Phone Calls From Recently Deceased Mother, Any Advice ?

[chrismc3]

Hello,

My name is Chris and I am very new to this particular Forum.

My dear mother died (approx) 3 months ago and I am having a very hard time being able to move on, not as much for the grief as the guilt I feel regarding the way the whole situation was handled by me, I am ashamed to say that her greatest (and last) hours of need were also my greatest hours of weakness :-(

My mother had been in and out of the ER several times during the last 2 years, (heart / lung problems) but always pulled through like a champ, so on that fateful day when she was short of breath I just thought her oxygen level was low and that I needed to take her to the ER, so I threw her clothes to her and started getting things ready (her wheelchair...etc) to go, but when I came back into the room, maybe 5 mins later she was clutching her chest and now gasping for air and un-responsive. Of course I immediately called 911, but I feel like I waited much too long, I didnt know she was having a heart attack, and I know that every second counts.

When they (ICU) finally talked to me they said she had already been defibulated once and was now in a coma, so I agreed to take her off the life-support machine, but did I 'Pull The Plug' too soon ? She had come back before, matter of fact, was on Home Hospice Care just 6 months before, until they released her because she was doing so good, she was a fighter of the highest order, and I never knew anyone else with such a lust for life and the will to live, so how could I have let the doctors talk me into letting her go so soon ? It then took her 4 days to die, of which I was not there, except to drop in every once in a while, opting instead to drink myself into a stupor, rather than stay at her side, hold her hand and whisper in her ear that it would be okay in her final hours. They said she could'nt hear me, but why was I so quick to believe them ?

Anyway...Hopefully you get the picture of what I am going through, the amount of guilt I feel is more than un-bearable and I would have commited suicide by now if I thought that was an answer, but I somehow know that my grief / guilt would just follow me over to the 'Other Side'and I would be no better off, and that may also hinder any reunion with my mother, maybe by thousands of years. (?)

Exactly one week (to the hour) of her death my cell phone rang 2 times then hung up. This was always our signal, in order to save on our cell phone mins, she (or I) would let the phone ring only twice, then hang up, then we would know the other was trying to get in touch. I have had the same cell phone for a few years now and no one else (besides my mother) has EVER just rang twice, then hung up.

Also...There was NO record of the call...I.E...Doesnt matter if the caller has a 'Blocked' number or not, I would still be able to know that a call came in at such and such a time by pulling up my received / missed calls function.

I have been pleading with my mother (if she is indeed really out there) to contact me and let me know that she is not only okay, but also okay with ME and forgives me for the way I handled everything.

(approx) 5 days ago I checked my voice mail and had a message I could not quite make out...IOW...It sounded VERY 'Distant', like several years ago, if you were trying to talk to someone long distance, over seas...etc. I have listened to it over and over, until I finally THINK I know what the voice is saying, but there is no way to be certain.

I have never had any reception problems with my voice mail, and once again...Absolutely NO RECORD of the call !!! Matter of fact, I am quite sure I had the ringer on, but the phone never rang.

The message (in my mind) sounds like..."Chris, I'm HOME and I'm FINE !!!"

And that is all.

I only have another day or two to figure this out, as my voice mail will automatically erase the message forever. How would you proceed from here ? I am thinking of taking my phone to a recording studio and having it (the VM message) digitally enhanced, does anyone know how expensive this might be ? I contacted a Paranormal Investigator, here in Sacramento Ca. who is willing to help, but he says he cannot help me unless I can transfer the call to a 'Smart' phone, but I dont think this will be possible, as the volume is just so very weak, I can barely hear it myself, holding the phone up tight to one ear and putting a finger in the other.

In any case...I was wondering if anyone else here has had a similar experience regarding messages from 'Beyond' on their cell phones.

Also...twice in the last 2 weeks I have stumbled accross 2 pennies, not shiny, but just 2 pennies The first time I was clearing off a table and when I went to wipe it down I saw the pennies thinking..."Were those guys trying to insult me?"...So I just swept them off the table unto the floor, but later I thought to myself..."Wait a minute, a Penny is a tip for bad service, but there IS no 'Service' here, I work in a 'Dive' bar, ya just stumble up to the bar, order your drink, pay for it, then go sit down."...Etc. Then I remembered reading about the '2 Pennies' thing in one of these forums.

Just something to think about, I guess.

Any suggestions / advice will be greatly appreciated.

Please feel free to e-mail me directly.

Thanks in advance :-)

Chris

[Birki]

Welcome Chris. Your mother is sending you some very clear signals. That she is still alive (albeit in another realm), that she is fine, in fact, better than ever, and she wants you to know it. I have no idea if there is a way for you to save the recording, it would be nice to do that, if you can, but there really is no need to investiage the matter further. You know who the calls are from, and you know what they are trying to tell you, what they did tell you. The pennies are certainly another sign ("pennies from heaven" is a phrase for a reason.)

Now, for the guilt part. You need to try and forgive yourself. Your mother has forgiven you (though likely she never blamed you for any of it in the first place.) She died in her own time. She is now free of her earthly ills. You are so correct in realizing that suicide will not help...and it likley would make matters worse. You have been given a gift of communication. I hope you are able to embrace it and work on forgiving yourself and making this life the best it can be for yourself. Peace.

[Roberta Grimes]

Welcome, dear Chrismc3! And thank you, dear wonderful Birki - your response is perfect.

I wish I could put my arms around you now, dear Chris, and somehow help you perfectly understand and know at the very core of your being these two things:

1) Those phone calls were genuine communications from your mother. Phone calls of which there is no record are classic ITC events! They are far less common than scents and the other more usual communications, but in this case your mother clearly was feeling your distress and she knew that you needed some Class-A, irrefutable proof of her love and survival. (We are told that these phone calls are produced by their superimposing a phone in their dimension on the telephone in this dimension, so the call doesn't go through traditional channels - they manipulate the instrument directly.) The fact that you and she had a two-ring signal, and the fact that she actually managed to produce a voice message the second time are wonderful, dear friend! I am so happy for you! Yes, by all means, take your phone to someone who can enhance and record that call for you, and at least find out the cost. My guess is it will be less than you fear.

2) Your mother does not blame you for anything! Instead, she is profoundly grateful for your constant love and care. And your completely unnecessary self-blame has her quite distressed now. In cases where people have been very ill and we have tried hard to care for them, there always are mistakes of ours that we can seize upon after their deaths in order to beat ourselves up. I was in that position with my mother-in-law and both my parents, and I blamed myself, too, for trivial things. I had to take a good, hard two-by-four to my own head after each of their deaths and remind myself that blaming myself was self-indulgent foolishness. They all were going to die soon anyway, and I was doing the best that I could - and so were you!! Dead beloved Chris, you are absolutely guiltless and pure and your constant care of your mother was a gift to her for which she is so grateful now, and desperate somehow to make you know her gratitude. You have nothing whatsoever to be sorry for, dear friend!

STOP BLAMING YOURSELF! (I'm sorry to shout, but you need to really hear this.) Everything that you did before your mother's death all adds up to being a human being, and nothing worse than that. (Your much-beloved mother finally was dying and they told you there was nothing you could do and staying by her bedside made you crazy so you drank yourself into oblivion - seems human and rational to me :-)!) You did the very best you could, dear friend, and your mother is so grateful to you. But you are hurting her now. Our loved ones can feel our distress acutely in these situations, which is why she is so desperate to help you get past this. If you don't yet feel worthy of forgiveness, then don't think about forgive yourself for your own sake at first, dear Chris. That can come later! But please known that your mother needs you to forgive yourself now, so she can be at peace in her beautiful new life. Please, in all your love and compassion for your precious mother, forgive yourself for her.

[shantu]

I totally agree with what's been said... Please stop beating yourself up about this. You did what you could, with the information you had. You cannot blame yourself for being human - we never know how we're going to react to the death of a loved one and you could not have done any better than you did. Your wonderful mum has sent you some excellent messages and believe me, that takes a lot of effort on the part of those in spirit. Do try to think of your mum with joy and with love and focus on the gifts of her life with you. THAT is what's important, not the manner of her leaving. xxx

[chrismc3]

Thank you for the kind replies, I will try my best to take to heart your honest suggestions. Although I have always believed my mother and I have had a bond that could never be broken, I found myself suddenly doubting that I would ever again regain contact with her, and that to me is more terrifying than death.

We all lose our parents, I understand this, but since a very early age (all my adult life) the roles were very much reversed, she was more like a 'Daughter' to me...IOW...I took care of HER (approx) since the age of 18, as back then she had other problems other than the physical, which I will not go into, not wishing to embarrass her, even in death.

I am 56 years old now and I took care of her since I was (approx) 18 years old, so you do the math, that is a VERY long time indeed !

I know there is a 'Spiritual' bond between us...I.E...In my younger day I used to do allot of Hitch-Hiking and got hit by a car going 55-60 mph, I was out of it for 3 days, (I should have been killed ) but when I Finally made it home my mother was able to tell me the exact time of my accident, as she said she felt like someone had punched her in the gut right then, and thus knew something was very wrong, and she knew it concerned me. (this is just one of many examples)

I imagine you are right, I must let her move on, and be about her journey, she should not have to be worrying about me. I have been selfish, she was so much a part of my identity, I never realized (until she was gone) just how much time I devoted to spending with, and taking care of her, and now that is all gone.

To be fair....It was not a one way street, as long as she was alive I felt like I had a purpose in this world, I HAD to keep my nose clean, I COUD'NT get into trouble, I HAD to 'Tow The Line'...etc...and as long as I was doing that, I was (we were) 'Protected', but now ALL of that is gone. (it seems) The incident regarding my being hit by a car is only a fraction of events that occurred in which I (in all reality) should have died, but was spared, and I always attributed this to my taking care of my mother, like some secret pact between God and I, although we (God & I) never had a 'Formal' agreement.

In any case...I suppose I am going to have to learn to live with myself and who I am, its quite simple...I must learn to live (alone) now, or I can die, not much of an option.

Again...Thank you all for your kind words of support, I will try to live my life with the dignity that my beautiful mother deserves from her only son.

God Bless !

Chris

[TheEscapist]

I don't really have any advice, but I wanted to say you are SO lucky. Any communication from a passed on loved one is special, but I know for me personally I'd do anything to get a voicemail from Dave or my grandmother, both of which have passed on. Treasure the message and let go of the guilt, because this is what your mother would want for you I'm sure.

[chrismc3]

I have also (twice so far) been finding 2 pennies, granted...I work in a bar and there is always loose change here and there, but on 2 seperate occasions I found just 2 pennies where they should not have been. What is the significance of pennies ? Why not quarters or dimes or even nickles ? Any what might be the significance (in my case) of each time, just 2 pennies ? The dates on the pennies (so far) dont seem to mean anything to me.

If anyone here has any input on the matter, please speak up, I am very new to all of this.

Thanks in advance :-)

chrismc3

[Carol and Mikey]

Hi Chrismc3, (Welcome to the forums!)
Pennies are often used as signs from our loved ones in Heaven! They can move them! There are many who will tell you that pennies are from Heaven! I think there are several poems about this. But anyway, the 2 pennies may represent you and your mom as she uses this as a sign to you. You were very involved with her your whole life. I feel she is letting you know that all is good with her and not to worry. And that the "two of you" are still connected! Just one thought anyway. But I do feel it is a sign.
Carol

[Roberta Grimes]

Hi Chrismc3, (Welcome to the forums!)
Pennies are often used as signs from our loved ones in Heaven! They can move them! There are many who will tell you that pennies are from Heaven! I think there are several poems about this. But anyway, the 2 pennies may represent you and your mom as she uses this as a sign to you. You were very involved with her your whole life. I feel she is letting you know that all is good with her and not to worry. And that the "two of you" are still connected! Just one thought anyway. But I do feel it is a sign.
Carol

You beat me to it, dear Carol - this was my thought as well!!

[chrismc3]

UPDATE :

Had another visit from my mother in the form of a dream (I think) last night.

As some of you may know, I have had several of what might be considered communications from my recently deceased mother, but (for some reason) I am still so very skeptical, how can I be SURE ? I find myself calling out to her sometimes to please show me a sign that is beyond dispute.

I was on my way to the local coffee shop, but when I got there I suddenly did not feel like it, as it was the same coffe shop my mother and I used to go to every day, my heart just wasnt in it.

On my way back, on the side-walk, there she was, standing right in front of me, smiling the biggest, most beautiful smile, looking younger and in good health. I ran up to her as fast as I could and gave her a big hug and a kiss, I was SO happy ! I put her in her wheel-chair - (which is kinda strange, because as I said...she looked in good health) - and we just went walking and talking until finally deciding to go get coffee together, only we went somewhere completely different than where we normally go, a very pleasant place with an outdoor area, grass, trees...etc...a beautiful, sunny day.

It was not like the last (and only, up to this point) dream I had, where I only saw her for a brief moment, it was like we were spending a leisurely day together, and thus had all the time in the world, and it was the single most happiest day of my life :-)

The hours seemed to go on and on, and I dont remember talking much, mainly just hanging out, enjoying each others company and the day in general, it was like she never went away.

I became consumed with wanting to get a camera, to take her picture, she died in July and here it is October and she was very much alive. (I didnt realize I was in a dream) If I could take her picture with a digital camera, that would be proof positive.

As the day lingered on I kept wondering how long she might be with me, I expected her to vanish any minute, but we spent (what felt like) many hours together. As we strolled through the neighborhood we ran into some other people with who we had some friendly conversation, then I noticed one of them actually had a digital camera, so I requested he take my our (my mother and I) picture together, but as he started to snap it I suddenly woke up, in the darkness, and realized it was merely a dream. I was both happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I got to see my mother and hear her voice and touch her one more time, but sad that it was indeed just a dream :-(

I dont know exactly what to make of all this, except maybe she was trying to tell me that there IS no 'Positive Proof' regarding her messages, that I would just have to accept and believe ?

Any thoughts ?

chrismc3