No jealousy in the afterlife?

[Annie]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBeEY7i6jXc&feature=related This video and some comments on this forum have made me wonder a lot about the concept of jealousy in the afterlife. I've been mostly reading that it doesn't exist, but how is it possible? Do we really become so loving and perfect when we die that we can accept that our significant other is moving on in life without us? Isn't it painful?

Roberta, I remember reading where you said your mother was together in the afterlife with her second husband. But it made me wonder about the first husband. Had he been waiting for her all that time, only to have his heart broken?

You also said that you can end up with more than one significant other. But it's hard for me to imagine myself wanting to share like that, or if I was the one with more than one significant other, I think I would feel very selfish.

[Roberta Grimes]

Dear Annie, there are many things about the period after our deaths about which I have to say, "I think, based upon the evidence...." But this is something that I have seen evidence of so many times and in so many different ways that I am certain that it is true: after we die, we do not feel possessive jealousy. We are happy to share those we love! After reading your question last night, I thought about it a bit and slept on it. Here are what I think are some of the reasons why all of us feel this way after death:

1) After we die, we see things differently. We understand that earth-life is brief, we know that our lover in this life just past was our child or our uncle or our murderer in another life, and we are sure that we will be "working together" in lives forevermore. We rejoin people there who were our great passions in previous lives, and who in this past life might have been our grandma or our high school crush. We all have had - and will have - so many different kinds of relationships with all those in our soul groups (and even with those outside our groups!) that after we die we see all of this in perspective.

2) After death we don't raise children, earn a living, grow older-looking, or need to worry about what others think. Don't underestimate the importance of these factors in our need for our lovers and spouses to be exclusive to us! My children are long raised, and while 20 years ago I would have felt unbearable jealousy if my husband of 39 years had even thought of someone else, I think I feel differently about it now. I love him very much and would never want to see our marriage end, but I don't need to have his undivided care and support any more.

3) Genuine love wants what is best for the beloved. Following on my previous point, I want my husband to be happy. If I could no longer make him happy, and if someone else clearly could, then I would want him to have that happiness. I mean that now. Twenty years ago, I would have killed him!

4) There is (almost) no sexual congress in the afterlife. What there apparently is instead, if we want it, is a kind of pleasurable body-melding thingy that any two or more bodies can do together and which is apparently better than sex. What I gather is that since we have no interest in or need for sexual intimacy, and since this body-melding thingy carries no morality (and apparently, while nice, is not practiced all that often), we don't want an exclusive physical partner. Again, don't underestimate this factor in our earthly jealousy!

5) Our dead loved ones know what is going on as our lives continue. So my mother-in-law's first husband knew (and was glad) that his young wife had remarried, and he could see that she was changing as a person over their more than 60 years apart. He had moved on, too, in interests and in friendships. He would have known that she would be more comfortable living with her second husband (if she even wanted to live with anyone). So nothing about this was surprising or disturbing to him!

6) We really don't have heavenly "significant others." If I gave another impression, then I misspoke. I have read about couples who frequently do things together - even among very advanced beings - but they aren't seen by others as a "couple" in the way we see others as couples here, and they generally don't see themselves that way, either. To feel bound up to one other person as we do here would hamper their spiritual growth - they have to be free! But if, in their freedom, they choose to spend time together, well, that is nice too ;-).

- After you die, dear Annie, you will see things so differently! So please don't worry about it now. I cannot recall reading even one instance of a dead person having jealousy-related complaints, but rather it is always just the opposite. And that's a good thing - think how much happier they must be without all those relationship stresses!

[Annie]

Roberta, thank you so much for always answering my questions in such a clear and thorough way. You do a great job of explaining things, even though I have a hard time wrapping my head around it most of the time.

This actually makes sense though and is a relief for me because I've struggled with jealousy, both from myself and from a former boyfriend. It doesn't plague me as much as it did, say, five years ago and I'm definitely getting to be less of a jealous person as time goes by.

I really like that you said you've never heard of a reading where a dead person was jealous. In fact, as I was reading your response, I was just about to ask you that, so you read my mind! Going without relationship stresses and emotions like that would be great, wish I could get rid of them now but then I suppose life would be too easy.

Are there any negative emotions in the afterlife at all? Do people ever get angry with each other, or into arguments?

Oh yeah, also wanted to say I like that you said you meet new people in the afterlife too, instead of the same soul groups all the time. Was another thing I found myself wondering about the other day. :)

[Roberta Grimes]

I'm glad that our conversations are helping you, dear friend! To answer your question about negative emotions after death, it seems that we remain the same people but with one big difference: now we are beginning to see what is actually going on. My goodness, we have easily survived our death! We realize now that we will live forever! Most negative earth interactions derive in considerable part from earthly strifes and antagonisms, and there simply is nothing like that there. Communication in the Summerland is telepathic - which means that we have no secret thoughts. All around us are people who are more advanced spiritually than we are, including some very advanced elders who act as Summerland teachers and mentors. So, naturally, after we die, our focus shifts from short-term financial success here to eternal spiritual success there. I have read a few times that since the Summerland levels are so enormous, people who really don't "click" at all in the lower-middle levels simply avoid one another for awhile, which does make sense. After each of them has made enough spiritual progress, all residual negative emotions will have entirely withered and been replaced by the joy of love and empathetic understanding.

In fact, in decades of reading thousands of individual afterlife communications, the only negative things that I can recall ever reading related entirely to some new arrivals' shock and sense of shame at finding out what earth-life is for. People who have lived self-absorbed and non-spiritual lives seem to almost resent the afterlife realities at first, although they are treated with such love and patience that pretty quickly they seem to develop a resolve to get right to learning what they should have learned here so they can try to catch up as quickly as they can. We are told that spiritual learning and growth is much harder there than it is here, so all these people are fairly soon persuaded to take another stab at learning their basic earth-lessons. I read once that it can take some of us dozens or as many as a hundred lifetimes on earth before we begin to get a clue! Once that happens, though, people who have experienced many lives seem to kick into spiritual overdrive - they tend to advance very quickly. (So, you see, to be told that you are an "old soul" - as I have been told by a number of psychics - is not necessarily a good thing!) I think of myself as one of those took-lots-of-lifetimes-to-start-to-get-it sort of people, in fact. For the first half of my life I was pretty self-involved and I had a terrible temper. So I can testify, dear Annie, that once you start to get it, you do really make quick progress! To have grown spiritually so much in just a couple of decades is thrilling. I highly recommend it! And I can't wait to see what comes next.

I hope this answers your question, dear Annie! And please keep on asking these wonderful questions - you are helping so many people!

[Annie]

Thank you Roberta, I really do hope people are reading this and that it's helping them understand things too. It's hard to imagine you having had a bad temper by the way because you seem like such a patient, understanding, positive person now. :)

What you said makes sense, I don't think being an old soul is a bad thing though. Even if it takes a while to get to where you are, I think I'd definitely rather be an old soul than one who is just starting out. I really do kind of hope that I'm advanced because I've always felt very spiritual and intuitive (not to the point of being psychic though), but I have no idea yet.

By the way, are there any good psychics you recommend that do phone or online readings? I've talked to a couple on keen.com that were good but nothing has blown me away yet and I know there are a lot of scammers out there.

[Roberta Grimes]

Dear Annie, I don't know much about general psychics, and - like you - I worry that most are charlatans. But it may be that a proven psychic medium could do genuine psychic work as well; and if you want to consult a psychic medium, then I suggest that you check The Windbridge Institute's list (http://windbridge.org/mediums.htm) of blind-tested and proven psychic mediums. Windbridge uses scientific methods to triple-test (and even quintuple-test!) psychic mediums, and everyone on their list has a proven ability to communicate with the dead (which probably means that they can work as straight psychics too - the skills are essentially the same). Of course, it is possible in any situation for a given psychic to be unable to connect with your particular dead relatives (if that is what you want) or unable to see your future - and in such a case, you hope that they will simply say that, rather than stretching and attempting to guess. But at least with a Windbridge psychic medium, you are dealing with someone who has proven psychic powers and is going to be eager to get it right for you.

Some quick tips about working with psychic mediums:

1) Phone readings may be even better than in-person readings. I am told that this is because if you aren't in the room, the psychic medium is less likely to be distracted or to respond to your cues involuntarily; but for whatever reason, I found this to be true in my own experience when I was doing general research. And scientific studies by people like the folks at Windbridge have confirmed what those in the industry have long said was true.

2) Never pay for a reading from a non-tested psychic medium. The testing involved might be just the personal word of a friend, or it might be what is done at Windbridge, or it might be Gary Schwartz's successful testing of the expensive Big Kahuna psychic mediums like George Anderson and John Edward. But however you validate the psychic you consult, be sure to do the validation before accepting even a free reading - and certainly before you think of paying for one. Fake psychics will just mess with your mind!

3) Distance doesn't matter. If you live in Australia or France or Vietnam, you still can use a Windbridge psychic medium (provided there is no language barrier on your end - there will not be one on your loved one's end, or on the part of your spirit guides). Since space is an illusion (if you don't understand this, just take my word for it for now!), there is no distance between you and your psychic medium, even if you work with someone who is halfway around the world.

4) Don't worry if you don't get a definite and detailed reading. There are lots of good reasons why a given loved one might be fine, but simply unavailable right now; and reasons why your guides might not want you to have certain information about your future. Or you yourself may be having emotional issues which get in the way, even without knowing it. One of my dearest friends had trouble connecting with her much-beloved husband over a couple of years because her grief continued to act as a barrier, until finally one day when I was talking with a psychic friend he unexpectedly came through her to me. I scribbled down what she was saying - we were both astonished - and when I typed it into an email to my friend, she understood all the things that hadn't made sense to me. And she knew - perhaps for the first time - that he is fine and happy.

5) Recreational work with psychic mediums can be a patchy affair. This will be less of a problem with just a psychic reading, but if you want to communicate with dead loved ones it is unlikely to work well after the first couple of good tries. Once they have said what they need to say and they know you know that they are fine, they will move on - they have better things to do!

- I hope this helps, dear Annie! Another wonderful question!!

[Annie]

Thank you so much for sharing that Roberta, helps me a lot and I hope it'll help others who visit psychics. I've only recently started calling and what I've been doing is going to kind of a forum on ripoffreport.com where people post about who they like and who seems like a fraud. Unfortunately, the bad experiences with psychics seem to outweigh the good ones and there are so many times when a psychic will get praise from one person, only to have another person say how inaccurate his or her reading was from the same psychic. So thank you for telling me about that site - it looks like a short list, which I think is a good thing.

I'm lucky enough not to have had anyone close to me die yet so what I look for is people who are good at making predictions. I'm slowly seeing that predicting the future is very difficult, but I have been impressed by a couple who have given me a lot of insight to the present and told me details that were accurate about (living) people I was asking about.

I'm glad to hear that phone readings work better than in-person readings! When I first called a psychic, I thought to myself, how can they possibly read me if I'm not there? But somehow it works and I believe you 100% that distance doesn't matter and that our spirits can find us anywhere. I also find it amazing that psychics can read for people who are not on the phone, for example when I ask them to tell me what is going through my ex boyfriend's mind.

I think I'll have to try one of these psychics, thank you for pointing me in the right direction!

[Annie]

I was thinking about this topic again today and reread your reply, Roberta. I understand what you're saying, but I think the reason it's hard for me to believe is because it's just so hard for me to fathom here and now with all of our earthly emotions.

You said that your mother-in-law's first husband was happy to see her moving on with another man, but it just seems like this would break someone's heart. What if he had been looking forward to spending eternity together, only to have those hopes shattered when she met another man? I'm just using that instance as an example because I know this sort of thing happens all the time when people die young.

I just can't help but wonder how complicated relationships are in the afterlife, I know it's a wonderful place but people still have emotions there so doesn't it follow that people can get their hearts broken too?

I think I remember you posting once that some woman was stressed out about which husband she'd end up with after death and you told her she could have both or live with both. Wouldn't these guys get upset with each other though?

I hope I don't sound contradictory here, I'm definitely not trying to be. I really want to believe what you're saying and just am trying to make sense of it I guess.

I'll use myself as an example...there've been guys I've loved here but because of a lot of circumstances, we just didn't end up together. Even though we've moved on with other people, I still love them and would like to see them again in the afterlife but am afraid that they won't want to see me, or that the women they're with now will dislike the thought of it. You say that people aren't possessive after death though and I really hope you're right. I really do like that you've never heard of people being jealous in the afterlife...it's such a terrible emotion and I really would love to be rid of it.

[Andrew]

Hi Annie, I think part of our problem imagining this is due to the fact that we are looking at this from the perspective of linear time.

1. Things happen quickly:
It would probably be heartbreaking someone did spend years waiting for their spouse to finally die and return, just to find that that spouse has found someone else. But, from their perspective, an earth life happens in the blink of an eye, so the deceased don't have to spend a lot of time waiting around. Plus don't forget, there is no much to do over there and so many new people to meet!

2. We're not alone:
If we are disappointed about a relationship that didn't work out, we have a lot more support from friends and advanced beings than we do here. There was interesting post by R. Craig Hogan about this in the blogs section a few weeks ago. If you haven't already, I'd check that out.

3. People aren't mean:
I think that, since love and forgiveness are the main themes of the Summerland, people who want to secede from a relationship will try to let the other person down and gently as possible. That's what people should do here too, but some people break up with others rather roughly. Also, since people aren't as possessive there as here, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can be friends and still communicate even though that other person may be living with someone else.

Do you see what I mean? If we try to imagine things from the perspective of a timeless, love-filled eternity, the problems that seem inevitable here may actually be resolved quite simply over there. And even if some relationship problems do carry over, I've never heard of anyone being depressed or jealous over a relationship (or anything really) in the afterlife, so I wouldn't worry too much about it yet. Chances are, whoever you want to see in the Summerland will be more than happy to see you as well!

[Roberta Grimes]

Hello everyone! I do understand why all of this is so surprising. I was initially surprised as well to find that relationship jealousies seem not to exist at all in the Summerland levels. Not at all! I report this simply as a (rather puzzling) fact; I will here speculate about why it should be so:

1) We all have many eternal friends, and some of them are not now in bodies. I read somewhere that people can maintain no more than about 30 relationships at a time, which they speculate might have been the typical size of an extended Cro-Magnon family. And when an adult makes a new close friend, generally an older one gets dropped. Fortunately, this seems to be an earth-based problem, since in the afterlife we seem to have very many more longstanding friends. And our spouse or lover has lots of friends there as well! So when we graduate, it is into a strong social network which much predates our earth-based relationships of this most recent lifetime.

2) We don't marry in the Summerland. Exclusive relationships and sexual jealousies don't exist there. Without physical sex (sorry, folks! - I think that we really don't have sex in heaven), there is not the kind of bodily jealousy that so dominates our emotions here. There is no fear of being left alone, since above the lowest levels nobody is alone; and there is no fear of being left for someone younger, since in the Summerland everyone is young and gorgeous.

3) Each of us is busy doing whatever we personally enjoy doing. Even here, people in long marriages generally develop separate interests, and in a place without night or sleeping we have lots of time to develop even more. And naturally, we tend to spend more time with people who share our particular interests.

4) Everything of earth looks a bit like play-acting from the perspective of the Summerland levels. We write a lesson-plan and then live that plan, including having the loves that we ourselves had planned in, and a spouse this time around might have been a parent or a child in a previous lifetime. Then we happily return to what we see as real life. We are again with a great love of ours from a life lived in the 14th century who is now a close eternal friend; and we joyfully rediscover another great love who in our most recent previous life died with us in a Plains Indian massacre. The same is true of our spouse from this past lifetime: we all have loved many times before. Very quickly, we look back at this most recent life and consider it to be not even our best one so far. We cheerfully move on.

5) Our loved ones who have gone ahead have been following our lives since their deaths. My mother-in-law's first husband knew that she had remarried, and meanwhile he also had moved on. Nobody ever pines for someone and then is distraught when that person later appears with a later spouse by the hand - they always know what is going on. And the evidence suggests that if she had wanted to live with them both, and they had wanted that too, then they could have done it. Or she could have rotated between them. Cultural mores and proprieties are non-existent there!

Does this help you to make sense of things? To me, the fact that each of us is absolutely free to do as we like and to have so many wonderful friends without freaking out a possessive spouse is one of the best things about Summerland life!

[Annie]

Thank you both so much, Roberta and Vita! Your replies help me immensely, don't know what I'd do without this forum.

Vita, I did actually read that blog by R. Craig Hogan and I think that's what got me thinking of this to begin with, thanks for reminding me. I got a little sad reading "If one person doesn't want to be with the other, the one who wants to be together will have to grow out of that attachment."

But I like what you both say about meeting new people. I actually was starting to get the impression that the Summerland is a bit cliquey with soul groups, but I'm glad that I was wrong about that and that we can have as many friendships as we want. We will no longer be hindered by space and distance, or lack of time, which put such a strain on relationships here.

Actually, the thought of no sex is a relief to me in a way. It causes so many problems and issues here that I might be glad to be rid of it. It comforts me a lot to hear you both say that you haven't heard of anyone being depressed or jealous over relationships there. Because while I knew we don't have to worry about money, jobs, health, and material things, I wasn't so sure about relationships in the afterlife. So this is good news indeed.