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addiction and emotion

Discussion in 'After-Death Communication' started by mac, Sep 27, 2017.

  1. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    In the September 2017 UK edition of National Geographic there is a feature about addiction. The article covered much ground about many well-known, well-defined kinds of addiction.

    There was also a section that dealt with addictions that didn't involve drugs. It reads "Now that the psychiatric establishment accepts the idea that addiction is possible without drugs, researchers are trying to determine what types of behaviors qualify as addictions?" It later went on: "In the US the Diagnostics and Statistical Manual now lists Internet gaming disorder as a condition worthy of more study along with chronic, debilitating grief and caffeine-use disorder." (my emphasis)

    I often read here on ALF desperately sad accounts written by members and wonder why there appears to be no effective relief for their suffering. (this isn't aimed at any one individual) Might it be that extreme sadness and lack of hope is down to chemical imbalance in their brains' circuitry? Certain extremes of emotion appear linked to certain brain chemicals occurring in excess.

    If research were to show such a situation exists in connection with grief there may come a time when treatment can be given to more-effectively deal with it.
  2. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    I'll answer, since I'm sure that I am one of the members to which you refer (and to which reference I take no offense).

    In my case, I think the primary reason why my grief continues unabated is that I truly do not know if my husband's soul still exists in an afterlife, if he is still himself, if he is ok, and if we will be together again. A very close second to that is the fact that he is not here with me in this life. If I knew, beyond any doubt, that he still exist in an afterlife, is still himself, is ok, and that we will be together again, my grief would not go away, but it might lessen a little bit. At least then I would be able to look forward to being with him again, which is a kind of hope.

    Quite honestly, I don't understand how anyone dealing with the loss of a beloved spouse/partner ever finds her/his grief lessening to any real degree more than just a wee bit. My grief about my husband's death has caused my depression, it is not a result of it. I have made no secret about having OCD and panic disorder, both of which long predate my even meeting my husband, but I have never had a problem with depression except very rarely in response to actual shitty events in my life (e.g., situational depression, which eventually resolved -- really the only time it happened was when our little female cat died). By which I mean that I have never been diagnosed with depression, because aside from when our cat died, I was never depressed. I actually used to be quite a happy, optimistic person, even though my life wasn't perfect (financial issues, mainly). And as far as the OCD and panic disorder, they never caused "extreme sadness and lack of hope" in me, either. They sucked, and panic attacks in particular are horrible, but I remained an optimistic, hopeful, happy person in general.

    I think it's possible that sometimes, for some people, an imbalance in brain chemicals may have something to do with extreme grief. While sometimes the grief may be a result of the imbalance (in conjunction with an actual death, of course), sometimes it may be the result. Regardless, the loved one remains dead, and no treatment can change that, unfortunately.
    milahanna likes this.
  3. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    thanks for that, bb - Yes certainly you're one of the members who I frequently find on my mind, leaving me puzzling why your bereavement has hit you so profoundly. I know how all the things we talk about still leave you unconvinced about your husband and no amount of my wishing will change that. But there are other members here who also are battling to deal with their own loss.

    You might be right about that, bb, but there's a saying I often use - "Change one thing, change the world." We simply don't know how events might have worked out if one thing in life had, or hadn't, changed. We can speculate how we would have been, how we might have felt if such-and-such had or hadn't happened but the reality is that we don't know for sure. We can't know; we can only speculate what might have happened. But I don't want us to fall out over this.

    I have only a layperson's understanding of psychological issues which means I understand very little. I can't assess if the researchers' data are valid but their peers can and will. As a layperson I just look on, baffled why responses can be so different and wishing I could suggest something to help.

    Of course no treatment or help can bring back a loved one but I'm optimistic that by identifying brain malfunctions that lead to debilitating grief might lead to a treatment. Something to lessen the emotional extremes that can cripple sufferers.
  4. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    I agree that we can't always know how things might have worked out if some life event had or hadn't occurred. What I do know, though, is that my husband and I had just gotten married and were (and are) deeply in love, so while I can't say with 100% certainty that our lives would have worked out perfectly (in fact, I can say with nearly that level of certainty that they wouldn't have, as almost no one's does), I do know that we would have been happy for at least the foreseeable future, at least in terms of our marriage/relationship. On the flip side, I always knew that if my husband died before me it would affect me as it has -- I just never expected it to happen when it did.

    The researchers' data may very well have validity, I don't know, I can only speak of how this is for me. If they are able to find something which can help some people, that would be great, and I wish them luck in doing so.
  5. mac

    mac senior member Staff Member

    I don't know what to make of it all but it might just explain why some individuals are laid low by a grief that never lessens, effectively leaving them always at the initial point of bereavement and unable to move away.

    It might not explain things of course and I'm guilty of trying to make things fit. :eek:
  6. bluebird

    bluebird Well-Known Member

    The only thing you're "guilty" of, in my opinion, is trying to help. :)
  7. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    Based upon my seven decades of intensive research, what my wife tells me and common sense, I am confident that… effective treatments already exist but society refuses to allow or acknowledge them. Grievers pose a huge problem to most other folks with their need to weep and feel sad and hurt so society PUNISHES Grievers for openly expressing their tears and sorrow which forces Grievers to hide their feelings and tear or just not have them at all! Society will allow a Griever to feel and express their sorrow FOR LITTLE WHILE ONLY! There is also the danger of a Griever getting stuck in grief to get attention or manipulate others with their "grief", so there's a fine line between legitimate grief and mind games or "rackets". Most societies frown upon weeping, especially lots of weeping so Grievers are usually shunned or rejected as unacceptable in most cultures. The joke is that open grieving triggers or activates unresolved grief in those who resent or resist the tears and sorrow of legitimate Grievers so the "normal" folks do everything they can to stop or shut up a Griever to avoid being triggered by the hurting Griever and their pain. It's a "catch 22" where Grief triggers Grief and those with deep, unresolved grief have a need to censure expressions of grief anyway that they can while those in legitimate pain need to express their grief.
  8. jimrich

    jimrich Active Member

    In my case, I knew and still know the my late wife, Irene, is still alive and well and is the very same Irene that she was in this plane. Since she is still here, I have not felt the typical pain or sense of "loss" that goes with a death or transition. I have had tears, pain, sorrow and even anger but not very much of it since there is no actual "loss" - just a temporary separation - and many visits from Irene along the way.
    Psychology and some spirituality has helped me to cope with pain and losses and live the best life that I can in the "here and now" no matter what is happening or has happened before. I just do the best I can NOW and trust that Divinity is handling things for the better.
    Amore likes this.

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