I don't intend for this to be a flip comment, so please don't take it that way. It seems the answer to your question of why you're here may be in your above comment. Perhaps you are here to learn patience and forgiveness, as you seem to lack these qualities. You harbor, and seem to actually nourish, a great deal of anger, much of it self-inflicted. Why not just relax and deal with the fact that you ARE here and let go of the resentment. Growth can't take place when you're enveloped in negativity.
Get some positive stuff going in your life. You're stuck in a negative feed back loop. Work on your attitude, my friend.