why now?

[pin]

for the last several years i have had dreams and felt haunted by a man i was in love with. i had moved away and i haven't seen him for a long time. i always thought it strange because i thought he was alive and i could see him and feel him around me and in my dreams sometimes. it wasn't till he came to me in a dream(this dream was different from all the others) i found out he died in over 7 yrs ago. i've been in touch with our old friends over the years and they never told me and i have even looked him up on the internet and never came across anything that he was dead but as soon as i had that dream i found out. what i wanna know is why now? it seems to me there is a reason he never let me know before now. it makes me think that my time here is almost up............

[Andrew]

Hi Pin!

Welcome to the Afterlife Forums! First off, I just want to tell not to worry! Afterlife visions in dreams can be a prediction of death, but, in my opinion, that is not what this is. I have read several accounts of people having dreams of a beautiful afterlife just before their unexpected death, but you're dream sounds more like a visitation dream. A visitation is dream is when a deceased loved one appears in a dream to send a message to someone they knew in life. The message could simply be that they survived death, or it could be some advice to help the living person deal with what is going on life.

I normally don't pry, but it's hard to help you without a little more information. If you don't feel comfortable answering any of these questions here, you can either not answer them at all, or send me a private message with your answers, so I can advise you without your personal life being posted publicly. Anyway, how often have you had the dreams? After you had the dream where you realized he was dead, have you had any others? Was there any dialogue in the dreams (either from you or from him)? Do you know where you were in the dreams (the environment)? Was anyone else there? How did your relationship with this person end exactly? And my last question: how long after you stopped communicating with this person did the dreams start? Again, only answer what you feel comfortable answering. Like I said, I don't like to pry, but there's not a lot to go on here.

[pin]

honestly to answe all that seperately would be a long long thread so see if the short and sweet version gives u much.
known him since j.h. we both had a thing for each other since then. i moved in hs but when i got my license id go back on weekends to hand out with everyone. about as far as we took it was a friends with benefits. theres things i wanted out of life and to move back there i'd never have them. moved to another state. the dreams started after he passed i know but i couldn't tell u how long after he passed. i have always thought about him. the dreams were always so real and left me longing for him afterwards. when i figured out he was dead, that dream was different. always though i was some where alone with him, familiar places, i could feel things in the dreams, the grass, the wind blewing my hair against my face, things i shouldn't of felt in a dream. it ended because i ran and didnt come back. the last time i spoke with him was 11 yrs ago. he died 3 yrs after that. i always thought about him but these things didnt start involving him till at least a yr or two after he died. it hasnt been just dreams though, sometimes i feel him here. thats why it was so confusing when i thought he was alive. in jan is when i found out about him. since then not much on dreams but alot of other things. things turning on by themself, footsteps, voices........id be writing a book if i explained all of it. lol. i knew there's a message. the reason i come up with what i did is because in the 7 yrs since he died there is plenty times i could have found out he died. and he waits till now? why wait till now to let me know where he is unless there is a reason i need to know where he is. i could of went on better thinking he was alive then knowing he's not. i dont know if all the wierd stuff going on in my house is him but i know some of it is.......that help any? i just want someones opinion but not somebody i know. im married with kids now and i dont really feel comfortable with talking about the man i never fell out of love with haunting me.

[pin]

ps. its not the dying that scares me, its just drives me nuts trying to figure out exactly what this is all supposed to mean.

[pin]

ok, i've been sitting thinking and i thought id add something else.
i am a talker, big time. he was the only person i've ever known where words didnt matter. all u had to do is breathe. ppl talk about the chemistry u feel, "the sparks", "the fire"...thats an understatement.
i tend to have intuition sometimes. i knew id lose my true love since i was a kid. wasnt how i figured it would go but it still came true. i knew i wanted to live in a different state and that i would find a good man and get married and have kids. turns out the true love and the marriage part werent the same ppl.
i followed the path i was meant to follow. i also believe in reincarnation( just makes sense, everything in life recycles itself, why would our souls not do the same?) u know those ppl u meet that as soon as u meet them it feels like u've known them forever? best friends from the start? i believe these ppl r people we have spent several life times with. i believe he has been my love more than once but this time around we just werent meant to be together. our life plan took us apart. i've also had 3 times i have came close to death in my life already (not even 30) and i cant help but feel i am running out of time. this feeling didnt start with him. every year i feel it get closer. then all the stuff involving him changed and got stronger and i just put a connection between the two. i'm not scared to move on from here but at the same time i am. i just...well.... i guess more than anything just to talk to someone about it. if i said this to anyone close to me they'd panick and i just want someones unbiased opinion. i just cant come up with any other explanation for him, i feel like he's waiting on me. so, if u have any other ideas please tell me cause i have been wrong before and i could be wrong now.

[Roberta Grimes]

Dear Pin, I am so sorry! Of course you are alarmed by such strange goings-on. I cannot tell you for certain what is happening in this case, but I can tell you what seems to be likely, based on what I have read and seen:

1) Visitation dreams and communication dreams are common. Both terms refer to the same event, with the possible difference being that visitations dreams are simply real-seeming visits, while communication dreams generally convey messages (often symbolic rather than verbal). Both kinds of dreams are strikingly different from ordinary dreams, in that they seem real - and unlike ordinary dreams, they don't fade in our minds but they remain as memories of real events. it sounds as if you have had an amazing number of visitation dreams of this man! I have had two in my whole life - one of my father and one of my horse - so your series of such dreams is extraordinary. If you were to ask me why you had so many, I would guess that your friend was trying to let you know that he had passed, and perhaps also let you know that he was sorry or in some other way wanted to set the record straight with you.

2) Visitation dreams are not known to herald the dreamer's death. I'm not saying it can't happen, but I have never heard of a single documented case! So please don't worry that his visiting you carries any negative or frightening meaning at all. He is just visiting, dear Pin!

3) Dead people who want to signal their presence will produce smells, sounds, coins, feathers, etc. From what you say, it seems that he is doing these things for you as well! Again, such little gifts mean nothing more than that he is there and he wants to say hello.

4) Our thinking too emotionally about dead loved ones can keep them too close to earth for too long. Clearly you still have feelings for your friend, and perhaps you have feelings of regret; you might be feeling guilty that he died so long ago (and so young!), but you didn't know about his death for seven years. But your thinking about him as you are doing is not helping him now. Please say aloud (and mean it!) that you know he is dead, you love him and you bless him, and you want him to move on now and enjoy his life there and you will see him again eventually. Tell him to go! If he doesn't seem to go right away, you might add that he is taking your attention from your family, and they need you now. You will be able to spend time with him later. "But meanwhile, please go on and enjoy your life!"

5) We plan our lives beforehand in some detail. It is impossible to say why this sort of complex emotional situation happened in your life. But if I were to guess, I would guess that your friend is part of your soul group and may even have been a spouse or parent or child of yours in another lifetime, so you felt a close kinship with him. But you had planned for a different spouse this time, so your guides prompted you to separate yourself from him and give yourself the opportunity to live the events that you had planned for this lifetime. You are right where you should be, dear Pin!

I hope this explanation helps, dear friend. Please ask whatever follow-up questions occur to you! But above all, please don't be afraid, or your fears will start to feed on themselves. I urge you to memorize the Prayer for Protection, and say it whenever you feel at all afraid: "The light of God surrounds me; the love of God enfolds me; the power of God protects me; the presence of God watches over me. Wherever I am, God is!"

[Annie]

Love is so complicated. When I was young, I thought it would be like a Disney movie, and while I wish that was the case, it just isn't. I believe that some of us will be lucky enough to meet our soulmate and live happily ever after together in this life and in the afterlife. But for a lot of us, circumstances will drive us apart in life. But I believe that we will meet these people again after death. In your case, your moving away and his dying prevented you from being together, but you both have strong feelings for each other which I know must be difficult for you. I would say try and take comfort in knowing that you will see him again, and that you can love him and still love your husband. From what Roberta has said in this forum, when all is said and done and all of you are dead, you won't have to choose between these two guys...you can have them both if you want, because somehow we're able to let go of jealousy when we die (correct me if I'm wrong on this, Roberta).

That being said, enjoy your life, but don't beat yourself up if you find yourself thinking of your lost love from time to time too...I think it's natural! But try and focus on the present and your life with your family. And I agree, let him know that he should enjoy the afterlife because there is so much to see and do there. He will be much happier if he tries to enjoy it and not wait around for you. You'll be happier too, I think.

[pin]

thank u both for ur comments/dont get me wrong. i do live my life. have young children and they keep me hopping. maybe theres something more hes trying to tell me that i;m not figuring out yet and thats why he's still here. i'm going to visit his grave soon and our old friends ao, maybe i'll figure it out then....or maybe thats what i need to do.

[pin]

first, listen to the song miss u by aaliyah. this song describes our relationship and how i felt after i left almost to a T. only difference is that im the one who left not him.
second,here is the first "vivid dream" i can remember in detail that i have had about him. there was dreams before this but they were not as strong and i blew them off. those may have only been regular dreams. im not sure cause i dont remember them.
1. this one is the first one i can remember vividly. i was in a field. it was a hay field that hadnt been cut yet because it was full of soft grass that was just tall enough to start to fall over. as far as the exact location of the field i dont know. i know it was somewhere near were i used to live by him.(i found out where he was buried and he is actually buried at the church i used to go which is in the middle of the country. after i found this out im wondering if the dream was next to where he is. i'll found out in july when i visit his grave.)
it was perfect clear night. the moon was bright, almost full and all the stars were out.(and the time and the temp. it was in the dream was right with what the actual time and temp was) i was laying on the grass and i can remember feeling the grass to the point of feeling the indvidual blades scraping against my cheek and arms. i could feel the wind, a light breeze, rustle my hair and the grass. he was kinda propped up laying partially on top of me and i could feel the weight of him and i could even feel the seams in his jeans. u know where they fold the material and it sticks out on jeans, especially around the pockets and belt loops? i could feel the extra pressure againt me that those make.. we weren't doing anything just laying there. i couldnt see him clearly, he was a silhouette but in real life i would have seen him that same way because it was night time and he had the moon behind him. no words were spoken. but the feeling in the dream was just relaxing. it just felt so good to just be laying there with him and i never wanted to leave that moment. when i woke up from the dream i gasped and sat straight up. at that moment i automatically thought," THAT was not a dream" still to this day i am not convinced that it was a dream.
that took place 2 summers ago which would of been 5 yrs almost and might of been the exact day from the day he died. the dreams about him before this were just enough to make me think more about him after i had them but this one was the turning point. at that point i didnt know he was dead. i thought maybe astral projection or something. i was there with him and nobody can convince me otherwise, not even myself. there has been 4 since then. plus the other stuff. the third one was the one that i figured out afterwards he was dead and their was one more a couple of weeks ago but that one was a regular dream but i had a male wake me up from the dream and nobody was there. thats all i can write right now. my fingers r tired. i can explain the other dreams just gotta rest my fingers a while.

[Annie]

That is awesome, it just goes to show that he survived his death and is in a better place now. I agree with you that it was not just a dream. The vivid dreams that we remember really well are almost always something more...either a visit from loved ones or a message from a spirit guide.

[pin]

thanks annie. onto the next ones..... the next 2 were the same but different. i'd rather not go into all the details about these 2 cause i'd honestly be too embarassed too and we'll leave it that but i'll tell u some of it. both of these took place in my house. again everything was as it would of been in real life. except that, well the only way i can describe it is that he was more of a mist. i could not see any details about him i just knew it was him. there was communication between us but not spoken out loud. the second dream i disagreed with him on a certain thing and i could feel him get irriatated with me. even after i woke up, i could feel him being stubborn with me. after that things slowed down for a while. i didnt really feel him close no more but then i had the other dream. i was in a house with some friends and family and i was waiting for someone to bring some seasoning for a meatloaf. it wasnt a house i recognized but i can remember alot of details about the house. anyway, the person who had went to get the seasoning ended up being him. this time though. i could see every detail about him. its been 10 yrs since i last seen him alive and when i would try to picture him in my head the details would be out of focus u could say cause it has been so long. but in that dream i could see him perfect and since that dream (which was last feb.) i can picture him in my head perfect now. also, once he came into the dream, i still went thru the actions of the dream but i knew it was a dream. i kept thinking to myself while i was mixing the meatloaf up. " it's him, it's really him this time! i can see him perfectly, every detail, he's not shadowed like before, he is here completely!" nothing spoken between us. just the overwhelming joy that he was there. thinking now about how i was thinking in the dream it seems it was telling me that the dreams before he was there but, not fully. not strong enough maybe but this time he was able to show me himself as how i last saw him perfect. it was after this that i awoke and got on the computer messing around. it was really early in the morning and i was just goofing off when i decided to google his name. which keep in mind i had done this several times before. i would come up with things about him but it would have the age he should be now and show his hometown. this time the first thing that popped up had his name his hometown and next to his name it had (died 03').i got in contact with old friends that day and found out it was right. the odd thing. a year before he died i had an accident on a trail where i fractured my skull and came close to dying, doctors expected me to be dead before i got to the hospital. he had an accident on a trail only he died instantly. since that dream i've had one where i was having a normal dream and i heard a male voice say my name, when i didnt wake up i heard them take their knuckle and knock on the table next to my head and i shot up awake to find no one there. i checked to make sure everybody in the house was ok and everything was fine so im not sure why he woke me up. other than that, i would have things happen in the house, odd things but they would only happen every so often. since i found out he's died those things have picked up alot. now i wonder if those things are him too.

[pin]

i read on one of these forums about asking your spirit guide for help. i did this asking for my spirit quide to find him so, i can find out what is happening. as soon as i finished talking, i heard a hoot owl hoot twice( which may or may not been a coincidence) i did not get any more dreams but the next day i found his younger brother and he wants me to come see him.
that one i think is to big to blow off as coincidence.

[Andrew]

Hi Pin,

I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to leave you hanging after asking for more information! I had meant to reply that night, but I had some computer issues. This has been a busy week for me too, so I haven't had much time at all. I do believe, however, that Roberta is correct about the reason(s) behind you dreams.

[Roberta Grimes]

Dear Pin, I have found that the best way to connect with spirit guides is to think the firm intention of doing so. Your spirit guide and any current spirit-guide helpers are probably close eternal friends, but while you are in body they are all business: don't think in terms of wanting to see them and have a chat, because that seldom happens. Instead, after saying your prayers and just before you go to sleep, think something like, "Thank you, dear spirit guides, for all your wonderful help. I am glad that you know more than I do! Thank you for helping me to have a better understanding about what to do about X." Don't think this is a rote way, as we so often recite our prayers, but rather put love into the words and really mean each one of them. Then pay careful attention as you are waking up to the first thoughts and feelings in your mind. If you are patient and accepting about this process, and if guidance is needed now, you should begin to wake up with the sense sometimes of having received new guidance.

My own nightly intention is more general. I urge anyone who wants to give his or her life to Spirit to try praying one simple affirmation: "Thank You for giving me work to do. Thank You for showing me how to do it." Trust God! I can promise you that whatever God has in mind for you to do will be much better and a whole lot more fun than anything you are now imagining for yourself!