Soul Mates

[Celera]

Bella, you are grieving. I don't think you need to apologize for a little whining, if that's even what it was. And, not to disagree with Poetic, but I think that feeling lonely and learning to be more independent are probably exactly what you are supposed to be learning, and it will help you in this life, not just in the next. And you will use that learning to help all the other people around you who really do love you, even if you can't feel it right not through the pain.

When my best friend died a couple of years ago, I was very comforted by this:

The Five Remembrances by Thich Nhat Hanh

I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.

I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape ill health.

I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.

All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.

My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.

[poeticblue]

Poeticblue,
Several good posts about soul mates and advice to our dear Bella! Mikey agrees with you that soul mates can be a friend, spouse, child , other relative, etc. They can be with you for a short time, or most of your life time here. You can have more than 1 soul mate. He also says that we have different types of soul "relationships" within our soul groups. (Besides soul mate.) We are intertwined like a "tapestry". And it is all relationships with love as the basis! Soul relationships are constantly changing according to Mikey. Love is always the "connection" with other souls in your group. Mikey tells me that souls groups can be very large.
Carol and Mikey "in Spirit"

Ha carol and mikey I try to tell em ya know!! We gotta just keep pluggin away.

[TheEscapist]

Poeticblue,
Several good posts about soul mates and advice to our dear Bella! Mikey agrees with you that soul mates can be a friend, spouse, child , other relative, etc. They can be with you for a short time, or most of your life time here. You can have more than 1 soul mate. He also says that we have different types of soul "relationships" within our soul groups. (Besides soul mate.) We are intertwined like a "tapestry". And it is all relationships with love as the basis! Soul relationships are constantly changing according to Mikey. Love is always the "connection" with other souls in your group. Mikey tells me that souls groups can be very large.
Carol and Mikey "in Spirit"

Good to hear some info on this subject from someone from the Otherside. I feel like sometimes people misuse the word soulmate in society to denote a romantic relationship that is "destined" to be. I don't think that's what a soulmate is though. I always believed it was just someone who was a part of your soul group or soul family. Tell Mikey thanks for clearing that up for us all.

[vic smyth]

The Five Remembrances by Thich Nhat Hanh

I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.

I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape ill health.

I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.

All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.

My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.

Forgive me for this bashing this, but it's depressing fatalistic stuff like the above that turned me off of Buddhism. I've tried Tibetan, Zen and a third flavor of Buddhism that I don't remember, and they were all rather depressing. (A Zen guy actually hit me with a stick!) "Today we are going to meditate on a rotting corpse." "Okay Roshi, I'm outta here!" I picked up my meditation cushion and never came back.

Time to put all those old worn out religions to rest; in with old, out with the new. Everything evolves but religion.


With Lovingkindness (metta),
vic

[Fasaga]

I guess Religion is like a River that has broken its banks, it will find every easy deviation to follow untill the final trickles have no ressemblace to the original course.

[Bella]

Bella, you are grieving. I don't think you need to apologize for a little whining, if that's even what it was. And, not to disagree with Poetic, but I think that feeling lonely and learning to be more independent are probably exactly what you are supposed to be learning, and it will help you in this life, not just in the next. And you will use that learning to help all the other people around you who really do love you, even if you can't feel it right not through the pain.

Thank you Celera. I am so sorry about your best friend. That must have been extremely painful. I have Thich Nhat Hanh's Living Buddha Living Christ. I should reread it. I appreciate your kind words. Being part of a bereavement group has helped me, as I hear everyone whine there and it gets out of my system for awhile. I do believe getting through this means feeling sad and lonely and just accepting that this is the way through and there is no getting around it. Ultimately, I do believe it will let me be better at helping others.

[Celera]

The thing is, Vic, I don't find it depressing at all. These things are true. We will all grow old, and die, and before we die many things will change and we suffer many losses.

One thing that happens when we suffer a loss is that we tend to think, "Why me?" as if we were the only ones. To me this is a reminder that my pain and suffering isn't unbearable or some special punishment the universe has for me. It is the natural course of events, and like millions and billions before me I will get through these difficulties.

Acceptance doesn't keep me from enjoying the good parts of life. In a way, acceptance of suffering frees me to concentrate on what I can learn and how I can grow.

But there's a reason there are lots of religions and traditions and traditions. Different things speak to different people. A lot of things people find inspiring do nothing for me. Keep what works, ignore the rest, that's my approach.

[vic smyth]

The thing is, Vic, I don't find it depressing at all. These things are true. We will all grow old, and die, and before we die many things will change and we suffer many losses.

One thing that happens when we suffer a loss is that we tend to think, "Why me?" as if we were the only ones. To me this is a reminder that my pain and suffering isn't unbearable or some special punishment the universe has for me. It is the natural course of events, and like millions and billions before me I will get through these difficulties.

Acceptance doesn't keep me from enjoying the good parts of life. In a way, acceptance of suffering frees me to concentrate on what I can learn and how I can grow.

But there's a reason there are lots of religions and traditions and traditions. Different things speak to different people. A lot of things people find inspiring do nothing for me. Keep what works, ignore the rest, that's my approach.

Celera, As much as I'd like to reply and try to convince you that suffering is not necessary for growth, I must respect that we all have our unique reasons for taking this journey. And I certainly understand how accepting one's fate can be a consolation to many. ACIM teaches that we cannot change the world, but that we change the way we think about the world. My naive denial of any sort of disharmony has worked wonders in my life, and, occasionally, in the lives of others. And so I respectfully try to share my worldview with others.


With Lovingkindness (metta),
vic

[Celera]

Celera, As much as I'd like to reply and try to convince you that suffering is not necessary for growth, I must respect that we all have our unique reasons for taking this journey. And I certainly understand how accepting one's fate can be a consolation to many. ACIM teaches that we cannot change the world, but that we change the way we think about the world. My naive denial of any sort of disharmony has worked wonders in my life, and, occasionally, in the lives of others. And so I respectfully try to share my worldview with others.


With Lovingkindness (metta),
vic

I think that's the point of this forum, Vic -- respectfully discussing our different views. I have only just this week gotten a copy of ACIM and am looking forward to reading more of it.

To be clear, "accepting one's fate" seems a little more passive than I think I would put it. Aging and death seem to be inevitable eventually, but that is no cause for complacency in the face of suffering,or that my worldview is necessarily a negative one. Perhaps we cannot change the world so much that aging and death are defeated, at least not yet, but we can change some things -- both in ourselves and for those around us.

[Fasaga]

Dear Celera and Vic

I believe you are both saying the same thing from two different perspectives.
Celera, you accept the inevitable as a mere fact of life and don't allow it to control your actions, but strive to pull out of those inevitable events something that is positive to you and your makeup, and Vic, you choose to give less focus to the inevitable as something we cannot alter, and also choose to pull the most out of your world view which is positive to you and your makeup. Unless I have it wrong, you are both looking at the positive side of life to be the best you can be - which is really cool.