My father...

[DaughterDearest]

I'm going to make this semi-short. I can't see straight, I'm crying too much.

The Oncologist said my father is nearing the end of his life...2-3 weeks left...4 weeks will be a blessing.

The cancer has spread everywhere, including his brain.

I'm my father's primary caregiver. To say this journey has been difficult is an understatement.

I lost my mother to cancer when I was 19. That was heartbreaking and devastating enough, but now 8 years later, my other best friend, my father, is at the end of his mortal life, as well.

My concern is, as much as *I* believe in an afterlife, my father is an atheist. He thinks once you're gone, you're gone.

Is there room for atheists in the after world?

Sorry if this has been asked before...

My world is just crumbling down all around me once again. I've spent all day crying. I wipe my tears to go downstairs and care for/help out my father, but then I'm right back to crying again once I'm alone.

:-(

[Annie]

So sorry about your parents, what a young age for you to lose them...

Trust me, it doesn't matter what your religion is, your father will go to the same afterlife as everyone else. I've heard so many times of people who have died saying that there is no religion in the afterlife and that God doesn't care if you believe in him or not. I've never heard otherwise.

He will be in such an amazing place, surrounded by loved ones, including your mother. He will probably be shocked to realize that he will feel more alive than ever after death, but there will be people around to guide him to the Summerland and tell him all about where he is. It might be hard to convince him of this now though, so just love him and spend as much time with him as you can and be assured that you will see each other again one day.

[Andrew]

Great answer, Annie! Dear DaughterDearest, Annie's response above is absolutely true! Your father is going to be just fine, in fact, he'll be even better than fine! There are almost two hundred years of consistent afterlife evidence that not only support the existence of the afterlife, but also the existent of God. Here is what that evidence tells us:

1. God is loves everyone unconditionally:
God is not like how any religion describes Him. He has no burning anger, He makes no judgements, and He loves everyone. When your father passes, he will not meet an angry, bearded God, sitting on a throne surrounded by angels and saints. Rather, he won't be judged by God at all! God loves us so much that He completely ignores our sins. There is a judgement, but we are our own judges, and being an atheist (or being part of any non-violent religious group) doesn't appear to affect our fate.

2. No after-death atheists:
God is not a person, like religions often describe Him. Rather, He is source of of all light, love, and joy in the afterlife. There is no sun light there and the whole realm is lit by the spiritual light emitted by God. Since He's not a physical person, your father will not meet God face-to-face when he dies, but he will be immersed in God's love and light so thoroughly that he'll have no choice but to accept that God exists!

3. If possible, you should try to convince him now:
Most people go through the death event not exactly sure of what will happen next. That's fine, there will be advanced beings who will guide them to the afterlife. People who are absolutely sure what the afterlife will be like (or that there won't be one) tend to be harder for the advanced guides to lead into the Summerland (levels 3-5 of the afterlife). Some of them may enter hollow heavens, which are special heavens created for people who have a certain belief. Eventually, they will all "see the light" and enter the real heaven but, just to save your father the confusion, maybe should try to slowly show him the overwhelming evidence for the afterlife now. I would suggest that you buy Roberta Grimes's The Fun of Dying. It contains evidence, and wonderful descriptions of the afterlife. It's pretty short - only about ninety pages.

4. Death bed visitors:
Since your father is not dying a sudden or accidental death (meaning that this death was probably planned by him before birth), I am almost certain that he will have deathbed visitors during his final days/hours. Normally these visitors are family and friends, like your mother, although they could be pets or advanced beings too. Though it is possible, it's not likely that anyone else in the room will see them. Your father will see them, in fact he'll probably stare in the upper corner of the room because that's where they like to appear. They'll communicate with him telepathically and try to tell him the truth. He may respond to them with words, or he might just think the responses if he can't talk anymore.

I hope this helps, dear friend! Your father is going to be just fine!

[Roberta Grimes]

Wonderful responses, dear Annie and Vita, as always! DaughterDearest, we are so sorry about your pain, and we are very glad that you have come here for counsel. I have spent decades studying the afterlife evidence, and I can assure you that what Annie and Vita say above is true. Your parents' lives are eternal, as is yours! All of you will be joyfully together again in what will feel to them like an eye-blink of time, after you have finished a good long life. Your dad will be so much better off when he is free of his physical body, and the wonderful news is that the body he will have when he enters the Summerland levels will be young and and strong and forever healthy!

There are accounts in the afterlife literature of the deaths of atheists and agnostics. I wish you could read them! Everyone dying a natural death is greeted in the days or hours before death by close relatives, friends, or even beloved pets - whoever the dying person will trust most. Our loved ones gather at our deathbeds to help us transition smoothly to the Summerland levels. Not everyone is awake when they come, so you may not see what happens when your dad first sees your young and healthy mother. If he is asleep, their reunion will happen in the afterlife levels and beyond your ken, but I hope that you do get to see it because all your worries will disappear. No heaven, huh? Death is extinction? The very instant that your dad sees your mother, his face will flood with joy and he may sit up in bed and extend his arms to her. He will go from atheist to eager believer in one heartbeat!

My favorite of these accounts is nearly a hundred years old now, and it is of a sour old peddler who had lived as a hermit all his life and was dying with nobody there to comfort him but a young semi-psychic nurse who told this story. She said that suddenly a big white horse walked into his hospital room (apparently the only creature he had ever loved), and the dying man's face was transfixed with joy. He lifted his arms to encircle the horse's neck, and he gladly left his body. When the loved one is a spouse or parent, someone who seems to be beyond communication will suddenly spot the loved one and begin babbling joyfully. The shift in them from fear to happy confidence is instantaneous. And sometimes a close loved one who happens to be at the bedside when someone is dying will actually share in these deathbed visions, and might even join in the death event. Raymond Moody's new book, Glimpses of Eternity (http://afterlifeforums.com/content.php/136-GLIMPSES-OF-ETERNITY-by-Raymond-Moody-M.D.-with-Paul-Perry), contains some of their remarkable accounts.

So please don't be afraid for your father, dear friend. Just be comforted to know that his suffering soon will end, and his atheism will be replaced by God's love.

[vic smyth]

Dear DaughterDearest, My heart goes out to you and your father. Your father may simply wake up one morning in the hereafter, cancer free, and be gently guided Home by loved ones. I will devote my afternoon meditation period to you and your father to help you get through this difficult time.

With Lovingkindness,
vic

[Nanalady]

Dear dearest daughter,
I lost my mother last year. I was by her bedside holding her hand. It had been a few hours since she knew anyone. However, just prior to this she told me she had been dreaming of my father who was passed, and it was so real she could not believe it. When she took her last breath she held my had really tight. I believe this was her way of saying goodby. Now I think that my dad had come to take her. Stay on this site dear as I have found in a short time how wonderful and how much knowledge they have. It makes death seem so beautiful I Just pray they are right.

[DaughterDearest]

Hey there everyone, thank you for your responses...

Unfortunately, sadly to report, my father passed away Thursday morning. To say I'm completely devastated is an understatement. I feel like my world has been uprooted.

I know in time I'll be able to smile again, but the road to happiness is going to be a long one.

I can only hope he's happy wherever he is; no longer in pain, no longer suffering. I also hope he knows just how much we're going to miss him. He left a big hole in all of our hearts.

I love you forever, daddy. I'll always be your little girl.

[Andrew]

DaughterDearest, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! Know that you and your family are my in prayers and intentions. Please no that your father is young, happy, and eternally healthy. In the afterlife, there is no pain, no suffering - nothing negative at all actually. It's truly paradise! I would suggest, to help you get over the pain of feeling as though you've lost your father, that you try to communicate with him. If you can find a reliable medium, that would be an easy way to get in contact. If you'd rather just have a private conversation with him yourself, then by all means do so, dear friend. Your father can hear your every word and can read your every thought! Tell him how much you miss him, but that you know that he is truly in a better place. Chances are that, within a few months, he will try to contact you in subtle ways. He may leave a feather around, or a coin made the year of his birth/death. He may also generate his familiar smell. Apparently, although the deceased cannot easily appear to people, they can easily recreated a smell that will remind someone of them. Dear friend, in so many wonderful ways, your father is with you always!

[Annie]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Vita is right, he is in such a wonderful place now, but of course it's so difficult for those of us who are left behind on earth when someone passes. Send him love and prayers and remember that you will definitely see him again.

[vic smyth]

DaughterDearest, Sorry about your father passing, my heart goes out to you. I'll keep you in my prayers to help you get through this difficult period.

With Lovingkindness,
vic

[DaughterDearest]

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words, well wishes, and prayers.

Another thought crossed my mind today concerning the after life and grief in our physical world.

I know my father wouldn't want me to completely devastate myself over his passing. Even up until the day before he passed, he was telling me to go out for my daily walk and enjoy the sun.

I had some company tonight and found myself laughing and smiling here and there; however I also found myself feeling really guilty afterwards for doing so. It's only been three days and here I am having moments of enjoyment??

I'm quite sure people in the after world want nothing except happiness for us, but I still can't help feeling guilty for having moments of joy. I feel like it's too soon and almost an insult to my father. Not that I think I should spend weeks being depressed and crying, but--well...

Anyone have any thoughts or enlightenment on how people in the after life feel about our mourning and grieving their passing?

[Andrew]

Hi again DaughterDearest! It's good that you can already begin to laugh and be happy, even if it is just for a slight moment. There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty about that! The evidence tells us that the deceased want us to get on with our lives and realize that there is nothing to mourn about. From their perspective, they are more alive and healthy than was ever possible on earth, so what's there to mourn about? I haven't read one bit of evidence of a deceased loved one being angry because they weren't mourned over for a long enough period of time. Besides, even if he did care, there are no grudges in the afterlife! Isn't that wonderful?

I hope this helps you, dear friend. Your father is not angry with you in the least. From his perspective he is aware of your grief for him and would wish you nothing but happiness and joy!

[Roberta Grimes]

DaughterDearest, my wonderful friend, please break out your dancing shoes! If you want to bring a smile to your parents' dear faces, then go to a different party every night!!

There is such a tremendous body of abundant and consistent afterlife evidence that there are a great many things which we can now say are likely true about the afterlife. There are many things, too, which are statistically so highly probable that we can pretty much take them to the bank. And there are a core group of things about the afterlife which are mentioned so often and so consistently that they ought to be on billboards worldwide. One of these core truths is that our pets are all there waiting for us. Another one is that the dead hate to see us grieve! Many of them were talking about it a hundred years ago, through deep-trance mediums and automatic writing. They say it even today through psychic mediums. They hate it when we visit and cry over what they see as empty graves, and they especially hate it when they know we are feeling guilty about being briefly happy. In case you find this hard to believe, let's talk for a minute about why they hate it:

1) They love us. They want us to be happy all the time!

2) They know they have caused us terrible pain, which makes them feel guilty.

3) They didn't intend to cause us pain. They didn't deliberately set out to die.

4) They have to witness our grief. In fact, if we grieve too intensely we can literally hold them suspended and delay their enjoyment of the Summerland.

5) And there is nothing they can do to help us!

Put yourself in their shoes, dear DaughterDearest. If you were in their place, how would you feel? Your parents are young again, healthy and happy, and probably still a bit giddy about how well it all turned out for them. Their only source of pain now is your pain. And that is something that it is in your power to change! Give them the gift of your happiness now. They know your heart - they don't need to see anything outward. And if other people think that you are being unseemly, well, just put on your red hat and your dancing shoes, and dance right out in the street for your parents. Who cares what others think?

This is a wonderful question, dear friend - thank you for asking it! And if other questions occur to you, then I hope that you will ask them - if you are wondering about something, then others are as well. You have no idea how it gladdens my heart to have watched you go through the pain of your father's graduation and to know that you have already had even a few moments of being happy!

[vic smyth]

DaughterDearest, I'll bet that it gladdens your father's heart to hear you laugh.

[DaughterDearest]

The reassurance is definitely welcomed! I hope my smiling makes my father smile.

Also, we have my father's ashes now at home with us - the funeral home delivered them this evening.

With the ashes, they also delivered a Declaration of Cremation. Turns out my father was cremated on Monday.

What's funny is that on Sunday night/Monday morning I had a very vivid dream of my father (I was sleeping fine up until then!). In this dream, and before I woke up, my father had tears in his eyes as we tightly hugged and he told me how much he misses me.

I wonder if that was him or just my subconscious...

Just seems odd that the day I had a dream about him was the same day of his cremation. What a coincidence! Makes me smile.

(I miss you too, dad!!)

[Roberta Grimes]

DaughterDearest, I am so happy to see you so much more cheerful! And I'm sure it thrills your parents. The best gift you can give to them now is your own happiness!

Dear friend, what you describe was apparently a communication dream. Communication dreams are very common - I have had two - but that makes them no less wonderful! They occur while we are asleep, but other than that they bear little resemblance to usual dreams. Here are some of the characteristics of a communication dream:

1) Your loved one appears vividly and unmistakably as the central figure. The person that you see, hear, and touch is unmistakably your loved one who has recently graduated, although sometimes he looks amazingly young and healthy (this was true in both my dreams.).

2) The physics is more consistent with earth-physics. Although I did fly a bit in one of my dreams, usually we walk on the ground and things are solid and earth-like and in normal colors. Even if the dream is brief, it has a normal sequence to it - it's not fragments, in other words, but it feels like a real remembered set of events, and often there is a bit of a story to it.

3) Your loved one has some message to convey. This is almost always true! Often the message is simply that the one briefly lost to us still loves us, but sometimes it is more complicated: my horse gave me a complex message that I didn't understand until I had thought about the dream that he gave me for awhile the morning after it happened.

4) We can always recall the dream as if it were a genuine memory of a major life-event. This is the defining feature of communication dreams! Normal dreams, however vivid they may be, become vague and wispy by noontime; but we recall communication dreams in vivid detail forevermore.

- You know that your father is at last free and healthy and happy, dear DaughterDearest. Now, wonderfully, it is time for you to be free too, and to find your own new happiness!!

[papajohn]

Hey DaughterDearest, keep an open mind to him connecting with you. Remember there are no coincidences. Keep your ear tuned to certain songs that might mean something to the both of you. Numbers that might mean something like his birth date or the date of his death. Maybe a light going on suddenly. Just embrace the start of a new journey. He is very much alive. REMEMBER THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES!!