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Discussion in 'General Afterlife Discussions' started by Bill Z, Apr 18, 2019.

  1. Bill Z

    Bill Z Established Member

    I thank Mac and everyone here for the work they do on this site and for the hope it gives and the opportunity to express our feelings and describe our experiences.
    I wake up sad and I go to sleep sad and that will probably never end. I miss my Susie but She guides me along with others and I receive incredible blessings and gifts and am finally, slowly beginning to see this. I won't go into it but I've done stuff this last year that would be unimaginable a year ago. I went to Europe twice, had a job there, my dream job, as a cook. Saw and experienced things in nature that most of us only see on National Geographic. Yet it was mostly lost in my sadness and depression.
    A very dear friend explained the difference between depression and sadness. The depression I can work on and I do, the sadness will always, probaby, be here and that's understandable. Everything has a cost. The love Susie and I experienced, shared and gave each other took me 49 years to find but almost 15 years to experience. The last years spent watching this Goddess/Lover/BestFriend/Muse waste away. I will carry this through life and I will try to touch others with the love Susie showed me.
    There are healthy and unhealthy ways to do this. I was codependent with Susie and that became my way of dealing with life. It was necessary with Susie, She so depended on me and I was there.........but now She's here. But I became obsessed with controlling everything, saving everyone/everything because that's what I had to do towards the end with Susie.
    I left america, I thought for good, twice and am back again, for now anyway. Don't know what tomorrow brings but I am surrounded by Angels here as I was in Europe. Susie, Michel, my Mom and others are here with me. I'm supposed to be here now and we have a community of like minds all of whom have experienced such tragedy which brings us together and makes us stronger.
    I'm actually seeing and being a part of healing and helping others but in an open way, not controlling. Susie sent me these people and She and Michel have made their presence known there in many ways. I was almost being pushed to look out the window at the cafe we meet at one day. After a while a beautiful royal blue feather appeared and that was his sign. But it wasn't for me, I was just there to deliver it to my dear friend.
    Although my childish human body and mind miss Susie so much my spirit knows She is near and we will all be together again.
    ChrisGreece, Kurt and Monika like this.
  2. Debbie

    Debbie New Member

    I hope you find peace and continue to feel Suzie,s presence. I just lost my David and can't seem to find my way. Sometimes I think I feel him, my heart says it's him, but then my mind starts to question. Blessed day ❣️
    Bill Z likes this.
  3. Bill Z

    Bill Z Established Member

    Thanks Debbie. I am sure your David is there I believe it's hard to communicate sometimes. We are on different vibrational frequencies. I hope this makes sense: a giraffe and a turtle would not be able to communicate. The turtle's world is close to the ground, grass, animals who crawl or walk, bottoms of trees and foliage....the giraffe sees only birds, tree tops, sky and clouds so their realities are not the same. So it's difficult to communicate. You and I my friend are in pain from this, broken hearted and while I truly believe your David feels your pain but he knows there is so much more for both of you. His suffering is over.
  4. Debbie

    Debbie New Member

    Ty for your reply. I will continue to talk to him, tell him I love and miss him.
  5. Bill Z

    Bill Z Established Member

    To everyone here, if you acknowledge/celebrate this than Happy Easter! If not that's cool. If anything it's the beginning of the growing season. I bought basil and parsley (so far) to grow inside until May when I plant outside. Wow is this enlightening and insightful; spiritual stuff or what? Weeds and dirt, probably some poop for fertilizer if i get lucky. All we are is weeds and dirt, cosmic dust that grew in this.
    I planted basil and parsley inside because Susie wants that. Will put them out in May. When I looked in the yard yesterday, the yard after She transitioned where She told me She wants me to do a garden because I love that and She wants to see it. Yesterday there was one brilliant red tulip in the yard. I moved here because we owned a condo on the same block but I could not bear to be there without Her. So many miracles. Moving around up here is difficult but there were never any difficulties for me. thanks Susie and thanks Michel, Mom and so many others.
    Anyone feeling alone or sad today let's us please know that we will see them again. There is a Buddhist exercise, Tonglin (sp?) where we breath in our sorrows and the sorrows of the world, take them in and breath out peace for all. It helps me sometimes.
    Susie and Michel have led/driven/pushed me to places, thongs, people and experiences that I would never chose or maybe even understand. But it is all part of their love for me, for us, for all of us.
    SashaS likes this.
  6. Kurt

    Kurt Major Contributor

    Im grateful for all of you and hope that everyone continues to feel the presence of their loved ones
    ChrisGreece and Bill Z like this.
  7. Bill Z

    Bill Z Established Member

    I think the depth of our love for the love of our life determines the grieving, sadness, depression, this is a physical reality I believe, Newton's third law. But in addition I think a deeper understanding of pain, our own and that of others, comes also with this experiencing and ongoing understanding of our personal pain. I was a caretaker and codependent with my beautiful goddess/wife/partner/muse/friend and after She went home that made my way through life difficult yet She teaches me or walks with me every day. I carry the down sides of caregiving to the point of overwhelming people that I love and care so much about but I work on this every day and improving our communication as well as my communication with others.

    Standing in front of the coffee house/meditation center/mental health emergency room/playground my 2nd family frequents, today I met a beautiful young woman Amanda. She's early 20's, been living on a roof for 2 weeks and can't wait for summer so she can sleep in the park. Her house was foreclosed on, grandmother passed from cancer and grandfather is in nursing home with alzheimer's. Her family hates her. I thought she looked familiar, a few months ago I saw her stoned crazy and I was worried if she'd od and what I should do. two sides to every story but I could see she was hurting and it cut so deep. Lately I see this every day. I realize I'm not in a place to help everyone, hahaha my codependent dream, but perhaps to see and understand others pain and help if we can.
    SashaS and Kurt like this.

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