Suicide

[vic smyth]

William
I struggle with the same thoughts. My grief is unbearable. Though I'm certain something exists I'm not sure I like some of the the beliefs I have read on this forum. I want the pain to end. But I don't want to gamble on the possibility of ruining any reconciliation. What if suicide did that? I can't take that chance and neither can you.

William, these are some very wise words from Mokandi.

In the Chicagoland area, and I'm certain Melbourne must have something similar, you can dial an emergency number (911) for any emergency including suicide and they will send the police and/or someone with a social services background out to intervene. Please do us a favor and get this number ahead of time and post it all over your house. It'll be a constant reminder to you that you have another option. Consciously you may want to end it all, but your subconscious/Superconscious mind, triggered by these reminders, may intervene.

My heart goes out to you (and Mokandi for the grief that she is going through as well).


With Lovingkindness (metta),
vic

[william61]

Thank you Mokandi, Mac, Roberta and Vic for your encouragement.Today I am going to make an appointment with another grief counseller that has been recommended to me. I actually feel a little perkier this morning. The depressing, cold, grey damp of the past 4 days has given way to sunshine, and I actually had a chuckle over something that disturbed me yesterday.
I was going through my browser history to click on this forum, when I noticed that sometime recently whilst in a depressed state I Googled 'Euthanasia Recipes'!! On following the link it turns out that Euthanasia is also a name given to an alcoholic cocktail beverage, and most certainly not what I would have had in mind, being a TeaTotal. I visualised waking up expecting to find myself in the glorious aftelife, only to find myself still here, but with the worlds most severe hangover, and couldn't help but have a good laugh at the silliness of the scenario.
Bill.

[mac]

great news

[mokandi]

I love hearing this.

[mac]

(Off topic and apologies in advance)

"I was going through my browser history to click on this forum....." For anyone who has no other way to find this website and forums there's an easier way.

If 'Internet Explorer' is your web browser you can add this website, a forum or even a page you are interested in by clicking the yellow star-shaped icon and then the 'Add to favorites' button. That brings up a dialog box with details of what you've chosen to add.

If all is OK, click the 'Add' button you see and the next time you want to visit the chosen location you can go straight there from your 'Favorites' star icon. It's a similar process if using 'Firefox' as your browser. Either browser can even be configured to automatically open a specific page when you go online.

Apologies if you already know this stuff.

[vic smyth]

William, Glad to hear about your upswing in mood! Keep the trend going!

I saw an episode of Northern Exposure, a show about people living in a small town in northern Alaska where during the winter they get only a few hours of daylight. The doctor prescribed these hats with lights on them to help people with their depressed moods due to lack of daylight. I don't know whether this is something that is really done (I've heard of light therapy), or just Hollywood fantasy. See if your therapist can recommend a mood altering light helmet for you.


With Lovingkindness (metta),
vic

[ilovelearninhg]

William, Glad to hear about your upswing in mood! Keep the trend going!

I saw an episode of Northern Exposure, a show about people living in a small town in northern Alaska where during the winter they get only a few hours of daylight. The doctor prescribed these hats with lights on them to help people with their depressed moods due to lack of daylight. I don't know whether this is something that is really done (I've heard of light therapy), or just Hollywood fantasy. See if your therapist can recommend a mood altering light helmet for you.


With Lovingkindness (metta),
vic

It is true that sunshine on a bright beautiful day is a real mood lifter for me. Going outside for just a minute or two on a glorious day can change my perspective. William, I think this might be very helpful for you too. Taking a walk on a really nice day can lift your mood quite a bit. A gloomy cloudy day can be a downer. And just getting a bit of sunshine when you can, looking at nature, and taking in your thoughts, not acting on them but just accepting them, and letting them go, can be healing. It is not a total cure-all for depression to be sure, but light is an important part of mood, I believe. That's why spring is my favorite month although I have asthma and allergies. It is a re-birth season, it is about renewing. To me there is no smell more heavenly than fresh-cut grass. I have no idea why that is, it is just makes me feel happy.

[ilovelearninhg]

And also check into the light helmet(or light therapy) that Vic suggested. It could make a lot of difference. It is possible they could really have the helmet, who knows?

[KatLen]

I know I'm jumping in here seemingly out of the blue, but I've been following the conversation.

Bill, I am so very sorry for your loss and unrelenting grief. I think grief is one of those things we experience in life that affects us on every level -- physical, emotional, and spiritual. And so we need healing on all those levels, too. Having experienced loss that also brought me quite low, I would agree with the light therapy for healing -- though maybe in a somewhat different context. I actually went to a chakra healer when I was at my lowest, and he used a combination of sound, talk, reiki, and light therapy (not just sunlight, but healing light) to help me come to terms with my grief. Not to deny it, or to push it down, but to process it. I'm not sure if this is something you believe in, or have already tried, but thought I'd put it out there as a suggestion. My very best to you as you continue down your path.

[william61]

I recall a report from a study by 'Beyond Blue' a suicide prevention organisation over here, that found the incidence of suicide was significantly higher on grey cloudy days.
We are about midway through Spring, the days are getting longer and daylight saving began on the weekend, so this should help lift spirits a bit.
I have been working on the tree where my wife ended her life to tranform it into a fitting memorial to her.
It's very emotional working there, and not conducive to maintaining a happy disposition, so I am taking a break for a day or two to give my emotions a rest. Once the job is complete I hope that I will settle down a little.
Thanks for the replies.
Bill.