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Also New Here

Discussion in 'Member Introductions' started by shallowdays, Oct 19, 2014.

  1. shallowdays

    shallowdays New Member

    My partner of 18 years ago died unexpectedly just over two weeks ago, and I have never felt more desperate to believe in an afterlife, thus my presence here. I have been reading for a week or so, and I appreciate everyone's views. I admit that at times I feel like bluebird in the anger I have over my loss. I consider him to have been my spouse even though we were never married for a few reasons, none of which had to do with our commitment or love for each other. So here I am, at 36, a widow. I am stunned.

    Anyway, I grew up in a Christian-ish household (barely went to church) but never the less, that's my main spiritual background. However, ever since I was a child I could not understand how some people could be saved and others forsaken based on where they were born. Could a God love people in India less because they weren't born Christian? I rejected that but didn't really have any alternative beliefs.

    Over the years I have cobbled together a few experiences that led me to be hopeful about the afterlife. The first is that my dad had a NDE in about 1970. He was 18 and nearly drown. He had a fairly typical experience of floating above and entering a heavenly realm where he saw relatives, the heavenly creator, and was given a choice to come back or stay. If I recall correctly, there was some vision given of what his death would do to his family. He didn't come back religious, but believes in the after life. I didn't hear this story until I was a teenager, and I know he kept it largely under wraps until he was older. There is also an account of how his body, which washed up on a rocky shoreline of a river, appeared to have been carried by an invisible force to the cliff top above (this was witnessed by a person across the river). His best friend, who was told by another witness that my dad had died, got in his car, drove several miles and found him at the cliff top with no reasonable reason as to how or why he drove to that spot.

    Still, I am a skeptic so I hold that story in my heart and hope it means that there is an afterlife, but I am not convinced.

    I also believed I may have been visited in a dream by my grandfather after he passed. He came in a dream that I can only say was unlike any other dream, and he seemed so real and healthy. Glowing, in a way. He hugged me and told me he was fine and not to worry. Love radiated in an indescribable way. The only reason I doubt this is because I asked him a question about where his will was (my dad was looking for it and distressed by not finding it) and he replied to look in the kettle. The word kettle was odd since it's not in my everyday lexicon, but I looked through his home and there was nothing in any kettle or kettle like object that I could discern. The will was eventually found elsewhere.

    This dream came a few years after another strange dream I had. The details are a bit fuzzy now but I met a faceless creator (God, or whatever you choose to believe) and I was shown a scene of my body literally being fought over by forces of good and evil. I was then told that the creator would be with me until a certain date (I think it was around five years in the future). The thing about this dream was the sense of love that flooded through and stayed with me for days. I can't describe it, but it reminds me of what people with NDEs describe. It was like nothing on earth. But again, the date meant nothing that I can discern so it is hard to believe in dreams that seem partly divine and partly just kind of off in some way.

    Also, I can't remember how old I was - teenagerish - , but I was standing in the kitchen and suddenly the world seem to shift or go out of focus for a moment. I was flooded with a sense that love was all that mattered. This maybe lasted five seconds. And just as quickly it was gone, and felt a little bit like a strange bit of deja vu.

    And now here I am. I am literally desperate to believe that my beloved didn't just go *poof*. I need him to be somewhere.

    I did a session through voices across the veil with a medium and received a lot of information that was accurate. There was information about how he died, the way I found out, a problem that has happened because of his death, and even my worry about an afterlife. There was only one piece of information that I could not validate at the time. Except today it came true. She asked me if I had/knew of a black horse with a white star, and that she saw a horse farm. This didn't mean anything to me. Today, I found myself face to face with this horse on a farm. Of course, I chose to go the farm as it was something I had been planning on for a while before my partner died, but I certainly wasn't thinking of it as a horse farm (it's an animal sanctuary and they were having a benefit, and I wanted to take my niece since she wants to be a vet).

    So that's where I am. I am reading and hoping and looking for answers because I can't live with the thought that there is nothing, all the while being unable to truly believe.

    Skepitcally yours,
    shallowdays
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2014
  2. poppyet

    poppyet New Member

    Hi. Welcome. I'm new here also. I find that this forum isn't very active, but I think we can change that.
    You've got some great stories here that make me believe you aren't a skeptic at all. Maybe you just don't know what name to give your experiences?
    There's an afterlife. I'm sure of it. Your spouse is with you, especially when you think of him most.
    <3
     
  3. LachlanMac

    LachlanMac New Member

    Welcome guys - I certainly haven't been around much but it is really nice to see so many new faces.

    If you're looking into having questions answered or to bounce thoughts of anyone, you've come to the right place. This forum is filled with years of discussions regarding many of the questions you are asking and I'm sure none of the senior members here would mind answering them again for you.

    To shallowdays: It's amazing that you've been given these signs and, in my opinion, you shouldn't attribute them to coincidence. You're extremely fortunate to have all this personal evidence so close around you. Coming here as a skeptic is a good attitude. It allows you to find your own answers and I hope you do and feel some peace from it. Thanks for posting your incredible stories and welcome, again!
     
  4. shallowdays

    shallowdays New Member

    Thank you poppyet. I am not sure what I believe but I do call his name and I hold my hand up to him, in case he's there. Also, since his death when I call for him I use a nickname that I never really used in life. I don't know why I feel compelled, but his sister guessed that it is because that was from his younger, better self. (He had a lot of problems in the last 15 years, his life was a struggle).

    LachlanMac, I am reading over the threads here and also reading books. NDEs and SDEs particularly interest me because of my dad's story. I have also read Roberta's books. I have to admit that much of Fun of Dying rings true to me in a way that I could never feel with any religious beliefs. I am inclined to think that there are many paths, and we all get there one way or another.

    I am also lucky to have in my possession a letter from my beloved that he wrote about ten years ago after he almost died. In it he imagines a beach where we are reunited in the afterlife with "weightlessness of body but gravity of the mind." He was a skeptic, too, but like me, wanted to believe in something.

    Thanks for listening, I don't have many people I can talk to about this is in my life. Anything besides typical Christian dogma is not welcomed here.
     
  5. ravensgate

    ravensgate Regular Contributor

    Welcome, shallowdays. Glad you joined this forum! :)
     
  6. marmaladecat

    marmaladecat Guest

    Hello shallowdays, welcome to the forum. :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 20, 2014
  7. ilovelearninhg

    ilovelearninhg Regular Contributor

    Welcome shallowdays. It sounds like you have had some very interesting experiences. It seems that spiritual experiences can be so brief and fleeting sometimes. But I guess that is what makes them such special gifts. I can also relate to your frustration about Christian dogma. When someone says they are a Christian I cringe inside because unfortunately most "Christians" I have encountered are narrow-minded and biased which is a shame because there are some real Christians out there. People who are open-minded and compassionate as Christ truly seemed to be. Except for this forum there is only a few people whom I can talk about this stuff with. I hope you like it here.
     
  8. RobertaGrimes

    RobertaGrimes Administrator

    Welcome, dear Shallowdays, and it's fine to be a skeptic! I consider myself to be a skeptic as well, since - like so many - I have found pieces of one gigantic truth and I won't add anything to that great picture until after I have found it to be utterly proven in my own mind. It's natural to be skeptical, but it's also true that as you increase your knowledge you will more and more find that truth begins to firm beneath your feet; you will lose your fears, and as that happens you will begin to understand that now you know. Best wishes on this walk that I know is the last path you would have chosen to take. Jesus says, "Seek and you will find," and that is a promise you can take to the bank!
     
  9. janef

    janef Moderator

    Welcome Shallowdays, sorry for your loss. I hope you will find some comfort here.
     
  10. Waller

    Waller Banned

    Perhaps your confusion is in the term 'afterlife" which is a misnomer? There is no afterlife.

    All lives are Now, the Present, they are parallel realities and dimensions. In this life, this reality, you have chosen to feel the separation from your parallel realities, that you are Everything That Exists. Billions of us have joined you in this experience. ;)

    You see the 'afterlife' as after when it is Now. You are as only separated from your Mother as you desire or allow yourself to be.
     

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