Our New Suicide Policy

[Roberta Grimes]

After a lot of back-and-forth with members and friends of this website - thanks, everyone, for your thoughtful help! - we have decided upon a new policy concerning suicide threats and folks who seem suicidal. This is a serious problem for us because people thinking of killing themselves will often come here seeking information. To be frank, it was a worry for me even before The Fun of Dying went to print because people I respected who read the manuscript almost uniformly said that I was making the afterlife seem too appealing and I was likely to provoke some early exits. Having been approached after a speaking engagement by two desperate mothers whose children had killed themselves, I hated to say anything in The Fun of Dying that might make families of suicide victims feel even worse; but in the end, even its publisher insisted that the book contain strong language about the horrendous future that suicides too often face.

Deciding what course to take on this website was not easy. Everyone had a different opinion! In the end, it was left to me as the only active administrator, and I have decided that for now counseling suicidal people should not happen here. Not only are we not trained counselors, and not only is trying to help suicidal members tremendously disruptive; but it seems to me that our important work here has become the building of a body of content to serve as a central resource for information on reality and the afterlife. Suicide-counseling threads detract from that wonderful mission.

The banner in the upper right corner of this website leads to a page in which we tell people that if they are suicidal they should seek immediate help elsewhere. It has taken me more than a month of fretting to put together just these few words! Originally we thought that we would do a whole page with links to suicide-help hotlines and websites; we also thought that we might build some links to existing suicide-related content on this website. We discussed my perhaps writing a page with details about all the things that we know can go wrong. But in the end I opted not to do anything which could distract a potential suicide from the all-important mission of finding local help, and quickly.

All of this is not to say that we shouldn't try to help members who are simply bummed. After all, a big part of better understanding reality is finding out that we are here to learn spiritually and discovering how our minds build our reality, and in helping newcomers work through all of this our members have built some extraordinary content. We want to help people who are not troubled enough to be suicidal. To that end, our beloved Brett (WWE LOVER) offered to begin a thread on coping, and we have made his thread sticky so it will remain at the top of the first page of this section.

You may not agree with these decisions. Or you may want changes in the text that comes up when you click on our "Thinking of Suicide?" banner. If you have suggestions to offer, rather than posting them here please email me at roberta@funofdying.com and let me know. If you have questions or thoughts to offer, of course, please don't hesitate to post them here. Again, thank you all for your help and understanding!

[Fasaga]

I think this is the right course to take Roberta.

[RudeAwakening]

Roberta, I don't know if this is a suggestion, question or thought so I'll post it here so others can jump in because I know nothing of suicide counceling and could be way off.

[B]The Banner: "Thinking about suicide?" (right up there next to the title of your book) with it's nice flowery greens and gentle manner, is that what we are trying to express with it? It just seems like you've got seconds to get someone in really bad shape to click that link.

With all the advertisments and distractions thrown at us all day this banner hits me like an advertisment for breast reduction, almost an endorsement of sorts. Experts is this preferable to something like no flowers or pretty colors and a little stronger and bolder letters boxed out with something like "Thinking of Suicide, it's dangerous" (Click Here) Or something that immediately expresses the potential for catastrophe. If they know within moments they could be walking into an axx rxxpxxg they might have enough presence of mind to click and read.

I don't know, that's why I'm asking, I know we have some folks knowlegeable of how you handle these unfortunate folks. I don't mean to be trouble.

RA

[BruceAdama]

^

Yeah... maybe a better place would be at the bottom of the main page, that way it's not next to something that literally says "The Fun of Dying".

[Carol and Mikey]

Roberta,
I feel this is the right course as well. I do see Bruce's and RA's point . But having it at the top of the page is where it will be seen right away. I personally rarely go to the lower part of the home page. Maybe have it say something like, Suicide is NEVER the answer! Click here. But I will say the idea and need is a must because it is so difficult when this situation arises!
Carol

[Andrew]

Personally I like how it says "Thinking about Suicide?" because the viewer is more likely to click on it if he/she is curious. If Roberta makes it obvious that the link is to an anti-suicide page, then it might just get ignored by a suicidal person. That's my feeling. However, I do agree that it is awkward next to the "Fun of Dying" banner.

Also, on smaller computer screens (as well mobile phones/tablets) the "Thinking of Suicide" text is completely cut-off, leaving only the "click here" part. That's not really a major problem, but something to consider I think.

[Birki]

Roberta,

Thank you, this new policy is the right thing to do.

I do often read on a mobile device (iPod Touch) and as Andrew says on it I only see the words "Click Here" in the banner. I wouldn't have known what it was if I didn't read this thread (or click on it )

[RudeAwakening]

So the problem is deciding what to say to get the potential suicide to click to open should the banner remain next to the book title.

I feel as though if the reader understands online polite for Axx Rxpxxg (no fair asking anyone what it means and the curious works both ways) that it might be more likely for the suicidal to click on that link. Because, then it becomes more personal than just a random anti-suicide page. Tough to get that point across though. I prefer Carol's words much more to mine, but the perfect words are out there. Or we can move it.

I'd put the banner, if you're going to put one at all, at top of page right after "Welcome to Afterlife Forums." and before the first paragraph that says, "We are a resource for people who are curious about death.

I'd include a paragraph that goes something like this:

This is what we know for certain about how suicide relates to the afterlife. Since our consciousness (what animates us, our spirit, mind, soul) still functions after death, the problems we are avoiding on earth are merely intensified once we end our physical existence.[COLOR="#008080"]

Please read this first so these concepts are understood before any further thought is given to suicide solving your problems. It can only make it worse. We're here to help you understand how magnificent the afterlife can be, we don't want to see you fall victim to these pitfalls associated with a suicide. Take a minute and read the page, then enjoy learning about what awaits us all after these challenging lives we lead. We are here for you, talk to us about the wonderful life to be had beyond the veil when we walk through it instead of forcing it open. We know this to be true"

Or say whatever you want. I'm just one of the messengers like many others here.

[mokandi]

Thinking about suicide sounds like thinking about buying a new car or home to me. Sounds like something you want to do or have in a positive manner.
How suicide affects your after life? Or something like that?
I miss my son so badly that I want to die. But I'm afraid that suicide will ruin the chances of our being together.
I never thought I could actually commit suicide and wondered why others could. I understand now. To escape tremendous pain and or guilt and fear. From what I have read here one may not advance if any of this emotions are present. I worry my son is stuck with his pain on a level that is frightening. I guess I'm trying to come up with a heading tag line that let's someone know that suicide is no escape. Which is much like what RA has written.

[william61]

Roberta, for the sake of the distressed loved ones left behind after a suicide, it should be made clear that those who take their own lives due to mental illness will not be treated the same in the afterlife as those who do so expecting a better existence, as alluded to in ''the fun of dying''
Bill.