My name is Chris and I am very new to this particular Forum.
My dear mother died (approx) 3 months ago and I am having a very hard time being able to move on, not as much for the grief as the guilt I feel regarding the way the whole situation was handled by me, I am ashamed to say that her greatest (and last) hours of need were also my greatest hours of weakness :-(
My mother had been in and out of the ER several times during the last 2 years, (heart / lung problems) but always pulled through like a champ, so on that fateful day when she was short of breath I just thought her oxygen level was low and that I needed to take her to the ER, so I threw her clothes to her and started getting things ready (her wheelchair...etc) to go, but when I came back into the room, maybe 5 mins later she was clutching her chest and now gasping for air and un-responsive. Of course I immediately called 911, but I feel like I waited much too long, I didnt know she was having a heart attack, and I know that every second counts.
When they (ICU) finally talked to me they said she had already been defibulated once and was now in a coma, so I agreed to take her off the life-support machine, but did I 'Pull The Plug' too soon ? She had come back before, matter of fact, was on Home Hospice Care just 6 months before, until they released her because she was doing so good, she was a fighter of the highest order, and I never knew anyone else with such a lust for life and the will to live, so how could I have let the doctors talk me into letting her go so soon ? It then took her 4 days to die, of which I was not there, except to drop in every once in a while, opting instead to drink myself into a stupor, rather than stay at her side, hold her hand and whisper in her ear that it would be okay in her final hours. They said she could'nt hear me, but why was I so quick to believe them ?
Anyway...Hopefully you get the picture of what I am going through, the amount of guilt I feel is more than un-bearable and I would have commited suicide by now if I thought that was an answer, but I somehow know that my grief / guilt would just follow me over to the 'Other Side'and I would be no better off, and that may also hinder any reunion with my mother, maybe by thousands of years. (?)
Exactly one week (to the hour) of her death my cell phone rang 2 times then hung up. This was always our signal, in order to save on our cell phone mins, she (or I) would let the phone ring only twice, then hang up, then we would know the other was trying to get in touch. I have had the same cell phone for a few years now and no one else (besides my mother) has EVER just rang twice, then hung up.
Also...There was NO record of the call...I.E...Doesnt matter if the caller has a 'Blocked' number or not, I would still be able to know that a call came in at such and such a time by pulling up my received / missed calls function.
I have been pleading with my mother (if she is indeed really out there) to contact me and let me know that she is not only okay, but also okay with ME and forgives me for the way I handled everything.
(approx) 5 days ago I checked my voice mail and had a message I could not quite make out...IOW...It sounded VERY 'Distant', like several years ago, if you were trying to talk to someone long distance, over seas...etc. I have listened to it over and over, until I finally THINK I know what the voice is saying, but there is no way to be certain.
I have never had any reception problems with my voice mail, and once again...Absolutely NO RECORD of the call !!! Matter of fact, I am quite sure I had the ringer on, but the phone never rang.
The message (in my mind) sounds like..."Chris, I'm HOME and I'm FINE !!!"
And that is all.
I only have another day or two to figure this out, as my voice mail will automatically erase the message forever. How would you proceed from here ? I am thinking of taking my phone to a recording studio and having it (the VM message) digitally enhanced, does anyone know how expensive this might be ? I contacted a Paranormal Investigator, here in Sacramento Ca. who is willing to help, but he says he cannot help me unless I can transfer the call to a 'Smart' phone, but I dont think this will be possible, as the volume is just so very weak, I can barely hear it myself, holding the phone up tight to one ear and putting a finger in the other.
In any case...I was wondering if anyone else here has had a similar experience regarding messages from 'Beyond' on their cell phones.
Also...twice in the last 2 weeks I have stumbled accross 2 pennies, not shiny, but just 2 pennies The first time I was clearing off a table and when I went to wipe it down I saw the pennies thinking..."Were those guys trying to insult me?"...So I just swept them off the table unto the floor, but later I thought to myself..."Wait a minute, a Penny is a tip for bad service, but there IS no 'Service' here, I work in a 'Dive' bar, ya just stumble up to the bar, order your drink, pay for it, then go sit down."...Etc. Then I remembered reading about the '2 Pennies' thing in one of these forums.
Just something to think about, I guess.
Any suggestions / advice will be greatly appreciated.
Please feel free to e-mail me directly.
Thanks in advance :-)