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death of a friend

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by Highlander, Mar 12, 2018 at 6:57 PM.

  1. Highlander

    Highlander Member

    I suppose this might be the wrong place to say this but I just have to say something. Our family is struggling with what happened in Yountville on Friday. One of the three women killed was/is a close and dear friend. Rest in Peace, Jennifer Gonzales.
    I just don't what else to say.
  2. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I moved this to its own thread as its such a personal situation, Highlander.

    It's hard to know how to respond. As a foreigner, but one who's been around here since 2004, I'm used to hearing about these desperately tragic events at the same time as remaining appalled at their frequency, the ease with which killing happens.

    How does one make sense of such tragedy?
  3. Highlander

    Highlander Member

    Thank you, Mac. I can't say enough about Dr. Jennifer Gonzales. She was/is one of the sweetest most intelligent and loving people I've ever met. All she wanted to do is help veterans suffering from depression, anxiety and PTSD. She dedicated her life toward helping those most in need.
    Her smile could light up a room. An angel was taken from us.
  4. pandora97

    pandora97 Member

    So sorry for your loss and that of her family and other friends as well. Sadly, there are no answers..........:(
  5. Highlander

    Highlander Member

    Thank you, Pandora. There are answers. I'm nearly 70 years old and I have seen a steady coarsening of society which I see as the root problem. We need to get back to a place where people respect one another. Today there is far more ignorance, hatred and fear than when I was a child. We have regressed. Hopefully we will wake up and save ourselves from us.
  6. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I agree that society has changed almost immeasurably - coarsened is a very good description and embraces much of what's wrong. It's fairly simple to identify the problem but finding ways to make the necessary changes is where society may struggle.

    It's easy to break things but hard to put them back together the way they used to be.
    ravensgate likes this.
  7. kim marine

    kim marine Active Member

    I second your thoughts Mac, and I hear that everywhere. It seems so difficult to recreate this world.
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2018 at 11:19 AM
  8. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Dear Highlander and everyone, if we each will raise our personal vibrations away from fear and toward more perfect love, then such terrible things never will happen again. You and I are where it starts, dear friends, and never doubt that we will be able to move mountains!
    genewardsmith and pandora97 like this.
  9. Highlander

    Highlander Member

    Thank you for that, Roberta. We are on the same page, same book, same note.

    I would like to expound on a theme Mac and I were discussing earlier, namely the coarsening of society and the general human experience over the last few decades. I have several pertinent background experiences to share and here is one of them:
    As I said, I will shortly be 70 years old. When I was 14 and a freshman in high school I, like nearly all of my classmates, belonged to several school-sanctioned clubs. One of these clubs I joined was a gun club. One of the girls I liked in my class joined, so I did too.
    So, after school twice a week we would all meet (maybe 25 to 30 students) at a local indoor gun range where we were taught by adults, gun skills such as safety, proper use of a weapon and target practice skills. It was great fun. We bought jackets and proudly displayed at school and in public our marksman badges sewed thereon. It was all no big deal much like any other school club. This was at a time when adults were sane and so were their children.
    At no time did any of us ever even consider pointing our weapons at another person.
    Can you imagine anything like this happening today? Society has gone so far down the rabbit hole that we may never be able to come back. How truly sad, shameful and pathetic.
  10. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    All so true! Schoolchildren are being led by cynics with their own agendas to march against guns, when in fact those children should be demanding that we reform our whole society! Knives and bombs can kill masses of people, too. And a troubled boy in one of the southern states last week killed his grandparents, his mother, and his sister in the same incident... by bludgeoning them to death. It didn't make the news because it didn't fit the narrative. But an entire family is just as dead :-(.

    What is at the root of most of our current problems is the breakdown of the nuclear family. We have thrown it away like used tissue! We have assumed that fathers in the home weren't necessary, when it turns out that they are essential. Twenty-six of the most recent 27 school shooters were fatherless boys. Why aren't the gun-control fanatics pointing THAT out??
    kim marine likes this.
  11. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    Often overlooked in the family values rhetoric is the obvious fact that the traditional family can also be a site in which negative values can be transmitted. In the current rush to enshrine the nuclear family, it can be forgotten (or overlooked) that traditional nuclear families have also been the place where children have seen, learned about, and been the victims of behavior such as domestic violence, sexual abuse, and incest. Abuse and criminal behaviors occur in traditional families also, very much so!
    The notion that the two-parent family is a prerequisite to passing on good values, as well as the assumption that there is a consensus with respect to which values are important, was a central focus in the 1992 Republican Party Platform.
    Rather than longing for the "good old days," romanticizing the idea of family, and seeking to impose one set of values on everyone, the focus should be on trying to develop policies that will create a just society where people can make their own choices about the most personal aspects of their lives.

    Highlander, I am sorry for your loss and hope you will receive some sign to let you know she is alright. That would not decrease the emotional pain, but perhaps knowing she is ok might be of some comfort during this difficult, anguishing period.
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2018 at 8:59 PM
    bluebird likes this.
  12. marmaladecat

    marmaladecat Member

    ((((Highlander))))), so sorry to hear the news of the recent loss of your friend, Jennifer. My sincere condolences.
  13. Highlander

    Highlander Member

    Thank you Roberta, Ravensgate and Marmaladecat. Dr. Jennifer Gonzales was 32 years old and seven months pregnant. She was a clinical psychologist specializing in anxiety, trauma and PTSD. She was killed by one of her patients.
    Saying adios to someone so close evokes pain, melancholy and longing. She would smile so hard you could barely see her eyes.
  14. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Those children/teens are marching of their own volition, and it's terrible that you would attempt to negate their agency.

    Knives can be used to kill, yes, but one knife cannot kill nearly as many people as one gun. Bombs can kill too, but to the best of my knowledge it is already illegal for people to have/use bombs. As for the troubled boy who killed his family -- that is a horrible tragedy, and the sort of thing that does not occur with anywhere near the frequency that shootings occur, so while it certainly should be discussed, it isn't part of the "gun-control or no gun-control" discussion, it is its own thing (probably something to be discussed under the subject of mental health). So yes, there are many ways that people can kill people, that is not news -- but school shootings are the topic being discussed at the moment, so attempting to drag in these other matters is just an attempt at deflection.

    The nuclear family is absolutely not the only type of family that works or is necessary. It is certainly one good type, but as long as kids have at least one loving adult/parent then (all else being equal) they will be fine. You incorrectly assume that the lack of a father in a home leads to the son/boy becoming a school shooter, when in fact there are thousands (probably hundreds of thousands) of fatherless children in this country who do not become school shooters. Correlation is not causation.
  15. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    Highlander, I am truly sorry for Ms. Gonzales, and for your loss.
  16. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    The thread is now into issues that appear political to me - guns and the mention of political parties - and along with religion, Roberta has declared political discussions on ALF are verboten.

    I hope members will now return to the desperately sad thread topic and stay away from any political (or religious) issues.
  17. ravensgate

    ravensgate Active Member

    Yes, I agree with you. Perhaps Roberta, bluebird and I should refrain from mentioning guns, and political parties. Thanks for your observation and for pointing it out, mac. No need to use this horrible tragedy to score points, make points, throw jabs, etc.....no matter which side!

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