a contradictory belief in God and Jesus.

    As a side note: i must say i treat many of the mediums,psychics and nde experiencers who often write books with great suspicion, actually in honestly i think they are mainly frauds, Nde's for example are experiences which can often be explained in 3 to 4 paragraphs (nderf.org is a good example many appear genuine and are too the point), But then there are others who write books which drag into a couple of hundred pages claiming to have multiple NDES, these people represent everything that is wrong with this world, bullshit for the sake of money. I find people with genuine paranormal experiences of any kind don't look to make money with it and people who appear to have access to ghosts/afterlife don't like talking about it, many intentionally pursue normal lives .

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