1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Afterlife Forums is an online, interactive community designed to give seekers direct access to prominent researchers, to afterlife literature, and to one another in order to foster both spiritual growth and public interest in life after death.

Can our deceased loved ones help us?

Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by Maria, Oct 20, 2017.

  1. Maria

    Maria Member

    Since Peter died I have been struggling to adapt to a life without him, and at present I am finding increasingly difficult. Believing strongly in the afterlife, I feel that Peter must be aware of how much I am missing him and the challenges I am now facing. He was my soulmate and rock, and I feel helpless without him. We supported each other when he was alive, and I am wondering if he will be able to continue in some way to help from where he is now. So my question therefore asks can our loved ones try to intervene and bring about positive events in our lives such as influencing situations where we meet the right people to help, or bring about solutions to our problems? I realise that this may seem a rather naïve post but it reflects my current intense grief.
  2. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    Dear Maria:
    Right after my late wife, Irene, crossed over, I realized that I had a very Co-dependent relationship to and with her so her absence left me empty handed and in much pain because the person I had DEPENDED on was no longer here to tell me what to do next, give me moral support, dry my tears, soothe my fears and love me where I could not love myself! This is just a very small example of the terrible codependency I allowed to emerge in my marriage and, since I had learned a lot about Codependency in therapy, I had to finally apply the various coping skills I had learned onto my new, lonely and helpless life now that the one I had DEPENDED on was no longer here. The fact that my late wife was still here all the time (as Spirit) even after crossing over, and continues to frequently visit, did not reduce my need to become INDEPENDENT and take charge of my own life after she left. She has come around with some "help" and "support" but not in the way that a codependent like me needed so I am having to use the coping skills I learned in psychotherapy to begin living a healthy, independent and RESPONSIBLE life on my own terms and from my own motivations or drives. Irene is no longer here to back me up so I am going forward with my own power, hope and courage - for the first time ever!!! If you believe that you are suffering with Codependent restrictions, I'd look up Codependency and learn how to deal with it and become Independent or Self-sufficient, ASAP. My principle anti-dependency coping skill is in the self esteem affirmations: "I'm OK" or "I'm GOOD ENOUGH" which provides me with both the power and responsibility to grow up, man up and finally take charge of my own life. The other coping skill involves various forms of self love and self respect, which do the same thing as "I'm OK", etc. If Irene comes with "help" or emotional support, it's fine but in the meantime, I am here, alone and refuse to just die because my moral/emotional support is gone. BTW, I am now involved in a new and wonderful, loving relationship and I suspect that Irene somehow put us together! Good luck finding you freedom from Codependency or unrelenting grief..............
    Amore likes this.
  3. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Oh Maria, we are so sorry for your loss! Please know that certainly our loved ones CAN intervene in our lives with all kinds of help, but whether they WILL do it in a specific situation is directly dependent on the life-plan that you and your guides designed for this lifetime. If, for example, you had planned a serious illness or an accident of some sort, your beloved won't interfere with that. He knows how important it is for you to make the most of these precious chances on earth to achieve real spiritual growth!

    I understand how surprising that sounds, but it's so important that you understand how this level of reality looks from where Peter is now! Over and over, those that we used to think were dead tell us that where they are is reality, and where we are is the illusion. There is no time there, and they know that the trials that we came here to experience were chosen by us and meant for our spiritual growth; they also know that no matter what happens to us here, no negative effect is permanent. We will be with them again very quickly, whole and healthy and spiritually greater than we were when we entered this lifetime. From there, each earth-lifetime seems so trivial!

    On the other hand, of course, love is the only important thing, and that grows powerfully and forever. Peter will be helping you to feel stronger, to feel loved, and to make the most of whatever these challenges are....
    Amore and Widdershins3 like this.
  4. Maria

    Maria Member

    Thank you for your comments jimrich. As I mentioned in another post, you are so fortunate to have received such proactive communications from you wife Irene, and I would love to hear more about her visits. Peter and I had been together for 41 years and we had a mutual understanding of each other. We each exchanged support in different ways, and I always looked to him for advice as well as practical help in decorating and repairs around the house etc. I agree that this developed into a strong dependence, but I miss him most for himself, and just sharing little things in life. I am currently awaiting bereavement counselling, and in the meantime, I will look up about co-dependency as you advised, and again thank you.

    Roberta, thank you for your inspiring advice, written in such a beautiful way. As you have a deep knowledge of the afterlife it has given me solace and confidence about being reunited with Peter again some happy day. His death has left a big void, and life has no meaning anymore and if I had all the money in the world it would be no compensation for his loss or bring happiness. I remember a song from school with the line “life is but a dream”, but like a nightmare it is difficult to realise it is just an illusion when you are in the midst of a cruel and scary storyline that it plays out. I also believe that we do enter into a life contract and select our life path and how we will die. I sometimes cry out to Peter when things go wrong, and I just hope I am not making him feel sad to see me so distressed, but in future I will remember your words and gain strength from them.
    Amore likes this.
  5. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    Roberta has explained the situation simply and beautifully but for you to take all that detail on board from a 'standing start' is no easy task.

    Perhaps all of us dealing with bereavement - yet fortunate to enjoy an insight into survival - face similar depths of despair albeit often in different circumstances. Both Roberta and we ordinary members can explain why we feel the way we do and outline the routes that led us to this point but only your own situation really matters for you.

    I hope that being here is the first baby step to something more. If that "something more" becomes reassurance that not only is Peter there and waiting for you but also misses being with you - as you miss having him around - then you will have moved forward by a huge step.

    Peter will feel your sadness, Maria, and he will understand why you're sad. He'll likely feel sad himself that you're so desperately sad but he'll also know that you'll be together again, something you're still not totally sure about.
    DenverGuy likes this.
  6. Maria

    Maria Member

    Thank you Mac for your reassuring post, and I am glad I have joined ALF as there are some lovely people here who understand about bereavement and have empirical knowledge of the spirit world. What keeps me going is my firm belief in the afterlife and seeing Peter again. I only hope that the duration until then, will not be very long, and eagerly watch out for any communication from him. Since he passed, I frequently experience a tingling sensation at the back of my head and also often feel a gentle touch on my hands. I try to believe it is Peter letting me know he is with me, and I always say “thank you Peter”. Is what I described a common sign when a spirit is close? I know he will understand why I am sad as you mentioned Mac, and as time does not exist where he is, he probably feels that our separation is as fleeting as a minute on the material plane.
  7. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Such beautiful posts here. I feel my partners touch in my heart. When I reach out to Her I feel a warmth in my heart and there usually is a white feather too. She understands my grief but She has has told me that there is no grief there because as Maria said the time we are apart is a fleeting moment on Her side.
    Thank you everyone here. This site has really helped my grieving. I just finished grief counseling that was very helpful and finding many channels of help.
  8. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    "Is what I described a common sign when a spirit is close?" I think it's a commonly reported feeling, that or similar.

    I don't hold the view, though, that those who are recently passed over lose their appreciation of time's impact for their loved ones 'left behind'. Although they are no longer governed by routines and clocks surely they don't forget a lifetime of their effect or how slowly time passses when you wish it didn't? Discarnates aren't a homogeneous bunch; they are still individuals with feelings that vary from one to another, just as they did in this world.

    My view is that while loved ones remain close to us they may still feel to some degree how things felt whilst living here.
  9. Maria

    Maria Member

    Roberta thank you, I find your advice so uplifting. I am also glad to know that the tingling sensation on my head and touches on my hand are signs from Peter. (I did Google several times questioning if these could an after death communication, but never found anything conclusive). It is so comforting when it happens, and again, I never experienced it when he was alive. I often wonder if loved ones are told when we will join them and if they can see our destiny ahead. You would make a wonderful medium Roberta, and should develop any psychic/sensitive gifts that you possess.
  10. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    I'm as psychic as a post, Maria! Except that actually I do possess one gift: all my books are channeled, even the novels. If I try to write anything significant on my own, I cannot assemble a coherent sentence!
  11. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    Hello again, Maria. Hoping things are getting better. I never had grief counseling because Irene did not really leave so I did not feel a lot of grief and loss. It's been about one and a half years and now I am experiencing occasionally brief moments of deep, sad, tearful grief that quickly pass through me and I'm happy that therapy taught me to let my feelings come out and pass through rather than keep them shamefully bottled up inside. It looks like the pain of loss feelings will be around for a while and it's OK. Studying Codependency has changed everything in life for me and I am not so vulnerable to becoming someone's needy doormat any more.

    I've heard that our feelings, happy or sad, are FELT by our Loved ones over in Heaven.
    Here is a short line = "Don’t feel sad. It hurts to feel you in pain." That I've quoted from this thread = http://www.afterlifeforums.com/threads/writing-to-children-in-heaven-afterlife.2281/#post-44901 The quoted letters from Dis-incarnate kids back to their Incarnate parents can be extremely revealing and perhaps helpful for a Griever.
    good luck
    Amore likes this.
  12. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Maria the bereavement counseling really helped me. And I know that Susie is guiding me from the other side. I will start doing hospice work soon. It concerns some people I know because they feel it is too soon but since She transitioned I have been able to reach out and touch other grieving people so I know that I can do good for others and heal myself in the process. A lot of miracles have occurred since Her transition.

    You mentioned: I just hope I am not making him feel sad to see me so distressed,

    Susie told me that She understands my grief but there is no grief where She is. My understanding is that like when a child loses a toy or has a bad day it's the end of the world for the child. The parent comforts the child but at the same time realizes it's not the end of the world. IMO we are children here and those who have transitioned speak from a much higher love and understanding.

    Last Sunday I went back to a Spiritualist church and through a visiting medium Susie told me it was important She made Her presence know that day in front of the congregation because I was feeling so alone. I am realizing that Susie is learning to communicate better from there and I am focused on learning to hear Her better.

  13. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    The love of my life has been in contact with me all week. I am truly blessed as are we all. She sent me 3 dreams last night, after I asked Her to come to me in dreams. I've also been dowsing and getting messages from Her.
    Both of us seem to be working on developing our communication skills across the veil and it is working. A few of the dreams ere gentle wake up calls to me and they could be construed as harsh or troubling but She knows me and knows how to get through my thick head.
  14. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    I just found this on the web. Julian Lennon said that his father once told him that if anything ever happened to him (John Lennon) that we would send Julian a white feather to tell him he was OK.

    I did not know the significance of the white feathers until they kept appearing, I received another one today. I realized the love of my life uses them as a way to touch me from the other side.

    Amore and Nirvana like this.
  15. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Lovely, Bill!
  16. Widdershins3

    Widdershins3 Active Member

    Recently, I've begun to think that my lost loved ones DO help me sometimes. For a small recent example, I keep photos of my son and my father on either side of my alarm clock, so that they're the first things I see in the AM and the last I see at night. Usually, I just send a silent Good night or Good morning to them and feel no response. But last week one morning I did feel something--hard to describe, but it felt supportive, like someone saying, "Go for it--I have your back today."

    And it turned out to be a very difficult day. I don't know who it was who was so near all day long, but twice when things really hit the fan I thought I felt a mental hug. That's not usual for me--wish it was. So was it precognition flavored with hopeful/wishful thinking? Or did I have an unseen support team very close to me all day? I strongly believe in guides, but this presence I felt was very familiar (from this current lifetime) and could have been either my son or my father, who were very alike. Still mulling it over, since it happened just a week or so ago.
    Unexpected likes this.
  17. Bill Z

    Bill Z Active Member

    Widdershins3 your experience was very beautiful. I know with me sometimes I try too hard and this prevents contact. If I remain open She comes through. I truly believe they are working hard to communicate.
    Amore likes this.

Share This Page