Soul Mates

[Bella]

The article that I found, which seemed to have been done through the guidance of an adviser (Douglas G. Richards, Ph.D.) at a learning institution, (not much other info given) gives citations, dating back to the 19th century. There is probably newer research, as this article was published in 2000, and the article itself is not based on too much evidence, but I thought you might find it interesting. I don't know how I feel about this.
Soulmates
Most Spiritualist writers agree with Peebles (1909) that earthly marriages are for time, but soulmates are for eternity. Very few on earth find the right mate, and it may take a long time to find one's counterpart even in the spirit world. Marriage in the spirit world is for the purpose of intellectual and spiritual companionship and social interblending. There is no physical desire or contact because there is no need for procreation.
Leonard (1927) explains that two separate individuals were one before they decided to come to earth, and they will become one again, but usually after they leave the earth plane. Reuniting may take centuries in the spirit world. The perfect being has two constitutent parts, male and female, and Randall (1917) says this is not common in earthly life. All in the spirit life marry sooner or later, at which time they progress together to remain in balance.
Very few are truly married until they get to the spirit world and locate their other self or counterpart. It is the soul that marries, not the body. Peebles (1909) describes the reunited soulmates as one glorified sphere of light, but individual attributes are discernible. A reunited spirit can separate and appear as two separate individuals; there is a blending of two minds into one. Randall (1917) assures us that we will know our mates with absolute certainty, that there are no mismated couples in spirit life.
Spirits filled with mutual love can not really be separated, but they can be on different planes of development (Moses, 1949). If this happens, one is instructed and helped to grow. Loving bonds provide an incentive to mutual development, and the two help each other until progress is equal and they are one in thought and feeling. Union is forever with the soulmate. Hare (1855) says there is a greater blending of mutual love in the spirit world marriage than that of any other friendship.
Opinions vary on marriage ceremonies. Some maintain there is no ceremony, others say it can be simple and the couple can just declare their intention to friends, and still others mention that a union can be celebrated with whatever is wanted, even a festival.
Crowell (1879) answers the question of whether we meet our mates on earth in the spirit world by saying that if we are not properly mated on earth, there is no reunion. If there is spiritual affinity, families will be reunited, but if there is no attraction family members will be indifferent to each other.

[poeticblue]

I could be completely wrong about this but here it goes:

Bella, <3

In re-reading your post several times I am unsure as to what your belief is on soul mates. But I figured I would give my opinion none the less. You are indeed a romantic. I can tell by your posts. Lets just call it out and be honest, for I feel like I can talk to you as a true friend. You were thinking about your husband when you researched this. I bet your husband was the luckiest man on earth and is the luckiest man in the afterlife. Please do not take offense to what I am about to say. I know words on the internet can be misunderstood. But you know that I am coming from a place of love when I tell you this.

From what I know, the term soul mate can be used in many ways. It could refer to a soul group (like many people here on this forum, I believe some of us are a part of the same soul group) It could refer to a kindred spirit. A soul mate could even be your higher self. If there was such a thing as a soul mate they will almost always reside in the afterlife while you were here on earth. And if they came here, you would stay in the afterlife. If they were to reside here on earth with you at the same time, the connection would be almost unbearable to handle. You would feel every single little emotion that your soul mate would feel here on earth if you were with them because of the strong connection that you have. This would distract you from completing your goals here on earth.

I, in my deepest hearts of hearts, believe that our soul mate is a part of us and our kindred soul groups, and not one particular being. I believe that our soul mate refers to a mental state of being and who we long and strive to be with which is our higher self. Our soul mate is within us and not another person. We are our own soul mates. Our soul group and kindred spirits are also our soul mates. Not a separate being. Please know that your husband was a kindred spirit to you and not your soul mate. You both chose to come to this life together to learn as one. And learn you did. He learned everything that there was to learn to complete his life chart and take his exit. You are still here, therefore there is still much learning to do. I feel that you will live a longer life than he. Perhaps you chose to live a longer life because you strive so hard for growth. That is very apparent in your posts Bella. Your husband is in the afterlife taking notes and learning from you as we speak.

This was said in another thread and I believe it to be true, but there is no marriage in the afterlife. Why would there be marriage since there is no possession, jealousy, ect... we all love each other. So why would there be ceremonies as such? And if marriages do not exist then how could a soul mate exist? We are all loving of each other equally. The term soul mate has been fantasized and romanized. I know all of us here would like to believe there is that one special person for us either on this earth or in death. But let me tell you, there is not just one person destined to share your love. There are many people who were destined to reap the benefits of our love. So what I am saying is, there is more than one person destined for your love Bella. If there was such a thing as a soul mate, who's not to say that your soul mate is your very own son? Lets replace the word soul mate with kindred spirit. We all have plenty of love to go around for each other. This is how it was meant to be. This is what your husband would want from you too Bella.. What we have are kindred spirits and not soul mates. I hope this makes sense. A hug for you. I know your mind must be running around in 10 different places. <3

[Fasaga]

What a great Topic for a thread.

I read your posts and the first thing that jumped into my head was a Spiders Web. It's like we are ALL connected but some of us are more connected than others and the strongest connections are in the centre of the web.

[Bella]

Poeticblue: You certainly are wise, and it is obvious that you come from a place of love, so I will never take offense at anything you say. I am trying to make sense of all of this myself, and thinking about the meaning of our love. My husband and I were indeed kindred spirits. On earth, the reason we choose mates is by attraction and for the purpose of procreation. In the afterlife, there should not be marriages, I agree with you, as there is no jealousy, no competition. I went back to read previous threads about jealousy (posted by Annie), and Roberta's response. Why do I continue to hold on to this idea of he and I having a special relationship if that is the case? This is based on attachment, which seems to be something those in the afterlife don't suffer too much from. When I think of it, what makes sense is that we had a soul plan. When I looked at Robert Schwartz's book about soul plans (excerpts), I noticed that there were many soul virtues that we are here to cultivate and that my husband seems to have cultivated them all. He had so much love in his heart for everyone and every living thing. It went way beyond me. I, on the other hand, have so much work to do. So yes, I believe you're right that my hubby and I were kindred spirits, and that a soul mate can, in fact, be yourself. One of the soul virtues that have to be cultivated by everyone is trust in the authority of oneself. That might be what I have to work on, among many other things. My hubby already had that. As for the marriage in the afterlife, it seemed to be about companionship among kindred spirits, since there is no procreation. I also know that people there group themselves with like-minded people. The first medium I saw told me that my mother-in-law was insisting that my hubby had "no girlfriend" there. That comment made me very curious, as I had believed that there was no reason for such groupings. The medium also said that he adored me, but I already knew that. The physical loss of someone who adored me is a selfish reaction on my part. I adored him as well, but maybe that kind of adoration takes away from our place in the bigger scheme of things.

I read your posts and the first thing that jumped into my head was a Spiders Web. It's like we are ALL connected but some of us are more connected than others and the strongest connections are in the centre of the web.[/QUOTE]
Fasaga: Thank you for reading these posts and making your usual perceptive comments. It is indeed a spider's web. You're right. We are all connected. Some of us are closer than others and understand each other better. We become more attached to those who are kindred spirits.

[Fasaga]

Poeticblue: . The medium also said that he adored me, but I already knew that. The physical loss of someone who adored me is a selfish reaction on my part. I adored him as well, but maybe that kind of adoration takes away from our place in the bigger scheme of things.
.

Dear Bella

That kind of thing ADDS substantially to our place in the bigger scheme of things. It's that true unconditional, unjudgeing, non jealous, unselfish love, God's love if you like, that frames the bigger picture.

I've heard reference to levels in the afterlife, I've heard descriptions of a flow on to higher states of awareness and spirituality without real boundaries, all good descriptions to help our minds to comprehend, all on a path to the bigger picture, bringing all our souls closer together.

[Bella]

Dear Bella

That kind of thing ADDS substantially to our place in the bigger scheme of things. It's that true unconditional, unjudgeing, non jealous, unselfish love, God's love if you like, that frames the bigger picture.

I've heard reference to levels in the afterlife, I've heard descriptions of a flow on to higher states of awareness and spirituality without real boundaries, all good descriptions to help our minds to comprehend, all on a path to the bigger picture, bringing all our souls closer together.

I understand what you're saying Fasaga, but by grieving, crying every day, and selfishly lamenting his absence, I am being selfish. Every day I ask for proof that he is happy. Somehow, I get it, either through mediums or in dreams, yet, selfishly, I still cry that I miss him. I ask for more proof, and continue to be physically pained by his absence. We were kids when we married, and humans are so different from those in the high levels of the afterlife - they form attachments, and when someone is ripped out of our lives, the pain is irreparable.

[Fasaga]

I understand what you're saying Fasaga, but by grieving, crying every day, and selfishly lamenting his absence, I am being selfish. Every day I ask for proof that he is happy. Somehow, I get it, either through mediums or in dreams, yet, selfishly, I still cry that I miss him. I ask for more proof, and continue to be physically pained by his absence. We were kids when we married, and humans are so different from those in the high levels of the afterlife - they form attachments, and when someone is ripped out of our lives, the pain is irreparable.

Dear Bella

I don't see any of that as a selfish action, that's just being human and your grieving process is exactly what you need to go through at your pace and in your fashion. To suggest it is selfish suggests you are taking something away from someone else and you are not.

Your husband feels your grief but that is overshaddowed by your love which is what your husband also feels.

I wish there was some way I could help take even a smart part of the pain you feel away, I guess all I can offer are my thoughts and to be part of this caring community.

[Bella]

Dear Bella

I don't see any of that as a selfish action, that's just being human and your grieving process is exactly what you need to go through at your pace and in your fashion. To suggest it is selfish suggests you are taking something away from someone else and you are not.
Your husband feels your grief but that is overshaddowed by your love which is what your husband also feels.
I wish there was some way I could help take even a smart part of the pain you feel away, I guess all I can offer are my thoughts and to be part of this caring community.

That is a very kind and thoughtful thing to say. I notice that people who have so much love in their lives, as you and Tammy have, are compassionate toward others. Thank you for saying that.

[poeticblue]

That is a very kind and thoughtful thing to say. I notice that people who have so much love in their lives, as you and Tammy have, are compassionate toward others. Thank you for saying that.

Yes,

Fasaga is a very kind and selfless man. My question is... When in the hell am I to find the right one? Don't tell me I'm still young as I am 27 years old and not 15. What have I done wrong to derserve such a fate that I'm in? Raising an angel all by myself. A double wammy. Not only am I single, but I'm single with a child that is more perfect than I am; a grown adult.

[Bella]

You have love in your life too, with your daughter, and that is why you are compassionate too. They say that when the pupil is ready, the teacher will come. So it is with love. The right person in your life will come, and he will love you and your daughter so much, when the time is right. Already, your soul is evolving so much. You will see that the person who comes along would not have been someone you had appreciated before your soul's rapid evolution. Twenty seven is very young. I know women who have their first child and find the love of their lives much later, and they really appreciate them much more because they knew what it was like without them before. You will see.